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  1. #1

    Default Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    It seems lots of LS folks smoke in our area. We wakeboard, snow ski, ride off road vehices, etc. It has proven rare to find local folks that share our interests. Is it us? Anyone else have this same result. Been in the LS over 2 years now. North West South Carolina.


  2. #2

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    I have an idea if it is financially feasible. Go to a lifestyle resort like Hedo or Desire. If you don't want to spend that much, go to a Swinger event in Charleston or Columbia or Atlanta.

    We have lifestyle friends from rural Texas. They just don't have the opportunities that we have in the New York metro area due to a large, diverse and liberal populace. I don't mean just politically liberal, but open minded.

    If you venture outside your area, you may find a more diverse crowd with more compatible people.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    I don't know that off road vehicles are erotic and/or foreplay. Swinging is about recreational sex. I play baseball and softball for fun and yet, we have yet to boink a shortstop and his wife in a club in either Pa or Fla. Mrs Doc loves the theater and most Shakespeare plays but I've never known her panties to get wet at a presentation of King Lear. Our sex hobby is distinctly different from our other forms or recreation. You may want to give that some thought.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by njbm View Post
    I have an idea if it is financially feasible. Go to a lifestyle resort like Hedo or Desire. If you don't want to spend that much, go to a Swinger event in Charleston or Columbia or Atlanta.

    We have lifestyle friends from rural Texas. They just don't have the opportunities that we have in the New York metro area due to a large, diverse and liberal populace. I don't mean just politically liberal, but open minded.

    If you venture outside your area, you may find a more diverse crowd with more compatible people.
    Thank you. Very helpful reply.

    Quote Originally Posted by padoc View Post
    I don't know that off road vehicles are erotic and/or foreplay. Swinging is about recreational sex. I play baseball and softball for fun and yet, we have yet to boink a shortstop and his wife in a club in either Pa or Fla. Mrs Doc loves the theater and most Shakespeare plays but I've never known her panties to get wet at a presentation of King Lear. Our sex hobby is distinctly different from our other forms or recreation. You may want to give that some thought.
    I think my question was unclear. Given our interests, being HWP, and be a non-smoker seems to have made it hard to find folks with common interests. We aren't asking folks to jump on a wakeboard. But going for a hike does seem fun... to us. I guess we want to spend time doing things other than just sex. Must just be us.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    I get it with common interests. We are going to dinner and a show with lifestyle friends. Other than a little gratuitous grabbing and good night making out, I don't expect that we'll play. We like to be friends with our playmates, generally. For others, it's just sport and they are not into a full friendship. It is everyone's choice.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Not wanting to share someone who is a smoker is totally understandable, however, after that, why place limitations? We have always been willing to meet almost any couple at least the first time (dinner or drinks only, no play) just to see if there is any chemistry. If there isn't, then fine, but if there is, it doesn't make much of a difference what they enjoy doing (other than sex). We have learned and tried out things that we normally wouldn't have because it was one of their interests...and we have liked it as well. Expand your limits and see what is there.

    BTW: Non smoker - check
    Wake boarding - check
    Off road vehicles - check
    Skiing - Almost broke both legs when I was in college and never even thought about trying it again.
    So there are some close matches out there (in this case, California), but even a perfect match on paper is totally different from finding a couple that you have chemistry with. Keep looking and you will find what you seek.

    North West South Carolina - if only you could somehow get 'east' in there
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  7. #7

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by njbm View Post
    I get it with common interests. We are going to dinner and a show with lifestyle friends. Other than a little gratuitous grabbing and good night making out, I don't expect that we'll play. We like to be friends with our playmates, generally. For others, it's just sport and they are not into a full friendship. It is everyone's choice.
    We are seeing that, the "sport" thing. We like your views.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    Not wanting to share someone who is a smoker is totally understandable, however, after that, why place limitations? We have always been willing to meet almost any couple at least the first time (dinner or drinks only, no play) just to see if there is any chemistry. If there isn't, then fine, but if there is, it doesn't make much of a difference what they enjoy doing (other than sex). We have learned and tried out things that we normally wouldn't have because it was one of their interests...and we have liked it as well. Expand your limits and see what is there.

    BTW: Non smoker - check
    Wake boarding - check
    Off road vehicles - check
    Skiing - Almost broke both legs when I was in college and never even thought about trying it again.
    So there are some close matches out there (in this case, California), but even a perfect match on paper is totally different from finding a couple that you have chemistry with. Keep looking and you will find what you seek.

    North West South Carolina - if only you could somehow get 'east' in there
    We agree to most of this. We have had great chemistry with some folks that it didn't seem like we would on paper. I think we are the exception to the rule. We want FWB, not go to parties and hook up. Seems tough to find.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    We started out thinking we would just hook up, but as time went on, we preferred to be friends with our partners and that is how we approach it now. It's not easy to find a four way match, but we try.


  10. #10

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by njbm View Post
    We started out thinking we would just hook up, but as time went on, we preferred to be friends with our partners and that is how we approach it now. It's not easy to find a four way match, but we try.
    We did the same exact thing. We realize how tough it is also... but worth the effort.....

  11. #11

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Remember how hard it was to find ONE person who liked you for what you were and you liked them for what they were. Now, don't double that, but square it. It's four people who all must like and feel a connection with the other three. It IS very hard to do, but when you find that other couple, it is very awesome!
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  12. #12

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Someone better at math told us that the odds of a four way match are 24-1. Not sure how they calculate that, but sounds right.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by njbm View Post
    Someone better at math told us that the odds of a four way match are 24-1. Not sure how they calculate that, but sounds right.
    All you need to do is kiss ((24-1)x2) = 46 frogs and you will find a prince (and a princess) 😊

  14. #14

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    I think the problem with wanting LS playmates who are friends too is that the expectation of the order of events is back to front in the LS. In the Vanilla one on one dating world you do lots of fun things before you have sex, so the order is meet> find common interests> fuck.

    In the lifestyle, while one "no play" meeting is expected, most would shy away from a couple who wanted to go hiking before they had sex (because hiking is not the primary purpose you get into swinging) so the order is meet> fuck> find common interests.

    You will probably find that there are plenty of people who would love to go hiking with you, but they're not going to want to do it until after a sexual relationship has started, and remember many couples with jobs and children and their own friends, don't have all that much time to dedicate to this hobby, so while they might love to go hiking with you, they may be struggling just to fit in the sexy times without additional commitments.

  15. #15
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    I'm surprised there aren't more folks like you in your area because Clemson is at your doorstep, is it not?

    Usually, university towns are a small oasis in the south.
    I don't have time for dinner. Someone on the internet is wrong!

  16. #16

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by CostaRica View Post
    I think the problem with wanting LS playmates who are friends too is that the expectation of the order of events is back to front in the LS. In the Vanilla one on one dating world you do lots of fun things before you have sex, so the order is meet> find common interests> fuck.

    In the lifestyle, while one "no play" meeting is expected, most would shy away from a couple who wanted to go hiking before they had sex (because hiking is not the primary purpose you get into swinging) so the order is meet> fuck> find common interests.

    You will probably find that there are plenty of people who would love to go hiking with you, but they're not going to want to do it until after a sexual relationship has started, and remember many couples with jobs and children and their own friends, don't have all that much time to dedicate to this hobby, so while they might love to go hiking with you, they may be struggling just to fit in the sexy times without additional commitments.
    And this is the issue we have. We have sex with each other every 24 hours. We are not doing without. We have good sex. We have been told we are pretty decent at it. So our situation is after 20+ years we want a little spice and diversity. We have no interest in meeting a couple twice, having sex with them, and then realize we have no common interests. We would be up for meet, do an activity, then play. But we see no point in having sex with strangers only to find out there is no connection. We aren't looking for a BF/GF but we do want to consider then friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by two4youinswva View Post
    I'm surprised there aren't more folks like you in your area because Clemson is at your doorstep, is it not?

    Usually, university towns are a small oasis in the south.
    We are still blown away after more than 2 years..... ???

  17. #17

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Why are people so against smokers? I'm not gonna light up when we're in bed...


  18. #18

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    To be honest I can't see why this would be a problem.

    I find a huge number of people would consider a threesome if you simply ask them.

    For example during your hobbies you meet a man or women who is single, you get chatting to them, you find they share the same interests and don't smoke so you asking a leading question...

    "You never guess what happened last month, we were riding our bikes in the country and one of the riders asked us for a threesome, was a bit strange what do you think about that subject?"

    Ask the person a question like that, if they react badly about it don't ask them, if they say it sounds fun, that they are open to things like that then ask away or swap details ect.

    You can actually just ask people.

    "Hey would you ever consider a threesome?"

    If they kick off and become upset just say a friend asked you at work and your wondering what to say to them, your just asking for advice.

    If they say "Yeah I'd consider a threesome" then you have a buddy right there

  19. #19

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by Erik13 View Post
    Why are people so against smokers? I'm not gonna light up when we're in bed...
    People that smoke don't realize that their hair, clothes, face, hands, car, house, and even money smell like smoke. We choose to avoid it. Again, we realize we are not the "sport" couple now. So a trip to the mountains with our FWB would not work well with a smoker.

  20. #20

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by Sun&Moon View Post
    To be honest I can't see why this would be a problem.

    I find a huge number of people would consider a threesome if you simply ask them.

    For example during your hobbies you meet a man or women who is single, you get chatting to them, you find they share the same interests and don't smoke so you asking a leading question...

    "You never guess what happened last month, we were riding our bikes in the country and one of the riders asked us for a threesome, was a bit strange what do you think about that subject?"

    Ask the person a question like that, if they react badly about it don't ask them, if they say it sounds fun, that they are open to things like that then ask away or swap details ect.

    You can actually just ask people.

    "Hey would you ever consider a threesome?"

    If they kick off and become upset just say a friend asked you at work and your wondering what to say to them, your just asking for advice.

    If they say "Yeah I'd consider a threesome" then you have a buddy right there
    This is great advice. Thank you so much. We will try this!

  21. #21

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by VirginiaLuv View Post
    This is great advice. Thank you so much. We will try this!
    No problem

    Just think of the easiest way to ask someone for a threesome without asking them directly.

    "A few months ago another sports person asked us for a threesomes, how strange, what would you have said?"

    "Hey I watched a really strange program the other week it was all about threesomes, what do you think of that subject?"

    "Someone at work was talking about threesomes the other day, how would you have reacted?"

    "One of my best friends asked us for advice about if they should have a threesome, not sure what to tell them, what would you say?"

    "One of our mates attended a swing club, they said it was a right rush, you ever done anything like that?"

    I honestly find it works wonders, like stated if they kick off or become upset then "Hey" you were only asking advice / making small talk.

    If they respond well, if they say it sounds cool, sounds fun, something they would probably try, then you can simply say....

    "Yeah we would really like to try that as well to be honest"

    Most of MFF threesomes have been found this way.

    It really works because if they do become offended you can simply say....

    "Yeah eeewwww we would never try that, I found it really weird and an worried for my friend for talking about it"

    Anyway I'm rambling.

    Just get yourself out there, meet a biker / hiker / sports like person and get talking.

    Also I smoke but I smoke one of these "Vape" things now, I find the stale smell of smoke is totally gone, a lot of people now are using vapes and most of the vape liquids smell of fruit and so on.


    Anyway better go, one of my mates asked for advice about having a threesome, what would you have said? :P

  22. #22

    Default Re: Is it our location? HWP folks and non-smoker

    Quote Originally Posted by Sun&Moon View Post
    No problem

    Just think of the easiest way to ask someone for a threesome without asking them directly.

    "A few months ago another sports person asked us for a threesomes, how strange, what would you have said?"

    "Hey I watched a really strange program the other week it was all about threesomes, what do you think of that subject?"

    "Someone at work was talking about threesomes the other day, how would you have reacted?"

    "One of my best friends asked us for advice about if they should have a threesome, not sure what to tell them, what would you say?"

    "One of our mates attended a swing club, they said it was a right rush, you ever done anything like that?"

    I honestly find it works wonders, like stated if they kick off or become upset then "Hey" you were only asking advice / making small talk.

    If they respond well, if they say it sounds cool, sounds fun, something they would probably try, then you can simply say....

    "Yeah we would really like to try that as well to be honest"

    Most of MFF threesomes have been found this way.

    It really works because if they do become offended you can simply say....

    "Yeah eeewwww we would never try that, I found it really weird and an worried for my friend for talking about it"

    Anyway I'm rambling.

    Just get yourself out there, meet a biker / hiker / sports like person and get talking.

    Also I smoke but I smoke one of these "Vape" things now, I find the stale smell of smoke is totally gone, a lot of people now are using vapes and most of the vape liquids smell of fruit and so on.


    Anyway better go, one of my mates asked for advice about having a threesome, what would you have said? :P
    Great input and love your advice. We actually prefer another couple but the same tactics and comments will work. Thank you so much.

    We have zero issues with vapes. A couple we hang out with vape. I get hungry hanging around them... Ha ha. Waffles and pecans keep popping in to my head. LMAO.

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