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  1. #1

    Default Advice wanted: Lost intimacy in our sex life

    My hubby and I have been swinging for 5 years. In the beginning swinging was in addition to our personal sex life. Now, it seems, that unless there is a 3rd or 4th or more-some, or, at the very least - non-stop talk of a 3 or more-some - our personal intimate sex life does not take place. Do other couples experience this same situation?? Does swinging become the "determinator" for any kind of intimate contact/alone/romantic love making session with your spouse?? Does one-on-one with the one you love happen less and less?? Just wondering how/if swinging has affected other relationships the same?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Advice wanted

    I am truly sorry to hear that your personal love life has become nonexistent, for us swinging is like foreplay, we enjoy the company of others but still enjoy our personal time.

    The Mrs and I make love 3 to 4 times a week and swinging is only a few times a month as we have time.
    Happy swinging!
    Kent & Leah
    All pleasure no pressure!

  3. #3
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    M. Male - MrsCoupleErotic's other half

    Default Re: Advice wanted

    No, it has not happened to us, but we have been swinging less than two years.

    It is something I thought about, but more from the perspective similar to an adrenaline junkie. It occurred to me early on that just like extreme sports it could eventually mean "upping the ante" in order to get the same rush. It has not happened but we try to mix things up in our personal life so we keep thing fresh between us.

    Not to mention, the romance is only between us. Sure we get intimate with our partners, but romance is about much more than sex.

    It is great to have 3, 4 or more involved, but if you don't get into a rut as a twosome I think you can avoid the "need" to "up the ante" so to speak. Keeping the romance at a high level will help enormously.

    It might be that you two need to take a break from swinging and "rediscover" each other a bit for a while, rekindle the romance AND the steamy sex side as well.
    "So let us begin anew - remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness” JFK

  4. #4

    Default Re: Advice wanted

    Likewise, we haven't been around that long yet, it's definitely not causing a slowdown in our personal sex lives, more like the opposite. We get such a charge from being with others that it typically leads to 2 or even 3 sessions between ourselves afterwards, enough so that my wife feels worn out yet happy about it quite often.

    I think if we were having a slowdown in our personal sex life, we would cut back on the swinging (or take a full break) and figure out what the deal is.

    We definitely dont want swinging to be a replacement for our sex life.

  5. #5
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice wanted

    We've been swinging for seven years (damn, time flies..), and our one-on-one encounters outnumber other pairings by a large amount. Now, we've never been the type to go out every weekend. It's usually around once a month for us, so while swinging is definitely a significant part of who we are, it has never consumed us to the point that we lost our personal intimacy. Swinging is still just extra icing for us.

    Do you both feel the need to add that extra person or persons to your play, or is this coming from one person within the couple?

    I think this is something the two of you would want to sit down and chat about, in order to see how the both of you feel. At that point, you can start to put swinging where you both agree it belongs within the priorities of your relationship.
    I don't have time for dinner. Someone on the internet is wrong!

  6. #6
    Swap Meet Enthusiast Dont.Stop's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice wanted

    Mrs. and I were swinging every weekend for almost all 3 months we've been in the LS. Our schedules now make that impossible, but it's not a problem at all. In fact, I kinda wondered if exactly what you speak of would happen.

    I'm with others here-- swinging/swapping/moresomes is just the appetizer of a very satisfying sex life for us. Please don't fill yourself up on the hors d'oeuvres and neglect the main course.
    You say "oral fixation" like it's a bad thing!

  7. #7

    Default Re: Advice wanted

    For us the swinging has made our sexual bedroom encounters even hotter. Do we sometimes talk about it and even role play yeah, but not to the exclusion of the personal intimacy between us.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Advice wanted

    Susan here-- Well, you replaced sexual intimacy with the thrill of sexual acts. The latter is more thrilling in the short term, yet if that's all you get, it's like candy, too much of a good thing and you've forgotten the importance of dining on good food. Take a break from swinging and reconnect with your sensual selves. Touching, sensualness with a buildup to a great sexual encounter and it's just you two.

    It has effected you because you let it effect you. It snuck up on you like an addictive drug. Sex can be VERY addictive. Good luck reconnecting with what is truly important.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Advice wanted

    It is the male side that would like the extra body(ies) more often. I am away all week, so our time together is over the weekend. On occasion I get to be home on a Wednesday night. In the last month we have entertained/hosted every weekend, on my one Wednesday home and have had only one afternoon as just a couple - which was FANTASTIC. I am starting my internship in the fall and I know time for play will be none and he says he just wants to get it in before that happens. The thing is, our time as a couple will dramatically reduce during my intern and that's what I will (and do) miss.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Advice wanted: Lost intimacy in our sex life

    swinging shouldn't be the primary but an enhancement. Try some new things between just the two of you. Kinky stuff like outside on your deck at night while the neighbors are within sight, ride in the car and play with each other, dress him up in some of your sexy underwear!!! Jump in the tub together with some drinks and play some games! there are sooo many things you can do and he can do to get the excitement back, stay away from the lifestyle for a little

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    M. Male - MrsCoupleErotic's other half

    Default Re: Advice wanted: Lost intimacy in our sex life

    You really need to sit down with him and explain that you need "you" time, just between the two off you.

    It is not unlike having kids. As much as we love our children, we need to have time that is just the two of us alone. And not just for sex, but intimacy, romance, talk time. If we don't MAKE that time for the two us to enjoy just each other then we run the risk of growing apart.

    And swinging is far less important than our children. Do yourselves a favor and find some alone time. Let him know how important it is for you and your marriage.
    "So let us begin anew - remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness” JFK

  12. #12

    Default Re: Advice wanted: Lost intimacy in our sex life

    He wants to get the swinging in before you're gone at the sacrifice of interpersonal intimacy. Sorry,but that does not bode well and hopefully he will get back to the sex that is important to you. A bit of a course correction is needed here on his part. It's great that he likes he, but he's liking it too much.

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