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JandCMI

Endless Chatting Online?

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Maybe I am overreacting here...

 

As I'm sure most of you already know, you can't really rely on chatting online (with Yahoo IM, AIM, ICQ, SLS Private Chat, etc) to make a judgement about a person's character or even what sex they are. Anyone can say anything while sitting anonymously behind a keyboard over the internet.

 

That said - Yesterday, a supposedly female half of a couple initiated a chat with me using the private chat feature of SLS. Just taking her/him/it at their word, I got a good vibe from the chat and it ended after 20 minutes.

 

Today, I decided to initiate a chat in SLS with the same couple with the intention of trying to set up a phone call and go from there. He/she/it informed me they were getting sick of chatting with men all the time and asked to chat with the soon to be Mrs. JandC. I let him/her/it know that I handle the online communication exclusively for us but here is our phone number we'd love to chat on the phone.

 

He/she/it said they would not call and preferred to chat online and gave me this whole spiel about "how am I supposed to get to know a girl if I can't even chat with her online?" and so forth. I offered a second option of getting on a webcam with the soon to be Mrs. JandC while I handle the typing (I guess something about me handling the online communication exclusively didn't register with him/her/it) but he/she/it said they refuse to get to know someone though a spouse. Again, I told him/her/it that a phone call would do nicely in that case since you can't really figure someone out just from an online chat. He/she/it then rambled on about us not being compatible and proceeded to end the chat.

 

My question to you folks is this:

 

Is this sort of refusal to chat on the phone common? Is this another way that people prefer to move "slow" when dealing with other couples? It's much harder to misrepresent yourself on the phone as opposed to typing in a chat hence my insistence to do a phone call between the 4 of us. To me, the refusal to do so in this instance (already had a productive chat yesterday, etc) made me believe this person was just wasting our time. Thoughts?

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...To me, the refusal to do so in this instance (already had a productive chat yesterday, etc) made me believe this person was just wasting our time. Thoughts?

That's my opinion also. I also have doubts that 'they' are really a couple.

 

-B

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Dito Brad.

 

I hate chat. I hate it for so many reasons and your description is just one of them. There is taking it slow, and taking it too slow to keep my interest sparked. Chaulk it up to experience and move on.

 

We typically will make communication via email through SLS or the like. If there is mutual interest, we arrange to meet them for coffee at Starbucks. If they want to take it slower than that, they aren't for us. We have no problem getting to know people before we play with them. We prefer to do it over coffee so my nailpolish doesn't chip.

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I think you did things right.

 

I also believe the person had something to hide. You are fortunate to have gotten rid of him/her/them so soon.

 

We really believe in a phone call early on. It tells you so much more about a couple.

 

We never chat until after we have played with people. Our main mode of communication is through e-mail.

 

LM

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We wouldn't meet someone in person without a quick call first. But we also wouldn't call without a little bit of email exchange for some basic info, a couple pics and maybe a little bit of small talk. If that all seemed alright we'd set up a date once we did actually talk to each of them on the phone. This one did sound a bit fishy though, I doubt you lost out on any real opportunity. I do wonder why not go ahead and let her type on the keyboard while she's already in front of the webcam though. A lot of couples do actually like to talk to both of the other couple, even if they could be getting BS'd all the way anyway. Give em that then insist on at least a quick phone call before wasting any further time online or setting up any meetings.

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Is this sort of refusal to chat on the phone common? Is this another way that people prefer to move "slow" when dealing with other couples?

 

Is it possible that they are really new to the lifestyle and are just starting to figure out their procedures? They may have decided on a certain series of steps and anything deviating from that would be "red flags" for them. With time they may learn better which boundaries to relax and which to maintain. Who knows, it could even be their experience with you that shows them that certain things are not worth being so rigid about.

 

But then again, if they never learn from experience and stay inflexible about little things like chats, you're probably better off without them. Imagine what sex with them would be like! :eek:

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IMHO, you had a single male, representing himself as a female, who wanted to use your future wife as a means to masterbation. Forget about them with a "Certify That this User is Genuine."

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Is it possible that they are really new to the lifestyle and are just starting to figure out their procedures? They may have decided on a certain series of steps and anything deviating from that would be "red flags" for them. With time they may learn better which boundaries to relax and which to maintain. Who knows, it could even be their experience with you that shows them that certain things are not worth being so rigid about.

 

But then again, if they never learn from experience and stay inflexible about little things like chats, you're probably better off without them. Imagine what sex with them would be like! :eek:

 

 

That's always possible too, if they truly are a couple and not a single posing as a couple.

 

Now we do like to chat a bit online and email, but we like to do it with our webcam too. We don't want to chat endlessly and we would like to set up a face to face meeting as soon as we can all arrange it, but that is our preferred starting point after someone contacts the other through an online ad. There are certain things we like to discuss right away to know if there is even a point in meeting (rules, availability, etc), and as most of the couples we talk to are out of town, chatting online via webcam is much easier (especially when you only have one phone, lol). We will talk to couples on the phone to set up meeting details, but it's not our preferred way of getting to know someone- we don't like long phone conversations and with kids, etc. it's too easy to get distracted.

 

The important thing is a couple's willingness to meet face to face, talk to you and get to know everyone. If someone is unwilling to let you see them, or talk to one of the spouses, then that has to raise some questions. Everyone should be equally involved or given the chance to be, even if they are not as vocal as the rest. And insisting on only speaking to one of the spouses would make us wonder...

 

We agree that you probably didn't miss out on a fantastic opportunity.

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Thanks for the replies, I feel much better now.

 

I suppose in that situation I could have had the future Mrs. JandC get on and chat (like they would even know the difference anyways), but when I say I handle the online communication exclusively, there is a reason for that...

 

She has no patience whatsoever for sitting in front of the internet for any length of time staring at a screen waiting for words to appear. She can handle it for about 5 minutes tops before she just gives up. :lol:

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... She has no patience whatsoever for sitting in front of the internet for any length of time staring at a screen waiting for words to appear. She can handle it for about 5 minutes tops before she just gives up. :lol:

Dito

 

But, I'll talk your ear off on the phone. :lol:

 

I agree with eager4more that they could be very nervous newbies, but I still think it's more likely a guy with too much time on his hands.

 

-B

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I agree with eager4more that they could be very nervous newbies, but I still think it's more likely a guy with too much time on his hands.

 

-B

 

That's what I thought the first time I read this post also!!!!

 

Jenn

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She has no patience whatsoever for sitting in front of the internet for any length of time staring at a screen waiting for words to appear. She can handle it for about 5 minutes tops before she just gives up. :lol:

She would get along wonderfully with my husband.

 

He abhors chatting, forums, emails and IM's. He can only sit in front of a computer if he's programming something. :lol:

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We always chat first. Sometimes for quite a while. We find out exactly how they are. We have avoided ALOT of bad experiences. If you chat long enough you will find out what kind of people they really are.

 

The "private chat" on SLS did just what you want it to do.....

Proved these people are losers.....IMHO

 

It has just worked out well for us. The ones we have briefly chatted with, then set up meetings, either never show or never get nailed down on a meeting time, wishy washy.

The ones we chat extensively with always turn out MUCH better. They at least show up.

 

RU

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Bringing an old thread forward here, but it brings up a good topic. We've met a few couples via SLS. The first couple we met we did a few messages through SLS, exchanged pics. through SLS, then exchanged phone numbers, the two females chatted and arranged a meeting. We met, and things worked out well.

 

The second couple kept asking us to go to an IM forum with them - yahoo, or something else. I've never done a chat like that and I am like one of the previous posters here - I don't like sitting in front of a computer screen WAITING for something to appear. And my other half has never done a chat at all. So we've been doing messages back and forth on SLS (which works for us, but they want to CHAT). We've talked on the phone too. Now we've arranged an upcoming meeting, so I think things will work out, but my questions is this....

 

Are we turning people off because we won't CHAT? Just wondering.....

 

Sarah

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First off, I want to say hello to any "old" friends on here who might see this..I started chatting here a bit in 1998 and haven't been back in a while. Now, as far as the topic goes......

 

I generally like to do a safe, harmless chat with people to start off with to see if they can hold a conversation, actually make an attempt at English, and don't just reply" LOL" to anything said. But there is a point at which it is time to go to the phones. I've chatted (solely) with some folks for a long time, but until you break the ice by hearing a voice and holding a conversation it doesn't count!

 

There are a lot of wannabees on all these lifestyle sites, and the reluctance to answer the phone because the husband/wife/mom might know separates them out.

 

Just my 2 centavos worth, hope to meet more of you soon!

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Single men wanting to only chat is common. However, we're pretty sure we encountered a women that's only interested in cyber. Another thing we're pretty sure we've encountered a single male posing as a fem better than most. Pretty sure he may have set up multiple free accounts on the site then used though to "validate" his impostor female profile. We prefer e-mail and phone, then meet for coffee or drinks after a bit.

 

Easier to weed out the BS!

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In my experiences with this, it was always a married man that was doing something sneaky behind his wife's back. After a few fake conversations with the wife he would then propose a date for a meeting. Then at the last minute come up with an excuse for his wife not being able to make it or whatever. Then of course the obvious thing for us to do would be an MFM right? And of course his wife approves of the whole thing.......don't think so.

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I think an early phone call would be odd for me. I haven't gotten to that point yet so It's hard for me to say, but I am extremely nervous about giving out our phone number. My kids answer the phone, I wouldn't want a prospective play partner going bad and getting harassment calls.

 

I guess I could always use my cell. I guess I always thought I would chat online, then set a place to have dinner. I prefer face to face, if it isn't going to be that, then the way in which I chat not- face to face, doesn't matter to me. (interesting topic, thanks for reviving)

 

Mr. truelove

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Are we turning people off because we won't CHAT? Just wondering.....

 

Sarah

Sarah ~

 

We don't chat, and by "chat" I mean IM. It's too disjointed for me and I can form my thoughts better - and more intelligently - through e-mail.

 

We've been asked by a number of couples if we chat, and when I say no, it has never stopped us from continuing our communication through e-mail and then eventually meeting. So my feeling is that not chatting should'nt be a problem and in many ways (as expressed earlier) could be an advantage.

 

If you ever have doubts about WHO you're really communicating with, trying to set up a phone call will let you know if they have anything to hide. People who don't should be happy to arrange a call.

 

LM

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For MrsVan and myself we really do enjoy IM for the most part. But then again, we spend a good portion of time online during the day for jobs and such and it is just easier for us. If a couple or single doesn't like chat that fine, we use email or we will give out my cell phone number. Nobody gets MrsVan's cell number until we have met and played and we are comfortable with them.

 

If someone isn't up for using IM as a method to get to know us, then we would prefer to use the phone. Our thoughts here are if they won't talk to us on the phone then they most likely are fakes and we won't waste our time with them. Espicially if we have already traded a number of emails. With couples it isn't so easy, but for us, when talking to a single lady, it gives us a little assurance that we are actually talking to a single lady. :D

 

-Van

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We have had several people contact us that wanted to do internet chat or IM, we don't do either. In my opinion it is a total waste of time. Many people we have met can write like a novelist but are duds, personality wise, in person. The majority of people when we tell them via email that we don't do chat will proceed on with other forms of communication like phone or face to face meet, but we have had a few that once we said we wouldn't do chat they declined to communicate further. We just said "good riddance" and consider ourselves lucky we didn't waste any more time with them.

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I am new to these forums (will post an Introduction soon!), and came across this thread while browsing the Internet on my pager.

I find it interesting that many of you prefer not to chat, and while this makes sense since it can sometimes be a slow and frustrating process, it also makes me sad. The reason for this being that I have a hearing loss, therefore am unable to make direct phone calls, and rely heavily on email, phone texts, chat and a relay operator (however, many others as well as myself dislike third party calls) through a TTY or again, a chat program. I have no problem with videophone or webcam, and I do agree that chatting is an excellent way (at least for me) to "weed" out undesirable characters - when I have the patience to do so!

So, sad since I won't be able to chat with any of the fine people not using chat, but I'm just as sure email and webcam will suffice just as well!

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As soon as you read the excuse about how chatting online was ,"how am I supposed to get to know a girl if I can't even chat with her online," is your red flag. Simply put, online chat is a barrier that needs to be broken down as soon as possible. Our advice is as soon as it gets weird about a phone call we write back, "We understand, yet this does need to move forward in a real way. If you change your mind about calling, drop us a note. Take care." And, any future message that does not ask to call, is ignored. Simply put, dragging things out over 'chat' is oftenindulging the delusional. We won't do that.--Susan

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We've done chat on a case-by-case basis. Typically, I'm not a fan of it when chatting with potential swing partners. We have used chat in long-distance situations and we have found it to be a weeding tool of sorts on occasion.

 

I love chat with my established friends and family, though. I like it so much better than the telephone. Go figure. I hate chat with complete strangers - doesn't matter how you log on to the IM program, I generally get at least 10 IMs per session from unknown single men wanting to chat.

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we actually had a couple4couple voice chat on Yahoo the other night. Its rare to find such a couple online these days with all of the deception and lies going on in cyberspace.

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Exactly the reason why after 3 years we have never meet anyone online. We prefer to meet at social events, then well..... you know pretty quickly if its going to work for everyone involved.

 

With all the forms of communication out there it can never replace a face to face meeting.

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we chatted once with a couple online and it went pretty well. apparently we could all type very fast so it wasn't that big of a deal. we set up another chat with them later on and they stood us up and fell of the planet. we haven't chatted with anyone online since.

 

we usually write a few emails back in form through SLS and then arrange to meet somewhere to talk more if we feel like they are worthwhile. so far that's worked well and we've ended up playing with every couple that we've meet in person. we've only talked on the phone once with a couple but that was to tell that them we couldn't get together with them.

 

honestly, i just don't like talking on the phone anyway and i prefer to hide behind a keyboard :lol:

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If in fact you can't read between the lines in chat, you'll do no better in person.

Granted, I've been at this since Al Gore invented it...

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