Swinging with FWB: To do, or not to do?

Hi all,

My husband and I started swinging a couple years ago and have been only with three married/engaged couples, two of whom had kids.

We've been recently approached by a couple who are - well, not a couple. They're friends with benefits: she has 3 kids (not with him), and he's just apparently along for the ride. We've been talking over kik.

I gotta say....some of my alarm bells are going off.

1: She doesn't seem to be as enthusiastic (read: crass, kinky, "send booty pix!") as he does. (AN: He's also boasted that she's a squirter. . . . 5 times and counting. Which has started to seem a bit - forgive me - highschool-ish).

2: He hasn't been forthright about some details. (Aka, when describing her, he appears to have fudged some details about her physical stats). Including....

3: He didn't tell us that they were FWB -- it was her, as we were discussing getting together for a coffee. She was under the assumption that he had told us.

4: Neither of them asked us about past health, sexual practices, etc, and while he's done MFM before, she hasn't volunteered any similar experience. In fact (though not required) it's been only in the past couple months that she's thought about this stuff.

5: Neither of them are willing to host, and are prepared to hop into (our) bed with us, well, tonight if allowed.

We've been in drama-filled situations before, and frankly, we don't want any more. I'm also HYPER-nervous about health, and have felt more secure playing with couples who were married, knowing that they at least had some responsibility to each other if not to us, to practice safe sexual practices. We've sworn off single guys for the above reasons and more, and are only marginally interested in single females.

My husband sees ZERO problems with this couple.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill, here? Do you think this couple ought to be avoided? Why/why not?

Thanks in advance,

KuriousKhajit

You are not making a mountain out of a mole hill. From what you have described, you have interpreted the situation correctly. You should not, however, reject the notion of meeting couples who have non-traditional relationships. My wife and I know may such couples. Some of the not-married couples we know seem to have relationships more secure and healthier that some of our married friends' relationships.

Post script: Your husband should come here to read the many, many posts here at Swingersboard where members say that swing is a team sport. If there is anything making one of the team members uncomfortable, the other team members should show sufficient respect to modify a stance.

This perhaps sounds bad.

It perhaps sounds wrong.

Maybe it is a bad opinion of mine.

But.....

I'm always put off meeting single women who have multiple children.

I always get a nagging feeling that they are not very good at using contraception and that I don't want to be daddy to child number four.

3: He didn't tell us that they were FWB -- it was her, as we were discussing getting together for a coffee. She was under the assumption that he had told us.

Sorry to seem ignorant. I could follow most of the initials but this one left me scratching my head. What does it stand for?

I gotta say....some of my alarm bells are going off.

Listen to the bells. If you think that there is going to be drama, why go ahead and invite it in? There's more fish in the sea...move along, nothing to see here.

My husband sees ZERO problems with this couple.

As already pointed out, swinging is a team sport. If one person says no, the answer for the both of you should be no...no questions asked. You seem to be saying no...done! More than likely he is attracted to the woman, but he should be more respectful to your feelings and wants. There are more women out there, but not too many that are just like you (willing to go forward together and test this lifestyle). The two of you should always come first and he should remember that.

The other guy sounds like they are just getting started in the L/S and is all revved up about having another woman. Common thing among males when a couple is just starting out. From your brief description, it sounds like she is not really that interested. We've seen couples where the man wants to swing and the woman is just going along thinking once he does it, he'll get over it (he usually doesn't). This doesn't sound like anything we would be interested in diving into ourselves.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill, here? Do you think this couple ought to be avoided? Why/why not?

No.

Yes.

For the reasons already stated.

Listen to yourself. If you think something isn't right, then it isn't right...or in this case, you are probably right thinking something isn't right.

3: He didn't tell us that they were FWB -- it was her, as we were discussing getting together for a coffee. She was under the assumption that he had told us.

 

Sorry to seem ignorant. I could follow most of the initials but this one left me scratching my head. What does it stand for?

Friends With Benefits.

Also sounds like one of them might have a significant other that is unaware what's going on. I'd pass.

Trust your gut. They could be totally drama-free and legit, but your gut is telling you they aren't what you're looking for. So give them a polite "I don't think we're a good fit. I hope you find what you're looking for." or something to that effect and move-on.