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  1. #51

    Default Re: wife has double standard

    Hmmm, i was just reading all this and had to comment. I know i will probably get some flak for it, but i have to. I am a woman and i don't know how many others, man or woman has been in this situation but what i am seeing is wrong. I was married for 14 years to a man who did the same thing as your wife. He used to act like it was all my fault for him cheating. I dealt with his abuse for 14 years!! They never change. It took him taking me to bed, had sex with me and while laying there with me, tell me i have to learn to co-exist with his girlfriend that i called it quits. What this woman done is disrespectful and shows no emotion for your feels what so ever. I will never let someone drag me down again like that. NO ONE should ever let anyone do that to them. Her basically daring you to find a woman, as if in her mind you can't, was all it took for me to notice the sign of abuse. No one will have you except me type BS. If you think you have a chance, seek counciling and get out of this lifestyle. I also was molested as a child and i would never use that as an excuse for that type of BS. My ex didn't help with what he did to me either but i am happy now. I have been with a wonderful man for almost 3 years now. We will be married Nov. 25th. He has actually taught me to enjoy sex and to trust. ( He's teh one who got me into swinging )I would have never dreamed of swinging with my ex, because he cheated every chance he got and acted like i should be ok with it. My fiance' has taught me that a couple who love each other, can have sex with others, on the right terms and enjoy it. That it is sex and only sex.We never do it without each other. We love each other so we respect each others feelings. We have a great sex life and i love watching him with other women because i love and trust him. When someone loves you, they would do anything and everything to keep from hurting you. Your wife doesn't seem to care. I am gonna tell you something i told a friend of mine when her husband cheated and showed no signs of guilt or feelings for her being so upset. He looked at her, while she was crying and asking why?, then turned and left without even saying sorry. Sorry is a powerful word. I told her, it is over, move on and find someone who truely loves you. If he didn't even have the love in his heart for you to see you so emotionally broken and not try to comfort you or say sorry, it is done. You cannot truely say you love someone if you can stand there and see them heart broken and not try everything in your power to right it. I learned my lesson. I should have left my ex years before but i was young and stupid. Now i have a wonderful loving man who shows me everyday how much and never wastes a minute to comfort me and say sorry if i am upset about something. This one is for life.....I trust him with my life, heart and soul. Can you say the same? If not, you need to evaluate everything everyone has said and proceed with what is right for you. Good luck with everything and i hope you get things worked out.

  2. #52

    Default Re: wife has double standard

    Annette- Thank you so much for your post- My best friend had said the same thing in that it amounts to abuse- funny thing- This past weekend we spent less time with each other than we normally do (as I am on the road for my job) and did have a wonderful Friday evening when I got home- for the most part- however-another shared weekend with non-lifestyle friends and a football game- by Sunday evening- she had gotten into a mood over my son(stuff he did at home and didn't take care of) and of course- that was my fault, too- (Another friend of mine told me that its always OUR fault!) And while she was going off on my son she came up with this- "I am having un-met needs!" -WWWhhhaaaa!!?!?!?!
    I almost burst out laughing- but- didn't - promptly turned the tv(Desperate Housewives!) off and said- Well then I'd like to find out what needs of yours are un-met, because-well- you know - I have some un-met needs, too! So- tell me, what you need-
    And so it turns out that she is tired of being home alone and handling everything with the house and my sons-(only one at home a senior and the other 20 min. away in a dorm at the college she works at)- and that we don't talk anymore
    either-and she's frustrated about this, and that, and the other thing, too-
    Ok- fine- My greatest un-met need stems from when you had your "friendship" with your single friend and its not the fact that you partied with him- but were in fact making LOVE with him- and ever since then, I have not detected any passion or desire from you for me-AND...
    every weekend since spring I have asked you when are we going to spend a weekend by ourselves, BUT- since we were boating we HAD to spend time with our boater friends EVERY weekend and since the boat has been put away- we have had something to do every weekend STILL with our boater friends and when I want to do something- YOU have something else for us to do with somebody! NOT spend time together! So you want to solve this little problem of your needs not being met? I have something we can do to meet them!-- Naturally she says "what?" and I tell her about this website called and that there is an emotional needs questionnaire that we can both fill out and actually work on this marriage and not look at problems as relationship ending issues but bumps in the road to go over together- Dammed if she didn't listen and as I am away during the week- we are both working on the questionnaire to read to each other when I get home this weekend. AND- I have started to send her e-cards from and SHE is sending replies back to me! Hmmmmm!
    On top of that our friend called (the one she had dinner with that started this situation) and wants to get together again with her- and she originally said she would as she was telling me about it beforehand (which I did ask her to do), and as of today- told me that she would rather not this time- maybe another!?!!!
    HHHmmmm again!!! On top of that- the morning that I left for work this week she said that meeting my needs would be easy- and to which I replied-"then that will make meeting your needs a lot easier-- Go figure- So I love her- she loves me- neither of us want to go anywhere down the road without each other - and we are starting to work on our marriage- babystep by babystep is better than going backward-
    So again- thank you for sharing the wisdom you learned in your past experiences with your ex and I assure you I will NOT be abused and live with less than all the passion I deserve! Its responses such as yours that help keep a persons resolve, AND taking the steps required to do so.

  3. #53

    Default Re: wife has double standard

    wow congrats ... and great work...from both of you... It is rare to hear something like this and it sure does give one hope.

    You two are the lucky ones

    Happy Holidays ( it sounds like you have allot to celebrate)


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