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Jare1998

What do you wish the world knew about swinging?

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Hey! My husband and I have been a part of the lifestyle for about a year now. I am taking a communication class for my BSN degree and I am writing an informative speech on swinging. We as a couple have come across lots of misconceptions about the lifestyle through the general public, family that believes it is wrong, and the media.

 

My goal for my speech is to demystify swinging and the lifestyle in general. I want to include the history of the lifestyle and the reasons couples enter the lifestyle. I also want to show how strong communication, trust and respect are what makes swinging successful and how cheating is not swinging. What I'd like is for anyone who wants to, please respond with what made you and your significant other want to swing and what you do to make your relationship work in the lifestyle. Also what is one thing you wish the world knew about swinging that is commonly misunderstood.

 

I appreciate all the comments in advance. I'd love to make this a memorable speech!

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What made us want to swing? Well, come on, better sex, what else? Also, acting out fantasies. For me personally, a lot of it was wanting to watch my wife please others. It's a huge turn on and makes for better sex.

 

What we do to make our relationship work in the lifestyle? We love each other, we trust each other and we communicate with each other. Oh, and we have hot and heavy sex with each other, and others.

 

The one thing I wish everyone else understood is that love is love and sex is sex and the two do not go have to go hand in hand. Sure, sex with the one you love is better. Sex outside of that love is not wrong and is totally different. My wife and I discussed this at one point and kind of separated the act of sex into 3 categories:

 

Making Love, reserved for your significant other.

Plain Sex, with "friends" or people you see regularly.

Fucking, with strangers or people you barely know.

 

Like you said, swinging is not cheating, but most can't separate Making Love from Sex and Fucking, so any sexual act is perceived as making love, which is cheating if it is not with your significant other.

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A would like to share with you a thought process that I use to help people understand the difference between cheating and swinging. I take them back to when they were in college or high school. When you were in school, generally speaking the rules when you were taking a test in school was that there were no books, notes or cheat sheets of any kind allowed. If you did you one of these aids while taking the test you were CHeATING! However, occasionally there would be a test given where you were allowed to use either your notes or your text book or any combination of the two. What is the difference between these two scenarios? In the Second instance there is no violation of the "trust" between that student and the teacher. The student has "permission" to use the aids. In the first case it is an absolute violation of the "rules" and while you may get away with cheating on a test a few times, almost universally sooner or later it will be discovered. That is the difference between swinging and cheating.

 

If you wanted to carry the analogy a little bit further, on occasion when a teacher/professor offered extra freedom when taking a test by allowing use of aids, I saw a few instances when the student would opt to use only the knowledge in their head and refuse the use of notes/book. For what reason who knows, pride, bragging points, or just because they felt they knew the material well enough and didn't need it. This would be comparable to a spouse offering this freedom to their partner and for whatever reason the partner chooses not to take the opportunity.

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Thank you all for your comments so far! I love the analogies as well as your definitions of the differences in sex

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Efforts to demystify and promote understand are laudable and are to be encouraged. But I do not believe that "The World" want to know about swing. Most are perfectly happy in the parochial beliefs that they embrace.

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Efforts to demystify and promote understand are laudable and are to be encouraged. But I do not believe that "The World" want to know about swing. Most are perfectly happy in the parochial beliefs that they embrace.

 

I would agree only partially with this. A huge percentage of "The World" fit your depiction of a closed minded world.

 

I would also say that there is much smaller percentage of people who have thought about swinging, fantasized about swinging, but they feel they would be "abnormal" if they actually tried something like that.

 

How many couples do you think there are where one partner would really be into swinging but the other is opposed to it on ethical/moral grounds. Obviously this couple isn't going to likely be active swingers, but 50% of the couple is all about it.

 

Scientific documents like this help to "normalize" the activity, which is good for all of us.

 

Just my 2 cents.

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I view swinging as a couple exploring sexual fantasies within a controlled environment. When a couple reaches the point where they don't fear knowing the sexual fantasies of their spouse, but in fact are excited by them, that couple will easily understand the plight of swingers, even if they don't think it would work for them. I refer vanilla couples to the website Mojoupgrade.com

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I think it is awesome that you are going to use this subject for your talk.

 

We started down this path only a few months ago and we are taking it slow but already we have discovered a lot of things that we wouldn't have imagined.

Our main motivation was to explore fantasies together but as we've progressed a little it's become more than that, we love the dressing up, making an effort, the fact that it's our dirty little secret , we feel like 2 naughty school mates most of the time, a nice feeling for two forty somethings.

 

I wish people on the outside looking in knew that we're not wierd or perverted, just normal people. I wish they could understand how much deeper I love my wife and that our love is still growing after 20 years together.

I wish they knew how different it was to cheating, a big surprise for us was just how much cheating was frowned upon in the lifestyle.

 

A lot of people on these forums often say how people in the lifestyle are some of the nicest people you will ever meet, we would like to echo that message, we haven't had many meets but so far everybody has been so amazing to spend time with.

 

I wish people knew that it's not just about the sex, so far our adventure is going well and the focus has always been on us as a couple, our trust has developed greater than we thought possible, since we started sharing all our thoughts we feel like we are the absolute best of friends.

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Stealing a few quotes that are right on the mark:

 

I wish people on the outside looking in knew that we're not wierd or perverted, just normal people. I wish they could understand how much deeper I love my wife and that our love is still growing after 20 years together.

 

Swingers can be anyone...your next door neighbors, friends, anyone. We are just like you, only our relationship is probably better and stronger.

 

Making Love, reserved for your significant other.

Plain Sex, with "friends" or people you see regularly.

Fucking, with strangers or people you barely know.

 

Why do people think sex and love are the same thing? Hopefully you don't always 'make love' with your SO...sometimes you both (hopefully) just fuck and/or have sex. But why is it only reserved for your SO?

 

I also want to show how strong communication, trust and respect are what makes swinging successful and how cheating is not swinging.

 

What relationship couldn't use MORE communication, trust and respect? For swingers, it is a requirement, a starting point. Love, trust, communication, respect...it's the combination of them that takes care of things like jealousy, deceit, and lying. It is also great to know that you can tell your partner ANYTHING and it's okay. I still get a rush being able to look at a woman and tell my SO that I find her attractive (and she usually agrees with me). She doesn't get mad at me for looking at another woman, or saying that I find someone else other than her attractive, or takes the comment as me saying I don't find HER attractive anymore.

 

Swinging is a team sport, something that me and my SO do and enjoy TOGETHER. It requires strong communication, trust and respect. Cheating is something that is done alone and requires lies, betrayal and disrespect. They are exact opposites.

 

I would also say that there is much smaller percentage of people who have thought about swinging, fantasized about swinging, but they feel they would be "abnormal" if they actually tried something like that.

 

I think that there are a large number of people who have fantasized about swinging, but just don't know what it is called. There's a reason that a threesome is one of the most popular sexual fantasies (especially among men). News flash: it's swinging!

 

I wish people knew that it's not just about the sex, so far our adventure is going well and the focus has always been on us as a couple, our trust has developed greater than we thought possible , since we started sharing all our thoughts we feel like we are the absolute best of friends.

 

Swinging is NOT for everyone. You have to have a certain mindset and can remove love from the act of sex. It will not fix a broken relationship (in fact, it will usually destroy it), but IF you have a really good, strong relationship, it WILL bring you closer than you ever thought imaginable, develop bonds stronger than you thought possible, and take your relationship to previously unknown heights. Those who 'get it', get it but there are a great number of people who will never 'get it'...and that's okay. You won't ever be able to convince them otherwise and trying to do so is like teaching Greek to a dog. They are just going to look at you real funny. But those who are secure enough, brave enough, and have a great enough relationship...this can take it out of this world.

 

Please report back (and if possible post your speech). Good luck with this!

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Why do people think sex and love are the same thing? Hopefully you don't always 'make love' with your SO...sometimes you both (hopefully) just fuck and/or have sex. But why is it only reserved for your SO?

 

Just to touch on this more, yes, there are plenty of times, probably most of the time, that with my wife it is just fucking or just sex. That's certainly what last night was, lol. She ordered some sexy clothes online and was modeling them for me after our daughter went to bed. I couldn't help myself, I just took her right then and there. Certainly could not be described as making love, at least to me. I was horny, she was feeling sexy, so we had sex.

 

As for why Making Love can only be with my SO, well, that's because I'm in love with her. If I found myself in love with someone else, then I guess there could be making love there too, and it could be entirely possible that someone is in love with more than one person, but that's getting into a whole 'nother ball of wax there.

 

Yes, the separating it out is kind of rudimentary and not entirely true either. It works for us because it keeps what we have separate from what we do with others. Sex with my wife is not always better than with others, but on those romantic nights in, that's on another level.

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I will definitely post my speech here when I'm done. I have a little over a week to finish preparing it and then deliver it in class. You all have shared some fantasic insight and I can't wait to share my speech with everyone. So far the class, for the most part, seems to be verY interested on what I have to say. Although I'm pretty sure most of them are wondering about me now!

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