We are a swinger couple seeking a single male...questions

HI guys,

Ok we have been trying to find the right single male for a threesome and are having terrible luck. We make contact... they respond say they are interested... we respond back... then nothing! Let me preface this by saying that when we make initial contact there is a pic sent with the email of both myself and my hubby full shot of face and body. We also state that he is extremely straight and we also say exactly why we liked the profile and what we are interested in. So if they don't like how we look or what we want they simply can decline.

What we are wondering is why contact us back say interested and then when we say lets chat (basically that's all the next email states and we give our IM address and ask for his) NOTHING. Do they get cold feet?

We normally also pick people who have certs too (not that that means too much I know) just makes us feel better that maybe they are actually swingers.

Any advice on what we may be doing wrong or why they don't make further contact? Just trying to get into the single guy's mind here, lol

Thanks guys

My guess is that the reasons they disappear are as diverse as there are people. Others tell me that single men are notorious for not showing up. That may be because a lot of "single men" are really married.

Have you considered finding a couple who would be willing to "trade threesomes?" Not only do they seem to be more reliable and discrete, they offer a lot more possibilities: two different MFMs, two different FMFs, etc.

Mr. Alura

I'd agree with Alura, there are too many possibilities. They might really be married, they might just be picture collectors, they might have gotten cold feet, etc. etc. We've had to deal with the exact same thing when we've looked for a single guy.

I've heard from other couples that when you are trying to plan on having a single guy or two join you you might want to consider "booking" several of them since chances are most won't show

Only advice I can think of is to keep trying. Sooner or later you'll get someone that is for real.

We have played with single men for years. We have found that 90% or more of them on the Internet are there for fantasy purposes only. They do not step up when it is time for real play. They like to play the part on the Internet, getting their cheap thrills and many of them even commit to showing up but very few of them ever do.

We now only meet at the Swing club. We tell the guys that is where we are at and if they show up great, it not, no biggie since there are many others to get to know there. No use wasting our time on the majority that never show. BTW. We have found this to be true with many couples also, it is not just single men.

OMG Hubby emailed me this morning asking if this was me posting!

We lucked out in our first search. 2 Weeks into the search we found someone who became a "regular" for 4 months. Things changed in his life and we are back to searching. We got very spoiled by that first search. Thinking it was that easy.

We have a rule that hubby makes the dates. If they can't talk to hubby to set a day,time,place I don't feel comfy playing cause they can't respect hubby enough to even acknowledge him. um HELLO he's going to be there too

We are glad we are not the only ones finding it difficult Good to know we are in good company

Thanks all for the responses! Good to know that we are not the only ones :rollseyes or is it?,lol

I agree the net is a real crap-shoot for both singles and couples. MFM's are really our favorite activity and we have had the best sucess with aquaintances of ours. Neighbors, a guy who stops by Starbucks at the same time my husband does (and they started chatting), people that he sees around his building at work, etc. My husband has not had any difficulities in finding men 'able and willing'. I think it is partly because he is an open, friendly type that will start a converstation, make a joke with most anyone (sex candidate or not). After he has had a few casual conversations, it's easy to determine if they would be interested (more are than aren't, and even those that aren't do not seem offended). Also guys we have met as a couple - at a gathering, around the neighborhood, etc - have worked out best for us.

For us, we've never really had any problems with finding a single man. In over seven years we've only had one not show up for a meet and we honestly didn't expect him to as he was new and had never played with anyone before...we had a good night out anyway .

One thing that we do is network with other couples who also play with single men. We've given recommendations to other couples (after we asked the SM if he minded) of single men we've had a good time with and we've also received recommendations from other couples.

When contacting them off an ad site, one thing that we've found works is meeting soon...like the weekend after we contact them. We don't spend a lot of time chatting. Also, we do look at the certifications, even though if they don't have one it's not a big deal to us.

We've also found that men over 30 seem to be more reliable...we've played with a few that are under 30 but not many.

Going to clubs that allow single men is also a great way of meeting them.

We have no rules as to who makes the date...okay, maybe we do I (Teresa) usually pick someone I find interesting, let Ted know and he tells me to make a date. Also, we are usually prepared to play on the first meet as well. Single men have lives just like couples and if they've made the time to meet and we've made the time to meet, why not play?

Hope that helps a little.

Teresa

we've only had one not show up for a meet

Here also. Only one.

We've given recommendations to other couples

We do that also, although I feel as if I'm gate-keeping for others...you get out of anything what you put into it...

Hearing this really upsets me that other guys are do things like that.

Now if I had a nickel for every time I attempted contacting a couple, got two a two line reply and then nothing, I would be very rich.

I think that it is rude not to answer emails. If Cousin Fester and his bride make contact with me and I am not interested, I do respond with a sorry not interested at this time. I love it when couples do the same for me as well. Hey Im not Antonio Banderas.

I think that some of you are dealing with people who dont respect the lifestyle. I think you have met immature people searching for sex. At age 22 a sexy beautiful 57 year old lady told me that swinging wasnt about sex. It was about the friendship. I took that to heart, raked alot of leaves that fall with some guys and found myself in total bliss.

CURIOUS-I do think that it is a good choice to choose a certified contact, or life member. I am neither, but do have 10 years meeting couples in the lifestyle.

VEGAS LEE I do agree that some guys are here solely for fantasy. They may be married or other but have 45 minutes or an hour to go online and seek some fun at the expense of hurting someone else. Its no wonder that some single guys ruin the fun for the mass of decent guys. I think that by meeting guys in a club you have ruled out the cold feet, but sometimes you do run across those missing the personality trait. I attend a club in San Diego and note some guys with odd and strange personalities.

Joaninla- As I mentioned above, like you the alternative avenue for finding mates was very good. I was actually invited to a couples mixer by good friends of a partner. They typcially didnt allow singles but, they asked if I could attend and be the designated driver.

In summary, I can only give one reason why guys flake out, and that is because the person sitting at the keyboard may not be the same person in real life. The anonymity of the net allows people to do this. Like NellieSC4 describes there are those great "Garage Sale" finds.

Hope this helps.

kyle

OP,

Go figure. Most of the single men in our area are in it for the "could have had her" factor. They talk to you, you are interested, agree to meet, and POOF! They disappear faster than money in my bank account. And thats pretty damn fast!

Someone told me that most single males (who are usually MARRIED males trying to feel naughty) get a charge from knowing they COULD have had you if they wanted to. 3rd grade crap. Now, there ARE good single men out there, I know 3 in particular. They are on the up and up. But the vast majority are either morons, cheating husbands or just plain assholes.

The best thing to do is to meet them at clubs or meet and greets in our opinion. I have been told that once he agrees to meet you immediately ask for his phone number so you can confirm that he is real right there....if he balks you say "Thank you, come again! NEXT" and move on.

Best of luck, Shelly

Asking for a phone number right away seems to be a good way to weed out the wannabes and married guys. Wannabes are only interested in the fantasy (the 'could have had her' player), and the concept of meeting in reality is too much for their little brains. Obviously married guys are not going to want to give out their number.

If I'm communicating with a couple, I'm completely upfront about myself and my expectations...I tell them about my schedule limitations (being a dad comes first), my experiences, things I like to do for fun outside the bedroom, etc. I believe in being friends first. Anyone who is only looking for a quick lay won't bother getting to really know you.

In general, anyone who is loath to share too much information about themselves (be it a couple or a single) is a red flag. Unfortunately only practice can help you read the signs.

I can't believe this. This seems so cliche.. On one end, sinlge guys are coplaining that they are not getting any response, and on the other, the couples are complaining that they don't get a response? With all of these singles out there, including myself, I just can't imagine that no one responds in a sincere way. If the guy is married, I doubt that they wouldn't follow through, really... I doubt it's because they are married, that is a false interpretation..Its an easy excuse to label us single guys as having some easy-to-explain fault. For a guy to cheat is easy, why would a guy pay money to be on a site and not follow through - really! Having a free membership doesn't give you the same ability or privalages to meet people.

I would suggest keep trying, you will find someone sincere.

I'm a single guy from Alberta. I was in a MFM threesome a long time ago. We had a blast.

I'm late 30s, clean, fit, fun, easy to talk to, honest, etc. Well hung too, if that matters.

I travel a bit so I might be able to do some out of town visits.

Feel free to PM me if I can be of help.

S

There are to many 'Single' Men that are REALLY married ...I'm bisexual and i get ALOT of that ....

We have played with single men for years. We have found that 90% or more of them on the Internet are there for fantasy purposes only.......

Exactly.

Of the literaly hundereds, maybe even over a thousand, men that have that have contacted us over add sites I can only think of maybe 5 that turned out to be anything at all. We've decided that add sites are a waste of our time and now Sharona only pulls from people we already know or meets through others we know in our vanilla world.

Everyone, and I mean Everyone, we know knows Sharona is a HotWife. (I don't think they know the term 'HotWife', but they all know she plays with others with my consent, knowledge, and delight. facelick

I know this doesn't work for most (Having your 'swinger' side intertwined with your 'vanilla' side, but it works for us, and very well I might add.

The only downfall is not all of these guys can handle MFMs but we manage to fit one in (MFM) at least once every couple months.

I'm a single male that has met with three different couples since I've been involved with swinging. Two of them I've met with multiple times. Two of the couples did tell me about their online experiences with other males. One couple complained about the quality of replies that they were getting, and that some guys could not write in complete sentences. The other couple complained about fake pics, and guys not showing up for a meeting. They even had an experience where the guy was completely different from what he appeared to be in his pictures. The pictures were not of him, and he still wanted them to carry out the threesome.

I'll admit to backing out on one couple, but we had not yet set a date for meeting. I just explained my desire to take a break from swinging during a phone conversation with the hubby. My reasons were personal. Well, actually I was having a bit of a crises with my religious beliefs, which is no longer a problem because I now reside in the athiest/agnostic camp.

So, like others have said, the reasons do vary. Still, the most common reasons are that they are lying about who they are, their relationship status, or their willingness to actually follow through. A very few may get cold feet do to a fear of STD's, experiencing performance problems, or the hubby being present. I actually like being watched or giving a woman the pleasure of "two men", but many guys are different.

I am listed on here as a couple. We parted ways a while ago but I continued playing as a single while we were together (with consent) and after. A lot of single guys mass mail for the hell of it. Throw out 50 invites saying the same thing and see how many bites you get. Sometimes after reviewing the profile a little more closely, you decide it isn't a good fit. I don't make a habit of it, but I'm embarrassed to say I have done it. I do show up and I do play. There are some things that might make it easier and make men more receptive. First off, both of you need to talk to him. If I just talk to the wife, I'm not sure how the husband feels. If I just talk to the husband, I don't know where she is. I also like to discuss some specifics about what is expected. I don't want to cross any lines I shouldn't. Kissing, anal, alot of things are easier if they are stated up front. One couple I play with on a semi-regular basis sends me sexy stories outlining what they want. It's not a script but it gives you some idea as to what is acceptable. It also is easier than reading off a list saying you can do this but not that. My function in a MFM is to help a couple fulfill fantasies that they can't alone. I help them and get pleasure in return. If the comfort level is there, more fun will be had by all and I believe the couple should really take the lead in setting the tone for the experience. I also strongly believe, unless it's part of the fantasy to do otherwise, that the couple should initiate the actual play. I will sit and talk for hours waiting for someone to make a move the first time. I don't feel it's my place. She can send out all the signals that she wants, but if one of them don't start, I will excuse myself at the end of the evening and go home. By the way, I'm available for parties. lol.

.......Two of the couples did tell me about their online experiences with other males. One couple complained about the quality of replies that they were getting, and that some guys could not write in complete sentences. The other couple complained about fake pics, and guys not showing up for a meeting. They even had an experience where the guy was completely different from what he appeared to be in his pictures......

Yup, all sounds very familiar - to a "T". Experienced all that crap. It's too bad really, especialy for the single guys that ARE for real.

We play mostly with single males and we have met some really great guys. But we also had our share of let downs. Just this Saturday we set up a meeting with someone and he didn't show. I had talked with him on the phone twice earlier during the day and everything was a go. We were really surprised because we had chatted with him online, we've have talked on the phone for about two weeks, so communication wasn't the issue. Pics were exchanged by both parties. In other words we did everything right. I am really pissed at this point because we took the time to get ready, drive to the restaurant and waited for him, even calling his cell phone twice, only for it to go directly to voicemail.

This bad experience doesn't jade my view on single males in any way, but it was pretty discouraging.

My guess is that some of them are "married and looking" or it could be they set something up with you until someone they like better comes along. In either case, they should have contacted you before breaking things off. I'm a single male from WPA and I'm always looking for new friends. I don't play those kind of games. It's rough enough finding friends in this lifestyle as a single male without other guys screwing it up.

Call me 07749779040

Are you in Houston....I would definitely love to help 😊 

MFM has been our mainstay for years. Alot of the comments here are spot on. Basically, if they ghost you they're probably married. You wouldn't think it would be such a struggle to find a good man but it is!

But we have met some AMAZING single males along the way that make the struggle worth it. Don't give up - you'll find someone!

On 6/29/2007 at 9:22 AM, Alura said:

Have you considered finding a couple who would be willing to "trade threesomes?" Not only do they seem to be more reliable and discrete, they offer a lot more possibilities: two different MFMs, two different FMFs, etc.

Yep, that's what we settled on, multiple couples actually, and why.  None of us in our group of couples is stuck solely on only MF swaps, so there is plenty of variety and fantasy fulfillment.

I do have one thought that is only my opinion based on my limited experience...  You mention that your hubby is EXTREMELY straight...  Fine.  No problem with that except that in a sexual situation everyone will be in close proximity and there could be incidental contact.  Having been in straight threesomes before as well as more open, bi threesomes, I can tell you that in a couple of instances, the tension was obvious as the hubby was much more worried about not touching me or me not touching him than he was about either of us touching her.   It was almost as if we were boxing.   It was ridiculous and I didn't enjoy it at all.   May not be your situation and may not apply to your situation...  Just something that I think about when approached by a 'straight' couple.

I am available ..I’m super respectful and I can make you squirt all night long!!!!!!! Feel free to to put me up for the challeng