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Hi all, hubby and I are all paid up and ready to go on the lifestyle cruise this November but we are starting to get worried. In our area of PA we come across many profiles with no Blacks, BBC and other similar code words. We have also unfortunately experienced this same rejection in person. We received a suggestion from a white couple who cruised last year to start reaching out now to make some connections, we have and the responses have been overwhelmingly the same as we get from the people in our local area. This is our first vacation/cruise/big trip and now we are thinking we have wasted a heap of money to be on a cruise where no one will want to play with us. Please any people of color or other ethnicities give us hope that that did not happen to you.

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Sunbuckus hit the nail on the head, everything she said was good advice.

 

We've never been on a Lifestyle cruise, but I would try to keep in mind there will be lots and lots of swingers there, so the few you have contacted aren't likely to be representative of the whole crowd. Too, while I agree that reaching out to some people ahead of time is probably a good idea, the success rate of reaching out online is never as good as it is in person since so much of what makes people people is lost when it's just pixels on a screen. I'm sure you'll meet plenty of new friends on the cruise.

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We feel like there will be white couples that you will be able to interact with. They seem to exist for us in any large enough group.

 

Unfortunately you are correct that there will be couples that do not interact with you based on color. It sucks and we know it. It works on both sides of the equation.

 

On a realistic level there are swing clubs that are strictly specifically black Americans, and they do cruises, getaways, party nights, etc.

 

If it helps we have definitely been blown off by other mixed race couples.

 

I do believe personality breaks the ice, so try your best not to be stand offish. I get it though, it can be rough.

 

Enjoy the cruise and mingle as best you can. Above all we hope you have a great time...:cool:

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I completely agree with Sun's advice to just go and have fun.

 

We actually know many experienced couples (all white, age 40's) who've gone on swinger cruises. They had a good time, but never hooked up, because it can be quite overwhelming since there are so many people. It wasn't a question of race at all, it was just hard for them to get to know people.

 

I think if you go with a good attitude and a willingness to play with new people, you will definitely find potential play partners. But, I wouldn't set your heart on it or make it the end all, be all for a successful vacation.

 

I know at Desire (which is very small compared to a cruise) there have been black and mixed raced couples who have found plenty of action every time we've been there.

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We are a southamerican couple and we already booked our first swinger cruise for April 2016. We have the same concern that Ebonyleigh about finding couples to play with, adding that Caro doesn't feel comfortable talking in english.

 

We discussed a lot and finally took a chance with sunbuck's point of view: we'll be happy spending a week without kids and clothes (most of the day), cruising and having fun. If we met some couples, great, but the focus is in having fun by ourselves.

 

Have a great trip and enjoy your cruise!

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This is admittedly a vast over-generalization, but I would like to think that the average lifestyle person is more open-minded than the average non-lifestyle person. In our experience at least, we have found that to be the case more often than not. That said, we acknowledge that we have seen some profiles asking for white couples only ("we aren't racist, it's only a preference"), or heard people shy away from a club because it's too "urban" for their taste.

 

We are drawn to people who are fun to be with, and with whom we feel comfortable. We have been lucky enough to find, and play with, couples who are black, white, mixed, older, younger, tall, short, skinny, full-figured, etc. Variety is the spice of life, after all!

 

BTW, we are going on the same cruise as you, Ebonylehigh! We will write to you...

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I know it is been discussed here before, but how is 'only white' worse than 'looking for bbc'? I rarely see the second phrase being criticized. For the record: I think both are strange and don't have preferences on this matter. Another thing, must be regional, is the constant mentioning of race I see. People introduce themselves as 'mixed' or 'black' or 'white'. Or give a clue in the member name. Even in the first post of this thread, there is mention of a white couple giving the them advice. Why mentioning it if it is not to be used to identify? Just wondering!

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Thanks all for your responses. Actually Mr. Discover we tend to shy away from those requesting BBC only as well, feeling that I will be lost in the mix and that the person is looking for a particular persona that my husband does not fit. I mentioned it was a White couple because unfortunately it matters it would be nice to live in a world that is color blind but my husband and I do not have that privilege we are reminded daily of our color.

 

I totally get and understand the just have fun angle but actually we always have fun together so paying this much money for a trip just to bang my hubby which I currently do for free, doesn't sound so fun. I kind of thought people are coming from many places and that they would be more open minded. I will be honest although we know a few couples going that are platonic friends and people of color we really have no interest in playing just within our own. Before the lifestyle that was our only experience now we want to experience other flavors of the world. Albeit a sexy couple of any color coming on to us will always be welcomed!

 

We have been pretty good about navigating our local area and finding some great and fun couples to play with, I figured I had this fantasy that the cruise would be a place where we didn't have to follow our standard research protocol, that we all are there just for 7 days from all types of places so if we like each other we would just have fun.

 

CoupleinMD, thank you for understanding what I just tried to further explain. We will be messaging you two soon!

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Ebonylehigh, I like to thank you for your honest (and a bit sad) answer & wish you the best in the LS! I also know from daily personal experiences how not everyone in this world is colorblind but I hope the bad apples (is that an American saying too?) don't ruin your cruise as I agree with others that the LS seems to be a bit more open minded as the vanilla world.

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I totally get and understand the just have fun angle but actually we always have fun together so paying this much money for a trip just to bang my hubby which I currently do for free, doesn't sound so fun. I kind of thought people are coming from many places and that they would be more open minded.

 

This doesn't just apply to swinging but life in general...if you have high expectations for something and it doesn't happen, you'll find yourself depressed and maybe angry when those expectations don't occur. This is why many of us always talk about just having the simple expectation of having fun with your spouse. And I don't mean just sex wise. I mean enjoying each other's company and strengthening the bond between you two. You can never have too much bonding with each other! :) Believe me, if you two go with the expectation of having sex with other people and it doesn't happen, then those feelings that you're having now will be amplified and will come true.

 

Also, for some couples, when you have the expectation of having sex with others, it can manifest in a certain aura when you're in a swinging event. For some, it can be attractive but for others, it can be a turn off.... For example, let's take single men at a swingers event. Many go expecting to have sex and it can make them overly aggressive when pursuing a couple or single woman. Some might like that but some might not. Then there are others that have a "go with the flow" attitude. They know that not every event means sex with others. They go to socialize and if it happens to lead to sex, then great! Those are the more laid-back but confident single males that probably catch more attention than the aggressive and seemingly desperate males. I used single males as an example but this can also occur with couples and single females.

 

Please take cplnuswing and funcouple's advice as well. The people you have reached out to are a very small percentage that are going. It is a lot easier to write people off online than it is offline. We have played with couples that we know we would have written off if they had written us an online message first. Meeting people in person allows others to have more of a complete picture of them instead of a sliver of what an online profile provides. So, please, I hope you go with a different expectation but still have hope in humanity. You'll find people from all locations on the cruise and as long as you two are friendly and sociable, you'll make friends and will possibly develop into more out there.

 

 

I hope the bad apples (is that an American saying too?)....

 

Yes, "bad apples" is a saying in America, too. :)

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Thanks again all! We will go to this just like we do any club, hotel takeover or event. Be ourselves and have fun, people tend to gravitate to us just because we are so silly and always laughing. We have made some great friends, some play partners - some not, we will interact how we usually do and hope for the best.

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Thanks again all! We will go to this just like we do any club, hotel takeover or event. Be ourselves and have fun, people tend to gravitate to us just because we are so silly and always laughing. We have made some great friends, some play partners - some not, we will interact how we usually do and hope for the best.

 

A little late to the party here but just want to say that's a great attitude. I absolutely understand how you feel. While I don't usually get rejected because of my ethnicity, my husband does. I cannot say how many times we have encountered potential playmates who want to play with me but not my husband and it's clear the reason is racial. But we have also met many great people in the LS and the good outnumbers the bad. It will happen again, but don't let it get you down.

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Thanks again all! We will go to this just like we do any club, hotel takeover or event. Be ourselves and have fun, people tend to gravitate to us just because we are so silly and always laughing. We have made some great friends, some play partners - some not, we will interact how we usually do and hope for the best.

 

We've been on 4 LS takeovers, and will be on a 5th next April. Trust me, experience tells me you'll have a blast. I think you hit the nail on the head. Be yourself, and have fun. There will be plenty of chocolate there, btw :-)

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So I've never been to a lifestyle cruise before, but on the idea of race... I'm not sure what it is, but our profile has gotten a lot of attention from single black guys on SZC. I have no preference either way, but it just feels weird when they right off the bat ask me if I'm into BBC. It's like, I'm into attractive dudes, I don't really care what the color of your cock is. I'm fat, I don't want to be someone else's fetish, why would I want to make you into a fetish? It feels dehumanizing. I guess there's the idea of preference, but at what point does preference morph into fetish?

 

Mr. Prufrock and I are talking to a single guy we met at the party this weekend (he was the naked dude chatting me up) we're trying to set up a play date this Saturday (eeek!) He's incredibly attractive, but apart from that, he is really nice, courteous, and interesting. He also happens to be black. I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is that race doesn't enter into it for me, if you're an awesome person (and you guys sound like you're both awesome) then people will want to meet you. I don't honestly think you'll have any problems, and anyone who passes you over just because of your race is an idiot that you wouldn't want to play with in the first place.

 

I am wondering, however, how many profiles that state they don't like BBC have put that up due to a lot of attention from black dudes who have fetishized themselves. (Instead of saying, "Hi, my name is Carl, I really liked your profile, I also like kayaking and dancing. Would you like to meet?" they say "Hey! Do you like BBC, because I've got one with your name on it." Like that's the only thing they have going for them.) Although, there are plenty of white dudes that send the text equivalent of a dick pick too, so I guess that's no excuse. I tend to pass both of those types over.

 

Edit: incidentally, Mr. Prufrock and I are into BBC. The British Broadcasting Corporation puts on most of our favorite shows from Doctor Who to Top Gear, to Luther to pretty much all of my period dramas. If we didn't have to buy a bunch of stupid channels with it, we'd totally get BBC America. :lol:

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incidentally, Mr. Prufrock and I are into BBC. The British Broadcasting Corporation puts on most of our favorite shows from Doctor Who to Top Gear, to Luther to pretty much all of my period dramas. If we didn't have to buy a bunch of stupid channels with it, we'd totally get BBC America. :lol:

You guys are usually very funny- what happened to that? :lol::kissface:

 

We went to a club with a great couple one time, in a city far from our home. We all retired to a playroom, and the activity started to get very hot and heavy. The Mrs. and her play partner (shall we call him Mr. Couple, JAPrufrock? :) ) were quite involved in what they were doing, all kinds of panting and moaning and stuff over there. And I was both enjoying the show, and getting very turned on with the things Mrs. Couple and I were doing. In the confusion of travel and horny excitement at the prospect of playing with Mrs. Couple, I had forgotten to bring my little play kit, which includes my favorite condoms, along. Well, now the need for a condom RIGHT NOW was consuming me, and I was very thankful when Mr. Couple let me bum one off him. I tore open the pack, and tried to slip the raincoat on... but I was having some trouble. Hurgh, arrrgh, why won't this thing roll down?? Jesus, why is it squeezing me so tight?? Then I looked at the wrapper, and saw that it was a "snug fit" condom... I'm not trying to brag here, really I'm not- but that snug fit condom was just not going to work on my average-but-not-"snug-sized" cock! So I excused myself from the company of the oh, my God, so hot Mrs. Couple, and sprinted naked down the hall of this club to the attendant in the back. I asked her, as cooly as I could muster in my breathless state, whether they might happen to have any (GOD DAMNED) condoms available, please. She managed to not laugh right out loud at me, and pointed to a candy jar on the counter in front of me, with a wide assortment of condoms in it, in many different colors. It jammed my hand in the jar, grabbed the first one my fingers closed around, thanked the nice lady quickly, and sprinted back down the hall to our playroom. There, waiting patiently, was Mrs. Couple, watching the show between my Mrs. and Mr. Couple. I jumped up on the bed, kissed Mrs. Couple, opened the package, and rolled that (regular-sized) rubber on, all the way to the hilt. The condom turned out to be black in color. We enjoyed one of the better swinger-sex sessions of my career so far, and it was all because I got to fuck her for the first time with my Big Black Cock.

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I can give my idea on what happens for single black men on sls and at the parties we have seen them. The majority lifestyle couples who play with BBC and usually only BBC, request that they are this very overbearing and demanding persona. Which means we further shrink our pool of play partners because we stay away from them as well. The BBC queen couples are looking for the persona that my husband is not nor has any desire to be. Also a lot of those couples the male half doesn't even play so what am I supposed to do. Before we blocked all singles we got an overwhelming response from single white men. There were a few black men sprinkled in but they know who their primary demographic here is.

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Also we have our standard discussion about preference or prejudice. To say I am not attracted to dark skin is a preference to say I'm not attracted to black people is prejudice, simply because there are many black people who are just as fair skinned as white people or Lighter latinos. That is also something we find funny they will put no blacks but Latin is ok. Hello there are Latinos that are darker than me, plus my hubby is pretty light himself. So that's why it's not based on physical attributes but prejudice. Again this is our feelings someone else may have a different take and I would absolutely love to hear it. I always welcome these types of discussions because they take away the mystery or misconceptions and we all can have a better understanding of each other.

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Ebonylehigh, I hear what you're saying, and understand the difference you describe. What I'm not so sure about is whether most people are aware enough to exercise that care in their language so that they're clear about their preferences in the same way you described. And I agree that once you start parsing the questions of skin tone, it can get a little silly!

 

For our part, we have been attracted to people of many different shapes, sizes, ages, and colors. The chemistry comes from more than just the physical appearance, skin tone, ethnic origin, etc. It also depends on being friendly, engaged, funny, intelligent, relaxed, and comfortable.

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Ebonylehigh - Having seen you in a party dress, you will not have a problem finding people to play with. Many women on that cruise will have your body type. This is easy to say and hard to do, but work on it - you just have to decide to do it. Leave the "black" and "expectations" baggage on the dock. If anyone has a problem with it then that is their problem!!! Go have fun, be your flirty self and things will happen. But do not look for a direct cause and effect, my Personal experience has been that it does not work that way. I call it the ricochet effect or you could call it happy unintended consequences. There will be in excess of what 1000 couples on the boat? I put the odds at about 99% you will find playmates, they just may not be who you thought they would be. Smile, laugh and have a good time and that by itself is attractive. Afterall this is like fishing and you have nice bait.

 

Have fun on the cruise. :)

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I do not know what to say to all this mishikash. I will simply send my wishes that you _do_ have a good time on the lifestyle cruise.

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