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I have a situation to ask about. We had 2 couples on the same night give us their contact info at a party we were at. The said get in touch with them and let's set up a date. Neither couple knew about the other giving us their info. We have contacted them both. They gave us email addresses and also added us as friends on Facebook. They acknowledge our first response but not our second message or third. We are just wondering what we did wrong? We didn't even get to first base. They both showed a high interest in us. Very disappointing situation as we liked both of them. Does this happen to everyone else or are we unique? Appreciate any thoughts you might have.

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Move on...The swinging community is fickle at best. We give out and take alot of contact info.. I think we bat 50 50 when it comes to actually making a contact turn into a swinging situation. Its probably not you. Some people that are not swingers show up to parties with no intention of swinging.. There are a few things you can do to increase your odds of making a connection. There is a saying "stick with your species" we look for similar looking couples to date. We try to stay close to the same middle class end of it as well. If you have more trouble I suggest going to a swing club a few weekends in a row without having expectations of swinging. Get to know the host and hostess and ask them what they think of you and what you should do... I do recommend a positive attitude and refrain from talking politics when prospecting.

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Common problem. We seem to especially have that problem with couples we meet at parties, even the ones we play and have a great time with, but especially the ones who seem very interested but didn't play. I'm sure there's many reasons why, but we've sort of gotten used to it and have really tempered our enthusiasm about "repeat performances" with couples we meet at parties.

 

I think in the almost 7 years of swinging we've managed to strike up a "regular" type swinging relationship with 1 couple.

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I would make one last effort by inviting them to a specific event or outing at a specific time. If they ignore it, MOVE ON, they're rude! If they answer back, but can't make it, move on, but tell them you'd love to see them again and they can let you know when it's a good time. Hopefully, they will accept your invitation or suggest another date.

 

I think in general planning something specific makes connecting much easier. People in general are a bit lazy and flighty.

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Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore the T-shirt, had it wear out, got new T-shirts.

 

Dunno why but its really common, we have had even more odd things than that. Someone gets cold feet, one of the couple had second thoughts etc.

 

But let me tell you my favorite, I've mentioned it before here, but it still blows my mind, completely.

 

Meet a couple at a M&G. Play bar games with them and talk about everything swinging and non for over two hours. Make a date to meet again.

 

Week before the date they ask if we have more pictures, we didn't have any current and really it seemed unimportant being WE JUST MET FOR HOURS IN PERSON JUST OVER A WEEK AGO. Then we get a message asking if we ever took a break from swinging, so I wonder if they are having swinging issues. Then I chat with her (I assume) online a bit, no problem there it seems. Then like 3 days before they are suppose to meet us they delete their profile of all photos and info saying they are done. They didn't mail us. I mail them saying "Hope things work out." or something like that. Then a week later their profile is back to normal pictures and all. THEN in a chat room they are there on cam and ask "hey do you have more pictures yet?".

 

They had "loco" in their profile name.......

 

I'm just going to assume they had second thoughts about us, but Jebus, thats a convoluted way to say "on second thought no".

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I have some questions: How long ago did you meet these couples? How soon did you contact them? How much time passed before you contacted them a second and third time?

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One couple we we met in November at a party. Then both couples in early December for another party. When we saw the first couple again in December, they were excited to see us. We contacted both couples about a week after. Then, another contact the next week. None after that. We realize that people change their minds we just found it odd that we had 2 back to back.

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I had a hard time getting past, you exchanged contacts and friended them on FB, really? I imagine it's your special FB private page but still we have had sex with people and not given them anything more than our 'bat phone' number. People are fucking crazy (in addition to fickle, as mentioned above).

 

Three months from now, the couple breaks up and next thing you know the guy shows up at your wife's work wanting a good time.

 

Some side notes, maybe there is too much info that scared them away from you on your FB page? We have found that too much information is a bad thing! Just saying, as potential sexual partners, you are under scrutiny all the time and even if you have slept with a couple, it doesn't mean you have been granted privileged continuing access.

 

Not sure how new you are but are you giving off a clingy vibe in your messages? Two for two may indicate something might not be coming across, as intended, in your messages. Most likely though, it's just they are fickle or into the moment and when the moment is over, it's over.

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Also, you didn't ask but we just took a quick look at your profile on SLS and while it's not over the top, the drinking really stands out. It's stated like 3 times in the course of one paragraph.

 

"We do like to drink on occasion" in your things you enjoy you have bbq's, bars and clubs all with drinking implied and then to sum it all up; "We love to drink and hang out at the Eagles Nest."

 

This all ties in with you are always under scrutiny. As swingers, we are already married, hopefully have the love of our lives. For some, that makes them less picky with whom they choose to sleep with but for us it makes us even more picky.

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I still havn't had the energy to type in the whole story, but the one time I was approached by (supposedly experienced) swingers while I was doing stuff with my partner (they actually had a weird way about them, which was they asked HIM if I wanted them to do stuff to me), I simply replied "I'm all set with just him, thanks". They did not take that gracefully, such as saying "mind if we watch you instead, then?" I am verging on Hijacking/going Off-Topic here, but I am relating this in order to emphasize that my refusal was more about ME than it was about THEM (although after observing some of their other behaviour that night, I probably would have turned them down even if I WAS into swapping).

 

Remember, I have only been at one party like this, where people were having full-on sex in view of others. Usually, it goes no further than naked grindy-dancing and then people go off to their rooms or campsites and do whatever with whomever.

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First, let me clear up the situation a little better. We are in 3 Facebook groups that is lifestyle. Their is over 300 people in one of the groups. We went to one of their parties. The use of Facebook is growing more because people can interact more freely on the group wall and people get to know you. However, nothing to me replaces in-person meeting. Their are many people that have said sls did not produce results for them, but these groups on Facebook have. We have not had a great experience yet. We never get party invites on sls ever, even though I have advertised for them. Both of the couples are in the group on Facebook. We met them at a party the group hosted and they approached us with the contact information. The contact information was not just an add on Facebook as a friend, but, email and telephone numbers.

 

Now, on the drinking on our sls profile. I agree it shows our interest in bars and alcohol. However, the parties we go to, we are considered lightweights. Alcohol is a primary focus and the drinking is heavy. Some people well over served. We prefer to not drink so much as it can impair performance. We choose to advertise the Eagles Nest on sls cause it truly is a cool place to meet folks. It's non smoking which is a major plus, the atmosphere is nice, good music, and good food also. Also, it's close to our home if we all choose to get together to play. The Facebook group likes to meet at country bars, for meet and greets, which are smoke filled, dirty, and no food available. A revision is needed to reword our profile as well as some new pictures. We were just asking the original question because we were approached with private contact information but then ignored when we wrote to say hello.

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Did you write to say more than hello? Personally, sometimes we get a lot of mail, and just a hello gets pushed off. If someone invites us for a specific date or event or asks a specific question I always answer those first.

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Honestly guys, were just gonna move on. We hate drama and I feel that's the start of it when a couple shows no return interest. More fish in the sea to worry about them.

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Sometimes life just gets in the way particularly over Christmas. I haven't responded to a single email (AFF) for over 4 weeks now. There was a recent thread here on swinging over christmas and a lot of people said they put it aside (including us)

 

We have had contacts take months to come to fruition so if you're looking for fairly immediate responses I would try to add a "patience hat".

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Oh we are patient. But an email to just say hi and we're busy can we catch you in a couple of weeks, would be appreciated. Instead, we get no response. We understand that Christmas is a busy time. Even we were busy.

 

Another situation has formed also. We were approached on sls by a couple. Nice looking. Very interested in us. Wanted to meet right away. Well, I got sick and postponed a couple of weeks. Then, they we were ready to meet. They cancelled on us. Ok. No problem. We have plenty of time. So we make plans out of town. While were out of town, they text wanting to meet. We couldn't then. We already made plans. Then, a week later, things got to red flagging big time. They wrote and said that they were backing out of the lifestyle. Another 2 weeks go by. Their back in the lifestyle. Wtf? So, then we're texting with her (at least we think we are), and she tells us that her boyfriend is married to another woman. Wtf #2. Then she says that she's only doing this cause he wants it. Wtf #3. Well, of course we were done with this couple back when they said they were backing out of the lifestyle. This is an example of what we seem to get on sls. I'm sure some people on this forum think were weird. But we are just normal people with normal lives wanting a little fun. Why can't we just find a quality couple that's not playing games and are serious? Sorry for the venting. Just frustrated. Thanks for the responses everyone.

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Oftentimes you can't really explain why people do what they do, you just have to shrug and move on. We try to always reply to SLS emails, even if it is the stock "no thanks" reply, but not everybody is like that.

 

In regards to the other situation, you played that just as we would have, except more patiently once it turned weird. Things happen and you do sometimes have to postpone, and we understand that works both ways. For most, swinging is just a hobby, so not the top of their priority list in busy lives, completely understandable. But, at wtf #1, we would have been outta there.

 

From the way they are written, some profiles just seem to invite the crazies, so not surprising that is what they get. Looking at yours, that doesn't seem to be the case, so I guess you just have to chalk it up to a bad run of luck, which happens sometimes.

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