View Poll Results: Who initiates the meetings between single men and couples

126. You may not vote on this poll
  • I (S-M) always approach couples first

    5 3.97%
  • We (cpl) always approach single men first

    28 22.22%
  • We (cpl) usually wait for men to approach us

    14 11.11%
  • I/We don't care who makes the first move

    79 62.70%
Results 1 to 23 of 23
  1. #1

    Default For single guys and Cpls who swing with them

    My question is are most single men approached by couples they eventually swing with or do the single men approach the couples?
    "Style is not lusting after someone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict BiloxiCouple's Avatar
    Couple with benefits and retired
    SLS Profile


    The place we regularly go to the the only way for a single to meet someone is for a couple to approach them. House rules.

    Other places have different rules where the singles can roam more.

    And in a "normal" place he may get more than he is wanting?
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict TNT's Avatar
    Blog Entries
    SLS Profile


    If we are at a social/club that allows single men and I happen to see someone who piques my interest, then we will approach them.

    We have also been contacted by single men from ads that we have placed and if we like what they had to say, have met and played with them. As well as, contacting single men through ad sites.

    So...either way works for us.

    Ted and Teresa
    No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

  4. #4


    We usually approach a single male together. Although we have had single males approach us on a site and we have met with them. So I guess I would have to say either way is ok with us.

  5. #5


    We usually let them approach us then decide if we would like to met with them.

  6. #6


    I am a single guy and I always wait for a couple to approach me. There is such a negative stigma that surrounds the "single guy" that I don't want to me lumped into the kettle. Many couples have simply told me I would never be anything but a "lap dog" but I've had to grow a thick skin and I can understand some of their points of view. There are so many guys out there just wanting to get laid. And although it sounds like a line, I just really want to hang with other people of like minds. If something else comes of it, fine. If not, no biggie.

  7. #7


    Are you talking about the initial meeting (ie. who contacts who first via an ad or whatnot), meeting at a swing club, Or who initiates things once you are together?
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  8. #8


    Originally posted by JustAskJulie
    Are you talking about the initial meeting (ie. who contacts who first via an ad or whatnot), meeting at a swing club, Or who initiates things once you are together?
    I'm talking about the initial meeting. My ex-girlfriend/swing partner and I would always contact singles first (men or women). I was wondering if other couples took the initiative now that swinging has moved to the internet or if they waited for single men to contact them.
    "Style is not lusting after someone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."


  9. #9


    My biggest issue is I don't want to be treated like "just another piece of meat". I have feelings too.

  10. #10


    I would prefer the couple approach me. I'd feel weird approaching them as a single guy. They know what they want and I believe its easier that way.
    " A girl's legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part". -R. Foxx

  11. #11


    We would prefer to do the approaching, but I think that if the right single approached us, things wouldn't be out of the question. It has a lot to do with his or her actions. As long as there is respect, I am ok with them approaching us.

    I put the "grrrr" in swinger baby, yeah!

    --Austin Powers

  12. #12


    As noted by some of the other replies, "it depends"

    If at a club, there may be "ground rules" that require single men to wait for couples or single women to make the first move. This is often because it's often observed that at times, especially on "singles nights" a feeding frenzy can sometimes develop otherwise. But some clubs may or may not have this rule, as depending on the crowd and quality of the regular guests, these courtesies don't need to be so closely policed.

    Now, out in the "world" answering ads, etc.... we often wait for guys to contact us, as there is no shortage of their doing so

    We could certainly go search for bi curious guys for our 3somes, and we have at times, but since most contact us via our AFF ad... there really isn't any need.

    ...and that's not just OK, it's great It saves us a lot of time.

    As long as the contact is friendly, polite, then there's no problem.


  13. #13
    Long Timer Perseus's Avatar
    S. Male seeking Couples and S. Females for good times and possible LTR
    SLS Profile


    Well, I guess this goes back to the "are you lucky' thread, but I got lucky. I meet the couple that I see in a off premise bar that I never had much luck in (any more luck then I have in regular clus meeting women). I was able to introduce myself as I had seen them on Yahoo and recognised them from thier profile. I walked up and said hi and explained how I knew them. Fortunately, I was lucky enough that the like me and we have been together ever since. I am working to meet more people, and I think that being bi may come in handy as I am seeing more and more couples that are accepting it and advertising it. Maybe puritan America is starting to turn the corner.

    Now, single women, that's tougher.


    P.S I have been seeing them for 2 years and I love them to death (the l word is not bad in this context right?) Now, maybe I can talk them into a poly relationship.

  14. #14

    Default Well...

    So far I have only been approached. To date, I haven't had the nerve to approach a couple "that way". Now I've talked to couples that ultimately I didn't swing with. Was that an "approach"? I think I'm confused...

    Now if I saw Roxy in a room, I would HAVE to approach her!

    Oh, if only...
    To err is human... To REALLY foul things up takes a computer!!!

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict ATAK's Avatar
    Single Male
    SLS Profile


    I have been on both sides of this situation, I've been approached, as well as the approach-ee. In the case of me being the one who breaks the ice, I usually try to find some common thread of interest totally outside of a sexual reference to begin conversation. I've found that this usually doesn't produce the "defensive" reaction that a sexual comment would. It also gives you time to size up who they are, what they want, their likes and dislikes and you may find out before you actually get naked with them that you really may not want to get naked with them.

    On the other hand, if I'm approached about swinging, I assume that the couple/person doing the asking is already interested to some degree and I'll answer any questions they have regarding sex or swinging immediately. It does not always lead to a romp in the bed, but then sex isn't the end-all to life now is it? What am I saying!!! Of Course It Is!!!! LOL :slam"
    If you love her, set her free...if she doesn't come back, she's probably with me.

  16. #16

    Default Re: For single guys and Cpls who swing with them

    We usually do the approaching, it is safer that way. But most of all we all have to meet and gel first.

  17. #17

    Default Re: For single guys and Cpls who swing with them

    On personal ads sites I email a reply to ads asking for single men. At a club I let the Cpls aproach me.

  18. #18

    Default Re: For single guys and Cpls who swing with them

    why are you asking?

  19. #19

    Default Re: For single guys and Cpls who swing with them

    When we swung with single men, it was always a combination of both. Most of the time it felt like neither.

  20. #20

    Default Re: For single guys and Cpls who swing with them

    I realize that this is an old thread, but the question is still valid, so here goes...

    I've never contacted a couple as a single male, and unless I knew that they were looking for single males, and that we had some specific common interests (in or out of the bedroom) I doubt I ever would. There are a couple reasons for that;

    1) I figure most couples know what they're looking for. My profile is pretty descriptive, and my pics are current. If I'm "it" I'll hear from them...if not, why bother?

    2) I don't believe in "canned" intros/responses, and my time to pursue others is limited. If it takes as much time to write a note to a couple on a swingers website as it does to a single female on a vanilla site, I'd rather spend it doing something that's likely to result in an actual meeting, not a request for a picture of my dick.

    3) Couples who are looking for single males usually aren't looking for one all the seems to be more of an "occasional" thing. I don't want to putz around for 3 months waiting for them to "get in the mood" again.

    4) "Double the people" I would be meeting equals double the potential drama, and double the chances that one of them isn't going to be comfortable with me. Again, if they take the first step, I at least know I'm past the first hurdle.

    Whether I would approach a couple at a swing club is a moot point, since, from what I've observed of the single males and the women they seem to attract at the clubs, I would never attend one alone.

  21. #21

    Default Re: For single guys and Cpls who swing with them

    It would not matter to us who made the first move.

    I like a man who is not afraid to come up and introduce himself to Mr LM and me.


  22. #22

    Default Re: For single guys and Cpls who swing with them


  23. #23

    Default Re: For single guys and Cpls who swing with them

    It seems safer to approch the men first. We feel like we are more in control that way.


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