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  1. #1

    Default Do you ever feel like private messages invade your space?

    I have a question. I have been a victim of rape and stalking in the past and have done a hell of a lot of work to get over it. I am able to work as a model and an entertainer with no problems now (at one time I hardly left my house).

    I had hubby put yahoo messenger on the puter so I could keep in touch with some of the people I have met and friends and family. After receiving some instant messages from people I don't know, I started to feel uneasy. They were not nasty people, in fact quite polite, and I chatted with them a bit. Last night I told hubby to take the messenger off my computer. I felt like my perfect private space was being invaded and threatened. A fear of being found...good grief I sound like a neurotic nut I don't seem to have a fear of that in public, but on the computer I do.

    Has anyone else had feelings like this, and how do you deal with it?

    Mrs. PaganLovers

  2. #2

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    I hate what I call instant messenger ambushes, and say so in my online profiles. I've never had such a traumatic experience as a rape or stalking, but when I receive unsolicited IM ambushes from people I don't know, I just block them from contacting me further and report the intrusion as spam. (I know Yahoo messenger has this feature... don't know about MSN or AOL, or others.)

  3. #3

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    I've had a few people send me messages out of the blue too, at first I would chat I just ignore them. There's a feature where you can ignore anyone who is not on your messenger list. Since people have to be approved to join your list, you won't get bothered. There are one or two people who I don't want to see me when I'm online, I have it set so they see me offline...and change it when I want to
    Somebody better go back and get a shitload of dimes!!!

  4. #4

    Lightbulb Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    yes I feel the same way and I have been throught some differcult times myself and much work to be able to enjoy my life. We have posted or my hubby has on yahoo a profile,we have been contacted two times now by so called women with 15 year old daughter who says they "know they are bi and have to come with them to play" we of course said we felt very uneasy about having them in our home while they mother's were in the bedroom with us,last night a second one contacted us from our yahoo profile saying the samething. I feel like the FBI or police is checking on us to see if we will permit a minor in our home while the mother is having a 3 som with us. A small group of us are trying to start a swinger club here and had to stop the meeting,so maybe now we are all being watched maybe???Well I am mad first,and the profile from yahoo will be removed today,so you nice swingers out there be carefull,no kids in the house while "sex play is going on" what a sad day,this sounds like anywhere but America!!!land of the free!!!Is this because of 9/11 people who beat,cut off the nose of they women and only God knows what else do to other human being. We don't want young children or adults involved in anything that would hurt them in anyway. This is happening because we enjoy sex play??? Take Care swingers and be carefull even of your own children and house parties.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    i am also the victim of a violent sex crime. am i paranoid? you betcha. i never use my IM handle for anything public and dont give it out all that much. i have no problem putting someone on Iggy but seldom get unsolicited IMs.
    i say do whatever makes You feel safe.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    Depending on what messenger program you use, you can block people from contacting you unless you have them added to your buddy/friend/address list. I do this and rarely get messages from people I don't know. If I do, I just block their name and I no longer have a problem.

    What's love got to do with it?

  7. #7

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    Thank you all for your input on this matter. I may try to adjust things so only the people that I want to communicate with can find me. Just wondered if anyone else felt violated or if I was just being neurotic

    Mrs. PaganLovers

  8. #8

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    MrsPagan, like you I have been a victim of sexual assault. You are in no way being neurotic. You must do what you feel keeps you in your comfort zone. Before it happened, I would go to lots of places by myself. Now, I won't go to a bar/club alone. I will not enter a dark parking lot alone. And anytime my nerves went up, so did the steps I took to keep myself safe. There have even been a couple of times I went to Walmart at dark, seen the parking lot was fairly deserted except for a few people standing near a pay phone. I called 411, spoke to whomever answered the phone and asked if they would send an employee to my vehicle to escort me in due to the uncomfortable feeling I was getting from people just hanging outside the store. They were more than happy to do this. The bottom line is this...DON'T let a traumatic experience ruin your life, otherwise they win. However, DO whatever you must to feel comfortable. If that means blocking everyone not on your messenger list, then do it. Lots of people use this option and don't have the reasons you do.
    Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. - Marianne Wilson

  9. #9

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    Yes dark parking lots alone, but the absolute worse...a parking garage, even in broad daylight.
    After years of dealing with this, and doing a heck of a lot of work, I have found a few residules (sp?) lurking.
    I also found that there is an alter ego, or a dual personality that comes forth when I feel threatened and ya really don't want to meet that person. Body language changes, adrenaline rushes and I get that "don't even think about fucking around with me, or I will kick your ass" attitude.
    A friend of mine does a tv show with hero/villian 3D characters and he has fashioned one of the characters after me and I do the voice for her. It has been interesting, because the script can drop me into that place in an instant, not much acting necessary.
    In my spiritual growth, I see things brought forward at the proper time and place, this seems to be rearing it's ugly head for the first time in years. I am not sure why yet, but the Universe will let me know. Of course, healing is like an onion, it comes off a layer at a time. Just when you think you have it beat...another layer shows itself. All this is just another layer of the healing process.
    I do hope that all of you out there that have been victims of violent crimes have received help and have not let it take over your lives. What a waste of a good life, just because of someone who was a total waste of sperm!

  10. #10

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    With yahoo IM, you can always sign in as invisible, and once in, make yourself visible for those you want to talk to. Because I have trouble walking and chewing gum at the same time, it is not surprising I have problems keeping up with too many conversations at once on IM. So, sometimes I'm just invisible except to those (or one) I want to chat with ... and that way, too, I don't feel rude if I'm online and see a friend online and don't get a chance to say "hi." (I over analyze things, I know )

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict riswingcpl's Avatar
    couple...male half posting

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    There's no way anyone could truly understand your fears and concerns after being subjected to something as horrific as you have unless they'd been through it themselves, so for me to suggest how I think you are reacting to getting random IMs seems a bit ludicrous. I will tell you that it's not uncommon...people see your profile, your name, hell anything that they think they might like, and they think they'll take a shot and see if you'll be their new best friend and fuck buddy. It's just the way it is on those chat programs.

    As others have noted, on Yahoo you can set the chat client to sign you in as invisible, and you can also block incoming IMs, either completely or selectively. Go to the "messenger" tab, click "preferences", and go from there. To ignore all chat invitations, click on the "chat" category then check the box "ignore all chat invitations". That will be the last random chat attack (great term by the way!) you'll get. Or you can click on the "ignore list" category and check the "ignore anyone who is not on my messenger list" box. That way, friends on your list can IM you, but no one else.

    But the bottom line is, as always...whatever makes you comfortable is what you should do.

    An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex. - Aldous Huxley

  12. #12

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel like this?

    IM blizzards are 'snowstorms' best avoided.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Do you ever feel like private messages invade your space?

    I've never been a big fan of chat or IMs for much this reason. It makes little sense but it does to me often feel like when I get into a chat room or on IM with someone that they are almost violating my space. I used to do YM, AIM and ICQ at various times and I think what killed me the most on it was the random strangers messaging methat wouldn't go away.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Do you ever feel like private messages invade your space?

    Funny that you bring that up, Julie.

    A week or two ago, I got a random IM from someone I didn't know, they said "Hi, it's Julie!" Well, except for a highschool girlfriend I haven't spoken to (via any method) in a decade and a half or so, you're the only Julie I know, so I responded.

    Turns out it was a sophisticated spam bot that started hitting me up with ads within a few messages, I'll give them points for originality, but holy shit, give me a break.

  15. #15

    Default Re: Do you ever feel like private messages invade your space?

    You can also set Yahoo Messenger to show yourself as invisible or not invisible to each person on your list as you see fit. Click on their ID or name in your friend list, and you can set them to always see you, or to appear invisible to them.

    I always just has myself invisible, not because I'm afraid to chat with my friends, just that my times of wanting to talk or come and go as I'm always multi-tasking and don't feel like typing always to people.

    And even if someone sends you a IM that you don't know, you can just close it out and never answer. If they persist, put them on ignore.

  16. #16

    Default Re: Do you ever feel like private messages invade your space?

    We have had a few occasions that we have been contacted by people we didn't know. It kind of sucks that people don't respect your privacy. When it happens to us it is usually some guy wanting to chat with the Mrs. It's funny how quickly they stop sending messages when they find out it isn't her, although I have been known to mess with them a little before telling them
    I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

  17. #17
    Open to the Universe avid's Avatar
    Female part of MFM triad

    Default Re: Do you ever feel like private messages invade your space?

    This has happened to me once or twice. The other day some loser guy emailed me saying that I should contact him to chat because I had nothing to lose. Oh, sure, every minute I wasted chatting with him would be a minute I'd never get back again!

    He contacted me from my profile of a site I used to chat on. It's virtually dead now, so he wasted so much time cruising that site.

    Other than that, I keep myself invisible on Yahoo.

    Geez, it's usually my husband trying to figure out where I am when I get messages when I'm invisible - that in itself can drive me crazy when I'm trying to get work done!

  18. #18

    Default Re: Do you ever feel like private messages invade your space?

    We avoid IM. When L enabled it a few years back, we couldn't get anything done on the computer when she was logged on. We quickly disabled it just to take back the computer, to regain control of the on-line experience.

    We frequently have potential playmates who want to "chat," but we don't do it. Email is much more manageable to us.

    S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

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