Who said men don't call the next day??

If that is true we haven't met them!!!

Good God!!!

We have had several of the guys we played with stalk us to death afterwards!

A lot of couples say they don't like playing with single women because they are afraid they will get to emotionally connected with the husband.

Well, we are finding the same thing with the men we have played with.

I tell you it is a good thing we limit our playmates to those out of the local area.

I tell Mrs Naughty that it is because she is so good at what she does, which is true, but Damn!!!

We are to the point we won't even give out an e-mail address anymore, nevermind a phone number.

Has anyone else run into this problem with single men in an MFM situation?

The only time we ever had it happen was very early on, when we played with a vanilla guy.

We thought we explained ourselves pretty well about the lifestyle, and what it meant to us ... and I truly believe he felt he could handle it, going in. But he was working with the model of "sex = relationship --> love" and things got sticky, fast. We felt terrible about it. We learned from that one.

From then on, we've only played with single men who had experience. And we've never had a problem again. We stay in touch with two men right now, and they are extremely un-pushy. In both cases they do a lot of vanilla dating, so they see it as "extra spice" just like we do. facelick

Are these guys new to the lifestyle?

Since you can't ask Mrs N to be less Fabulous (and who'd want to!) ... maybe limit your MFMs to experienced guys? Though that means personal ads, which I know can be terribly time consuming. Or maybe just more upfront talk about what contact is and is not acceptable afterwards?

Most have been experienced in the lifestyle, some haven't.

It's like God damn dude!!

We tell them "It's all about having fun".

No relationships.

We think, or thought, frienship was okay but they some how interpet that as when ever we get together we must have sex. If we don't: why not, Whats wrong with me? Did I piss you off?

Or,

They will call and ask if we want together this weekend and we tell them No becuase we have plans or don't have a sitter. Then they get all pissy and want to know why we do not want to play.

HELLO!!!! We do have a life outside of swinging.

FUCK!!!

Why do they have to ruin an otherwise good thing!

When Mrs. Alura was in college, she fucked a professor for the fun of it on a trip with the debate team. She made it clear it wouldn't go on back on campus.

She began to pass him quite often on Campus. Then he waited outside her classrooms. He always tried to talk with her. When she told him to leave her alone and hung up on him when he called, he wrote her long letters. Only a threat to go to the police and campus authorities cooled his ardor.

Mrs. Alura insists on our rule, "No single men."

We, too, like MMF but we like to take turns with couples. We've never had another couple harass us in any way.

Alura

Our fear of this has been one of the primary reasons we haven't considered playing with single males. I know a quite a few single females in our age group and I have to say they are single and haven't been scooped up by a nice single guy for a good reason, they are duds for the most part, and just not life partner material. On the other hand, my wife and I have been married for 20 years for good reason, she is beautiful, smart, easy to be with and talk to, sexy as all get out, fun to hang out with and a tigress in bed, (my unbiased opinion here, of course). So what single guy wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with her? Our only experience with a single male having sex with Mrs. GT resulted in the guy changing the way he acted towards us (we were friends for some time before it turned sexual). The next time we were together it was obvious to me he expected to jump in the sack with her again and it kind of weirded me out at the time. Fortunately, he lives far enough away that it was relatively easy for us to spend time apart and after a couple of years we are back to just friends, but it got a little weird for a while. Since then we decided we just aren't going to pursue the single male/female thing unless it just pops up and everything seems just right. Since we aren't actively pursuing it I doubt it will ever happen, but never say never I always say.

We do know a couple of experienced single guys that are regulars as singles at the clubs and in fact one of them now has a girl friend and we have played with them before and may more in the future. I think that maybe after seeing them interact with others over time we may give them a go someday, but if they were holding their breath they would probably be pretty blue in the face by the time it actually happens I'm afraid.

I feel for you Mr. Naughty, were I having this problem I think it would suck (not the pleasurable kind of suck, more like the kind that sucks so bad it blows).

Wow. Well, to me it doesn't sound like these guys really want a friendship ... just sex on tap.

They appear to have the singles version of "new toy" syndrome, with Mrs Naughty being the toy.

If I were you, I'd tell the next guy you are considering upfront how these other guys have behaved post-play ... and how much of a turnoff/annoyance it was. He'll probably go out of his way to behave differently.

Being a single guy myself, when I meet with couples, I make sure after playtime is over ( if it even happens) I tell them what a great time I've had and maybe we can get together again sometime, that is all, no begging for phone numbers, I just make them feel really comfortable with me . The way I see it , it was great fun, more than being horny alone, and if it happens again , great but I am not a pushy guy. I love to talk and make new friends, myself, I am not going to have sex with anyone I don't like ! Friendship is important to me, and that makes GREAT times in bed!!! facelick

 

If I were you, I'd tell the next guy you are considering upfront how these other guys have behaved post-play ... and how much of a turnoff/annoyance it was. He'll probably go out of his way to behave differently.

We have done that. And they say "You don't have to worry about that with me, What an asshole".

But then......Same old thing.

It hasn't happened with everyone we have played with but it happens enough to think "What the fuck is up with these guys? Isn't there any guys out there that just want to fuck and leave?"

What happened to the good ole days when men were pigs!!!

From then on, we've only played with single men who had experience. And we've never had a problem again. We stay in touch with two men right now, and they are extremely un-pushy. In both cases they do a lot of vanilla dating, so they see it as "extra spice" just like we do. facelick

 

:

Maybe that's the problem. Try to find guys that have a sex life and a life outside of swinging. If the only place they are getting sex is with lifestylers then they will hang around like a stray cat you fed. But, if they are getting what they need somewhere else they will come around only when you call. Kinda like the neighbors dog that is well fed and well mannered but will come when you call him to give him a treat.

Did I just compare us guys to dogs??????

Maybe it's better than pigs.

 

It hasn't happened with everyone we have played with but it happens enough to think "What the fuck is up with these guys? Isn't there any guys out there that just want to fuck and leave?"

 

What happened to the good ole days when men were pigs!!!

Maybe, if you sit down with pen and paper, you could make a list of characteristics similar among these little piggys--the ones who keep pestering you--and notice some things that were red flags that you didn't see in the beginning. This way, when you search for single males in the future, you can avoid these type of men.

I don't know what exactly you'll find, I just think you can see something there, in all these guys, that stands out as a warning sign.

You've had a lot of good times playing this past year--you've shared with all of us on the board--and I'm guessing you can continue in 2005 with even better success once you know how to avoid these guys who turned out to be a bother.

I have faith in my "naughty" friends.

LM

We think, or thought, frienship was okay but they some how interpet that as when ever we get together we must have sex. If we don't: why not, Whats wrong with me? Did I piss you off?

We have actually found this to be true with a couple or two also.The expectation of sex, EVERY time. Dono, maybe that's why so many people like the clubs. Ya go when ya ready, ya have sex with multiple partners, and ya leave. However, we really did go into this thinking we'd make some good friends along the way. Least that's what so many advertise they are looking for.

We haven't had the same problems with the mfm yet, but it would piss me if we did. But then it was a one time deal with each for different reasons. One got in a relationship, another moved away, and so on.

It's hard to find those mature, intelligent matches.

Maybe buy em a one way plane ticket out of state before you let em near Mrs N

We wish you the best in sorting it out.

the rmrx2's

Sorry to hear about your problems Mr. & Mrs. Naughty....I can't say that we have ever had anything similar happen before and we play with a lot of single men. If we have had problems, Ted handle them and I never knew it.

The one thing that Ted makes absolutely clear whenever we play with a single man is that he will NOT tolerate any type of pushiness ( I think he mentions his gun collection too, but I'm not sure about that ).

The best thing you can do when they start to become annoying is cut off all contact immediately.

We have no problems with our single men contacting us if they happen to find they have a weekend free but, we expect them to understand that we have kids, jobs and a life and we might not be able to play. No means No even when setting up play dates.

Hang in there, don't let it bother you, tell them no and don't call again.

Teresa

That doesn't happen with a male who play by himself but he is in a commited relationship.

That doesn't happen with a male who play by himself but he is in a commited relationship.

So what are you recommending, intravox?

That the Naughty's should limit their MFM experiences to only 'married men' to avoid problems?

I think that would open up a entirely different can of worms. Like for instance, a married woman stalking them for fooling around with her husband.

I don't recommend anything, but it is my point of view that singles (M/F) have more posibilities to engage sentimentaly with one of the members of the band.

Yesterdy I was chatting with a couple who started MFM thresomes and eventually with one guy they move into a 3way relationship, the last experience was 2 years ago, and the "third" moved out because he wanted her for himself. Now they want to play again MFM, but they were looking for an attached male, to minimize the risk of a new guy pursuing only the wife.

Peace. Every head is a world, and every situation is different. I'm just sharing a case that I know personally.

Cheers

----------------------------------

I'm canadian, and no, I don't live in an iglu

Now they want to play again MFM, but they were looking for an attached male, to minimize the risk of a new guy pursuing only the wife.

I agree, finding an attatched partner would lessen the chances for emotional entanglement. For that very reason, some couples specifically seek other couples that want to experience threesomes and take turns trading off with eachother.

BTW, I like your saying... "Every head is a world".

I really don't believe singles that have no kind of social life should try to swing. A few months ago I didn't have time to date, let alone swing, because I had so many other things going on. Now I spend two or three days a week with a great woman that monopolizes most of my time. I don't even know why I'm here, except that some of her comments led me to believe she used to swing ("I really don't know why some people make such a big deal out of that swinger episode on Oprah...thats their life and they aren't hurting anyone or cheating on anybody"). Now, I don't have time to do more than post on these boards when I'm not fixing someone's computer or wiring an addition to someone's home (anyone in SW Michigan/NW Indiana need some electronic or electical work done...shameless plug ) and I log onto the swing sites just long enough to see if I have any mail, then leave.

In short, I have too much to do to get attached to a COUPLE, even if they lived next door to me. Traveling to meet someone is out of the question because, well, I have too much I could be doing to spend that much time on anyone I didn't KNOW I was FRIENDS with. Sex is the last thing I have to travel to get. While I'm not in an exclusive relationship (and she has said she won't be in one...then complains when I have to leave after eight hours) I know I have more things going on in my life than swinging. When I think of things I might try to do on the weekend, swinging is almost a last resort. Maybe thats the trick for swinging with single men and women. Find someone who has a schedule you have to work around as well. And someone thats not willing to drop everything on the first day you say you have available. Almost every couple says they are always busy and swinging is something they do when they make the time. A single person that can "play" at the drop of a hat probably has nothing else to do, and is more likely to get attached.

But, thats just my opinion.

Eternally Single wrote:

("I really don't know why some people make such a big deal out of that swinger episode on Oprah...thats their life and they aren't hurting anyone or cheating on anybody")

If I were you, E.S., I'd be discussing swinging a lot more with this lady. She has an open mind if I ever heard of one!

Good luck! ...and keep us up to date on this one. You may have a winner!

Mr. Alura

now you jinxed me

Sadly, you are probably right.

LOL I just hate it when other people tell me more about my personal life than I know. My best friend called earlier and asked if I talked to my girlfriend today, then had me call her and ask if she returned a book to the library. Where are the bolt cutters? I even gave her suggestions on what to do on the next visit with her daughter. HELP

Sounds like it's taking on that commitment angle, ES. Get ready! Oh, I knocked on wood for you, btw. So no jinxes.

Does she know that you have an interest in swinging, either in the past tense or present?

A little off subject, aren't we?

I've told her about some of the women in my past. Enough that she knows about the group sex angle and it wasn't that long ago, relatively speaking. Outside of "I never saw that side of you" nothing I said seemed to shock her.

But enough about me. What about those guys that don't know how to back off? I still say its best to find singles (men and women) that rarely have time to swing over the ones that are always ready to go. They are less likely to get attached.

(still looking for the bolt cutters )

Eternally Single wrote:

now you jinxed me

No way! Just make sure you call the next day.

Mr. Alura

[

 

No way! Just make sure you call the next day.

 

Mr. Alura

Way to bring it full circle Mr Alura!!!

We have done that. And they say "You don't have to worry about that with me, What an asshole".

 

 

But then......Same old thing.

It hasn't happened with everyone we have played with but it happens enough to think "What the fuck is up with these guys? Isn't there any guys out there that just want to fuck and leave?"

 

What happened to the good ole days when men were pigs!!!

We're not even really in the lifestyle, and my wife meets these kinds of guys and they haven't even been intimate. I shudder to think what would happen if they were. I think when physical intimacy happens, guys start to feel a sense of ownership, despite what they've been told. There can be no confusion about who the alpha male is. You are. They are beta and will be summoned if required

I think when physical intimacy happens, guys start to feel a sense of ownership, despite what they've been told.

Good point to bring up, dreamer.

I think that's why it's probably best to find men who have positive experience in the lifestyle. They've been there, done that, and probably can control their urges better.

I guess that 'sense of ownership' can be an instinctual thing with some men.

Good point to bring up, dreamer.

 

I think that's why it's probably best to find men who have positive experience in the lifestyle. They've been there, done that, and probably can control their urges better.

 

I guess that 'sense of ownership' can be an instinctual thing with some men.

I don't mean to sound like the discovery channel, but I think the alpa, beta thing applies here for couples that swing with single males. It must be made clear who is alpha. Their not even close to being equal. I'm thinking of making them suck my dick or toss my salad or something to establish this relationship.

I don't mean to sound like the discovery channel, but I think the alpa, beta thing applies here for couples that swing with single males. It must be made clear who is alpha. Their not even close to being equal. I'm thinking of making them suck my dick or toss my salad or something to establish this relationship.

** note to self: remove dreamer from the list of possible contacts **

just kidding.

Actually, the problem and the solution are related. Communication. TALK to him. Exchange a lot of emails and phone calls before you meet.

I know, I know, I know. Nobody wants to play email tag and phone tag with someone for weeks or months before meeting, but lets get serious here. How else are you going to know how a person thinks, behaves (not acts), and feels unless you learn something more than he has been with X number of couples in the past.

I really don't understand the "I think you are a cute guy and you seem nice. Will you be able to meet us at the Holiday Inn across from the airport next Saturday?" second or third emails some people like to send single men. I never would even think of meeting with anyone my ex or I didn't know VERY well after only receiving one call or letter (email wasn't that popular until the last 10 years), and I don't see why people are in such a rush now. Especially with single men ( what the hell am I saying? ).

Meeting singles for one nighters or truely no strings, no attachment, no friendship, I-don't-care-how-you-feel-afterwards-as-long-as-we-feel-good sex works for orgies, private parties, and swing clubs. It DOESN'T work for one-on-one, two-on-one, or two-on-two encounters unless everyone knows where they are coming from, where they are going, and what the other person expects and won't put up with. And you can't learn that from just a profile, a picture, and one or two phone conversations.

If you don't want to invest the time for singles (especially single men since that is who everyone is concentrating on) to understand just how far they can take their involvement in your life but still want to meet singles, go to clubs that allow them. If there are none in your area, find others that like the same activities you do, talk to the owners of the clubs in your area, and try to convince them to have one or two nights a month, maybe even in the middle of the week, where single men can attend just to meet those couples that want to meet them without other couples complaining about "those horrible untrustworthy shiftless pathetic single men that can't get sex any other way" being present. There are always options, you just have to be creative in finding or making them.

I don't mean to sound like the discovery channel, but I think the alpa, beta thing applies here for couples that swing with single males. It must be made clear who is alpha. Their not even close to being equal. I'm thinking of making them suck my dick or toss my salad or something to establish this relationship.

You could always piss on your wife and mark your territory.

I'm KIDDING....

I think good communication is the key.

Our biggest problem with singles, both M & F, seems to be that they think they should be the only ones who get to play with us. If we are actually out with them, we give them the respect of devoting our attention to them, but if we aren't with them, they still seem to feel, I don't know, cheated on. We know they have their own sex lives, and we aren't their only play friends, so I don't get why they feel we shouldn't have the same. It isn't even something that is mentioned by them, in fact they say the same thing I just said, just a vibe we've gotten from some of them.

I don't mean to sound like the discovery channel, but I think the alpa, beta thing applies here for couples that swing with single males. It must be made clear who is alpha. Their not even close to being equal. I'm thinking of making them suck my dick or toss my salad or something to establish this relationship.

I laughed my ass off when I read this. It reminds me of those couples that their first email to me is "meet us at such and such hotel at 8pm tomorrow night".

Riiiiiight. You want me to fetch your paper and slippers while I'm at it??

I don't mean to sound like the discovery channel, but I think the alpa, beta thing applies here for couples that swing with single males. It must be made clear who is alpha. Their not even close to being equal. I'm thinking of making them suck my dick or toss my salad or something to establish this relationship.

You could always piss on your wife and mark your territory.

 

I'm KIDDING....

Mr LM has done this. . . it worked quite well.

LM

Don't knock it, Ves.

 

Mr LM has done this. . . it worked quite well.

 

LM

-B

Now, you know you can't just say that and walk away without an explaination, don't you?

 

-B

To be completely honest, we haven't tried this on a human male.

I will say it kept the cats away when Mr LM and I had sex on the back deck.

LM

I laughed my ass off when I read this. It reminds me of those couples that their first email to me is "meet us at such and such hotel at 8pm tomorrow night".

Riiiiiight. You want me to fetch your paper and slippers while I'm at it??

curiousagain, I hope you send those couples a note back that says, "I'll be there! You'll recognize me easily, because I'll be the one without my shirt ... or head."

Naw, I just say "thanks but no thanks". Just as I am to this bait.

Have a nice day.

Okay, okay.

 

To be completely honest, we haven't tried this on a human male.

 

I will say it kept the cats away when Mr LM and I had sex on the back deck.

 

LM

Gotta keep those damned cats away....

Their tongues are too scratchy!

If ever there was a thread that got completely off topic this is it!!!!

Good luck Mr&Mrs Naughty, I think no matter what you do there will always be some clingy singles out there. Each segment of swinging has it's own problems, cpl-cpl is difficult to find 4 people who really match, single bi-fems are virtually non-existant and single guys/girls are more likely to be clingy...

Still wondering if LM is telling the whole story. Oh yes, and good luck ES, hope everything works out well...

Yup, It did go just a little off topic.

How we go from stalkish singles to pissing on cats I'll never know.

How we go from stalkish singles to pissing on cats I'll never know.

What.......It's not the same thing.