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Do you tell ALL your fantasies?

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I'm starting this thread in response to one in the curious section where the author felt a little bad because his wife wasn't sharing all her fantasies with him. He said he knows they are not ready for swinging, in part, because of this.

 

Well, here I am, swinging with my husband for 3 years, and it's gone very well. But, I still have a private fantasy place I go to (in my mind). I tell my husband things I want to try, we talk all the time about what we like about swinging sex and our sex. But, when he watches me touch myself and then says, "What were you thinking about?" I won't tell him.

 

I don't lie, sometimes I tell him generalities. It's not about a specific person or people, it's not anything that really could or would happen in real life. It's not anything I want to try, I just find it hot to think about. But, I would be embarrassed to tell anyone, and it would make it less hot for me if he knew about it. In a way, I like not telling him, I like having a little corner of my mind that's all mine. On the other hand I feel a little guilty, because it's really not a big deal and he would like me to tell him these fantasies in great detail and would probably find them hot, too.

 

But, believe me, I have told him (and many of you also) all kinds of silly fantasies, because I have a ton!

 

What do you think? Do you tell your spouse everything you think about to get off?

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I told a very private fantasy to my husband...one like yours that will never ever come to fruition. I was sorry I shared it - not because of his reaction, it was just very private and I wished I had kept it to myself.

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Hmmmm. I have spent a good part of my adult life inhabiting my body fully, but keeping a big chunk of the mind part of my sexuality private. I don't think it's an accident that about a week after I decided I wasn't going to do that anymore, I met Mr. Doe, the man who doesn't think there's a question so personal that it shouldn't be asked. I have sometimes had to look away when I answer, just because I've never talked about something before and I'm embarrassed on general principles (and because I know he's laughing and I don't want to see it), but if there's anything he doesn't know it's because I don't know yet, either. ;)

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What do you think? Do you tell your spouse everything you think about to get off?

 

Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to.

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I have fantasies I keep from my partner. There are a couple, in particular, that I know for a fact do not turn her on and, honestly, I am fine leaving them as a masturbation fantasy.

 

For me, the roles of sharing fantasies is to discuss things that turn you both on and/or to negotiate new things into your sexual life. For me, if I know one of my fantasies will not turn my wife on and if I do not want to try to make it part of our shared sexual fantasizing or real life, I feel no need to share it, in fact I would find it a little selfish to do so.

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I tell Mr. Sweet most of my fantasies, but there are the odd ones here and there I'll keep for myself. Like others have said, it's just a little something for me. I do tell him any that I'd seriously like to become realities, or ones that I know he'd appreciate. As long as you're comfortable sharing the important stuff, it's all good.

 

 

=)

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I'm going against what appears to be popular opinion on this one. My refusal to share my innermost fantasies was born of negativity and judgement in past relationships. Fast forward to the amazing relationship where we both had to stow our baggage and open up to each other like never before. We have always enjoyed exploring and expanding our sexual horizons, but we were really able to take that to another level when we learned to confide without fear of judgement. The trust and intimacy share between us now has improved our relationship tenfold. We discovered interests in areas we never considered before personally. We have tweaked current fantasies to include each other. The discussions have been unbelivably hot!(in the best way) It's so exciting to discover new areas of interest your partner has. I can't say enough about how amazing the journey of making our fantasies become our realities has been! There is noting like being able to give the one you love a fantasy...What an amazing gift!!! We learned it's easy to give this gift often when we share what it is we seek and the feeling of watching your partner respond to what turns them on. Knowledge is everything! My advice: SHARE AWAY!!!!

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I think the more you can share the closer you become. With that being said, I try to share what my fantasies are at the time. However, my fantasies are ever changing. And often times I have fantasies that revolve around my wife's fantasies. I'm sure my wife does not share everything with me because she had told me so. She has said that her reason for not sharing some fantasies with me is because she is afraid I will try to act on them and she is not ready for that. Well of course I don't know what "that"is.....lol. So I can't say if she is correct. I do know we share more now than probably any other time in our 27 years of marriage and we have both said that some of our favorite time spent together is when we are just alone and talking. I love to hear her say "OK, I have a question" because I know it will often times lead to a hot and steaming discussion. So I agree with Eliza, SHARE AWAY!!!

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You can tell us here what the fantasy is that you are keeping from your husband;) There are husbands that would be more than willing to make your fantasy come true. I can understand also that your fantasy may shock or disgust your husband. Kinda like telling your racist husband that your favorite fantasy is to be "raped"/gang banged by one "black guy" after another for hours and/or days. I asked my wife, before we married, the same kind of question as we lay together after a great session and I was shocked when she said she wanted to be blindfolded, tied down and gang banged. I tried to make it happen but I was never able to talk her into it. I'm sure that it is still something she fantasizes about but is not something she wants to do in front of me.

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You can tell us here what the fantasy is that you are keeping from your husband;) There are husbands that would be more than willing to make your fantasy come true. I can understand also that your fantasy may shock or disgust your husband. Kinda like telling your racist husband that your favorite fantasy is to be "raped"/gang banged by one "black guy" after another for hours and/or days. I asked my wife, before we married, the same kind of question as we lay together after a great session and I was shocked when she said she wanted to be blindfolded, tied down and gang banged. I tried to make it happen but I was never able to talk her into it. I'm sure that it is still something she fantasizes about but is not something she wants to do in front of me.

 

I know you are trying to be nice, but that is the kind of thing that irritates girls in the lifestyle, ie. implying you are better, more willing, more open-minded than someone's husband. As I stated, it's not something he'd be appalled at, it's not something that could happen and I do share the majority of my fantasies.

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I share my fantasies with Pete. Sometimes I write them as little stories for him to read at the end of his day. We live a few hours apart so it's a fun way to connect. I feel very free to express ANY fantasy with him. I have never experienced that before. He even enjoyed the one the incorporated blender, a bunny, and a bumper car-- but errrr, that's just me. YES, share. But i think its fine to save private ones if one likes too.

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Keeping certain thoughts to yourself is your right. Heck, sometimes it's even best. Just because it's a fantasy makes it no different. It's not like you're acting on it without his knowledge. You could have a fantasy about riding a unicorn, think it was too embarrassing to share with anyone, and it'd be no different. I can't say that I personally have any fantasies that I haven't shared with my wife, but she may have some she hasn't share with me, who knows?. That being said, I wouldn't be mad at her at all if she told me a fantasy and then said she'd had it for years but just could never tell me. Like another poster said so correctly, some things are just for you.

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This is not actually on subject, because I have no problems with my wife having secrets.

 

My question is actually a little different, my wife says she has fantasies but they are only with me. I do not think this is 100% true, even though we are sharing much more then before I think she still has a hang-up if I thought she was thinking of another man. I want her to think of another man an enjoy it, all part of the fun.

 

Thought?

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This is not actually on subject, because I have no problems with my wife having secrets.

 

My question is actually a little different, my wife says she has fantasies but they are only with me. I do not think this is 100% true, even though we are sharing much more then before I think she still has a hang-up if I thought she was thinking of another man. I want her to think of another man an enjoy it, all part of the fun.

 

Thought?

 

I've heard of many women that claim to only have fantasies that involve their significant other. I really have no reason to doubt their claim.

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I tell my hubby my fantasy's. it works for us... doing them... another story. I want them, my fantasy's, to happen a very specific way.. and trying to make that happen, it would have to all be staged like a porn shoot... so not sure that would be fun :(

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I'm starting this thread in response to one in the curious section where the author felt a little bad because his wife wasn't sharing all her fantasies with him. He said he knows they are not ready for swinging, in part, because of this.

 

Well, here I am, swinging with my husband for 3 years, and it's gone very well. But, I still have a private fantasy place I go to (in my mind). I tell my husband things I want to try, we talk all the time about what we like about swinging sex and our sex. But, when he watches me touch myself and then says, "What were you thinking about?" I won't tell him.

 

I don't lie, sometimes I tell him generalities. It's not about a specific person or people, it's not anything that really could or would happen in real life. It's not anything I want to try, I just find it hot to think about. But, I would be embarrassed to tell anyone, and it would make it less hot for me if he knew about it. In a way, I like not telling him, I like having a little corner of my mind that's all mine. On the other hand I feel a little guilty, because it's really not a big deal and he would like me to tell him these fantasies in great detail and would probably find them hot, too.

 

But, believe me, I have told him (and many of you also) all kinds of silly fantasies, because I have a ton!

 

What do you think? Do you tell your spouse everything you think about to get off?

 

My wife and i have discussed this issue, and we do tell each other everything= as our relationship has grown i have seen how deep we have become with each other, there are times when we tell the other a fantasy and state that it is a fantasy and there are other times when we have both developed the others fantasy so we can both get off from it, whilst there must be something that perhaps we haven't shared i have seen that to be 100% has been the best for us, and it is just between us.

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With my ex, I told her everything, absolutely no secrets or anything held back. But, now she's my ex...

 

So, I learned from Homer Simpson: "The problem with relationships these days is communication. Way too much of it."

 

So I tell my current wife absolutely nothing. 17 years and still going strong.

 

It makes me a bit sad...

 

I'm also 100% certain she has no fantasies. She enjoys the club and likes watching others and talking about it, but when we're not actually "doing it", she has no sexual thoughts. Which is ok, every relationship has its dynamic.

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I think we are all allowed our own private space. It gets overwhelming exposing all of yourself to the other person. I understand that with my wife and she understands that about me. We are very close, but I know we need our private place.

 

That being said sharing celebrities we find attraction, and sex acts we find awesome has really helped our relationship grow. I can see one member of a relationship reaching out in that way and then feeling rejected when it is not reciprocated.

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I have shared all my fantasy's with my wife. This year we both read some of the "My Secret Garden" books about fantasy's and it created some great dialogue with us and we both opened up and shared our own fantasy's that we had not shared before. My wife says she has shared everything with me, and based on a couple she has shared that I know we're tough for her to share, I'd like to believe she has shared everything. But, if she does have some she hasn't shared yet I am fine with that because she has the right to have some she keeps to her self as well.

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What are good ways to explore new fantasies and become more at ease with exploring. Porn can be a turn off (mostly due to religious upbringing), but it’s not completely off the table. 

Even though the LS still just fantasy for now, we have gotten such great advice here on how to grow stronger as a couple, trust and communication. 
 

Thanks in advance!  

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We just started talking about past partners (keep in mind that this was a long time ago, just after we started dating)...then added the good and bad sexual experiences. From that we moved on to our sexual fantasies and finally with asking if either one of us would like for any of them to actually come true (having a fantasy and actually having that fantasy come true are two very different things). We also come back to this topic every now and then as trust increased and we let our guards down. Next thing we knew we were here and haven't looked back...

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I found being open to your spouse's or partner's fantasies/desires and being non-judgmental opens doors to experiences you may not have considered.  If you consider something and decide you don't want to go there is when being non-monogamous is good.  Someone else will be more than eager to satisfy that kink.

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