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  1. #1

    Default Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    Being new to the boards to My husband and I have had issues with having any true success with M&G and on-line services paid or unpaid.

    I am a little thing 115lbs that has had 3 kids but that has left me with wrinkles in that area. But my husband who is a large man 300+ lbs who has military related injuries ( both physical and internal chemistry) have found it hard to meet people that can't see past that. Even when we dress to the nines as people would say and have good hygiene.

    My husband is a people person and I am shy at first but warm up to people fast and we have captivating conversations with people and they open up to us but they only seem interested in me but not my husband. So we sit together dreaming of what could happen. But reality nothing ever comes about.

    Any thoughts on this would be grateful.


  2. #2

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    Don't loose heart, Jade. It only means that playmates will be fewer with a longer time in between.

    I'm 5'3" and 122 pounds. My late wife was 5'9" and 140. My guess I've been turned down more often for being small than your husband has for being big. Still, at a club one time, I was approached by some women while no men ever approached my statuesque and beautiful wife. Most women who've had kids have stretch marks. Sit-ups seem to help.

    Smile a lot, be friendly, and get to know people. Look for people who are worth getting to know, not necessarily those who encompass what movies and TV consider "attractive."

    Studies show that people react more positively to people who ask questions about them, rather than people who talk about themselves in an effort to impress. Sincerely try to learn.

    We're glad y'all are here and hope the board is helpful!

    Alura
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." óWill Rogers

    "Swingin' Down to Tulsa," a novel by the Aluras. Read a free sample Here

  3. #3

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    Thank you Alura. This does give my husband and I some food for thought.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    Are your husbands injuries something that stops him from being able to do physical activities, exercise etc.?

  5. #5

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    We have found that with time and patience there is a couple or single for everyone. At the events we host there are people of all shapes, sizes and ages.

    Take your time and as Alura suggested be outgoing and talk to others, ask about them and they will warm up to you. It may take time to find people that you are both compatible with but they are out there.

    For me I rarely have sex with a body, the personalty in the body is what turns me on, A woman with the ability to talk to me and get my mind going is much sexier than someone who can't hold a conversation.

    Kent

  6. #6

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    To answer Slevin question my husbands spinal cord was damage but not paralyzed. So movement for him is hard even with the amount of pain meds he is on. But when we do go out or have our play time he cuts back on the meds just so that he can able to be apart of the surroundings with out seeming impaired. He hides his pain in public very well. But when the evening is over he is usually wiped and in increased pain. But i love the man to death cause he does what he can to make me and our kids happy =-).

    In response to TheSwingerSet oh so true about taking time and having patience. We have been to a few meet & greets in our area. We did meet some really nice folks there how ever there was not that connection. And had a great conversations with a few of the couples listing to there past which was very captivating. For my self and my husband love to get to know folks, get a sense of there personality and who they are cause you are right you do have sex with a body. You have sex with a whole person and for use you have to have mental attraction as well to truly be comfortable.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jade1801 View Post
    To answer Slevin question my husbands spinal cord was damage but not paralyzed. So movement for him is hard even with the amount of pain meds he is on. But when we do go out or have our play time he cuts back on the meds just so that he can able to be apart of the surroundings with out seeming impaired. He hides his pain in public very well. But when the evening is over he is usually wiped and in increased pain. But i love the man to death cause he does what he can to make me and our kids happy =-).
    Well, that definitely sounds like a very challenging injury to have. I've had to take some serious pain medication in the past; I have no idea how your husband can manage to be conscious at all! When I took them I was totally out of it, incoherent. With that keeping him from much physical activity I think your best bet is to keep meeting and talking to people until you find some folks who are interested in you. It might take you more time to find those people, but if you are enjoying the process then it can still be fun.

    It's actually not all that uncommon a situation; a couple where one of the two seems to get more attention than the other. Frequently it's the woman. I know in our case there is often a lot more interest in my wife and there is in me. I know that doesn't necessarily help you other than to know that you're not alone

  8. #8

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    After reading your posts over I have a question or two that might help others give you advice that will help.

    First off, since you have had fun and good conversations at the parties you have been to, but have not felt the attraction to those you have met. What is it exactly that you are looking for / to "get" out of swinging?

    I know that for us we can go to 5 or more events in a row and not find anyone new that we would want to hook up with. But we keep going and eventually do find a new couple or two that we "click" with. Like you we still have a great time and the flirting etc. just makes our sex hotter and more interesting.

    K

  9. #9

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    Hhhmm what we are looking for or to get out of swinging. Well we are looking to first meet people that fun and kind and make friends with them. And should it be a long term or short term relationship what matters the most is the memory's and journey to get there and the time spent.

    Some of the meets we have gone to it was like we had great conversation with a few people there. However it was as if either they was more interested in getting high on drugs and or the couple either are looking for just the female or male half. That wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that my husband is not bi. And the couple was looking for some one to pleasure they husband.

    We are really looking for either a couple for full on swap and F/F or a single female to join us since I am bi and like to have it all


  10. #10

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    Be patient and be honest with the people you communicate with. I am sure you can find some girl/girl play in Las Vegas for starters, and hopefully progress from there. Good luck

  11. #11

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    Thank you all for your great input and advice. We do truly appreciated it greatly.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Any Advice on how to help us would be greatly appreciated =-)

    No matter your size finding others who where everyone "clicks" and there's chemistry is difficult. I stopped counting the number of times that we've encountered couples at the club that were only there looking for another female to play with. You said yourself that you'd be ok with that scenario, yourselves. Heck, we'd be ok with that scenario but at the same time if she's there with someone who wants to play we aren't leaving anyone out, and if I'm not interested in her other half then we aren't going to be playing.

    Just be patient and it may be that you'll be better off meeting one on one rather than at a club. Clubs and all that they require use a lot of energy and if he's already hurting whether he hides it or not it's going to show. If he's hurting and that's keeping him from moving much, others will see that and think it's related to his weight (not his pain) and think that he may not be very enjoyable to be with. That may be what's really turning people away. I say this from the standpoint of dealing with my own physical health issues that force me to pick and choose when we go out. Perhaps meeting other couples one on one will take less energy and allow him to present a fuller view of who he is and how enjoyable he can be.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

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