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  1. #1

    Post Swinging without sex?

    My wife and I are new to the lifestyle. We have been to the club a handful of times and soft swapped once with another couple. We enjoy our time with the other couples and want to continue but we have a small problem. My wife is unable to physically have sex.

    Without getting to deep into the details, sex for her is extremely painful. We have been married over a decade and have only had sex a handful of times.

    My question is, how would you handle a couple who is unable to full swap? Is it even worth your time to engage in conversation with a couple if you knew there is no chance for full on sex? Is it even worth continuing to pursue swinging if we are going to be rejected due to our inabilities (not faulting the other couple)?

    The last thing I want to do is deceive someone or waste their night with expectations of sex when they could be engaging with another couple who they have a shot with.


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Swinging without sex?

    Is any sex painful? Is it, rather, that penetration is painful? Does she, to ask it another way, enjoy oral sex or being fingered?

  3. #3

    Default Re: Swinging without sex?

    Yeah I should have been more specific. Specifically penetration is near impossible. She enjoys clitoral stimulation and being held on the inside but anything more than two fingers is too much.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Swinging without sex?

    I will answer just for myself. If a prospective female play mate intrigued me, and her husband intrigued my wife, an inability to have penetration sex would not slow me.
    IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO LEARN TO PLOW BY READING BOOKS.
    ~Richard Linklater

  5. #5

    Default Re: Swinging without sex?

    I think you'll find over time that many will be ok with it - As long as you tell them straight up that penetration is out because of medical reasons,

    We would not have a problem - though some will, but if your straight with people then you will find many that are cool.

    Best of luck to you both.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Swinging without sex?

    You said you don't want to explain why she has pain, I just hope she has discussed this with her doctor. Can be an age thing or a dryness that can be helped with lubes. Apart from that honesty with a couple is a must. Some men are happy with just oral sex. My husband looks forward to my period , just kidding. He does know that he will get a no stop blow job during that week and there are times I am just as happy with what some would say is foreplay.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Swinging without sex?

    Thank you all for your replies!

    We hold honesty above all else. That said she is very self conscious about the issue and a bit reluctant to tell anyone about it. That is not to say we wouldn't tell a couple about the physical boundaries if it ever got that far but we hesitate to lead off with "Hey we really like you guys but we cant have sex!" if that makes any sense.

    As for the cause its not age. We are in our early 30s and its been an issue from the start. Surgery, dilators, even numbing cream haven't helped.

    Thanks again for all the replies!

  8. #8

    Default Re: Swinging without sex?

    If it's soft swap from both sides, then we don't see an issue. But if you are looking to penetrate while the other husband can't...then it's a red flag for us.

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