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  1. #1

    Question Where do I fit in?

    I just read a few threads and I have to admit I don't know what category I'd fall into. I'm married and have a supportive husband, but he is a little uncomfortable with the idea of being in the same room with another man during sex. I want to explore my bisexuality with him, but know that may not be a realistic idea for awhile.
    So what am I considered here? A Partnered Female? Married? Single?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Well, if you are married, you are married. I guess I may not be understanding your question. You are definitely not single. And when I think of a "partnered" female (or male), I generally think in terms of an unmarried but involved person - as in committed. So it comes back to the fact that, in my book, you are married.

    Is it your desire to explore your bisexuality without him if he isn't agreeable to your exploration with him? I'm confused. Can you explain a bit better?

    But as far as the "partnered" and "single" thing, you are married. But some married people branch out on their own with their spouses OK. You'd be best served by being honest and upfront about your status with all you may encounter. Otherwise, some would chalk you up as a cheater - a label I'm certain you would want to avoid. - EBF

  3. #3

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    No, I am not a cheater, and thank you for helping me classify myself! It is my desire to explore my bisexuality. My husband is completely supportive of me doing so on my own. Ideally, I'd love to have another woman join us so he can share in this with me and enjoy watching, but that's not really a realistic expectation unless the woman's partner is willing to share back and forth. And single women are few and far between. That's where the foursome idea came from. I would prefer to share with him, but he and I have agreed that it's ok for me to make a go of it alone.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Thanks, Erica, for the explanation. Since it seems that sharing a female with your husband is unrealistic at this time, I think you might be best served by attempting to locate another married (or even single) female to spend time with. That isn't such an impossible thing to do, really. Most preferably, you would locate another married female that was upfront and honest with her husband, too. In that way, possibly the 4 (or 3 of you) of you could begin to share a social life and who knows what might happen from there.

    But the main thing honest with everyone. You are married, your husband is OK with it...that sort of thing. And expect honesty from everyone, too. Just as you don't want to present yourself as a single person, nor do you want to become involved with a married person doing that. That could potentially lead to big trouble...drama as they say. You would, in effect, be contributing to her cheating on her husband and that is probably not something you would care to participate in.

    - EBF

  5. #5

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Our first FFM was with a married girl that enjoyed swinging but her husband did not. He attended the meet and greet at a bar near their home where he and I found we had a lot in common. After a couple of hours conversation he left a $20 on the table, kissed his wife, told her to call him, and left. We knew what to expect but were still surprised when his wife grabbed our hands and said she needed a ride home. After everyone was sated I was a little uncomfortable in this guys bed with his wife and mine so I quietly left the room while the girls chatted. On the ride home my wife filled me in on the details. He did not like the fact that his wife was a swinger but knew about her "lifestyle" before they married and loved her enough to accept her the way she was. His only restriction was no repeat performances because of the potential emotional involvment. Meeting the playmates (us) was a way of having some control as he had veto power if he didn't like something. When his wife would meet guys, girls, or couples he would give his permission (maybe not the best word) and leave her alone with them. She would call him to pick her up or come home when they finished.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    You are married, possibly swinging alone. Or married in search of other bi women.

    It is possible however, that you may be able to find other couples looking for the same thing, where the women play together but only play with their own husbands. There are many couples out there interested in this type of activity, so that might be a solution for you.

  7. #7

    Default Thank you!

    Thank you very much...this is all so new to me, and it really helps to have clarification. I would never deny or hide my marriage, and I will be honest about what I want and expect from others because that's what I expect people to do with me. That's really the reason I asked about labels in the first place...I don't want to make a mistake or set up a false expectation. Even if my husband's not interested in sexual involvement, we both want him to at least meet and establish a casual friendship with the woman or couple because he's the most important person in my life.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    men like bi-sexual women. If he doesn't he is posessive and the jealous type. If he doesn't like it he's Gay.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dayluvr
    men like bi-sexual women. If he doesn't he is posessive and the jealous type. If he doesn't like it he's Gay.
    i find this difficult to understand, i cannot include my husband in anything of this sort. but it does appealmto me, at least to read about.

  10. #10

    Default Objection!

    Quote Originally Posted by Dayluvr
    men like bi-sexual women. If he doesn't he is posessive and the jealous type. If he doesn't like it he's Gay.
    Yes, my husband fantasizes about watching two women. He is uncomfortable being in a sexual situation with another man though, even if he knows there will be no touching between him and the other guy. He's getting acclimated to this whole idea still, and I support his wishes, just as he supports mine.

    I have to disagree with your comments though. While it's not common, there are straight and non-possessive men who do not share in this fantasy. Everyone has different fantasies and turn-ons. I don't fantasize about seeing two men together...that doesn't mean I'm homophobic or anti-gay just doesn't do anything for me. Same goes for men who don't like the idea of seeing women together.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dayluvr
    men like bi-sexual women. If he doesn't he is posessive and the jealous type. If he doesn't like it he's Gay.
    Are you saying ALL men like bisexual women? And if they don't, they are possessive, jealous, and gay?

    Quite a few might take issue with you on that statement. And women, too. If I understood this correctly, how about filling me in on your line of reasoning or where you obtained this sort of information.

    - EBF

    Actually, just before I hit submit, I re-read and this thing about "if he doesn't like it he's GAY" struck me as being quite comical. I guess there are more gay guys running around than I suspected.

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Addict good times's Avatar
    Married to Mrs Good Times
    SLS Profile

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dayluvr
    men like bi-sexual women. If he doesn't he is posessive and the jealous type. If he doesn't like it he's Gay.
    Apparently, you must be an idiot. While I have nothing against bi-sexual women, it doesn't do anything for me either. I can assure you, I am not possessive, jealous, gay, or an idiot.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  13. #13

    Question Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dayluvr
    men like bi-sexual women. If he doesn't he is posessive and the jealous type. If he doesn't like it he's Gay.
    Dayluvr -

    Goodness sakes - this one sure had me shaking my head in wonderment at such a broad-sweeping, all-encompassing, judgmental point of view. And for such a statement to come from a married man who is seeking activity with either a female or a couple with no mention made regarding inclusion of his wife - and a desire to be accepted as such - well, your remarks are just downright astounding.

    Admittedly, we all have come to our opinions, viewpoints, and perferred activity parameters based upon what WE LIKE and FIND APPEALING. While most will say they "don't understand", "don't agree with" or "don't find appealing" anything that varies by much from their particular perferred choices, it would be rare to find many who would say those whose choices are otherwise are JUST PLAIN WRONG. Especially in such a vehement manner as you have.

    Isn't it by far a much more equitable stance to say, for instance, that you "find bisexual women extremely erotic and appealing. " And additionally that you do not feel 'left out' or 'threatened' by viewing their activity as YOU are "neither possessive nor jealous by nature." And perhaps further that the viewing of two women together is "far more erotic and exciting" than you can possibly "imagine it would be to see two men in sexual activity, as that holds no appeal whatsoever" for you.

    Statements made in such a manner as that speak only of your taste and choice, and make no prouncements or judgments regarding others. An individual's choices are, after all, for himself alone and do not require validation by contrast with others.


  14. #14

    Smile Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    To SweetErika -

    I have seen many profiles that speak to the sort of activity you are seeking - girl/girl playtime. And most are from married or partnered women who seek a "special friend".

    Often there is a small mention made, toward the end of the ad or profile, that the male partner would like to be present, and is available for activity if all agree. It often serves to wipe out the entire presentation of the first part of the ad once that is said. If you are seeking activity just for yourself, then state that and be honestly desiring that and that alone. If your preference is inclusion of your mate, then don't refrain from making that a part of the presentation from the beginning.

    You may find that another married female could be accepting of such, provided the offer is there for an equal time exchange for occasions for her mate to be present instead of yours. Or both husbands present if there can be comfortable agreement that male-female activity will only be with one's spouse [if that would be acceptable to your hubby].

    Whatever you decide to seek, be completely honest and up front about it. That way there is no worry about "smoothing things out", "paving the path" or "making amends" on down the road. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with some time alone for just the two ladies - regardless who or what activity may be included at a different time. But you and hubby need to be honest with each about comfort levels, and honest with your prospective playmates as well.


  15. #15

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Ditto to what Mr. Good Times said to Dayluvr! What a moronic comment to make! Although I have nothing against bi-sexual women, I'm certainly not possessive, jealous or gay. And I can tell you that when Mama and I are watching porn, she's definitely getting turned off quickly watching two females.
    On a slightly different take, if we decide to make a video out of one, I will try to anticipate what I think she will think is an attractive guy all the way from how he treats the woman to his looks to his cock size & shape. Gee, would you say that makes me gay? Than along the same lines, all guys who like blowjob scenes or seeing their wives sucking on another guy's cock must be gay too!
    Sorry pal, but I think lots of folks on this board will agree with me when I say it's more about getting your partner excited. If something gets Mama's motor to running, odds are very good it's gonna make mine run very nicely too.

  16. #16

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Bravo! What a well-spoken, logical address of Dayluvr's ignorant comments!
    Thanks for the advice...I have seen the "I want a woman alone...and I want to fulfill my man's fantasies" ads as well, and it makes me wonder if they are honest and would pressure me into a threesome eventhough they said they want a woman alone. I AM primarily looking for a woman, but I/we MAY be agreeable to the other scenarios in the future, so that's the message I want to portray. My primary desire in any ad or relationship is to be honest, and I expect the same from others.

    For everyone-
    Thank you very much for your insights! Every comment helps me sort things out a little further and define what I really am looking for. I'm very thankful for this board and having all of these smart brains to pick!

  17. #17

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Well...SweetErika not all guys are like dayluvr or whatever his name is... a lot of us are cool really but its guys like that...that make us gentlemen look bad...You sound alot like what we were like when she first got curious...Finding that one lady can be difficult as we found then we branched out into couples...and like Julie said you will see there are couples out there that would be more than willing to accomodate ya...but they way we finally found a female well was we looked in our own backyard...she happened to be a good friend and had no idea she felt like that...the rest is im saying you never know what some of your friends are thinking...i dont mean come out and ask but joke about ya never know...anyways i hope i helped in some way...

  18. #18

    Default Re: Partnered Female? Married? Single?

    Well, what you want is not that strange. Your husband's feelings are not strange either. I was actually quite distressed the first time I was involved in a FMF threesome with the woman who introduced me to swinging. My first foursome? I threw up when I realized what the other three actually had in mind. My first DP? Almost didn't happen. Of course, that all happened when I was 20 and all within a month. After that, it was hard not to say "Liz, when are Sue and Brad coming over again?"

    Take things with your husband slow. If he's good with you being with other women, have him stay in the room. If he's uncomfortable having sex with another man in the room, meet a couple that doesn't mind seperate rooms. You and the wife of the other couple can play in the living room in front of the men, then go to seperate rooms to play one-on-one. Also, there are single women looking for EXACTLY the kind of situation you are describing. My personal feelings aside, you can probably find two or three in a few months if you search not only swinger sites but also dating sites and look for profiles where the women say they are looking mainly for friends with women and couples and not a relationship. Just a suggestion.
    "Style is not lusting after someone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."


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