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Thread: Feeling Guility

  1. #1

    Unhappy Feeling Guility

    I need help on this one. I'm pretty sure I've read a question pertaining to religion on here before, but I can't find it. So, I'm posting this one. Well, me and hubby went to our first swingers party this weekend. It was a blast and we both had so much fun. The hosts were great and there was no pressure. We didn't do any swapping or anything, but loved being there and experiencing it first hand how it all seems to work. The only problem now is that I, the wife, am feeling guilty, not really about the party, except I would have loved to do more , but about the fact that we are religious and are still trying to find out if we can do both and be ok with it. I don't see it as cheating because we are both there and agree to it and I don't really see it as wrong, even though as everything else sexual, porn for an example which we both love to watch, has been drilled into our heads as being wrong. I'm just trying to find out why I'm feeling like this. I want more, as does he, but I'm dreading the feeling of guilt if we do go further and I really hate that feeling. So, I was wondering if anyone has ever had these thoughts or is religious and how they deal with it all or am I just worrying for nothing? I love my faith and it's part of me, I just need to learn how to balance it all out or realize that there is no place for it in swinging. Any and all advice will be helpful.
    Thanks all

  2. #2

    Default Re: Feeling Guility

    Hi, Firefly!

    There is a website specifically for Christian Swingers. Here's a link:

    Also, one of our most active couples, the Spoomonkeys, have learned to balance their faith and the lifestyle. They're wonderful folks. I'm sure they'll be along soon to help answer your questions.

    While I don't call myself a Christian, I have great respect for Jesus Christ and his teachings. It's my opinion that Saul of Tarsus and Constantine changed his focus from caring love to hellfire and brimstone. My guess is that Jesus is really upset with what's happened to his faith.

    I also believe that Christ's relationship with Mary Magdeline was a lot more than we've been told in the Gospels. Whether they were married and had a son, I don't know, but my guess is that their relationship was sexual.

    Since I can't accept the church as a true representative of Jesus, I've chosen to combine His teachings with Native American culture. It's worked well with me.

    Mr. Alura
    aka Stands-Firm-with-Pony
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." óWill Rogers

    "Swingin' Down to Tulsa," a novel by the Aluras. Read a free sample Here

  3. #3

    Default Re: Feeling Guility

    This was a very good thread on the subject...

    With insights from my favorite scribe on this subject, intuition897.


    This one's timeless......

    resident martian anthropologist...observing the

  4. #4

    Default Re: Feeling Guility

    Being a christian you should already have an idea of what is right and wrong. I would have thought you had dealt with all those issues. Shoot, what do I l know?

    I'm sure this is an important topic and I don't want to demean your feelings in any way, but only you can really answer for your guilty pleasure feelings. You have to ultimately make the call.

    You can always play with the type of people who think like you...other christians. See, it just so happens that there are those in the lifestyle who do feel that christianity is not what they are looking for. That's why I put that first sentence in. You should always do only what is comfortable for you.

    Male D
    "Just nod if you can hear me..."

    David Gilmour

  5. #5

    Default Re: Feeling Guility

    We actually attend the Episcopal Church several times a month. They are a fairly liberal group of people and accept a wide variety of lifestyles. We don't swing with any of them but do drink a lot of wine and have some really fun vanilla parties that get interesting from time to time. It is good networking for the real world. Just because you like to share your spouse with other people doesn't mean that you are a bad person. In fact, all of the people that we swing with were raised in Christian families and consider themselves to basically be of that faith. So why are you feeling guilty? We don't feel guilty.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Feeling Guility

    That's what I meant to relay...good job, SouthBond.

    Male D
    "Just nod if you can hear me..."

    David Gilmour

  7. #7

    Default Re: Feeling Guility

    Hi Firefly,
    I think its good you have posted and wanting to deal with the guilt issue. Clearly swinging will be a lot more enjoyable once you deal with the guilt.
    Besides the web site there are a few books that can help.

    A generic book is The Royal Law of Liberty: Living in Freedom Under Christ\'s Law of Love by Darwin Chandler
    Darwin shows that Christianity is about love. He coments on much of the NT showing that the only way we can fulfill the law is by loving God and loving people. It doesn't deal with sexual issues much, but realyl sets one free from a law based righteousness. Jesus is the end of the law for righteousness. Rom.10
    Darwin also has a book called Divine Sex written under a pen name ...Philo Thelos In this book he deal with ever verse in the Bible that referances sex.
    If you are from a church background that seens teh Bible as the Word of God you will like his books.

    Dirt, Greed, and Sex: Sexual Ethics in the New Testament and Their Implications for Today by L. William Countryman While Countryman wouldn't be comfortable with swinging this book will really help you understand what purity was all about in the Bible.

    I personlly have have done a study on defining adultery from a Biblical point of view with an application for today. Its 15 pages long with many quotes. I'd be glad to email it to anyone ..

    If one wants a really dry read that shows how the church has been against sex thruout its history there is this book. Eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven: Women, Sexuality and the Catholic Church by Uta Ranke-Heineman


  8. #8

    Default Re: Feeling Guility

    I believe that this is a case where everyone needs to make their own decision. Paul states in Romans 14 that some things are ok for some people and not for others. For us soft swap is as far as we will go.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Feeling Guility

    I think your wise to apply Rom.14. I really think the church and ministers in their desire to be absolute and define sins for everyone ignore this great princple that Paul puts forth. What a change for him from his Pharisetacal training.


  10. #10

    Default Re: Feeling Guility


    Ok I can't but I won't give it both barrels, I'll go softly.

    Think of it this way, assuming there is a God and all that....

    Do you really think god is that preoccupied with your vagina and what you stick in it? Do you think the creator of all creation, is getting angry that you are enjoying what apparently he/she/it gave you? Wouldn't God want you to be happy and if this makes you happy and hurts no one do you really think the omnipotent, alpha and omega is going to be put out that you put out?

    Perhaps the greatest boon of swinging for deep thinkers is nothing physical but psychological. Being set free of jealousy and guilt gives you a whole new perspective on life.

    Just ask yourself WHY you feel guilty. I'm going to guess and its just a guess, but its not because of religion, or anything external but because you dont' want to somehow hurt your husband. Even if he seems all for it, you have had it drilled into your head that sex is just between him and you, and now that you want more you feel guilty, like a bad wife, wrong for wanting it. You dont' want to hurt him, make him feel less adiquate, make him think you love him less, when if anything swinging can make you love him more. You have been told cheating is wrong, and perhaps even enjoying sex as much as you do is wrong, and while swinging isn't cheating, its close enough to fire those old lessons up.

    So my advice is to talk to your husband, get him to tell you exactly how he feels about it, if he gets turned on by the thought of you with someone else, if he wants it, and if so let the guilt go behind you with the more privative jealousy over sex you conquered already.

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