Swinging teamwork or just work?

For the couples. Do you both take satisfaction in doing the work of swinging...the browsing profiles looking for potential playmates, the setting up dates, the making hotel reservations, and all the other chores that have to be done before you can get to the wild sex payoff Is it all teamwork all the time? Or, does one of you volunteer to do all of that for the other so they can just enjoy the ride and not have to worry about the logistics? If you are a half of a couple where the other half does everything, does that increase your personal swinging fun quotient by a little or a lot? Or does it make you just a teeny bit uncomfortable not having had a hand in working out the details?

I am fortunate that my wife spends as much attention to swingers' Web sites as I do and that we both work on making arrangements. The basic division of tasks is that she responds to single men and I respond to single women, which tips the scale a bit owing to the fact that about 100 invitations are received from a single man for each communication from a single woman. As it says in our SLS profile, neither of us is along just for the ride.

As with other things, for example, having folks over for dinner, we seem to have developed some division of labor based on our individual interests. If we go out to a bar, have MFM in mind, I’m probably more the lead. He may start the conversation but I tend to pick it up and turn it into flirt, etc. The same thing at a couples club, I’m typically the lead. He does more of the SLS stuff, we both explore sexy clothing, he seems to be more the person who brings home the toys.

One of my favorite things about our hobby :-) is that it's the one area where we both do the research and the interpersonal work (I first wrote "social work," but thought that might be confusing). In other areas, whether it's the kids' school or a new house, I tend to do all the legwork. We did let that habit of me doing the work start to take over, but now we have a firm rule that we only go on SLS or text playfriends together.

Btw, though, I really wish more women were active on the sites, especially since if I don't click socially with the woman, playtime is probably not in our future.

Mr. Gold does most of the legwork (finding, contacting, etc...although we have been seeing only one couple for the past few years). This keeps Ms. Gold removed from any 'over exuberant' men. However, Ms. Gold does most of the work when we have guests coming over to the house to visit. We both, however, try to help the other in whatever task is being done.

I (Ms) do pretty much all the upfront work. I really enjoy it. We have a meet and greet and I run it completely. At our events people come up and shake my husband's hand and thank him. He says, "What?! I just drive the car and buy the drinks! She does it all."

I like to be online and on forums. I love event planning and being a hostess. My husband indulges me. When we go out or have parties he is a very good host and very involved. Usually he gets play going before me. We are a team, but just so we know what the other is up to, we often do our own thing.

In the very beginning we would go online together and look at profiles, write to people, etc. Now we swing through parties and events and just use the websites for planning and keeping in touch with people.

We have kids so I do all the planning vanilla and swing. Getting babysitters, reservations, tickets, etc. It works well for us.

I (Mr. CoupleInMD79) do most all of the online work, researching, initial vetting of profiles, and communication. We do sometimes have group texts with our established lifestyle friends, in which Mrs. CoupleInMD79 participates. And when someone has asked to talk to her specifically, she is happy to oblige (e.g., a phone call between the women, to make sure the Mrs. is really onboard with the swinging). She is not excited to be drawn into texting or IMing with new people- she does NOT like trying to get to know someone that way. She is happy to look at the profiles I show her, and actually asked me the other day for the SLS name of a guy we met at a party, so she could check out his profile!

When we host a couple here at home, she and I work together on getting the place ship-shape. She also goes online to get her own "slutwear" for clubs, parties, and swinger cruises (and sometimes gets me some sexy underwear at the same time).

One interesting benefit from the LS experience where T is very bisexual is we BOTH get to critique the ladies we see on the streets, at clubs, at the store, etc ("she's sorta hot, would you like to be all over that?")..and G doesn't get into trouble

Amen!

As for the online end of it I am the one who does all of the searching and leg work! It is a part of the lifestyle she has little tolerance for, because of all the bullshit that comes along with it. You could say I have a little thicker skin when it comes to dealing with all the flakes, fakes and creeps lurking around online and at this point know how to deal with it well. I don't however get things started with people without first showing her their profile and letting her decide if she wants to move forward with them.

Everything else in the lifestyle is decided as a team and we only play as a team, because to us that is what we are. Our enjoyment in the lifestyle and what it has brought to our lives has always been about the shared experiences together. I can honestly say if we were not a couple neither one of us would have probably ever considered it.

I do all the work, and I do admit that sometimes, it would be nice to let her do it.

Hey all,

I (Tiger) do all of the online and offline contacting, emailing, arranging, vetting and discussion. Angel has no interest whatsoever in doing that sort of thing. In general, I'll contact or respond to someone's contact, chat with them, read their profile and check out their pictures. If I think that Angel would be interested, I'll show her the pics, but she has no interest in reading through lengthy profiles so I just give her a synopsis. If it's a go, we schedule a vanilla meet and greet somewhere, and we go from there. If we're making arrangements to go to an event, I do all of the arranging, and the legwork to get ready (packing, shopping for slot wear, cooking if we're bringing food, and the driving). He often will say that she's the laziest swinger on the planet, and freely admits if she had to do any of the tasks involved, she would not be in the lifestyle. Don't get me wrong; she loves it when we're involved and things are taking place... Has a great time, and has no qualms about discussing and meeting playmates. The logistics, preparations and general "work" involved in swinging is just not something she's open to doing. She does love the results, however, and says I'm a great judge of people to meet!

T

Mr. A does most of the work because he's rather controlling, in a good way. He does the initial screening for playmates and and we usually both get involved in terms of communicating once we narrow them down. Many couples want to talk to me because of all the fakes out there, so I get that. Mr. A does all the logistics, and I'm very fine with that.