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Spoomonkey

The worst come on lines you've gotten?

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So - here is a recent PM from a married/cheating "single":

 

"I sure would like to suck her tits and lick her ass while you fuck her! Can we meet?"

 

I have to say - this really isn't the sort of thing that would work for us - and I explained to him the folly of his approach.

 

Two questions:

 

1. Would this work for you - and if so, why? Oh why?

 

2. What have been the absolute worst come-on's you've ever gotten?

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Yeah, we've gotten a few like this, too. I don't know which is worse: when the guy addresses ONLY the woman, completely ignoring her husband, or when he addresses only the husband, treating the woman like she's livestock to be bred. :rollseyes

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First to answer your question, no that wouldn't work for me.

 

I got the worst come on last Saturday. Our local gay bar throws swingers parties once a month and we usually attend. There are many trannies, cross dressers and gay men that also mix with the swinger crowd. While I was dancing with a man dressed in a black leather corsette and skirt he told me I was the best looking pussy in the place. That one doesn't work for me either. :rollseyes

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Yeah, we've gotten a few like this, too. I don't know which is worse: when the guy addresses ONLY the woman, completely ignoring her husband, or when he addresses only the husband, treating the woman like she's livestock to be bred. :rollseyes

 

I had a guy contact me on Yahoo once... At first he seemed like a great guy - we talked football and he seemed alright...

 

But I guess one night he had a bit too much to drink and he kept trying to get me into a conversation about what the two of us would do to Mrs Spoo if we all met up. It was creepy - like he wanted to have a cyber-threesome with a virtual woman.

 

Ick...

 

Anyway - he was stunned when we told him "good luck."

 

"What'd I do???" He typed a half dozen times before finally giving up and going away.

 

Yeah - my wife is just a convenient play toy for me and the boys :rollseyes

 

Spoomonkey

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While I was dancing with a man dressed in a black leather corsette and skirt...

 

Well - you had to know nothing good was going to come of that :eek:

 

Spoomonkey

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While I was dancing with a man dressed in a black leather corsette and skirt he told me I was the best looking pussy in the place. That one doesn't work for me either. :rollseyes
Are you sure he wasn't wearing a corset and a kilt?

 

Just askin'. :rolleyes:

 

Thrax

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Well - you had to know nothing good was going to come of that :eek:

 

Spoomonkey

 

I've danced with a classy guy in a skirt...ah.... a kilt before. :kilt:

 

Darnit, Thrax you beat me to my come back. :lol:

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Yeah, we've gotten a few like this, too. I don't know which is worse: when the guy addresses ONLY the woman, completely ignoring her husband, or when he addresses only the husband, treating the woman like she's livestock to be bred. :rollseyes

 

I hear you on this one. Its actually quite frustrating a situation.

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I got the worst come on last Saturday. Our local gay bar throws swingers parties once a month and we usually attend. There are many trannies, cross dressers and gay men that also mix with the swinger crowd. While I was dancing with a man dressed in a black leather corsette and skirt he told me I was the best looking pussy in the place. That one doesn't work for me either. :rollseyes

I thought the better, and much more unique line, was from the same guy in a dress when he said to Mrs. GT, "Would you please dance with me and save me from that gay guy over there that keeps following me around." :wtf4:

 

Back to your original question, I would have read it something like this, "I sure would like to suck her tits and"...DELETE!!!

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OK our profile says that we are looking for a SINGLE bi-female that is local to our area.

 

This is the one we received from a couple.

 

"could your wife eat me and suck my man ?"

 

i mean come on, do they really think this will work?

 

R and L

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I've danced with a classy guy in a skirt...ah.... a kilt before. :kilt:

 

I think this is the one and only time that kilt smiley will fit a post perfectly.

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Next time you get an asshole like that go along with it. Tell him how much you would like to bang his ass with a sawsall or cordless drill. Ask him if he's into electroshock orgasms! Don't forget to tell him about your German Shepard that loves to play too.

Well, then again.....better not but it would be fun. ;)

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Next time you get an asshole like that go along with it. Tell him how much you would like to bang his ass with a sawsall or cordless drill. Ask him if he's into electroshock orgasms! Don't forget to tell him about your German Shepard that loves to play too.

Well, then again.....better not but it would be fun. ;)

 

No way!!! What if the guy says "OH YES, I'D LOVE THAT!".

 

I think it'd be better to answer the original line "I sure would like to suck her tits and lick her ass while you fuck her! Can we meet?" with something like... "HER ass? how come? HER ass? man! you were so close! You shoud have said 'da ass' and my wife would be wet and craving to fuck you... but now you said 'HER ass'... well, sorry, but you lost your chance". :lol:

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We have also had 'single males' respond to our SLS site......with 'nice ass' and other 'common lines' that we didn't appreciate. Or better yet, the single guy at the club last weekend that sat at the table next to ours and stared at mrsnccurious crotch even tho it was very obvious that she was 'engaged' in play with another male at the time.............. Class? Many don't know what that is! Callous....would be more like it!

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Boy....I guess we're missing out on all the fun :( We've yet to recieve a single bad pm or email :confused: Must be somethin' wrong with our profiles :rolleyes: And I can't recall one bad come-on line at a dance either :sad: We must be hanging at the wrong places :lol:

 

Brett

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It seems everytime I log onto Yahoo! Messenger under our "secret identity" account the horny single males appear out of thin air with requests to be added to their messenger. It starts out with "so is this the Mr. or Mrs.?" When I say it is the Mr. half of them suddenly go offline. The other half will procede to ask me questions like what Spoo is mentioning: "what does the Mrs. like? Does she like her tits squeezed hard or soft? Does she like it in the ass? Does she like to be treated like a slut while you watch? Do you want to watch or participate?" If I say participate I lose about another 1/2 of them to suddenly offline.

 

I can't believe these guys think this works. I've said time and time again, if it doesn't work with a single woman at a night club, why the fuck to they think it will work on my wife? Oh yeah, I forgot, we're depraved swingers and our whole life is a 24/7 fuckfest with whomever comes along. These guys watch too much sex party internet porn, that must be it. :lol:

 

Mrs. WS and I declined via email on Swappernet one such lecherous single male that contacted us. When we told him politely "no" he fired back an email saying that I couldn't handle watching my wife get banged by his 8" long 7" circumference cock and I was scared she'd leave me for him, etc. etc. etc. What a schmuck.

 

So when we run across a single guy that is not like this he is truly a treasure and we keep him as a friend and playmate.

 

Mr. WS

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Although we are fairly new to swinging.....6 months or so.we have seen more rudeness and just plain tacky behavior than we imagined.....You would think manners and class would be the order of the day~

 

Some of the lines would be fine...for AFTER we had gotten acquainted..but as the beginning of a conversation its way off base.

 

Just my humble opinion.......Chelle

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Two questions:

 

1. Would this work for you - and if so, why? Oh why?

 

2. What have been the absolute worst come ons you've ever gotten?

 

Spoomonkey

 

 

1. Not only no, but HELL NO!

 

2. There are just too many to count since May. Honestly, we just got three crappy ones just like this last night alone. "I'm a heavy cummer and I'll be glad to show her that in her ass.".

 

Really, we are at the point that we don't know why we are bothering any longer. It used to be a ratio of about 80% crap to 20% readable. Now it's more like 95% crap.

 

End of whining.

 

Rebecca

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Mrs. WS and I declined via email on Swappernet one such lecherous single male that contacted us. When we told him politely "no" he fired back an email saying that I couldn't handle watching my wife get banged by his 8" long 7" circumference cock and I was scared she'd leave me for him, etc. etc. etc. What a schmuck. Mr. WS

 

This is why we had to block single guys from messaging us through SN. For starters, we got bombarded, and then there was always some asshole who wants to tell you how big and/or good he is. Both those statements are such a turn off for us. We're not really interested in how big you are...size is pretty much irrelevant to G (unless you're 2" or 12"...in either of those cases, she'll likely not be interested)...and she'll decide how "good" you are if we get together. If you try to tell us, that won't happen

 

 

So when we run across a single guy that is not like this he is truly a treasure and we keep him as a friend and playmate.Mr. WS

 

So true. We found one about a year ago, a very classy guy who couldn't be more respectful, and still see him regularly.

 

M

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Ok, gotta chime in on this one. We just got one the other day, after I read it I said "yuck".

I have noticed that I am offended by this graphic crap and certain words used that are derogatory toward females. First of all, I DON'T KNOW YOU you idiot! To me, it shows that you have NO class, and that turns me off instantly! Be polite, be respectful. Just because we are in this Lifestyle doesn't mean we will play with just anyone.

Do these guys think that kind of talk is a turn on??? :nono:

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1. Would this work for you - and if so, why? Oh why?

 

2. What have been the absolute worst come ons you've ever gotten?

 

1) No absolutely not, no respect and I have to agree with Intuition it is treating the woman like lifestock....hint hint seduction....does anyone know what this is anymore sheesh....

 

2) I have had so many I lose count of this. One involved the male half of a couple during a slow dance giving me a list, very drying spoken, of everything he and she were willing or able to do for me. I think I actually nodded off at some point. I hadn't even expressed an interest except to accept a dance...

 

Then there was the guy at a club that asked if I was a "professional", "you know are you working this party." The friends I was with had to hold me back from showing him other more violent skills I have.

 

The other one I just can't stand is the young,single male who comes on line with the comments about how much he can please me and that I shouldn't pass up the opportunity. Have you noticed that all of them seem to be experts (in their own minds) when it comes to oral sex.

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Yes, we've gotten e-mails with the supposed single male asking if we can get together "to fuck and suck all night long". No, this does not work with us. I will promptly hit delete. I have a personal "rule" to reply to all e-mails, even if it's just to say, "Thanks, but no thanks" but with those, I can't even muster up the urge to hit the reply button.

 

No matter what they're thinking -- I am not a sure thing. :nono: Mr. LFM has to approve and so do I. He's one tough sell, too. :EG:

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What I try to do is be RESPECTFUL to all involved, especially to the lady of the other couple. I will talk with in the boundries of what we are discussing and with great caustion on what I DO say. I will allow the other person to bring things up first, But will ask questions on what he is talking about, to get to the bottom line for what they want. I find it to be better if you are RESPECTFUL and vise-versa. It will not work for us if you are to forward and pushy. Some people think they can overstep the boundries, just because you are swingers. In our belief it is not a free for all. I could write a book on this, but will leave it at this for now.

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Yeah, we've gotten a few like this, too. I don't know which is worse: when the guy addresses ONLY the woman, completely ignoring her husband, or when he addresses only the husband, treating the woman like she's livestock to be bred. :rollseyes

 

 

A while back we got one from a single guy, that was only addressing my hubby. I do most of the online stuff after hubby ok's profiles, I just have more time to do it. It was one of those emails that starts off in the subject line. Your wife is hot! then in the email it says...can I come over and we will fuck her together.

 

I just ignore it and keep on what I was doing. Then about 15 mins later he sends another one. Again half in the subject line. Me and your wife right now.... are you up for it.

 

Now we are not looking for single guys but if one came along that was fun and the mood struck me, we would go for it. This one was pretty cute.

 

SO, I write hime back the following: You know you may have had a shot to "do" me if for one minute you would have considered that it was not my hubby online, but me the wife and put together a nice, friendly, not disrespectful email.You are a pretty cute guy, but when you send out emails like the ones you sent to us it is a total turn off!!! :(

 

He send a "Im sorry I offended you " email right back..... :lol: I just ignored him. :hahaha:

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So - here is a recent PM from a married/cheating "single":

 

"I sure would like to suck her tits and lick her ass while you fuck her! Can we meet?"

 

I am willing to bet a large sum of money that for a great many couples this would work.........

 

.....if the person asking was a very attractive female.

 

It wouldn't work for us, but my reaction would be a lot less harsh if it were a female than a male. Such is how we are.

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I cannot believe that so many people in the lifestyle have no clue what class is! Over the years, we have had our share of tackles, no class approaches. The one that comes to mind happened at a club a few years ago. A guy approached us that we had said a casual hello to earlier (we politely say hello or nice to meet you to everyone we are introduced to). He reintroduced himself and starting telling me how attractive "A" is and how lucky I am. Then he turns to her and starts talking to her like I wasn't even there, saying how much fun she looked and how he could please her, then he said the one line that she HATES the most "I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body". That was all it took, "A" looked at him with a serious look on her face and said, “Well I know a doctor that can help you with that problem, he can help you get rid of that NASTY dick you have and help you become a woman. I know that seeing that dick everyday must really be painful and make you hate yourself." The guy looked like his jaw was going to hit the floor and he started back peddling fast. Then "A" looked at him and ask if that stupid line ever worked on any other women. It was all I could do to keep from laughing aloud. I was so proud of her, she is not afraid to put rude guys in their place.

 

To answer the OP's original question... No, it wouldn't work for us.

 

Mr. Ménage

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1. Would this work for you - and if so, why? Oh why?

 

2. What have been the absolute worst come ons you've ever gotten?

 

Although we don't have profiles in any contact site, we use to hang up in a couple of local swingers IRC channels, where other regulars form the same club we use to go hang up as well. It's nice because we can discuss things much like we do here, and we arranged dates with other couples form there. But, you can see the same behavior from single guys. They PM you with those "wining lines".

 

1) Of course, it doesn't work, not even by chance.

 

2) I don't remember. Better say, they're far from being original, at some point you get so used to it that it becomes "normal". But the waters are split among those well endowed and/or able to please my wife better than I, and the ones typing with one hand wanting to know kinky details or to tell you how imaginative they are in bed (notoriously, they imagination use to stick to the last porn plot they saw).

 

My guess is these guys cannot get laid not even with a single gal in the vanilla world, either because they're shy and the Internet allows them to speak out loud they thoughts without the risk of being slapped, or because they aren't and get slapped as soon as they open their mouth (I can imagine the guy with the fingers shape still stamped on his face while chatting), in other words, they cannot get laid because they try the same approach etiher way.

 

I wonder if some of those guys were reading this thread to get some hint, of if they stopped at the second post because it doesn't have enough material for the next jack off session.

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Just wondering if anyone has ever gotten an email from a male who is very openly just wanting to steal your wife?

 

We got one just about a month ago from a male whose profile on SLS states he's a couple.

 

He doesn't beat around the bush telling "her" what he's looking for (a wife amongst other things), and how well he can care for her.

 

Also states that if "your husband" happens to get this, then just delete it.

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He doesn't beat around the bush telling "her" what he's looking for (a wife amongst other things), and how well he can care for her.

 

That is pretty unique. We have had singles contact us who say they are looking for a threesome - but don't bother to mention that in their ad. All they talk about is finding "someone special" so they can "enjoy the lifestyle" with them...

 

Who knows - maybe they do want to meet a couple - but when their profile goes on and on about how they want to meet that special someone - it jsut gives me the willies and makes me think they may not be the easiest to trust...

 

Still - I can't believe someone had the gall to do that you ugys.

 

Spoomonkey

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So - here is a recent PM from a married/cheating "single":

 

"I sure would like to suck her tits and lick her ass while you fuck her! Can we meet?"

 

Note to self...next time I send a PM to Mrs Spoo, be nicer! :D Geez Spoo did you have to post my message for all the board to see. :lol:

 

Unfortuantely we get this types of email from our profiles all to frequently. No they don't work and we don't even bother to respond to them very often. If I do decide to respond I usually choose something along the lines of the Titanic quote of "You have a better chance of butterflies flying out your ass than you do with fucking my wife." :EG:

 

-Van

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"You have a better chance of butterflies flying out your ass than you do with fucking my wife."

 

That quote was in the Titanic???

 

Now I wish I'd stayed awake during that movie... :(

 

Spoomonkey

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Just wondering if anyone has ever gotten an email from a male who is very openly just wanting to steal your wife?
No, but we have had plenty of men that want to see Mrs. WS solo and have no interest in a threesome. When she tells them that we are a pair (well, we do play solo occasionally, but not with someone that wouldn't have both of us present) the single/married male presses it like she'll change her mind. It takes all kinds I guess.

 

Mr. WS

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This didn't happen in a swinger situation, but I had a guy come up to me and ask. "wanna"?

I gave him a look of complete innocence and asked "wanna what"? :confused:

Needless to say we didn't.

What we didn't do I'm not quite sure, because he never did answer my question.

Your friend,

Prettylady :kissface:

ps. Can't wait for my first really bad come on line in the lifesyle. As bad as they seem to be, they make for great stories.

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Very good thread Spoo. Although I am seriously thinking about burning off multiple copies of the song "Class" that is used in the Broadway musical Chicago, mailing them out to all these single men that seem to think their approaches actually work. :lol:

 

I had one find us on yahoo and send us an IM a couple of weeks ago. He said "Hello" and in his next message, "So, wanna fuck? I bet I can screw you like you have never been screwed before with my HUGE dick." When I responed with "Not just no, but HELL NO" he actually acted offended. :rollseyes

 

Then he proceeds to tell me how he thinks alot of these couples on these swinger sites are not real. I told him they were real, just not real interested in someone with no class, and unable to be respectful. If he wanted to hook up with these couples he needs to realize that the pool of single men is so large he is at a disadvantage before he ever starts. Then he has to be respectful to the wife and EARN the husbands respect. Because if he can't respect the husband, he can't get to the wife to have sex.

 

As if that wasn't bad enough, he actually says "Thanks for the tips, do you know any other couples who would fuck me?" :eek: I rolled my eyes, typed "Not a pimp either, go grab some class, try again with a different couple." then hit iggy really quick. Geesh, you would think they would learn by being shot down what lines work and what doesn't.

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We've never received any offensive e-mail from single males, or anyone really. There have been plenty that leave a lot to be desired, but those are easy to handle and have never turned us off; they just haven't turned us on.

 

A lack of "class" can also be measured through in-person contacts with people, and we've have some encounters that I call classless approaches to getting to know me. Things like guys who grope my ass as they walk past me at the club, guys who, while dancing with me, have an opening line, "So, what do you like to do?" or "I bet you've done it with her." and then look over to the couple we have been with most of the night.

 

I define class as having good manners, being considerate, and knowing how to conduct yourself so as not to look like a brainless fool.

 

LM

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I told one guy who was persistent that I would be happy to stand him up and where I would do it at.

 

He emailed me later and asked why I wasn't there and how he waited for me.

 

 

 

:lol:

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I told one guy who was persistent that I would be happy to stand him up and where I would do it at.

 

He emailed me later and asked why I wasn't there and how he waited for me.

 

 

 

:lol:

 

 

:lol: I almost shot coffee out my nose reading that one! :claps: GOOD ONE!!

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I've chased one uncooth individual away by asking how he felt about using air tools for play.Told him we both liked the air hammer and if he wanted to play with us he'd have to like it too.Not true,but it worked.He couldn't get offline faster :lol:

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I told one guy who was persistent that I would be happy to stand him up and where I would do it at.

 

He emailed me later and asked why I wasn't there and how he waited for me.

 

 

 

:lol:

 

I have to wonder if their IQ is actually that low in everyday situations, or if it's just a temporary condition when they get an erection? Seriously, the only other creature that has that kind of unwavering focus is my dog when he's begging for table scraps.

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As if that wasn't bad enough, he actually says "Thanks for the tips, do you know any other couples who would fuck me?" :eek:

 

I know plenty of couples - but no desperate ones...

 

That would have been my answer...

 

You guys hooked up with a winner there! Amazing how dumb some folks can be. Yes, LM, they can be just as goofy in person, but most people we see at our club "get it" and know how to be respectful.

 

Sure there was the guy who called my wife a slut, thinking that was a good idea (he didn't like me much after I explained to him that he shouldn't do that ;) ) and there was the guy who was standing by my wife watching a herd of women getting shirtless on the dance floor.

 

He leaned over and asked, "when are you going to take your shirt off?"

 

There are some amazingly vacant folks in the lifestyle...

 

Spoomonkey

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I got to thinking back to my dating in H.S. I'd always go in and visit with the dad of the girl I was going out with .....they were never ready when I got there anyway :rollseyes . I figured if I get to know him, and him me, he wouldn't be as worried about his daughter.

 

Kinda like that now for the single guys with couples. They too are trying to get in the pants of someone near and dear to us :lol:

 

Brett

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Kinda like that now for the single guys with couples. They too are trying to get in the pants of someone near and dear to us :lol:

 

That is a pretty good analogy. I have never thought of it that way, but it does seem that singles might need to realize this. But - if they never do - there are plenty of couples out there who are smoking hot and are within driving distance :D

 

Spoomonkey

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Note to self...next time I send a PM to Mrs Spoo, be nicer! :D Geez Spoo did you have to post my message for all the board to see. :lol:

-Van

 

:eek: That was you!! If I'd known that I would have to Spoo to send a more positive reply so we could all get together :D

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

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There are some amazingly vacant folks in the lifestyle...

 

Spoomonkey

 

I think it's a vicious cycle for these guys: one faux pas leads to rejection, which leads to a backup of seminal fluids, which leads to impaired judgment, which leads to another faux pas (likely a bigger one], which leads to more rejection, which leads to bluer balls/lower IQ, etc. etc.

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We've not had any bad ones like this. It's my guess these people aren't stupid or completely uncouth, just ignorant of how swinging works.

 

Perhaps they're thinking, "Hey, this is a sex site where people are all perverts; this is the acceptable way to communicate."

 

Of course, there are also the stupid or tacky folks! But I feel like some individuals just don't know the proper ettiquette for a swing hookup. That's one reason a forum like this (swingersboard.com) can be such a valuable tool. To show an example: This is how we talk to each other.

 

Well, I do try to see the best in people, I suppose; I may be right in a few cases, but who knows. :o

 

Mr. Little Bird

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Geesh' date=' you would think they would learn by being shot down what lines work and what doesn't.[/quote']

 

After reading this long and interesting series I find myself suddenly wondering if these persistently dense and stupid guys are actually performing some kind of turn-on for themselves! i.e. getting their rocks off by hitting you up that way.

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After reading this long and interesting series I find myself suddenly wondering if these persistently dense and stupid guys are actually performing some kind of turn-on for themselves! i.e. getting their rocks off by hitting you up that way.

 

You know, you might be on to something... after all, talking dirty and stuff can be a real turn-on for some people! Like me! :D

 

However, you'd have to be utterly clueless to think that's a good way to approach people for the first time...

 

Naughtily,

MoonShadow

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After reading this long and interesting series I find myself suddenly wondering if these persistently dense and stupid guys are actually performing some kind of turn-on for themselves! i.e. getting their rocks off by hitting you up that way.

 

You make a great point!

 

A chubby can make a guy pretty stupid - one of those common delusions is thinking that the entire world is into whatever you are into at the time that you have wood.

 

Personally, I like the feel of a woman over the feel of sending kinky e-mail. But that may just be me (and every other normal male in well-adjusted society :lol: )

 

Spoomonkey

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Sounds similar to a flasher. They get off on showing their equipment on the off chance that a woman will be so enamored with "Mongo the Magnificent Member" that she'll fall to the ground and begin to wildly masturbate. The REALITY is about 180 degrees opposite. Yet they persist. Go figure.

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We just got this reply:

 

like to meet up with you chick looks hot but im not a bi guy would love to do a mfm no guy touching

 

 

Our ad is for a single bi male for bisexual MMF play.

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