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My husband and I are looking at going to a swingers club. My concern is our weight. I have read the many posts here, but no one has been as heavy as we are. I am 5' 5" and 240. My husband is 6' and 350. I am concerned that we will be sitting on the sidelines by ourselves. We are both outgoing people and we have had 3-ways before, but we will be new to the club scene. We are on a work out schedule. Do you think we should wait until we loose more weight before we attempt this?

 

Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.

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Hmmm....it looks to me like our posters are reluctant to answer your questions. Swingers come in all shapes and sizes but it should come as no surprise to you that in a hobby of "recreational sex" there is some emphasis on appearance.

 

The board will probably strike me dead for saying this but if I were you I would not try the club scene....it is definitely skewed towards "the beautiful people". You would probably be more comfortable connecting with a couple through ads that do not see size as an issue. Just my two cents.

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Hi there, Wife2Love. I agree with Ashley for the most part, but would like to tack on to her suggestion. Why not consider connecting with another couple via an ad and visiting the club as a 4-some. There is a sense of safety in numbers, and in that way, you would not find yourselves sitting on the sidelines with no one to talk to or interact with. I've never been to a club, but from reading various postings, it seems some of them are rather cliquish.

 

I would go with the other couple, have a great big huge and welcoming smile on my face, and do all that I could to project pure self-confidence! Strike a balance between being too forward/pushy and being open, friendly, outgoing, and welcoming to everyone.

 

By virtue of your question, I would be concerned that a solo club visit might turn into a rather demoralizing experience for you at this point. Unfortunately, many people do place great emphasis on physical appearance. However, most of us do, after getting past the first impression, lean more towards finding compatible personalities, those with common views/attitudes, etc. In the long run, there is nothing more pleasant than friends with positive attitudes and winning personalities.

 

If you read through the other postings, you will see that you are not alone in your concerns of acceptance. While we are not all concerened about weight issues, most of us have our own personal concerns regarding our appearance - surgical scars, age, sagging boobs, (gravity be damned!), etc. It has really helped me to know that many others have the same concerns I have had - I'm not alone.

 

For me, it's the age thing since I am considered over-the-hill in some circles. :eek: It has caused me to back off from some situations on occasion, but hey!! I figure there is someone (or two) for everyone. Go find that person or two.

 

Keep us informed of what is going on. And I'm certain that others on this Board will soon chime in with more and better advice. -EBF

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Originally posted by Wife2Love

We are both outgoing people

 

This statement says it all!

 

I think that it depends on the club that you go to. We attend an off-premise club and there are people in there of every shape and size. And they are quite active in the lifestyle so I don't think that their weight has ever stopped them. There will always be the ones who prefer the "porn star/super model" because that is what they have always fantasized over. But there are plenty of real people out there who prefer to play with real people. You won't have anymore trouble finding someone than anybody else. Be proud of who you are, you are sexy both inside and out.

 

Roxy- :kissface:

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The club that my husband and attended had a variety of people there. All different races, ages, heights, weights, backgrounds. Go and have a good time. There will be some people who won't approach you because of your weight. But there will be many more will want to get to know you. Be outgoing, fun, approachable and people won't ignore you.

 

The most important thing is to be comfortable within your own skin. You know you're great people, let others see that side of yourselves. If you're uncomfortable being overweight and being in the club, others will pick up on it.

 

You said you're both working out. That's wonderful. Keep it up. But don't be afraid to enjoy life right now.

 

Let us know how it goes. Have fun!

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Originally posted by DragonsLair

The most important thing is to be comfortable within your own skin. You know you're great people, let others see that side of yourselves. If you're uncomfortable being overweight and being in the club, others will pick up on it.

 

I posted a similar response to your other thread, but I wanted to reiterate it here.

 

You sound like a fun person already, don't worry about how you look. Just enjoy yourself and take things as they come. You shouldn't have any trouble at all.

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Welcome to the board.

 

We have been to a total of four different clubs. Everyone here has given you some very good overviews. All the clubs we have attended have a variety of shapes, sizes, races...etc.

 

Someone mentioned something about clubs seeming to be for the 'beautiful people'. Well, that is true in a sense, but not based on physical ideal AMA standards. The beautiful people are those that are comfortable with who they are and present themselves as such.

 

I vote with go to the club and enjoy yourselves, even if you don't have another couple to go with you. Arrive eary and introduce yourself to some people. Present your outgoing nature and then just kick back and enjoy the experience of a club atmosphere. Dance, have a good time and converse with others. There was a good thread a while back that may give you some advice on how to present yourself in the club environment.

 

Hope that helps some! Good luck and let us know what you decide!

 

Lori

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Wife2love,

 

We were worried about the exact same thing when my husband and I started talking about this lifestyle and we had our first experience with a bbw/bhm couple who are one of our closest friends. We've never been to a club yet.

I am 250lbs and my husband is 365lbs. He's losing the weight rather quickly and I am trying to ease my baby making battle scars! LOL.

 

I look at it this way, if there are going to be people who won't approach me, whether at a club or a social situation in general, simply because of how I look then I consider them too shallow to be with me at all! I am so outgoing and self confident these days that I sometimes ask myself when did this happen??

 

I was always slightly pudgy anyway (not overweight by much) and was very down on myself during my teen years. I would cry and moan "why doesn't anyone like me???" It took a long time to realize I didn't like me and was portraying that image to everyone around me. Anyway, that's neither here nor there about my past...lol

 

Point is.. I realized in the past year or so, after going through some major post truamatic stress and depression that I am who I am body weight and all and the most important thing is that my husband loves my body, he gets turned on by MY body and wants it all the time!! It doesn't matter what Tom, Dick, Harry, Tina, Delia or Harriet think of my body!!!!

 

I would want to be with someone for who they are and what they portray to me is on the inside. If you are overweight or skinny or average and look like you haven't showered this year I might have a problem with being with you sexually But if you have a winning personality, a happy outlook on who you are then my husband and I would love to know you, big, little or in between. it's all good. ::P:

 

Tigress xx

(hope I made sense somewhere in my rambling)

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Wife2Love, you are near TPA in Maryland. We are members there, and there are folks of ALL sizes, ages, and looks.

 

The first time we went, both my wife and remarked that "thank God, there are 'normal' people here."

 

Of course they have the 'beautiful people' too :) It's a mix. And though I'm not one of the 'beautiful people" , I do enjoying looking at them :)

 

I don't know about the other local clubs. I suspect that it may be somewhat club specific- but not sure.

 

Come on in, the water is fine :)

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We were members of a club a few years back and the parties were fun, but we never hooked up with anyone. Then again, we really are more into getting to know people a bit before jumping in the sack with them. That of course won't happen at a club unless you are regulars. We prefer to meet couples and singles for dinner or drinks first, then sharing pleasures if all are for it. We also decided to go to a nudist club and actually discovered much more tolerant people there and quite a few swingers in the group. But the focus there is not on sex, so I think it is much more relaxed. we are 225F and 255M , down from 245F and 330M last year. BTW, I've found I get much more attention at 255 than I did at 330, go figure. We might try a swinger's club again if we are sure it will be worth out time and money, but it is not a high priority. For Wife2Love, I'd just say go and plan to have fun together, and if anything else happens , fine, if not, you had a good time anyway.

 

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I have to say the beauty comes from within I (the f half) tend to be drawn toward the teddy bear kind of guy, plus a good persona. My husband is actually scared away by the hardbody types! In any case, we've been in open rooms with all types of shapes and sizes, and once you start to play, it really doesn't matter. We are only aware of one club in the Boston area that screens for young and beautiful. Yuck...

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Just because you weigh 240 with a husband that is 350 lbs, does not mean you are not a beautiful couple.

 

There is no reason to be at a club and say look at all the beautiful people and think you are not also one of the beautiful people there.

 

People who are not interested in you only because of your extra weight, are closed minded, IMHO.

 

I think that within the clubs, when we decide on the basis of weight, color, size, shape, age, disability, height, etc., we are shallow. As a whole, we all need to be more accepting of each other.

 

I'd say go and have a good time.

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I think what you all are saying is wonderful and accepting but totally unrealistic as to what actually goes on. I hope that Wife2Love will come back after their club experience and give us their perspective. I don't consider myself an expert as I've only been to 5 different clubs but I've not seen people of that size at any of them.

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We have found all shapes and sizes at on premise clubs while the off premise clubs seem to have more of your younger trimmer crowd, at least in our experience. Swingers come from all walks of life and sizes and shapes.

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There are definitely large people at the club we go to. They are in the minority- but they are there. No one snickers or makes rude comments either.

 

I say give it a shot. If nothing else, go and look at all the eye candy and decadence- then go home and screw each other's brains out :)

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Unfortunately, you'll find a lot of "beautiful people" at the clubs, but that's just life. You will also find heavier people like yourselves. You will be surprised at the number. There is a large community of swingers (like me) that enjoys a softer lady. Just go have fun, and ignore those that think they are the gift to the Lifestyle.

 

We also realize this is much easier for the guy to say. Mary is heavy too, and shares the same concerns about her body. No amount of assurance from the guys will ever change that.

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Ok let's talk size I am a male 6'1" I am 385lbs, My other half is 5'8 about 380 lbs. We dont look as if we are as heavy as we are but I was a junior Body builder in high school and she was a horse trainer for many years.. We have both been to clubs. The only thing that I believe even got me looked at was that I am a shaved man (no pubic hair) and a pierced tongue and she is a light DX. I have found out that if you are a person of size and you go to most (not all) clubs you have to bring in or offer something that the smaller members do not have or offer. I am not saying for you not to go to clubs but just keep in mind that some people in our lifestyle look at clubs as a way to show of what society say's we should be (barbie syndrome)I do agree with the idea of you meeting a couple and all 4 going in to the club together, it will set you all at ease. we did it and it was the best night of our life, I always say going to a club is like being the kid that just moved in the block and you are going to school for the first day,you wish you had a friend with you.

 

And as most people on this board will tell you people at clubs talk,(I.E) Who are the new people? Does anyone know that couple?who did they come with? and so on and so on. I do not want to change your minds about going to a club I just want you to be in the right mind set. Enjoy life and see  :D

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My Hanne is 5'7" and 240#, and when she wants to look sexy, rowrrrrrr! But when she is feeling down about her size and looks, it shows.

 

It's all attitude, and how you show off the attitude.

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Quote
Originally posted by Ashley

I think what you all are saying is wonderful and accepting but totally unrealistic as to what actually goes on. I hope that Wife2Love will come back after their club experience and give us their perspective. I don't consider myself an expert as I've only been to 5 different clubs but I've not seen people of that size at any of them.

 

It really does vary from club to club. There are some clubs where pretty much all you will find is BBW and BBM's, and others where all you will find is pretty skinny people. A lot has to do with how the club is run and who is running it.

 

I've been to clubs where you wouldn't find a single person over 200 lbs (and if they were that heavy it was a guy), because that's the way the club owners ran the club. You had to fit their mold to be accepted. However, most clubs I've been to were more open and there was a very wide range of sizes and shapes, everything from the gorgeous blond that weighs 100 lbs to the gorgeous redhead that weighs 250lbs.

 

If you attend your first club and find that you aren't accepted don't let that stop you from attending a different club. They are all different.

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Quote
Originally posted by Ashley

I think what you all are saying is wonderful and accepting but totally unrealistic as to what actually goes on.

 

Ashley, I'm a bit confused, what part of my post is unrealistic?

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Wife2luv, My wife is a large BBW we have been to one social dance several times we enjoyed the erotic atmoshere very much it was for the most part a well mixed room. But did noticed that people did shy away from us they were very nice and respectable but did stay there distance the first few time's we was there. We then found a group that took us under there wing they was a riot . I suspect things would of went better, but I tend not to be a social person it takes me a while to warm up. If it wasn't for me I think we would of had better succes in finding a playmate. But like in any public place there are a at least one idiot that can hurt some ones feeling's with out realizing it. And that is what happened to my wife. Someone was laughing and pointing in her direction while she was out on the dance floor, And she took it as they were making fun of her. She wouldn't tell me who it was so I could see what was going on. And since it was the end of the night we soon left. The point of this is not to scare you it is to warn you you will be in a public place. And public places sometimes bring ignorant people, just like going to the grocery store,bank or any other public place. But I bet you still go to these places, so go have a good time don't worry what other people think. But like you know the people that mean the most to you love you for who you are friends, relatives and soon to be new friends. Keep in mind that was the 5th or 6th time we was there and just one bad incident. that is pretty good in my book for being the only social dance we have been to. Good luck best wishes and go have some fun:)

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I would skip the club unless I went with another couple. Its a hard world and while some here have said that more would approach you then not I have to say I disagree. I have been to clubs and as long as a persons weight is not to far off the medical norms its not a problem (

 

Swinging is about recreational sex and most people find there spouse attractive and are not looking for "worse". So spare yoursleves the possible rejection and find a cpl in ads and take them with you.

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Well just returned from a Lifestyles houseboat trip and there were some people of size there. There were also a considerable number of folks older than what I have seen at the clubs(60's and even a couple in their 70's) so I accept all the wet noodle lashes that anyone wants to meet out. But I still submit that for large sized folks there are venues that are generally more accepting than the club scene....and it sounds like a few of you agree with me.

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It sounds like the club sceen is nearly as much of a "meat market" as a bar, where the flashy get all the attention.

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Originally posted by austxmark

Swinging is about recreational sex and most people find there spouse attractive and are not looking for "worse". So spare yoursleves the possible rejection and find a cpl in ads and take them with you.

 

There is no better than my husband. If I choose to be with another man then he has to have some great quality that I like. It doesn't matter if he's thick or thin as long as there is some attraction. But no matter what he will never be "better" than hubby.

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I have to disagree with austxmark enjoy youreself and the only way you are going to see if you like the atmosphere is go do it. Just make sure you take that sassy attitude with you Wif2luv. And I will also stand up and appluad Roxy The person that matter's most is the person you go to dance with.

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When I dance people always point at me and laugh. I am not overweight either. I can't figure it out. I always do the Michael Jackson moon walk though.

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Originally posted by Nymph an' Satyr

I'm whitebread- and my wife is a Latina. You should see us dance- it's Fred Mertz and Ginger Rodgers :)

 

:rofl: & :sad: and peeing too

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