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MulderNScully

Playing with a Soft swing couple but want more

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Hey there,

 

Scully and I know a soft swing couple who are nice, decent folks; Scully and the female part of the couple have a great attraction to each other and when they do get to play they really have a good time together. Her hubby is fine watching them go at it, but the couple makes it clear they keep their penetration for each other and not with anyone else. I'm fine with that in my head, but sometimes I find myself feeling left out because I'm too much of a participant to just sit back and just watch.

 

I'm not trying to be selfish to the couple or Scully's enjoyment, but I sometimes feel like the fourth wheel when it comes to just watching. I think when we say we're open to just about everything I wonder if we should just talk about it or I should change my attitude and be there for Scully and our friends? Plus, Scully made it clear that if this couple is at the club we go to she wants to be exclusively with this particular lady. That's fine. But I do like to the club to do something more than just watch too.

 

Any suggestions?

 

 

Mulder

(MulderNScully)

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I would talk to your wife about this, see what she thinks you two should do and then go from there.

 

I'm a little unclear if you soft swap with the other wife. You mentioned the two ladies play together, but do you play with the other wife? If not, maybe you could see if they would be interested in oral swapping only?

 

Do you have a rule to only play together? If not and if you are both comfortable with this, you could play with others at the club while your wife only plays with the said female.

 

Good luck

~SS

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I'm fine with that in my head, but sometimes I find myself feeling left out because I'm too much of a participant to just sit back and just watch.

 

I'm not trying to be selfish to the couple or Scully's enjoyment, but I sometimes feel like the fourth wheel when it comes to just watching. I think when we say we're open to just about everything I wonder if we should just talk about it or I should change my attitude and be there for Scully and our friends? Plus, Scully made it clear that if this couple is at the club we go to she wants to be exclusively with this particular lady. That's fine. But I do like to the club to do something more than just watch too.

 

No offense intended, but I would have a problem with this. I can't speak for anyone except myself, but a situation where either partner feels left out is a situation where the other partner needs to step back and make sure that both partner's needs are fulfilled, not just their own. It sounds like Scully is saying that if this lady is at the club, Scully gets to play and you get to watch. It doesn't sound like you are completely happy with that, and I would not be either.

 

While you say "I'm not trying to be selfish to the couple or Scully's enjoyment", Scully should be saying "I will not be selfish to Mulder's enjoyment." That's the way it works, in my opinion.

 

We have not specifically talked about this situation but I assume that we would both fix the situation (whatever it took) if one of us were playing and the other felt left out. It would be one thing if this just happened, but then we would have to talk about it to avoid the situation in the future. If Scully wants to be exclusively with a lady in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you should talk this over and reach some compromise that is acceptable to both. Play with her every other time, etc.

 

Mr. Better Half

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As we have often stated around here, we have very few rules, but one of them is if either one of us is not having a good time or is in any way uncomfortable with another couple we are playing with we stop and move on. One of the most common reasons we will move on is if the other couple has so many restrictive rules that it ruins the fun, this is actually pretty common, especially with newbies. Or it may be a case that their rules just don't mesh well with ours. We always respect our play partners rules and will never try to convince them to change their rules for us, the way we look at it is if their rules don't mesh with ours, we are not compatible with them so we politely decline to play with them and move on.

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I agree, if it isn't working for either of you then it doesn't work for both of you. I'd move-on to more fertile grounds where you both can have fun. It's as simple as "we really like you guys, but we're looking for something more from this." They will find others that like to play like they do.

 

Mr. WS

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The thing is we are good friends with them and we've done other stuff than the sexual stuff with them too. In fact, we're going to this dance club with them tonight so it's not going to be a play night tonight. But I think Scully and I will talk tonight about it and see if we can come to some resolution where we are still friends, but we both have fun equally as well. Thanks for the advice.

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UPDATE!

 

We went out to a non-on premise party at a bar situatied in a motel just south of I75/70 in Dayton. I talked to Scully in between lines from DMB and sitting in our vechle about the whole thing. One: She doesn't mind playing together with another couple if the opportunity is right, heck she is fine if I find someome to play with while she's busy with the soft swap couple provided she gives the OK on the girl I'm going with. But she made it clear the female of the ss couple is exclusively hers to play with first and foremost;anyone else is icing on the cake when we play together.

 

TWO: Since she's got better insight about me and us she went on to proceed that the problem I'm having may have to do with being such a vouyer most of my life always wanting to be a part of it, but being able to compartmentalize everything so I didn't have to associate with the feelings involved. She feels the problems I'm having is because now I have opportunity to have fun with other people the little jealousy, intimindation, and other feelings tend to creep up and keeps me from just enjoying sex as a recreation and nothing else. I asked her was there a pill or treatment for it and her answer was "no, you got to fix your own head through this so you don't get hung up on all this."

 

THREE: I made it clear I would like to have fun too and she agreed as well. In fact, so long as she is open to it (which, I found out this weekend, she is more open and kinky than I ever imagine it's fine with her) and there's no issues with the person(s) involved.

 

What was cool is we had a great time with the couple we were with, had a great crowd and the meet and greet session, went to a "straight" dance club and let them get to see my inner "club kid" come out, had some hot times with Scully to the point where I want to get a few more moments with her before this weekend is out, and five, even had some sexy times with the other couple where I felt a bit more comfortable with them now that Scully and I talked it out.

 

I guess what I need to do is deal with the mental issues and emotions which tend to creep up (mainly as of lately, before I was fine) and get it in order so I can grow up a bit and be able to look at sex in the right context.

 

Mulder

 

(MulderNScully)

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My wife and I go camping sometimes. When it’s time to eat, she pulls out some delicious smoked salmon that she arranged before we left the house. I enjoy seeing the look on her face as she eats it…she really loves salmon. It’s exclusively hers though, so if I want to eat I have to go to the stream nearby and catch a fish myself…with my bare hand (my other hand has to be tied behind my back until she gives me the OK).

 

 

 

"no, you got to fix your own head through this so you don't get hung up on all this."
Here's what I don't understand: This is YOUR problem to “not get hung up on all this”? You need to “fix your own head” because you don’t want to be a third or forth wheel? While she is enjoying herself, if you can approach a couple on your own and convince them to play with you, you may get to have some fun if your woman decides to give you a thumbs-up?

 

It seems like she is very happy to let you come along for the ride if you can play nice, but she will decide when...where...and how...regardless of your feelings and desires. That wouldn't work for me but if your happy with that, then you are heading in the right direction.

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Here's what I don't understand: This is YOUR problem to “not get hung up on all this”? You need to “fix your own head” because you don’t want to be a third or forth wheel? While she is enjoying herself, if you can approach a couple on your own and convince them to play with you, you may get to have some fun if your woman decides to give you a thumbs-up?

 

Ditto

 

To each his own, but that would not cut it for me. You have what I would call an "unequal" arrangement. Even after your latest post (or especially because of it), you will have a hard time convincing me that you are not being taken advantage of. I give my wife a lot of leeway because I know that she would never take advantage of a situation. Call me judgemental if you like, but it sounds like Scully is playing by a set of rules that she would never let you play by.

 

Here is the acid test. Right now, she plays with the soft couple and lets you play with someone IF she okays her. Fair enough, but see if what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Tell her that you have become uncomfortable with her playing with the soft couple and that you no longer approve. If she gets mad but stops out of consideration for you, then things are okay. If she refuses to stop even though she knows you disapprove, then you are headed for some rough times. But you will have put an end to being walked on, which is what I think is happening now.

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First off, I want to applaude you guys for what seems to be excellent communicating habits... it's amazing how many people lack that... but here's where I see the problem, as BH was getting at...

heck she is fine if I find someome to play with while she's busy with the soft swap couple provided she gives the OK on the girl I'm going with. But she made it clear the female of the ss couple is exclusively hers to play with first and foremost;anyone else is icing on the cake when we play together.

Now I will admit that I've never been to a swing club, but in my experience it is a LOT harder for a guy on his own to get in on the action than it is for a woman. If you browse any of the "swingers personal ads" websites, you are familiar with the "NO SINGLE GUYS" mantra. So Skully takes the easy road to enjoyment and leaves you to "fend for yourself" and face the challenge of finding some other woman or couple that is interested in playing with you alone? That doesn't seem very supportive or considerate of what you want. I mean, seriously, have you ever eaten JUST the icing from a cake? You know what I mean... big gobs of sugary sweetness that they use to dress up wedding cakes and such. It's yummy, sure... but not by itself. Eat a bunch of that stuff WITHOUT the cake and you'll wanna hurl. When skully says that anyone else is icing on the cake, then she's getting cake with icing and you're getting... just the icing.

 

While I would recommend trying to equalize the balance in this situation a bit, I have to disagree with BetterHalf's suggestion:

but see if what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Tell her that you have become uncomfortable with her playing with the soft couple and that you no longer approve.

It doesn't really work for you because (1) you want to continue being friends with this couple, and (2) you have been comfortable with this couple and with the women playing together before. Saying that might be more of a "test" than an expression of you feelings (a somewhat passive and dishonest way to communicate). I suspect that it is not a matter of you being "uncomfortable" but rather "unsatisfied." And as other people have said, if you are not BOTH satisfied, then it is usually best if BOTH of you step out of the situation.

HERE'S a possible solution. If you are at a club where Scully's special lady is present, Scully should make sure that you are "taken care of" BEFORE she runs off to her one-and-only. By taken care of, I mean make sure that you have found a playmate(s) for the evening. That way, you aren't left hangin, so to speak.

 

Good luck and happy swinging

Cutegeeks

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Okay, for those who said I needed to make things known with Scully...you win.

 

Went with our soft swap friends to one of the local clubs here in town. While Bren was hoping for another round with the female in the soft swap couple I was looking for maybe an encounter for myself. This was fine with Bren provided she is cool with the woman I wanted to be with. Things looked good as one of our old friends from a previous club we were going to together was with her "pals" (MFF unit) for some fun. We know the lady and we've both played with her in the past so Bren was happy for me and hoped we could get together for some fun.

 

Aunt Flo visited for the weekend.

 

She was out of action, unfortunately, but was hoping someone else would pop up. It never happened. The night progressed, the folks who were there took part in one of the worst icebreakers I've ever seen, the DJ is a perv and couldn't "contain" himself while sitting on a couch just across from a room our friends were in as they played together, and to cap an already sad night Brenda and the lady played again much to my emotions rising to the point of utter frustration.

 

I had enough.

 

The car ride home was very subdued and she asked what was wrong. At first I was going to leave it be and shut my mouth, but I had enough of this and let it all out. I made it very clear I was happy, always happy, to see her with another woman and to enjoy herself with no problems. I was happy she had a steady playmate that when they have a chance to be together (baring "aunt flo's visits") they would play exclusively, no problem there, and was happy when she was able to get off. However, I told her I got tired of being the odd man out. I've waited for a long time to be part of this lifestyle and would like to enjoy myself too. She mentioned New Years Eve, but even though I came through a blow job I never got to fuck because my trusty friend decided to go limp on me. So technically, I told her, it has been nearly a year since I last enjoyed a full swap, or solo (we're allowed), moment where I had some fun. I made it very clear I wasn't happy with how she will break her neck to find herself with this woman for some fun and here I am going along with it hoping for a morsel to drop my way. Maybe both ladies are happy with this engagement and maybe the male portion of the soft swap couple is content on watching but I want to participate! I want my time in the sun and I deserved it. When do I get my time with another couple with Scully playing with me? I'm sick of all of them having great fun together while I'm left with my nose placed on the window wondering if I'll ever be good enough to join in.

 

To Scully's credit she took a deep sigh and said it hurts her to see me broken hearted when she's together with this lady and I can't to play. She hoped I would hook up with the other lady, but when I told her about "aunt flo" visiting she really felt bad. So she made a proposal: We go to a club where there are more opportunities for full swap situations or possibly be with another female provided she knows them and is okay with them and their spouse is okay with us getting together. Plus, we realized many of the clubs we go to here seem to favor soft swap situations rather than full swap. Another city (Columbus) or even out of state would maybe bring some other full swap opportunities. Plus, she admitted we are a couple--she was in the lifestyle as a solo player before meeting me--and she should really seek out to make sure we're both happy with the situation and the outcome. It's only fair, she said, and she wants to see me happy too. And I made it clear it is nothing against this couple--they are good friends outside the club and plan to do non-sexual things together--or their enjoyment or yours, but when a partner is neglected the way I am how does she think I would be alright with this. She understood.

 

Sometimes, she admits, it is hard for Scully to realize we are a couple and she need to adjust to how I feel about things and visa versa. Plus, I've been in the lifestyle for three years, she longer; it may seem like dog years, but I still have a lot of adjusting to do on my own too and she forgets how young I am to the lifestyle and all the emotions and trappings which go along with it. Hell, I never thought I'd be this emotional over something like this either.

 

So for those of you out there who mentioned that my feelings were neglected you were right, I was wrong, and I should have spoken up earlier. If we're both not having fun then we need to talk about what is keeping us from enjoying one another.

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Mrs. Better Half and Good times,

This isn't my thread, but I benefitted from your advice, and want to get the Girl Bird to read it, as it could help us, too.

 

Isn't this board great?

 

The boy half of 2LB

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