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As you know I have posted a couple threads about the trials and tribulations we have had being a "she's hot, he's not" couple. Well this is sort of similar but different.

 

We had a interesting phenomenon occur at a club we attend the other night. Just a little background first. My wife is very good looking and she spends a large amount of time and effort in getting all dolled up before we go out and when we walk in the club the heads do turn. However we go home empty handed 75% of the time and we hardly ever have people approach us and only once have we ever gotten an offer to play from someone else. The few times that we have played we were the ones making the proposition.

 

Anyway, the other night we took a single fem guest with us and she was nicely dressed and well groomed but she is quite plain and a little overweight. She is very nice and sexy but not runway model material. We only knew a few people at the club that night and while my wife stayed at the table with a few friends I took our guest around to show her the club and make introductions.

 

What is weird is while we were walking around people were coming out of the woodwork to meet us and many were blatantly flirting with us and hitting on us. That has never happened before when my wife and I mingle (and we do mingle).

 

Now we never once introduced our friend as a single fem and most of these people were folks we have never met and they couldn't have known that she was single or known that we were not together as a couple (we did not portray ourselves as a couple but people didn't give us the chance to say we weren't either).

 

Afterwards I was telling my wife about it and she thought it was just coincidence but the differences were too striking to just be coincidence. I suggested we experiment and that we should go to the club with her really "toned down" but me as polished as usual and she thought I was nuts.

 

I guess my questions are, am I just imagining this or was it just a fluke or is this for real? Are people more comfortable approaching and flirting with a couple that is more or less plain looking rather than a couple with a "hot chick?" and finally, have any of you ever gone to a club and just dressed very plainly and with minimal make-up and primping? And if so, what was the outcome?

 

Common sense would say that the hotter chick would garner the greater amount of offers and attention but my experience in being with a pleasant plain-Jane was completely different. Any thoughts?

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I can answer from a fairly plain guy point of view.

 

When I see really hot women, I'm slightly intimidated to be honest. Also a bit more reserved with them than I would be other women who are slightly more plain.

 

I guess that comes from knowing a few hotties in my life who were real bitches. Full of themselves, you know... they were hot and they knew it and it went to their head.

 

I think you should continue with your experiment. Convince your wife to dull down slightly and see what happens. Worst case, nothing changes and you are no worse off. Best case is that you prove your theory and you two start getting much more play with others.

 

Good luck!

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Guest screaminggood

My husband made the comment that he's starting to prefer the "slightly less attractive than us" type of woman because "they're more appreciative" of him. And he can probably get any woman in the club he wants....

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Yes, I think a woman can be so hot that it keeps people away. But to that I'll add that there are lots of other reasons that keep swingers from approaching and they are so varied and multiple; add 'em up and things don't happen as we'd hope. It usually has to do with people's pre-conceptions.

 

Hot women are often seen as too hot to have a chance with, and I think many people don't realize the frustration these gals go through. They're blessed with natural good looks and people can presume these women think they're too good for people who may think of themselves as less pretty, and those who know they are less pretty can feel they wouldn't interest a prettier person.

 

A hot chick is often seen as one dimensional, no one looks beyond her looks to find out who she is. They won't give her a chance. I've talked to these women and they've shared their frustration with being nearly ignored because they look good. They entered into swinging never expecting to be rejected because people see them as "too pretty." They are friendly women, they mingle at the clubs and talk to others, still, hooking up doesn't happen as often as they'd wish, nor as often as the gossipers like to think.

 

I am an average looking woman and would have never thought I'd be so happy about that. It wasn't until MrLM and I started swinging that I realized how lucky I am to be pretty ordinary. Even then, some people have been slow to warm to me, and I realize that it may be because I am simply different than they are in looks. There are many threads on this Board from women who worry that being overweight will hinder them in swinging. I think it's often the opposite. I'm slender, long-legged, and tall and I've had women with a different body type seem intimidated by me because of it - they've told me so after they finally gave me a chance and got to know me. If I hadn't pursued getting to know them and their husbands they'd have never given me and MrLM a chance. So just about anything that is too different from what a couple is can be a reason for people not to feel they can approach you because they think you'll reject them.

 

In my thread about age difference between us and younger couples I realized I'm at fault too. I/We have been making an assumption that women 20-30 years younger than MrLM wouldn't consider him for play. Posters told me otherwise, that we shouldn't make this presumption, and everyone is right. I'm glad I heard from people. We are adjusting our approach.

 

You mention that you're a "not hot" guy. Do you think that you and the single female were a better match and that had to do with more couples opening up to you as a "couple?" Would the couples who approached you when you were with the sf have been of interest to your wife? I'm curious because I think that even if your wife dressed very plainly and you were approached by more couples because of it, do you think your wife would be interested in the men of the couples who you met while introducing the sf?

 

If your wife is comfortable with trying a different look at the clubs, I say go for it. It could be an interesting experiment. I've known women who look very different when not all dolled up at the club. I think they are gorgeous when wearing a cleaner look and if your wife is used to wearing more make up and club wear - that a woman can only wear at a swinger club because it's so revealing - maybe she can try some sexy attire that would be acceptable to wear anywhere in town.

 

Let us know what your wife decides and what the results are.

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I am not saying what I am about to describe is your wife but I am going to explain what I have noticed at the club over many years.

 

When "Barbie" walks in, everything is perfect and she is considered "hot" many stay away from her. It is the appearance of "attitude" that tends to make many shy away from her. Being a host and very out going I talk to everyone. In talking to many of those that look like "Barbie" many times there is an attitude that goes with that appearance. Not all the time, but many times.

 

You will also have the case that many will think she is just a show piece. Just there to be looked at buy not played with. (Collector Barbie)

 

We tend to stress casual at the club. Some say it gets a bit to casual at times but it makes it comfortable. Being casual tends to get rid of the divide between the upper and lower class that many people will relate to others.

 

Funny part is, we host a "naked and naughty". These same Barbie's will come to that party dressed down like everyone else and they end up having the time of their life. They return the next week back to their normal style and end up sitting at their table without others approaching them again.

 

It is all about perceived attitude and many times appearance projects perceived attitude. That is something that can be over come by the actions and attitude of the person involved.

 

Maybe that will help, maybe not. Since I don't know your or your wife I have no real way of knowing. Just passing on my experiences to you here.

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When reading this threat title, my knee-jerk response was, "Of course not. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." My second thought was, "I am, but that doesn't mean I won't play with you." ;)

 

Now for my real reply: LM has nailed it yet again. I think there are some naturally gorgeous women out there who are perceived as being too good for everyone or full of themselves simply based on how they look. That does not mean there aren't the stereotypical snobs out there (else how would it become a stereotype). But even I've caught myself looking through SLS profiles of "hot" couples and thought, "Nah, they wouldn't be interested in us." Am I selling myself (and Mr. Sweet) short, or the other couple? Quite possibly, I'm selling us all short.

 

That said, based on the reactions you and the sf got, I'd say it's worth a shot to have your wife try toning it down, if she will. See what happens. You've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain--like some new playmates who may see you in a different light.

 

If you do give it a go, let us know what happened.

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I seldom meet a woman that I wouldn't consider approaching. That doesn't mean that it is always a success story, but does anybody really score every time out?

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VegasLee said:

You will also have the case that many will think she is just a show piece. Just there to be looked at buy not played with. (Collector Barbie)

 

Lee brings up something I'd like to add to.

 

We've run into these couples. We find out that she's all for show and her hubby isn't interested in playing, unless you call watching his wife with other bi woman or couples, in that case they aren't what we're seeking. And sometimes neither of the couple is interested in playing.

 

But back to your situation. I don't know you so this may not apply, but since you have mentioned repeatedly in your threads that you consider yourself a "not hot" guy, maybe you're projecting a message to people that you're a guy who is there to show off his "collector Barbie." If you stepped into swinging thinking that your wife would be the draw since you feel she is so much hotter than you, maybe people sense you aren't a play couple. :confused: Just a thought to consider.

 

I think in cases of "she's hot - he's not" couples the hubby has to be sure he works at attracting couples with what he can offer them, if he hasn't the looks to match his wife's, then his personality has to shine even more. You've got to be good at conversing and can't be too sedate or standbackish (is that a word?). Make sure you and your wife work as a team.

 

I also think it helps good-looking women when they make sure they pay special attention to the wife of the man they are interested in because if the other woman is intimidated by your wife's beauty she will only let go of that barrier if she finds she really likes your wife. She will then be more willing to share her husband with your wife.

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The only way a woman can be 'too hot' is if others consider her to be.

 

The way we see it, fear of rejection is alive and well within the Lifestyle...

 

The situation you describe is all too common, and in our opinion is probably the biggest down-side to Meet & Greets and Clubs. Contrary to the misconception of Lifestylers being more 'open-minded' and self-confident, there are still quite a few folks who aren't going to ask the Head Cheerleader or the Studly Quarterback to dance. And it tends to perpetuate itself - every time someone does ask and gets 'shot down', it doesn't go unnoticed. Putting it bluntly, our observation has been that many people tend to compare themselves to others and approach only those whom they feel they compare favorably to. And a group setting tends to amplify the whole situation: many couples will check out another couple at a Meet & Greet but won't approach them there (where a possible rejection could be seen by all).. but will contact them privately via an ad site they might both be on.

 

While individual self-image or self-confidence is part of the equation, the other part is the attitude and persona of said Cheerleader or Quarterback. Many don't realize that while physical beauty and a high opinion of one's self are not bad things, when you conduct yourself as if they are adequate substitutes for respect for others and a personality - they actually begin to look unattractive to others. We know a couple who turn heads wherever they go, and he is actually pretty nice guy ... but M can only take her in small doses because she has an annoying habit of fishing for compliments continuously: "Don't you think this top shows how my boobs stand up?"... "Isn't it sexy how my skin is so soft?", etc.

 

Another couple we know have the opinion that if they aren't attracted to someone, there's no reason to waste their precious time in talking to them. She is very attractive and he is equally not attractive - which he readily acknowledges, bragging that she is his 'trophy wife'. Although they don't realize it, they are generally considered to be snobs 10 minutes after they walk into a room. They got quite miffed that we didn't invite them to a pool party we had.. although he chalked it up to the fact that she probably would have made most of the other women self-conscious because she looked so good in a thong bikini! M pointed out to him that a.) The other attendees were all couples whom they had deemed beneath their notice at previous events, and b.) no one wore swimsuits! Which, of course, went right over his head... :rolleyes:

 

Don't get us wrong.. we are not inferring that your lovely wife has a bad attitude - but for many, experience breeds perception, and perception can morph into their reality. Remember, despite what those with over-inflated egos would have you think, just because you talk to someone doesn't mean you want to hook up with them. You always reserve the right to move only as far down that road as you want to.

 

Our advice would be to continue to present yourselves as approachable.. not 'wiling to do anyone', but approachable - especially your wife. You mentioned that you do mingle at events, so you are already moving in the right direction.. keep in mind that it isn't all on you - there are always going to be folks who will consider your wife as someone who is 'out of their league', and nothing short of considerable time on a therapists couch is going to pump their self-image up beyond that.

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I think Lee has a really good point. Sometimes it's not the actual looks but the fact that the person KNOWS they look good and that comes out in their personality. Even if they are open and trying to meet people. Just because you are friendly to people doesn't give any impression that you might be interested in more.

 

I have seen many women that I consider gorgeous at the clubs and I will when given the opportunity let them know, all too often the only answer you get is "thanks" and not in a humble way but in a "Thanks, I already know that" way, so that's as far as the conversation goes.

 

I'm not saying that's your wife's case but as much as you have mentioned that her hotness (and your notness) is an issue here it does make me wonder if she herself feels that she is SO hot and (even worse you are not)... and that may be showing in her personality.

 

Also as LM alluded to, I have to wonder if your wife is not harboring a feeling of "would any couple that would come on to her not hot husband even be remotely attractive TO her". Personally, I just hope that your wife doesn't look at you and feel that she is so much hotter than you (and that is just YOUR personal opinion - which as her husband you are allowed to have).

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arvcpl said:
However we go home empty handed 75% of the time and we hardly ever have people approach us and only once have we ever gotten an offer to play from someone else. The few times that we have played we were the ones making the proposition.

 

Interesting about the differences between "working the room" with your wife vs. with the single fem.

 

But the thing that's resonating with me above everything else you posit is the fact that you go home empty-handed unless you make the proposal.

 

My question would be... If that's the case, why not just ask more people who interest you to go to a room and get busy? It sounds like to me your issue is not that your wife is too hot, but rather you're simply afraid of rejection and don't yourselves often make the initial proposal to play.

 

Now, I'll readily admit that a lot of people have this same fear. But seeing as lots of folks aren't going to go out on a limb to ask the couple with the hot chick to play, common sense would dictate that the couple with said hot chick needs to ask others to play.

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For me, their is no such thing as too hot, but like some of the others here have mentioned, I have met a few women that put off an attitude that was a turn off.

 

What I have observed at the clubs is that some women are more approachable than others, and it really doesn't seem to matter how hot they are. Not knowing you personally I can't say what the problem is, but it very well could be that this single gal you took with you just puts out a more approachable vibe than your wife does. That doesn't mean your wife is not a nice person, it is just one of those things I have noticed, that certain people seem to have a gift of giving off a vibe that encourages people to approach them and others don't.

 

As far as dressing down goes, we have some experience with that. We normally dress up to go to the club. At one point we noticed that most other club attendees were much more casual about their look than we were. We were in a dry slump at the time and thought, what the heck, lets go casual for a while and see how it goes. After giving that a try for about two months and having no better or maybe even worse results, we went back to dressing up nice and that has seemed to work better for us. I think at least part of the reason for that is that a large part of being approachable is the attitude you project based on your self image. For us at least, we feel a lot more sexy or attractive when we dress up, and I think that in turn causes us to project a more sexy attitude, which I think has a lot to do with our better luck at hooking up with folks when we dress up compared to when we go more casual.

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Don't change a thing about the way she dresses - that will make her feel uncomfortable and perhaps appear more stand-off-ish. Try a warm smile and a flirt with those she is interested in. As hot as she is, I am sure that her beauty would appear intimidating. She may have to be willing to make the first move. Its difficult not to respond to a warm hello and a friendly smile. If you are interested in someone, engage them, and stop waiting for them to engage you. This would be the simplest way to appear approachable.

 

There is only one experience I regret in our swinging. We were in the play room at a local club when Mr. and Ms. Perfect walked in. I mean perfect - not a flaw on either of them. Mr. Perfect was really into me and asked me to "engage." I refused, thinking it must be a joke - there is no way they are really interested in me. Now, I know - I should have said yes. I missed out on a wonderful time with an amazingly hot couple.

 

The moral of the story? You may need to invest more time and effort into letting others know you are truly interested before you give up.

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I'll have to admit, if I see a smoking-hot woman with drop-dead-gorgeous looks, I won't attempt to approach her.

 

Why? Hey, I'm a realist. I'm hardly the best-looking guy out there. There are men at the local M&G and clubs who are much better looking then me. So, yeah, there is that bit of intimidation involved.

 

If she looks that good, what's she gonna see in a guy like me?

 

But, there is another factor as well. I've always been attracted to the "girl-next-door" type. The tall blonde model with fake boobs hardly does anything for me.

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Looks are great. Personality is the greatest.

 

Maybe the combination of your single female friend and you made for a more accepting personality combination than you and your wife did to other people.

 

When I go fishing I would rather go in a boat that is clean but slightly used than a brand new boat. Just like a hunting truck. It's fun to play with and you aren't worried about banging it around a little.

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I'm speaking in generalities here and this may or may not apply to your scenario but I have found that when a couple is having trouble connecting with others the problem is often from inside the dynamics of the couple themselves and doesn't really have anything to do with the other people.

 

As for your situation at the club I think it is entirely possible your observations were accurate. I have known a few singles (male and female) that frequently bring dates to the club we go to. Every time they bring someone new there is a completely different set of dynamics and interactions taking place. Sometimes they just sit in the corner and sometimes they mingle freely and hit it off well with people. Even the people that are there each week act and react differently when they are with a different person.

 

Search from within.

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Thank you everyone for your input and advice. The main thing I was wondering was if I was just imagining things or if there may have been some validity to my thoughts on that evening. Sounds like I may not be crazy after all.

 

I do want to address a few things. I realize the only things you have to go on are the one side that I tell you but I do need to say that my wife is not a stuck up snob. However you would have to know her to realize that. She is somewhat shy and standoffish at first and that can appear snobbish to some people but she does not think she is any better than anyone else. If fact I think part of the problem is she is like many women and thinks that the reason people don't respond favorably to her is because she isn't good looking enough and so she spends even more time getting dolled up and looks even more like a "showpiece." That is why I would like her to try toning down. Maybe if she appeared more casual people would approach her and act more natural around her and she would do the same and people would see her for the warm and friendly person she is.

 

So yes I do realize that this is an ongoing issue and that the issues are from within. I am just trying to be creative in looking for ways to deal with it. Thank you all for your input and any other hints or advice would be appreciated.

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Chris&Amelia said:
I'll have to admit, if I see a smoking-hot woman with drop-dead-gorgeous looks, I won't attempt to approach her.

 

Why? Hey, I'm a realist. I'm hardly the best-looking guy out there. There are men at the local M&G and clubs who are much better looking then me. So, yeah, there is that bit of intimidation involved.

If she looks that good, what's she gonna see in a guy like me?

...

 

You may want to re-think that and give it a try next time.

You never know if you’re “her type” or not.

My husband is not the typical Male Model type but he has long hair and that is a major turn on for me.

Example:

A few months back I saw this skinny guy with long hair at a theater. After a nice conversation I dragged him out to my van for a BJ.

Was he “Hot”...no

Was he tall dark and handsome...no

Was he rich...no

Was he muscular...no

Just a typical rock and roll looking guy and that worked for me.

 

I think many times “Barbies” are mistaken for Snobs because we reject so many. For some of us we are just looking for “Our Type” and for some of us Brad Pitt is not our type. I have a super hot girl friend that only like guys with tattoos. Tall, short, dark hair, blonde it does not matter but he must have tattoos.

 

See where I am going with this?

 

If I am going to have a sexual experience I'd like it to feed my fetish too.

 

I don't think that's being a snob.

 

Maria

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If that thing about women having types is not confusing enough let me add this, I love guys that can make me laugh. I would Fuck Steve Martin on the spot if I ever met him and he has short hair.

 

Eh, I am a woman. Don’t try to understand us.

 

Maria

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arvcpl said:
I do need to say that my wife is not a stuck up snob. However you would have to know her to realize that. She is somewhat shy and standoffish at first and that can appear snobbish to some people

 

This may be exactly what people are seeing as stand-offish. I've known a number of attractive women who were actually very shy that I initially assumed were were snobby (they talked to OTHER people AND they were attractive BUT they didn't talk to me... so it was a fair assumption at the time). From learning that I have tried to make an effort to approach people now regardless of what I might think of them and at least give them a chance.

 

I would say from that, that your best bet is to make an effort to get out and mingle as much as possible with people you don't already know. Make a point to meet X# of new people at each club visit and see what happens. As more people see that she's not snobbish they are more likely to approach you as well.

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I have been avoiding this thread because the topic is a touchy spot in our relationship. And I guess we all have one or two of those!

 

Well, Lee says I’m “cute” and that I can have any woman in the room. I’m clicking over 50 years old this summer and I have never thought of myself as being cute or hot, I’m just me. But after a number of years of her telling me this I have started to notice that women do look at me. Is it just because I’m a moving object, or is it because they think I’m cute? Who the hell knows?

 

Lee is an attractive woman with really nice DD tits. She is a BBW and she has a lot of self esteem issues about her weight. My wonderful wife has a heart of gold and is the most loving caring woman I have ever met. I do most of the surfing on SLS and here on SB, but she does keep an eye on things and I know that she reads all of my posts (Hi Sexy butt!). Honestly, when looking at a profile on SLS or see a couple at a club, if I see that the woman is “hot” I pass her by. Not because we both don’t find her attractive, but because I want Lee to be comfortable and not intimidated by the other woman.

 

This is a self imposed limitation, and probably greatly limits us meeting some nice people. Now that she has a ring in my nose, er, I mean on my finger maybe we should expand our horizons a bit. Because one thing she can be assured about is that we are going home together, another woman is not going to steal me away! We shall see. We are going to a M&G up in Elmira, NY in a couple of weeks. I’ll see what happens!

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My wife is unbelievable hot. But she is so engaging that most people feal at ease to talk with her. And sometimes after people open up to her they will mention that they thought she was going to be a stuck up Barbie doll. And I have seen women instantly hate her when see walks in a room. Yet 9 times out of 10 see wins them back over. Beauty is a double edge sword it has it advantages so you have to live with its few drawbacks

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SnakeBabe said:

Eh, I am a woman. Don’t try to understand us.

 

Maria

 

Now that is probably one of the most meaningful statements I have ever read!

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I asked hubby this question, he says depends on her attitude and how outgoing she is.

 

I think this statement is probably true on his part but usually he does go for the more plain just because they are not only thinking of how they look.

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Dave and I were just reading this post together. We talked about self-esteem issues, which I really don't have any. I mean, I know I'm overweight but I also know I don't look like Shrek, however, I would be intimidated to approach a drop-dead gorgeous woman. He said he wouldn't. I'd be afraid of rejection. Not him. He says he's been rejected before and it doesn't bother him. If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly. Go all the way. So I guess, in summary, no woman is that hot. She's gotta sit down to pee too and there's no sense in getting butt hurt over it.

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      “Trouble’s our middle name,” I joked.
       
      Our conversation continued, where do you live, what movies have you seen lately, etc. It was a screen, of course, we were all calculating if the four of us would be pleasurable bedmates. I paid my attention to Marilyn, my wife had told me numerous times not to worry about her, she can take care of herself. My hand found Marilyn’s knee, she smiled at me, encouraged me to reach a tad higher. We bent towards each other, our mouths met.
       
      Marilyn opened her lips to me, the kiss was ardent, her mouth moist. She licked at my upper lip, her hand fondled the back of my neck. Our tongues clashed, promising cupidity, mimicking what I presumed our bodies might be doing in a few scant moments.
       
      We broke for a moment, Marilyn invited, “Would you guys want to go to one of the rooms?”
       
      I, of course, was all for it, but then I heard Mary. “Uh, not right now. But thanks.”
       
      We’ve always had the guideline that if one person doesn’t want to do something, she speaks for both of us. Regretfully, I pecked at Marilyn’s lips a last time, we stood, went separate ways.
       
      “You’re not upset, are you?” Mary asked me.
       
      “Of course not, not at all. You’re not in the mood?”
       
      “Oh, I’m in the mood all right, just not with Ed.”
       
      “Something wrong with him?” I asked.
       
      “I tried to get him interested,” Mary revealed, “but his kiss was a little cold, indifferent. I put my hand on his leg, he was too busy watching you and Marilyn, he never responded. My guess is that if we went into a room, he’d be watching you two, I’m not even sure he’d get hard for me.” It was a reasonable thought, it had happened to us a couple times before. “Hope you don’t mind, bet she’d have been a firecracker.”
       
      “Maybe. But you’re a firecracker too.”
       
      We headed back to the dance floor, in search of another couple.
    • By Miss Sunshine
      i may be considered a snob but I like to see and lick a pussy that doesn't have too much hanging labia (gets in the way). I like a bigger clit, one you can suck on, mmmmm. I had an experience with another lady once that when she was aroused, her clit swelled to the point it looked like a very small cock, we rubbed pussies together and I could actually feel some penetration, it was very nice to suck.
       
      Cocks, I need them circumsized, sorry. size doesn't matter but once in awhile I love to run into a huge one.
       
      Don't get me wrong, I have had different shapes and sizes, cut and uncut, I am just saying what my preference is.
       
      Cleanliness, there have been a few people who haven't been clean and it was not nice and I left them standing.
       
      What about you all?
    • By NotnewNotpros
      As a couple we are somewhere in between swinging and poly. I don’t need full on love but enjoy the playfulness of the “crush” and boyfriend/girlfriend crush feelings.
       
      We are slowly proceeding with this with a new couple. Who is also new to the LS. We’ve been there in the past and really enjoyed this type of thing.
       
      My “issue” is that the female is very playful and chatty. But her and my husband talk more sexy and more often than she and I do. It doesn’t make me jealous at all, I just would love it too!! The male half is great in person but the chatting and flirting has really slowed down since we’ve played a few times. He seems to be cautious when it comes to sexting. So much fun for my husband and I feel like a little blah...bland. I just want a little more fun and excitement (chat wise) considering we aren’t able to see each other often. She and I can hang out but they want to stick to the “rule of 3” for now.
       
      So it’s hard to get to know him more without having some alone time and minimal (slightly bland) chat.
       
      We really like them and it’s been a long time since we’ve found such good 4 way chemistry.
       
      Any advice? And how often do you chat and what is your expectations?
    • By sunbuckus
      I have heard from several members here that the more they get to know a couple, the less they want to have sex with them. Maybe we just haven't been fortunate enough to get to know a couple that well that it reaches that point or maybe I'm not wired that way. Or perhaps there's something else in play (like maybe they meant in terms of seeing them pick their nose or exhibit an unbecoming personality trait). However, for myself, I have found that the more we talk and get to know a couple, the more comfortable I feel with them and I'm more interested in engaging with them in sex. In fact, finding more about other couples almost endears them to me. I know that sounds too intimate but the more I get to know a person, the more I care about them as a person and their well-being. Even if we witness something that is a turn-off, it's even more of a reminder to me that they aren't perfect...not some unattainable, flawless couple who sits on their lofty pedestal.
       
      Is this feeling felt more in those who are open to poly or is it not poly-specific? Is the desire of not wanting to know too much about another couple a "protective barrier" so feelings won't develop? Is it just the mindset that swinging is for sex and nothing else so everything outside of that is irrelevant? Or am I just looking too much into this? Please share your thoughts on the matter!
    • By OhioCouple
      Okay, we all have one. What is it that sexually charges you up of the opposite sex? Let's assume that you are all clothed and meeting someone for the first time. Where do your eyes discreetly gravitate?
       
      For us, we are both fans of the fannies. I love a nice butt on a man, second choice would be the eyes. I could care less about anything else. (Except the given of course, cleanliness and personality.)
       
      My hubby loves a nice rounded fanny on the ladies. Nothing flat and thin for him. He says he has no second choice.
       
      Please vote in the poll and share with us the reasons for your vote. The pole is open for multiple voting, but please only vote for one choice if you are a single or one each if you are a couple. I think it will be interesting to see the results.
       
      Lori ~ Fanny fan of men in Dockers that just scream TAKE ME I'M YOURS!!!!
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