What's worse? Super aggressive males or females?

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So, what is worse, a super aggressive male, or a super aggressive female?

The above came from a reply on an entry to my blog regarding an overly aggressive female at a M&G.

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Poor Pet was so put off by her that even when we got home he was afraid little Pet wouldn't want to come out to play (luckily, that wasn't a problem).

Thinking about the question above I thought it was an excellent question, and worth sharing.

We've definitely dealt with both, and both have left us running away to the point of trying to avoid them later. I had one aggressive male that became my shadow at a party to the point that I finally first had to say he needed to give me some space... and eventually had to just leave the party to get away from him altogether.

While Pet has encountered plenty of crazy females that attached themselves to him, but this one was a bit different. She actually scared a guy we didn't think could be scared by anyone. I've also encountered overly aggressive women when I was a SF that actually had a lot to do with why I chose to not pursue swinging as a single. From my standpoint I'd almost say the overly-aggressive woman is worse, because women are often allowed to get away with a lot more and therefore not as likely to take a hint that they are acting inappropriately.

I would say both are awful, but the female is worse because she can terrorize both halves of a couple if she is bi. We run into aggressive females a lot more often than aggressive males.

I would say both are awful, but the female is worse because she can terrorize both halves of a couple if she is bi.

Good point. Our experience has been that generally the super aggressive males are more like gnats. A bit annoying, but usually they move along quickly, or can be moved along with just a little effort. The super aggressive females though, can make a straight girl's night a little hellish.

My observation about the difference between the aggressive male and female are:

The male is generally a goofball/dumbass that hasn't figured out protocol in a swinging environment (and may never figure it out).

The female is generally drunk.

From my standpoint I'd almost say the overly-aggressive woman is worse, because women are often allowed to get away with a lot more and therefore not as likely to take a hint that they are acting inappropriately.

This is exactly what I thought as soon as I saw the post. Single woman tend to be a lot more physically invasive (touching without asking assuming they are welcome) whereas single men tend to be more aware that there are repercussions if you give unwanted attention. I also find that single men recognize "the look" that says to back the fuck off a lot better than women do.

The situation we encountered this weekend was with a woman who was once a SF and is now (fairly recently) part of a swinging couple. We walked into the room and Pet greeted the hostess (a woman we've known for years and are good friends with) with a deep kiss. This woman then wanted the same ... and we'd never met. Pet, not wanting to "make waves" obliged her but then spent the rest of the night trying to get away from her. Not long after this kiss another woman was showing off her boobs, getting them rubbed (which I joined in on... cuz they were nice boobs and she invited). Immideately after aggressive chick was pulling her up top with a "what about my boobs! I have boobs too! rub my boobs". From there she just got more an more aggressive and touchy with everyone. Her male counterpart was also a bit touchy but when he came over and tried to feel up my leg and I just kinda of removed his hand, he got the hint.

I'd hate both, but I don't have any experience with a super aggressive man in swinging. That is not true with super aggressive women and I've had several instances of unwanted and unwelcome touching from women. As near as I could figure out, in every case it was an issue of misplaced entitlement, a kind of logical extension of the idea that everyone is always trying to get into a woman's pants, which then made it okay to be aggressive, because, hey, everyone would want to have sex with them, so why not be the aggressor.

We don't actually run into aggressive people very often but somewhat seek them out. In a lot of ways, swinging is a chance to get out of our comfort zones and in the last few years, we've looked for mental stimulation over physical. For us, aggression usually means competition and it's not easy to find that in couples new to the LS or couples interested in the social side of swinging. I know my partner is turned on by tension between myself and the other woman and aggressive women tend to be good candidates for trading barbs (in good fun).

It can be difficult to deal with and I understand how it can be off-putting to many, similarly, I'm not approving of continued aggression when the recipient has signaled they're not interested - but for me at least, I choose male. It borders creepiness and nothing is more of a turn-off to me than creeps.

Super aggressive females we have no attraction to are the worst, they have a harder time with "no" than males.

The ones we are attracted to arn't so bad

We don't actually run into aggressive people very often but somewhat seek them out. In a lot of ways, swinging is a chance to get out of our comfort zones and in the last few years, we've looked for mental stimulation over physical. For us, aggression usually means competition and it's not easy to find that in couples new to the LS or couples interested in the social side of swinging. I know my partner is turned on by tension between myself and the other woman and aggressive women tend to be good candidates for trading barbs (in good fun).

 

It can be difficult to deal with and I understand how it can be off-putting to many, similarly, I'm not approving of continued aggression when the recipient has signaled they're not interested - but for me at least, I choose male. It borders creepiness and nothing is more of a turn-off to me than creeps.

By Barbs to you know... "hey go away!" I'm just having a hard time seeing where someone who is overly aggressive to the point where they don't "take the hint" (or much more than a hint) is mentally stimulating. Mentally tiring ... definitely.

By Barbs to you know... "hey go away!" I'm just having a hard time seeing where someone who is overly aggressive to the point where they don't "take the hint" (or much more than a hint) is mentally stimulating. Mentally tiring ... definitely.

Ha! For those who want her to go away, it sounds very mentally exhausting. But we wouldn't be asking her to go away...I was saying aggressiveness in another woman is not a con in our book, rather a challenge that takes us out of our comfort zone, which we welcome

Ha! For those who want her to go away, it sounds very mentally exhausting. But we wouldn't be asking her to go away...I was saying aggressiveness in another woman is not a con in our book, rather a challenge that takes us out of our comfort zone, which we welcome

I guess I'm just having a hard time understanding how it's a challenge.

Ha! For those who want her to go away, it sounds very mentally exhausting. But we wouldn't be asking her to go away...I was saying aggressiveness in another woman is not a con in our book, rather a challenge that takes us out of our comfort zone, which we welcome

Are you saying aggressive in the sense of unasked for and undesired touching or more in the sense of assertive, alpha, I want your man aggressive? Because I agree that the second can be hot, coming from a woman who really embodies that well, but the second is most likely to be present in a stupid, insensitive woman and, honestly, stupid is not at all sexy in my lexicon.

Are you saying aggressive in the sense of unasked for and undesired touching or more in the sense of assertive, alpha, I want your man aggressive? Because I agree that the second can be hot, coming from a woman who really embodies that well, but the second is most likely to be present in a stupid, insensitive woman and, honestly, stupid is not at all sexy in my lexicon.

The second, as in assertive. I didn't mean to hijack this thread, but rather intended to offer our dissenting viewpoint. Sorry!

The second, as in assertive. I didn't mean to hijack this thread, but rather intended to offer our dissenting viewpoint. Sorry!

That makes more sense. Assertive is hot from both sexes. Aggressive is just a pita most of the time.

We agree with CollegeCouple.

There is a difference between assertive and aggressive.

However, back to the original question: Aggressive people of either sex disgust us.

Aggressive people project desperation and insecurity.

I like aggressive males / females when we are out instead of the "May I please?" questions. If I didn't want to be touched, I wouldn't be naked. On the other hand, when I approach a couple, I always "May I please?" so that I don't offend.

If I have to give someone permission, then I can almost guarantee that he/she is not going to be aggressive enough for me. Granted, I might like it a little on the rough side...