Is your experience different in separate rooms?

Over the past weekend we invited a couple we met at a friend's party to stay with us. My boyfriend had been with her at the party but I never got to be with him. They are from out of state and we had plans to go to NYC and the Jersey shore. Things changed somewhat due to a nasty weekend. This gave us time to have some more time with just them. The fun started pretty much the way I thought. On the second night a suggestion was made that we play in separate rooms. I didn't think my bf would be good with that. Surprise, he was. I ended up in the bedroom with my partner for the night and the door closed. I'm not sure how comfortable I was with it and I also was excited too. I just figured it would be the same as what we did before then he became more romantic with more kissing. Things went much slower with nobody watching. I can't say it was much different than things I had done in my life, it was different than anything I did while swinging. I enjoyed the change. After they left on Monday I asked my boyfriend if things were different when he was alone with her and he said not really. I promised to be truthful and told him that the pace was much different without anyone watching.

What have others experienced?

Hi PSULioness,

I think where you are now was where I was in college in 1973. We did not have or know about STDs in those days. But I am saying you are single and having these sexual experiences. We did then also, but there was no internet to write about it on. I think what is different for you than the swinging people here on this forum is that they are for the most part married and committed to each other for the long term. They have much more at risk to lose than you. You are young and could break up with your BF no problem just move on to someone else. In fact that will probably happen as eventually either of you could meet someone you like more than each other. We baby boomers invented this free love type thing in the 1960s, among the other plagues we seem to have wrought on the country in later years. I wish you both well.

It has been years since my wife and I have done anything other than MFM threesomes, but I remember doing 4somes with a couple and how separate rooms and even separate homes was extremely exciting. Each of us could relate more easily with our playmates when we were alone with them. It was great and caused us no problems.

Hey PSU - it's going to be different from partner to partner in different rooms - some are like what you had - some will be more intense to the point of "making love" some will not.

and that goes both ways your boyfriend will find the same as well - so the question is is there a boundary for you guys in separate room play EG no making love, and if so how do you monitor it? ( would you even need too? )

Separate room play has more emotional "Risk" in my opinion but some do it very well - it's really up too the both of you what your ok with.

We have done it before but we find we are looking for fun not emotional play so same room with every one playing is just that and that's good for us.

The one thing i would say is you still see yourself a a single female? if so when you "play" do you put that vibe out as well?

This may be a bigger problem in the end.

At a club we are strictly same room, unless it's with someone we already know. Mrs.Stop feels safer knowing I'm right beside her. For a house party we're okay with separate rooms.

It's a very different dynamic when you're alone with your playmate and has the potential of being too intense. Emotions are definitely in check when your SO is there with you.

With established friends there is little to be concerned with. In a new situation, tread carefully.

We started off thinking we would prefer separate rooms, and while that preference faded to not strong feelings either way, separate is still something we like for the reasons described above, the pace is just different. Our best play sessions have been a hybrid of the two with play going on in two areas of the house, coming back together for all on the same bed, and then maybe drifting back apart later. With good playmates, that all just seems to happen organically. There's nothing planned about it, which is probably why it is so good; when mind and body are just going with the flow, that's one less barrier to really enjoying yourself. And yes, you have to have trust in each other and in your playmates to let that barrier fall, but when you do, it's great.

That works really well for playing at a house where it's just you four and you have free run of the place. We don't go to clubs like we used to, but there, when we do play it would be together. The only exception would be if it was with someone we already knew and trusted. Playmates we just met though, it's going to be together. It's not so much a safety thing, although that's there, it's more of a comfort thing. Playing alone or together, we're always a team, and in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people, that's the approach we are going to take in a more visible sense. When you feel like someone has your back, it's just more comfortable.

Lioness I found the same as you did. The same man who made love to me on our first venture into swinging was completely different in front of his wife and my husband. I think if we had reversed the situation where we had our first time in the same room my feelings about swinging would be different. And we did make love and no we didn't fall in love. I love my husband and my separate room time didn't effect my marriage. And though I didn't see what happened in the other room, I hope my husband treated her the same way I was treated and the way he treats me. We are not big swingers. When we have had the opportunities I still prefer separate rooms. I trust my husband too. As long as you and your partner agree it's all good.

I would also like to hear others input on the separate room experience? My husband and I just don't see how it can be better then 2 couples sharing each other in the same room. Being able to kiss my husband as we are pleasuring and being pleasured by another couple is total bliss to us. We see the separate room as playing by yourself, and not enjoying it with your spouse. Besides same room allows for different experiences and combinations that you just can't get on a 1 on 1. Are some couples just too jealous to see the spouse with some one else that they have to get a different room, or are they so detached that they prefer not to enjoy with the spouse?

What is more common, separate or same room?

I don't think there is any doubt separate room is a different experience than same room. I wouldn't say one is better than the other. It's just a matter of preference, and for me personally, I like the change of pace. We usually experiment with separate room after we have already played with the couple in same room previously. Two things stand out for me. One is the slower pace, as you mentioned. The other is more fetish requests, which I can understand is easier to ask without the husband present.

When we added swaps, we went to a couples club and it initially was same room. As the wife, actually GF at the time, I insisted. I felt like it added safety. I did find though, that at times, I was still “performing” for my hubby but felt that both males benefited from that. Eventually, we moved to separate play rooms and I found that I was much more expressive, at least at times. When we had first talked about swinging I worried about and asked, what if you see me getting off more or letting go more when I’m with another guy. He laughed it off and said, why would you and that would be better if you are holding back now and learned to let go. Well, I’ve learned to let go more when we got to separate room. And, though, he was right, it was benefitted both of us. I view it as at home, he and I make love. Swinging, swinging is having sex and dirty nasty sex can be fun on occasion……..Separate rooms facilitate that for all involved.

Are some couples just too jealous to see the spouse with some one else that they have to get a different room, or are they so detached that they prefer not to enjoy with the spouse?

 

What is more common, separate or same room?

I wouldn't immediately assume it's for either of the negative reasons you posit. Just as you can enjoy chocolate without denigrating vanilla, you can enjoy both separate and same room.

Same room enhances the experience with more positions, the extra turn on of watching the other couple and feeding off the sounds.

Separate is more intimate where you focus just on each other. Slower pace sounds par for the course.

It's not about jealousy or detachment, just the experience.

Thank you for your comments. Didn't see it that way. Only time I played in a separate room was to experience a woman without the hubby's, and I guess it would have been different if they were staring at us. I also notice that most said they played in separate rooms only after they got to know the couple better. Is it because it can be dangerous? Sorry about my negative view on that, we are still learning, and I did get a bit scared with one of the post on this site from a house party that IMO was raped. (don't want to get that post started all over again, just showing why I feel a bit negative towards being alone without my husband)

Thank you for your comments. Didn't see it that way. Only time I played in a separate room was to experience a woman without the hubby's, and I guess it would have been different if they were staring at us. I also notice that most said they played in separate rooms only after they got to know the couple better. Is it because it can be dangerous? Sorry about my negative view on that, we are still learning, and I did get a bit scared with one of the post on this site from a house party that IMO was raped. (don't want to get that post started all over again, just showing why I feel a bit negative towards being alone without my husband)

Nothing wrong with asking questions. That's what the forums are for!

Not everyone is necessarily comfortable with going off alone in a room alone with someone they've just met. Maybe he plays too rough and with the door locked it can be trouble. We played with a couple once and the female got really clingy towards me. I wouldn't dare go separate with her after that. She eventually latched onto another guy and divorced her husband. We don't want any of that on our doorstep. When you're friends with a couple for a good amount of time you don't have the risk of anyone getting too attached. We have dozens of friends that we've known since early on in our lifestyle venture, and we could go separate with them if we chose to and no one would think twice of it.

In the context of a house party where we would consider splitting up, we'd ideally know the hosts, and the hosts would have personally invited everyone. We'd be completely comfortable in that scenario. We've been to house parties where we didn't know the host other than the online invite, so we would stick together.

Do what you're comfortable with. Don't go separate if it's not fun. It doesn't make you any less of a swinger nor does it lessen your relationship. Meeting people can be tough enough. Enjoy the playtime by confining to the rules you have set forth and put your energy not toward what might be going on in another room, but instead the good time you and your husband are about to have with your friends, together.

New to forums, just finished reading the comments, very helpful information and commenting on everyone's part. I am part of a couple, our second experience was with a single male, our first was also.

My wife was never into a separate room, she always disliked the idea. After we played with a single male, we got more comfortable with him. At one point I asked to my wife would you like to go to his room and you can be more comfortable, if you aren't you can always come back to our room. She went for it and loved it so I was too, but it also was fun playing together in the beginning. As the OP said, with 3 or 4 people combining you can get pretty creative with your play time, but after she came back to our room from his, everything was more exciting and intense. So far, yes, separate room can be very exited for numerous reasons as OP indicated, being free without thinking if this is ok or not, what he does or she does.

Yeah, it's always different, even if there aren't any concerns about kissing, saying "I love you," doing something you don't do otherwise, etc., because one or more other people are there that you're conscious of. You're thinking of what other desires there are to be satisfied. Even if another couple is engaged, there are other possibilities, and other things that could follow. We like and do both one-on-one and group play in our poly family.

I'm not sure how comfortable I was with it and I also was excited too. I just figured it would be the same as what we did before then he became more romantic with more kissing. Things went much slower with nobody watching. I can't say it was much different than things I had done in my life, it was different than anything I did while swinging. I enjoyed the change.

The experience is different when there is no one watching. Especially someone you both have an emotional connection to.

After they left on Monday I asked my boyfriend if things were different when he was alone with her and he said not really.

I think your boyfriend loves you .

The experience is different when there is no one watching. Especially someone you both have an emotional connection to.

 

 

 

I think your boyfriend loves you .

Yeah. We got married.

The experience is different when there is no one watching. Especially someone you both have an emotional connection to.

I think your boyfriend loves you .

Yeah. We got married.

I know that most people here try to tell stories that are "hot," but once in a while I find one to be romantic or touching. This is one.

I know that most people here try to tell stories that are "hot," but once in a while I find one to be romantic or touching. This is one.

Our life is really romantic. He has been my friend, my lover and really the only partner I need. I almost screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me. Many will post that you must be truthful in swinging. Many will post that swinging can bring you closer. I can't say anyone is better to me than my husband.

Very different. Have done it both ways and for us, a little more freedom and less pressure.