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Friends with benefits - what does it mean to you?

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"Friends with benefits" seems like one of those terms that means a lot of different things to different people. We've run into folks who use it to mean everything from "people we like enough to have sex with, but that's all we ever do together" to "we hang out all the time and occasionally have sex together".

 

I'm curious to hear what you guys think when you see that particular phrase, and how you mean it if you use it.

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Back when I was single it meant someone who I could call up or sometimes hang out with but sex was always the intended end result. Now married and in the LS to us it means a couple we can do vanilla activities with and sometimes swapping with them is the nightcap to an evening, not the sole purpose of being around them. That's just our outlook, look forward to hearing others take on it.

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I have someone who I sometimes describe as a "friend with benefits." We're friends, in that we hang out, socialize and generally do friendship type activities. We also, when the occasion occurs, have great sex. For me, I think, the term generally refers to a relationship that is first a friendship and second a casual sexual relationship.

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Guest sandraandalex

And why not make it something more consequential ? After all, aren't our best lifetime lovers, typically our greatest friends ?

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I have someone who I sometimes describe as a "friend with benefits." We're friends, in that we hang out, socialize and generally do friendship type activities. We also, when the occasion occurs, have great sex. For me, I think, the term generally refers to a relationship that is first a friendship and second a casual sexual relationship.

 

That explains the relationship we have with the two guys my wife and I have threesomes with. In both cases they are good friends. The bonus is that they are fun to have sex with too.

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IMO, friends with benefits mean..... It's beneficial for all parties involved to get together either for sex or companionship. You are using each other for the benefits that meet the needs of both or group. For example, I love to cuddle at night with my FWB on cold nights. No sex involved. Just a night of cuddling. Then in the morning we go on with our lives. We get together for sex only at swing parties.

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Guest Ready2dewit

This can be kind of a two-edged sword...my limited experience tells me sometimes one of the "friends" is more into things than the other friend. This can backfire and make one of the parties feel like they were used, or have them end up trying to "guilt" the other party into more of a relationship than they want.

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This can be kind of a two-edged sword...my limited experience tells me sometimes one of the "friends" is more into things than the other friend. This can backfire and make one of the parties feel like they were used, or have them end up trying to "guilt" the other party into more of a relationship than they want.

 

Not to sound superior, but it seems to me that the above are situations lacking in open, honest communication.

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Guest Ready2dewit
Not to sound superior, but it seems to me that the above are situations lacking in open, honest communication.

 

You are right...but honesty is a two way street, I know when I'm being open and honest, but not always so easy to tell in others right off the bat.

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From our point of view, the term "Friends with Benefits" means a couple or single individual who has similar interests in the LS as ourselves with who we can enjoy both social, as well as sexual activities, on an on-going basis. In other words, a long term quality relationship rather than the one-night-stand quantity sex sessions.

 

I am sure it has a different meaning and interpretation to a lot of people in the LS, but that is our take on the situation. Main thing is that everyone is comfortable and enjoying themselves, whether it be social or sexual.

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From our point of view, the term "Friends with Benefits" means a couple or single individual who has similar interests in the LS as ourselves with who we can enjoy both social, as well as sexual activities, on an on-going basis. In other words, a long term quality relationship rather than the one-night-stand quantity sex sessions.

 

I am sure it has a different meaning and interpretation to a lot of people in the LS, but that is our take on the situation. Main thing is that everyone is comfortable and enjoying themselves, whether it be social or sexual.

 

That is exactly what my wife and I consider "friends with benefits." We have two FWBs. One we have known since the early 80s and started playing with in the mid 80s. We still get together with him socially and also sexual activities. Another friend is someone we have known since the late 80s. Last January we played with him for the first time and have become good friends and playmates. We have played with him a lot this year and continue to socialize and play with him whenever possible.

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In other words, A FWB is someone you are not looking to get in a serious relationship with. Just occasional dates, sex or just get together to keep each other company. You may get together every weekend, every other weekend or once a month. There is no talk about being in love or taking the FWB to another level.

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We have vanilla friends that we might go dancing with, have a game night, hang out with, etc. We love and care about these people. We have other friends that we meet with occasionally that we do some things that friends do, but always with the intent of having sex with them later. Sex is the main goal here, and while we love being with them, it's really only because we have a hot sexy time with them. Then there is a third group. They are really friends that we hang out with, dance with, play games with. We talk about each other's families & new experiences with. We truly love these people as the closest of friends. Sometimes, when we get together, we have sex with these couples. The sex is always awesome. We plan and have adventures together. To us they are friends with benefits, and they are golden.

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There is no talk about being in love or taking the FWB to another level.

 

... and this is where I tend to get into trouble when it comes to definitions. A person who I can hang out with, have games nights with, dance with, watch movies with, talk about anything and nothing with and have great sex with... that's pretty much my definition of love. At the same time, my definition of love recognizes degrees. It doesn't have to mean exclusivity, "making a life together" or whatever else.

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Happy new year to one and all. Back when i was in the dating scene with benefits, i took a different approach. There were two ladies whom i had interaction with in the bedroom, when i sensed trouble of jealousy we three had a mutual date where we sat down like civilized folks, discussing not one was better then the other, but singly they brought to the bedroom something different with new excitement. When we all realized each one had a valid point, attitudes changed and we three continued for many years. It did provide many times of great pleasure, we had threesome's with everyone getting something different out of the experience. Communications is the secret too anything even with folks for fwb. Those were the years to remember, never regret having the open and meaning full discussion.

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I am on another thread here that I created called "please Help". Everyone has been so helpful, supportive. I came to this thread because the man that I have been sexual with, 3 times since mid may, the last 2 times were at swingers parties. We have no plans to start an emotional relationship. I think swinging is more common w committed couples, than what we are. We show up and leave as a couple. I am going to get my own membership as a unicorn due to the fact that the last 2 parties we were at, he ended up with 2 very sexy women whom had not so sexy partners, I went along with it but I'm here to tell you it won't happen again. It was obvious he forgot all about me, in my opinion.. I should have spoken up. He's always been kind, asked me the last time if I was satisfied, I was not... anyway my point is. It really is s grey area because we have no love between us, he knows many nice people at the 2 places, is well liked, I will tell him that maybe it's better if I go stag.. that way I can chose if I'm attracted to the whole couple or not. I'm thinking that what he and I are doing... is not too common among swinging couples.

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I think swinging is more common w committed couples, than what we are.

 

Long term committed couples. It takes time to develop the STRONG trust required. You and your guy are more f*ck buddies than even FWB...and barely even that. You are just his ticket to getting into someplace that (probably) doesn't allow single guys to go. You are doing the right thing and you will quickly find that you have your pick of almost anyone there. It WILL be okay and you will probably enjoy yourself more since you will be the one making the choices. Embrace your inner unicorn and just go for it. You are the diamond here (rare, beautiful and valuable)...

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I totally agree with GoldCo.

 

You will be writing your own ticket!!

Have a great time :)

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What you guys said is so helpful to me!! Thank U! I really wanna pay it forward here someday.

I am a loving, sensitive, kind, open book about myself. I care about people and their feelings. I can honestly say these things... I'm very humble, tend to look at life they rose colored glasses.. give some the benefit of the doubt.. when they really do not deserve it.

I will end this whole thing in s kind manner. I'm sure I'll see him at the one club out here at some point.

I have the ability to care about people, create friendships ... sex or not.

I am a very fit attractive 55 yr. old woman w out an ego. My feelings get hurt easily but I like myself so I bounce back.

I'll let u guys know what happens:)

Thanx for the comment on my " please help thread as well"

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One more thing... I want to move to calif. So why fall in love here ? I'm a very sexual women... my shit is going to waste, and I ain't getting any younger. Lol. I would like some passion and caring intimacy... not just bang bang bang from behind.

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THAT'S the woman I was hearing in your posts. Strong, caring, kind, but also smart. Nice to finally meet you. Now why aren't you packing yet? If you are ever in the area, be sure to say hello.

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Wow!?What a wonderful thing to say:))

I want to move to San Diego... I visit there every 4 months.

Where are you guys?

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