Sorry it happened to be long...I would really use some help now because I am holding up by a last straw.
For some of you who don't remember my situation. We started swinging about 3 years ago, I wasn't very happy with experiences. It wasn't always bad but just not the way I wanted. We met a man I liked and I started seeing him on a regular basis for last 2 years.
Let tell about his personality a little. He has a lot of psychological issues as probably like most of us but some of them was very hard to deal with. He has a temper and likes things his way and if something doesn't go his way he gets pissed. He always wants to call his shots, he always shows he is in control of our meetings. I would never respond I don't want see him when he invites me because I know it's maybe the last one if I say "not this time".
He is one of those men who doesn't give a s... about women much although he said he has feelings for me when I asked. He cooks romantic dinners when I am over at his place and occasionally says he misses me. I always try to filter what I say to him so I won't hurt his feelings or at least I try.
When we go out I pay half or occasionally pick up a tab. I always bring take outs on weekdays and something on weekends.Always expensive gifts on B-days or major holidays for about $500.
The major and most important part he is an amazing lover . I can cum from just sucking his cock alone never mind other stuff. His kisses make my knees shake, his touch blows my mind. I think it has something to do with our chemistry plus his skills are quite good. I always cum after 4-5th thrust when he enters me and I do cum hard. I usually feel I almost lose consciousness from orgasms when they come in those waves one after another when we fuck and my mind wonders in a totally different dimension...I know it sounds weird I never had it before in my life.
We usually fuck for about 3-hours at least. Just forplay may take an hour and nobody gets bored neither him nor me.
I am in my late 30, I have a sexy very taken care of body, I dress up sexy and usually adventurous in bed I make sure to work hard in bed so if I decided to spend time with somebody they will get best of me, and I have a a decent job . It's not a like I am looser or a needy girl craving for attention.
So, this time I offered him to go on paid off vacation with us(hubby and me) to Caliente in Florida. They play on occasion together as well when they have that itch for cock. So there were shouln't have been any awkward moments between them. I know I was pushing, I have that tendency to push buttons.I guess it comes from my pretty girl experience where I get what I want in pretty all aspects of my life if really decide on something. Hubby spoils me.
I know I should be careful with him, he looked interested, asked questions, we really were discussing that trip,I said everything will be paid by us tickets, hotel, food, drinks, car rental, however when I ask him if we should reserve tickets he said "No". I was maybe a little pushy.I wasn't happy with his answer so I didn't respond to that text which was pretty much end of conversion there was no question to answer.
Week past by and I asked him about playdate. He said "BUSY TONIGHT" he doesn't do it that often, he hasn't refused seeing me lately so I felt something was off but couldn't realize what. I texted a worried massage and he called back said that too much was going on in his job, life and overall too much stress.
Ok, I was waiting for him to offer to meet, NOTHING.
In couple of days before our usual weekend get together he was silent. No msg, no call, nothing. Ok, I was worried sick. Something is wrong, I have no idea what is going on so I text him and ask for playdate. Nothing
Never happened before unless he is mad, I get paranoid, have no idea what is going on so I wait until late night,have couple of drinks,I never called him drunk before, call him and ask to call me or maybe demand to call me or at least maybe it sounded like a demand in his perception.
In couple hours I get a very nasty msg with lots of swears that apparently he wasn't happy with me pushing for vacation and wanted to give me time out, but apparently I scrued it up too by demanding to call me back.
I was terrified with amount of swears and rage in his msg. I didn't know he was pissed about vacation and couldn't figure out why he is so mad when I just ask him to call me back. I send him back something not very nice, there was no swears but I was pissed I let him know that. I said he needs to be careful what he is saying to me because I am one of the best things in his life. OK, it was over the top, I know. I was upset so he went ballistic.
So, now he is even more mad at me and doesn't want see me.I am devastated and have no idea what to do. I asked several times to meet like grown ups and talk but he doesn't even respond.
The reason why I tell you all about it because we all our lives, make mistakes, and we need to fix it. Sometimes when you look at situation under different angle you can see different point of views. I need you input.
Don't know if he even will want see me again and I can't live without him.
I know it sounds silly, but really I am very dependent on out meetings and on seeing him. It's very hard to make me that happy in bed and it was always perfect. I really don't believe I can find anybody with that level of chemistry.
What do I do?