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MsVanilla

Our biggest concern about swinging: STD's

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I hope this is in the right category!

 

In my talks with MrVanilla, this is one of the biggest issues we are weighing. Let's face it, increasing your sexual partners definitely increases your risk for disease, even when taking extra precautions.

 

When some of you first started, was this a huge issue that was holding you back? How did you overcome this concern? Is the fear bigger than the reality?

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It was certainly an issue for us. I don't know if I would say it was the biggest, but it was certainly up close to the top of the list.

 

Overcoming it was a matter of talking about what level of risk we found acceptable, and what were the various things we could do to get into that comfort zone. Using condoms was at the top of that list, along with choosing partners wisely and better educating ourselves about the various STD's that are out there.

 

Other than not swinging at all, and taking that even further, not having sex at all, ever, your whole life, then condoms offer the best protection. Are they 100% security? No, they are not. Very little in life though can be counted on to be 100%, and nearly everything in life is a calculated risk. It's riskier to drive your car without a seatbelt than with a seatbelt. It's riskier to have sex without a condom than with a condom. Neither one though are a sure fire guarantee you will never get injured in a wreck or that you will never have an issue with a STD, but they both go a long way toward reducing those risks.

 

The next thing to look at is what STD's are out there, and what getting one would mean. That ranges from a minor inconvenience to life-changing or even in the absolute worse scenario, potentially life threatening. When you look at it though, the odds of anything on the more extreme end of that scale happening are virtually zero. Not impossible, but very, very, very unlikely if you are using common sense. We look at it like the most dangerous thing we do in swinging is getting into our car to drive there. We do all we can to minimize that risk by driving responsibly and always wearing seatbelts, and even though the disease risk is much less to start with, we do all we can to minimize that too, and that is where we find our comfort level.

 

In my opinion there is a lot of propaganda, scare tactics, and poor reporting associated with the whole STD subject, and always has been. I won't go into why I think that is other than to say it suits some agendas. Educate yourself, talk about it, weigh your risks, and come up with what you are comfortable with.

 

I will say that the majority of swingers who have been swinging for years and years never have had an issue at all. For the minority that have had some issue, in nearly all cases it's been a minor issue. This forum and also the archives contain some great information on STD's in general and personal stories from other swingers about their experiences and how they approach the subject. Reading over them may help put it all in perspective for you and assist you in making your decision.

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There's risks with everything we do in life (we take risks every time we step outside our homes). Obviously, if you want to minimize the risk of STDs/STIs as much as possible, you would abstain from sex all together. The next step above that is only with your spouse. The next step above that is picking out sexual partners that want to be exclusive within a set group with condoms. So on and so forth.

 

I think one of the main issues regaining STDs/STIs is the basic taboo-ness of sex in general. For many, sex is hush-hush. Sex should be kept for marriage. Sex should be for a monogamous relationship. Sex should be behind doors and not talked about in polite society. All of this means that anything we catch or having to do with the genitals is stigmatized. We don't stigmatize colds or the flu--they just happen because it's normal to be touching doorknobs, using the gas pump handle, using stair rails, etc. We then minimize the risk of getting sick by not putting our hands in our mouth and washing our hands before we eat. But sex? Totally not normal or natural! :rollseye: Thus, anything to do with it is terrible and awful. As long as you are aware of when something is wrong downstairs and head to the doctor, then it'll be taken care of...just like with any other sickness we encounter.

 

Concerning our own way of minimizing risk, we wear condoms with everyone be play with. Some people even do oral sex with condoms but, again, that is a choice that each couple has to make. As for overcoming the concern...our desire to play out some fantasies and have sex with others overwhelmed the concern of STDs/STIs...and we reasonably decided condoms would minimize the risk to an acceptable level. :)

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I just do video chat swinging. I found what I had learned made physical contact swinging unacceptable to me. I would still go with occasional people physically obviously, but have found with the numbers of people I now go with, adult video chat is really the only way of quantity for me.

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Thank you for the perspective and I welcome more.

 

One thing I am doing is starting to read up on STDs and risk factors for what we want to do and what we should reasonably expect to do.

 

I am working to broach the subject of swinging with some swinger friends we know. We are good friends of theirs, but we're vanilla to them. We know they do, but nothing we ever discussed. It is sort of their open secret.

STDs is going to be something we definitely talk about.

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I read about STD's and decided cancer scares me more. Maybe even more than HIV now.

 

No one gets out alive. Might as well find ways to enjoy here and now.

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People who are in the LS seem to be a bit more open and concerned about STD's, and therefore usually pay more attention to limiting the exposure. Condoms are a requirement with most couples (if you are wearing a condom, technically you are not really 'touching' the other woman, right?). IMHO, swingers generally aren't exposed to STD's like a married male sneaking off to find a prostitute or picking up a woman at a bar for a quickie. Also if someone is found to have something, word spreads pretty fast. Of course be careful, but just like most couples want privacy in the LS, most couples are careful and don't want to 'catch' anything as well.

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My apology in advance. This might just be a thread jack. But each time an implication is made that a sex worker is liable to give a client "the clap", I feel that I must object. Sex workers who work in licensed establishments are less likely to have a sexually transmitted infection than a swinger or other kind of sexually active person.

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Mr & I haven't used condoms for many years because he had a Vas. Since we began swinging we use condom with my male FWB, at least until I get on bc so I don't have to with him. With our first couple swap we did use condoms, Mr HATED it. With our second couple we did not use them since both men have Vas. This 2nd couple will likely be long term FWB type situation. We are not into acquiring notches for our bedpost & we are not interested in the party/club scene at all.

 

We were discussing all this with Couple2 and everyone agreed: if couple 2 are having oral & intercourse unprotected & Mr & I are as well, if the girls play or couples swap & play oral (man going down on woman) would not any diseases one had get passed around among us 4 that way? The action was pretty hot & messy & girl cum was Everywhere... please correct me if I'm wrong about this.

 

We believe it is a calculated risk, minimized by having very few play partners & having extremely frank discussions with ones we do play with, just like driving to go play on our area's dangerous roads, actually a MANY times higher chance of dying on the way there.

 

We were messaged by a couple recently who absolutely will not play without condoms but is all about oral sex & cum in the mouth... just don't make sense to me...

 

-Shec

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