Things you discovered in swinging that you didn't expect

Echoing some of the OPs comments--the honesty and relationship transparency demanded by the LS enabled us to see each other and our relationship with a clarity that we could not have imagined. In many ways the LS demands openness that in turn forces a level of trust and of vulnerability that we never imagined (much less achieved)in our pre-LS years. Marriage, vanilla-style, anticipates and celebrates a set of fantasies ("romance forever!"), intentions and boundaries that are externally defined and thus avoid the tough introspection that most couples don't begin until after some bad event. Marriage, LS-style, demands that introspection that culminates in couples establishing fantasies, intentions and boundaries. Along the way, you get to answering the questions of "why we fell in love" and "what it means to unconditionally love your spouse". Sounds trite, except that it's true.

I'd say the thing we didn't think about or expect was how damn likable so many swingers are. Whether we've played with them or not, some of the best people in our lives are swingers.

 

They're not all awesome, but a nice percentage of them are.

We are still looking for our first experience but since agreeing to pursue this idea we have been surprised at how much closer we feel , just being free to express our naughtiest fantasies to each other has been incredibly liberating and such a massive turn on, we've always had good communication but now we feel like we've gone to another level.

 

When I used to fantasise alone I always found the thought of her with another guy a huge turn on , but at the back of my mind I was worried about losing her or damaging our relationship, now we have this new found closeness I think it would be near impossible for anyone to come between us. Also our sex life has become so hot that we've kind of slowed down on pursuing our first experience as it doesn't feel needed in some ways , we are still looking though and hopefully we will hook up with another couple in Jan to start exploring.

 

I've said it in other posts but this forum has been amazing for us in helping us along.

Having sex with others in the context of the LS (as compared to the dating ritual) made me much more self-confident in dealing with men both in and out of bed. It gave me the opportunity to truly embrace my sexuality and those factors greatly enhanced our marriage.

Well the 1st time I felt badly for a husband that had a large dick. His proud wife told me that it was 9 and a half long and just on 7 round. Normally I would think you lucky so and so lol, but not this time - we were going to do a 3some and she had said she liked DP but that her husband was just too large for her anally and that he has never been allowed to even try.

 

While talking about it he said that he was not a fan of her doing any anal stuff because he just could not do it with her himself (if fact at that stage no one had ever let him try / maybe things have changed since that day).

 

I felt really sorry for him (well both of them). I also felt somewhat honored to be a part of it as well because of the trust between all of us - the husband said there were very few men that she would let do it because she had to know that if it was not going well the male would stop immediately. The girth for her was the problem, me being only just under 6 round was a far better fit as she said.

 

So we had a few 3somes like that and all went well -

 

regards

It might seem turned-around, but the effect that I would never have anticipated is to gain an appreciation of women as being people rather than sex objects.

I certainly agree with the OP and Fundamental Law. At the same time, having been in the LS for so long, I've also seen a few relationship breakups. Granted, I wasn't privy to all the reasons that resulted in the breakup and these relationships might be in trouble even before joining the LS, but I think for some people, the LS exposes and magnifies problems in a relationship to the point of no return.

 

Anyhow, I can't believe I've been doing it for this long and still enjoying it for the most part.

It might seem turned-around, but the effect that I would never have anticipated is to gain an appreciation of women as being people rather than sex objects.

 

OK that's fascinating can you expand on that?

I've learned young doesn't mean better

I've learned if the couple didn't lay down rules you must ask. Funny how women who love anal don't like to kiss.

I've learned very normal couples are very kinky in the bedroom.

I've learned that some couples talk about fantasies but in real life are reluctant to act on them.

I've learned that if the party is taking a little bit long for something to happen as a veteran or someone with experience you need to take the initiative and take action with your significant other or play partner.

I've learned that if a couple doesn't want to play its perfectly ok to watch (grant it if they give permission) and become a voyuer I learned a thing or two just from watching.

I've learned that you should learn BDSM.I used it at a swing club in Vegas and without knowing I had everyone watching.Many aspects from BDSM that can be used in foreplay.

We love sex with others.

We have discovered that we have no jealousy issues.

My wife has become extremely orgasmic.

Under the right conditions, sex with friends can lead to much deeper friendships and a lot more sex.

We both love to have sex in front of a video or still camera and are fine with our partners showing the videos to friends.

We are still enjoying MMF threesomes into our 70s.

The sights, sounds and feeling that you experience are fantastic.

 

Sex with others has brought my wife and I closer together.

 

Watching your partner have sex with another person, is incredibly fulfilling. It's called compersion, I think.

 

Getting a suitable night together is a lot more tricky than you think. It can be pretty confusing but trying to connect with people can be rather frustrating and tricky.

 

You said it all. I agree. I don't know of anything I can add to that list!

 

There are things you see when you watch that you never experience while you are participating.

 

My wife curls her toes in rhythm with him. I wonder if she does that with me.

 

She lifts her hips up against him each time he goes into her. Nothing radical. Subtly. I've felt her do that with me but to see her doing it with another man was another one of those things that make watching fun for me.

 

Yes it's called compersion. Knowing my wife is sexually satisfied makes me happy.

OK that's fascinating can you expand on that?

The short form of the story is that I did not learn how to relate to females while in my formative years -- I had no sisters with him I could form a relationship and females gave me nothing but frustration at school. In my twenties, my view was colored by what I saw in porno movies -- a woman is a life-support system for a pussy.

 

Even in married relationships, I was always wanting to act on the view of "I'm the man in the house and what I say goes." My second marriage started my turn-around. And wife #2 also brought the idea of swinging to me. Like so many people, I learned that very frequently, in the moments after both play partners have exhausted themselves physically and while still horizontal and looking into each other's eyes, the soul is laid bare just as the bodies are bare. Interesting and transformative insights are gained. Various playmates have also shown me that women also know how to effectively take charge of a situation.

 

Again, this is the short version of the story. It did not happen in a flash and it continue to evolve.