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JustAskJulie

Condom optional was the excuse

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(I received the below privately and was asked to post it)

 

"I was at a hotel party and group play was happening when one of the men tried to initiate penetration without a condom. I stopped him and asked him to please put one on. He apologized and said he and his partner were "condom optional." This was not at all discussed previously. While I enjoyed socializing with this couple I never want to have sex with him again. Bareback is the exception to me and never an assumption. I can't give a second chance with my trust. I expect I will likely run into him again and politely decline. I wanted to share my experience, vent a bit, and be open to others input."

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My reply:

I totally get where you are coming from and why you might not want to play with them again. That's something that should have been communicated about prior to play (on both sides). Make sure you make it clear that condoms are required early on so that it's a non-issue (and if it's an issue for them you'll know before you waste time).

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The advice you gave this person is correct. I was, on one occasion, the man who forgot to bring his condoms when I had been informed in advance. I was blocked from the action and not invited back. From that point onward, I have not forgotten.

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The guy was a sneak! In a group situation as described, one should assume condom use unless it's been previously discussed and agreed upon. Who cares if they are "condom optional"? He was trying to put his dick in you, he should have asked first. We are not big fans of condoms and are past concerns about procreation. Still, any sleezeball can pay admission to a club or get an invitation to a party. He clearly didn't care about your concerns so we totally agree with putting him on the top of your "do NOT play" list. He is untrustworthy. We enjoy bareback with very VERY select friends but we have never ever engaged in penetration with a couple without a clear understanding of their standards and without total agreement between us all.

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I sent Julie the message after having difficulty starting the thread. It was a smallish invitation only party after a meet/greet. I had been on the bed with my date and I think he was there after with someone and actually just assumed I was interested, another issue I am having lately. Later I spoke to the host and he said same thing happened with his girlfriend and this and he had to stop and remind him. He said “they (he was half of a couple) were creepy that way.” I asked why invite them and it’s because that couple has a nice place they hope to use for future parties. I wouldn’t attend anyways and now question the hosts judgement. Passing on his parties. I am meeting too many aggressive/assuming men lately just because I am there or have conversations. It’s taking the fun away.

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He was trying to put his dick in you, he should have asked first.

 

Damn right! It's extremely rude that he was trying to have sex with you and didn't ask first if bareback was okay. I don't CARE that they may be 'condom optional', most couples are and we ALWAYS assume that it's 'condom required' unless previous permission is give well beforehand. Don't care if they are the nicest couple in the world, we would not allow him a second chance ever again. This is a 10 on the insulting scale.

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