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  1. #26

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Youth, yes, were we different many years ago? Yes we were. Did we fuck up? Yes we did. Damn, I wish that I had this communications path even one year ago. We all live and learn. He will do so as well, and where he is 15 years from now means nothing to him now. Give him a break.

    Try anything once, twice if it is fun, three times if it is real good!

  2. #27

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Question: the hubby noticed you said 'foursome' and then turned it into swapping in separate rooms...which isn't exactly 4sum it's two 2sums.

    Any chance the other couple would have been happier with all four of you doing stuff..where he would still get to be with his love and you with yours and sometimes with each others? Or even trade off FMF or MFM?
    Evel Knievel died of natural causes. Looks like I will too.

  3. #28

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    no apolgies here, this is why we don't play with early 20 somethings, that we don't know very, very well. You may have learned one lesson, but it will take many more before you mature enough to play with.
    there are a few 20 somethings out there ready, but knowing which ones are ready takes time.

  4. #29

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Since I’m kind of being attacked from all sides, I think that after this last post I’m going to do my best to just avoid speaking anymore. What began as a search for advice has become a bunch of people chastising me for being something that I honestly am not.

    Yeah, I hit him. And things are cool. I just talked to him a couple of hours ago, and he assured me that everything was fine. If there really isn’t another guy who has ever seen a friend of theirs hurt another friends feelings and given him a punch and a ‘what the hell, dude?’ as a way of showing said friend the error of their ways, then there is a much bigger generational gap than I thought.

    I don’t go around punching everyone who has ever hurt my girlfriend’s feelings. I don’t think I’d hit any other swinger on the off chance I ended up in that situation again. The fact is that at that particular moment, it was acceptable, and he thinks so too. I’m not sorry.

    As for them being in love and me being such a dick for ruining what precious little time they had… there’s more to the story than you know. They had only recently gotten back together after a bad breakup involving her cheating on him. I’m not going into any more detail because it’s not really relevant anyway, but it’s sufficient to say that their relationship isn’t nearly as romantic or ideal as many people seem to think.

    And despite all this, just to clear up a fact that I think might have been lost in the rat race to condemn me: I never once hassled him in ANY way for being so outspokenly in love with his girlfriend. Not even jokingly. But I have mentioned before that he had left the room at one point and his own girlfriend complained that she was getting sick of him being in love with him in the same way that a 2nd grader might profess love for his teacher.

    And for the record, my own sister is a lesbian, and I love her regardless. Don’t try and make me out to be prejudiced towards homosexuals when they themselves use the term ‘gay’ in the exact same manner that I have.

    The fact is that this isn’t going to stop me from swinging because I honestly don’t think that I’m wrong here, and whether you want to believe me or not, I’ve never had a problem admitting when I’m wrong. Maybe it’s the medium in which this information is being delivered, but the fact is that no one who can really, honestly say that they know what kind of person I am. Instead, I am made out to be the biggest asshole imaginable.

    And just as a note to miss Safire, my girlfriend did nothing more in this whole predicament than cry. If you intend on making me anathema to the entire forum, then I beseech you to at least do her the courtesy of not lumping her into the same category as me, whether I’m an asshole or not. She’s a much better person than I think I could ever be.

    On final notes, I’m not going to defend my friendship with this guy, nor am I going to admit being in the wrong, nor apologize for my actions. I’d like to note that the whole idea of separate rooms was instated with the intention of helping to quell his nerves. I appreciate the help that I DID receive from some people on this board, and while I disagree with many, I respect your opinions. I’d also like to that ncmd_couple for being the one person I can note who gave me even the slightest benefit of a doubt. Their little bit of defense is appreciated more than they could possibly imagine.

    Thanks for your time.

    -Ave Satanas

  5. #30

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Ave Satanas means Hail Satan, or long live Satan

    Maturity issues maybe? The lifestyle is not for you at this juncture

  6. #31

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Ave Satanas has some things to learn about swinging, but didn't we all when we started out?

    We've been swinging 4 years and we're still learning.

    I think we should keep in mind that he is 21 years olds. He has handled the criticism he's been given here better than some members in the past who are much older, more experienced swingers. I think that counts for something.

    I like reading what he has to say and it is rare to have someone his age involved on the Board.

    Ave, I hope you will stick around and continue to contribute your thoughts and experiences in the forums.


  7. #32

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    I for one found that story pretty damn entertaining! At any rate, my advice is:

    Take things slow and easy, and try not to have expectations at all. The more expectations you have, the more disappointment you're setting yourself up for (and I speak from experience there). Rejection is also something you're going to have to handle from time to time, so keep that in mind.

    Violence is no big deal to me (actually I think the whole world should go back to seeing it as no big deal ), and actually a good thing in more than a few circumstances, but in a swinging situation? Whew. No way. I know your situation was unique here, so I won't chastise you. Do be aware, though, that most swinging couples will avoid that sort of thing like the plague (fun and drama don't mix for most people), and that what most people are after is either a. a very light-hearted playful sexual encounter, or b. a very erotic sexual encounter.

  8. #33

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    I don't know this person nor do I personally agree with how they went about things but it seems like everyone has started attacking him on the fact of his age and his mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes especially being new in the lifestyle. I find it hard to believe that everyone of you who is so mightily casting those first stones didn't at one point, especially in the beginning, yourselves have some problems/ predicaments/ something out of the ordinary happen. You might not agree with what happened but theres definitely no need to attack as most of you have been doing. He has also been taking everyones criticism very well might I add. Better then most people "His age" would do. Even if everything you all have been saying is true there is such a thing as constructive criticism. If you don't have something nice to say then keep it to yourself.

    As for how things went down Mr Ave Satanas. No I don't really agree with how you handled things and the punch being unnecessary ( its never ever good to handle things physically Like that) . Next time just tell them things aren't working out and ask them to leave. If you have to drive them the next morning go and pick them up. Don't react heat of the moment. thats when things you will regret will happen. It sounds like from your last comment that they don't have the best relationship which is usually big drama in this lifestyle so you might just avoid them all together and make better choices next time. Good luck and hope you have better times in the future.

  9. #34

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Is it being critical, though, to say (with LOVE), that this kid is smart, has lots going for him I'm sure, and will have a great life...but maybe the pressures of multiples sex with different people and different partners is not prudent at this juncture due to his current maturity level and perspective?

    I mean, surely not everyone is ready for swinging with their first partner at 20 years of age. A (precious) few are, but for most, they are just diving into the shark tank. I'm not going to judge the person, but I am certainly fit to judge the behavior. If someone is punching another person, calling someone "gay" for being in love and wanting to be with a long distance love the night before they leave, and has such a callous approach to sex that he or she is ALREADY jaded in love and pushing for multiples, that person doesn't need a pat on the back. They need a bit of tough love.

  10. #35

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Oh mY god! just reading this now!! You sound like a total nightmare - violent, homophobic, hyper-macho! Yuck! You need to wise up! You would be my worst nightmare if I encountered you in a swinging situation.

  11. #36

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Oh your God. I must be a total nightmare... violent because I hit a guy for my making my girlfriend cry... Homophobic despite having a lesbian sister and girlfriend who had played with the girl from this situation... and at 6'2" and a STARTLING 130 pounds, WOW am I hyper-macho or what?

    Yep. I'm a nightmare.

  12. #37
    Swingers Board Addict fun4Ds's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Current Predicament


    Have you considered placing an ad on some of the sites. From your post you stated that you couldn't afford a cam corder because of the financial crunch from college. i understand that,I've been there myself. Personally i like to check the profile (here) and on sls just to get a better feel of who we are corresponding with. Maybe if you posted a profile on (they offer a free membership) it would show that your sincere about what the swinging lifestyle has to offer. There are many younger people your age and (school of higher education bound) now days. Be honest, tell about your lady as well and maybe a pic of you and your lady together,it would be nice. how would your lady feel about something like this, what are her thoughts.

  13. #38

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    It's one of those things that we mean to do, but honestly just never get around to. Between both of us working and going to school, when we get time together in which we could take decent pictures of ourselves, we usually have sex instead, honestly.

    We do have older pictures of the two of us, but they're all of when she was underage (hey now, we've been together for a couple years now!)

  14. #39

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    homo phobic? no, i doubt it.

    violent, last time i checked punching was considered assault and battery. definitely a violent act. so yes you are currently considered a violent person. go ten years w/o any violent actions, aside from self defense, then I will reconsider.
    Hyper-Macho? macho is all about attitude not size. lets face it whe you are sitting a bar,and a fight breaks out, it is more often than not, a little guy, with a macho attitude, who thinks he has to prove something to his woman, that throws the first punch.
    Immature, yeah, you have a long ways to go.

  15. #40

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    I honestly don't think I'm a violent person at all. Yeah, I hit a guy, but I just think I'm different in the sense that hitting a person can sometimes be worth the hassle. I'm not going to get involved in every fight I see, and this is the first time in a good 6 or 7 years that I've been the one to throw the first punch, but I'm not afraid to hit someone. I considered the consequents and deemed it worthwhile.

    As for a macho attitude... I don't think so, but it doesn't really matter because it's not convincing coming from me. I have a confident attitude, maybe, but not macho.

    As for maturity... my views on this have already been stated, I'm not going to repeat myself every time someone new questions it.

  16. #41
    Swingers Board Addict fun4Ds's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Quote Originally Posted by Ave Satanas View Post
    I honestly don't think I'm a violent person at all. Yeah, I hit a guy, but I just think I'm different in the sense that hitting a person can sometimes be worth the hassle. I'm not afraid to hit someone. I considered the consequents and deemed it worthwhile.
    AVE, I don't feel your getting what you said here, I don't think you really thought about the consequences, If your over 18 in your area, Throwing the first punch would have, in a different situation had a different outcome.

    1.That is assault and battery, weather the police were involved or not you still committed assault and battery.
    2.You were, according to your chain of events, house sitting for someone at their own home.
    3.Sometimes even a soft punch, could be lethal. You said yourself you didn't know this guy, (you don't know his medical history)
    4.What if at any time because you did in fact, commit a crime, that you felt in control of, involved the police?

    Your at someone else's house having to explain that you did this because he wouldn't fuck your girlfriend. What about every one in your whole town knowing you have been arrested for battery(and possibly sexual deiviance)? The middle school you work at,or any Future Employer.Violent acts never leave your record...ever.

    Those are thoughts about considering the consequences. I don't need a reply to any of the above at all, EVER. It is something I would hope you think about every day, for the rest of your life.

    Enough about the punch.Lets move on to how you feel about this lifestyle.This all started with a fantasy for you.We all have them. Many people start for different reasons.But here is a major difference between what you have going so far at your age, and what we have being older.(not saying your to young,just our differences)

    We seek like minded people,(couples) in solid good relationships that we share our sexuality with. We have an understanding that in those relationships we make sure that everyone is emotionally prepared for any misunderstandings.We practice good communication first, with the couples or singles we should encounter.That let us fully understand each other. Your not doing that Thus Far.

    What I see here,from you. From your own words.(ill copy and past here if need be, from other posts) Is you CONTROLLING every situation. The last one being, you said 4 some when you first met. He and his girl went along. You and maybe both girls were on board with this experiment, but this guy didn't have a clue before he came home from school.This is being PREDATORY.

    All throughout you posts everything says your following a predatory sexual behavior. Not once,not one person or couple have you considered anyones feelings but your own.Before acting on your own desires.

    I'm really not trying to bash you.. You have said all along you wanted our thoughts, our replies, our opinions as long as we don't tell you that you are to young bla, bla , bla. In this lifestyle we share our sexuality with others that are all open and understanding of how we feel.Your being deceiving to others, your girlfriend, and to yourself. You said that you are going to continue with swinging, I'm not telling you to grow up. I'm saying STOP.Think about this. Think about what WE AS SWINGERS think.Then you may take a better road than the one you are on.

  17. #42

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    wasn't questioning your maturity, just stating you simply dont have any. stop pretending, you are only fooling yourself, and reminding everyone why young swingers aren't worth the hassle

  18. #43

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    One more point that we seem to be overlooking: You knew that they had just recently gotten back together after breaking up because she cheated on him? I will be the first to say that suggesting that she have sex with you (based on this fact) was just plain stoooooopid. This would be one more example of how you need to get a little maturity under your belt and figure out what is and is not a smart or mature move. Thank god you live no where near us!!!!!

  19. #44

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    I'm an attorney, and I have to reiterate what Fun4ds punch is worth the trouble that could come from it. I actually had a case where a bunch of pro-hockey players similarly thought there was no problem in punching people, I mean that's what they do on the ice. Except it got out of hand and someone almost got killed and a bunch of them wound up in jail with a variety of lawyers pursuing them, there money and their futures.

    If you deal with your problems by striking other human beings, especially in intimate situations, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.

  20. #45
    anything boys can do.... prettylady's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Quote Originally Posted by Ave Satanas View Post
    I suppose deep down I knew that this guy and I were (and still are!) good enough friends that the hit wouldn't be a huge problem. I suppose that might be because we're younger and will hit one another half the time just for the hell of it. And anyone who knows hockey guys knows that fighting isn't a HUGE thing for us. In the end, the guy later offered to take another hit, saying he himself felt like he had it coming..
    HUGE hockey fan, I married and divorced a hockey guy. Never saw him or his buddies fight in anger or fun...unless on the ice.
    I am a competitive kickboxer and my SO is a boxer. I give him gut shots all the time. But I would never hit a friend and Dog would never lay a hand on his buddies.
    Kids get in fist fights and get over it. Adults talk about problems and decide whether to stay friends or continue on.

    In alot of ways you may be very mature. But when it comes to relationships and swinging you still have alot to learn.
    I like to think when it comes to swinging I am fairly mature. I still have my moments of complete childishness but I don't hide it under some weak excuse like being a "hockey guy". I use the excuse that I am still new and have alot to learn, then I back that up with appologies for my actions.

    Your friend,
    To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

  21. #46

    Default Re: My Current Predicament

    Personally, I think the profile name "Ave Satanas" alone shows a certain level of immaturity and an overall willingness to "Start Some Sh*t". And that's coming from an athiest. You'll note that our username makes no reference to that point. Maturity would dictate that you don't throw religion out there unless you want it thrown back.
    I agree with the others. You are simply too young of mind. Of course you think you aren't, we all thought that before life smacked us in the face. And oddly enough, that happens around 25-26 years of age.
    You punched a guy because you and your SO hadn't the life experience to notice when to stop. One day, he'll return the favor in one fashion or another. I'm sure he was grateful for your understanding and thoughtfulness as a friend. If ever in doubt in any situation, just remember this....WWJD? That was a joke by the way, you can laugh now.

    Vade Satanas

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