Thoughts on hiding a sex swing bracket?

(to the Brady Bunch theme)

Here's the story,

Of a fun loving couple,

Who really like the idea of a sex swing,

But they know a stand would be more effort than they want...

OK, I can't keep this going, ditch the theme music...

But, anyways, yes, the wife and I have looked at, and wanted, a sex swing for some time now. Problem being, we have a smaller house, no basement, and ceiling fans in every room. If we could figure out some way to put a bracket up to support a sex swing, we'd likely go ahead and get one, but where to put it, and how to "disguise" the bracket? Sometimes, when we take a vacation, and go away somewhere, her Mom house-sits for us, so either having a bracket that can be "disguised" as something else, or completely hidden, would be great.

One thought I've had, would be to mount a board (2x4 or 4x4) across two joists, for the eye-bolt to attach to, and cut a square of ceiling drywall out, with some way to put the square back in place to cover the hole when not using the swing.

While the idea of getting the stand is not a bad one, again, with the size of our house, the only room we could set this up in, would be the living room. If you've got one, with stand, how much work is it to set up and tear down, and how compact does the stand get? Could we stash the stand under the bed (collapsed, of course)?

Thanks,

Jason

Hanging plants maybe? Or speaker mounts? Or better yet, leave the swing in place and say it's for chiropractic needs!

Depending on where you want to put it you could maybe mount some track lighting in such a way that they largely cover the bracket from obvious view. The added benefit there is that if you decide to use the swing for any pictures you have pre-done lighting.

With a pretty heavy steel hook you should be able to use a single joist to support your wife's weight, unless she is pretty heavy. Maybe then you'd have to go into the attic and beef up the area by running a couple of 2X4's up to the rafters above, one or two on each side of the ceiling joist. Bolt, don't nail, them into place. Come to think of it, I'd beef up the joist even if she's not heavy. The swing might put a lot of pressure on it. It would surely kill the mood if it came crashing down at a bad time.

But I like Rackir"s idea. Hang a potted plant in the place and remove it when you want to put up the swing.

Mr. Alura

I can see trying to explain why we're using a 1/4" steel eyebolt to hang a potted plant.

Much less why we have a potted plant (neither Mrs nor I are plant people, if I can't maintain it by running over it with a lawnmower, I'm going to run over it with the lawnmower...)

I do kind of like the track lighting idea, but I'm not sure it would work in the house, the way the ceiling fans are.

Hmm, time to think on this.

Thanks!

Jason

I can see trying to explain why we're using a 1/4" steel eyebolt to hang a potted plant.

That's what we used. No one ever questioned it. Camouflaged correctly, it will not even be noticed.

A number of options exist

1 Pull the works out of a smoke detector and cover the hook with that

2 cover a round or square hole in the plaster with a plastic air vent that opens and hide the hook behind that

3 Get one of those small folding engine cranes and keep it in the garage then the swing can be used in front of a warm fire, under a tree. etc. use your imagination. An added bonus is that it is adjustable height as well providing maximum enjoyment for all. hehehe If you don't have a garage you can fold it all up and keep it covered in the corner of the walk in robe.

A bene Placito

Although I have no suggestions for "hiding" the hook that a swing hangs off of...a few things you need to keep in mind when deciding where to put the hook is...you don't want it close to the wall or any furniture...a swing...well, swings and trust me, you don't want it close to anything that could cause head trauma. Hanging a potted plant from it seems like a good idea but, how many people have hanging plants in the middle of a room?

Our hook hangs in the middle of our bedroom. Never thought of trying to hide it, it's our bedroom and I make no explanations for what is or isn't in there.

At the moment there is a hand blown glass barometer hanging from it... only because when it was taken out of the box and filled with the appropriate amount of water, we stood around wondering where to hang it. After walking through the house trying to figure out a safe place for it (we're over run with hooligans that tend to break things on a daily basis) and never deciding on one, Ted just hung it on the swing hook. One day all the hooligans will decide this isn't a fun place to hang out and we'll be able to move the barometer somewhere else and the hook will hang empty until it's time for it to serve it's purpose.

Teresa

This whole topic came about because the wife saw in a catalog a sex swing for doorways. She thought, and from the picture, understandably, that it would hang (somehow) in the doorway itself.

I looked it up on the site, and discovered it actually works like some bondage straps, in that you put the straps over the top of the door, with an acrylic tube on the one side, and close the door. Obviously, while this might lift her up for some standing sex, getting vigorous might result in:

A) Bruised head

B) Headache

C) Concussion (getting too vigorous)

D) New door

E) All of the above

So, that idea got scrapped.

I do sort of like the idea of just putting the eyebolt in the ceiling, and leaving it, let people make of it what they will, especially as if painted to match the ceiling, it'll be less noticeable. Which brings up a new issue, namely, our front room is the only room with sufficient space to do this. We've got horizontal blinds on the front window, but there's about a 1.5-2" gap between the sets of blinds (picture window, too wide for a single horizontal blind) and that side of the house faces the street...

I'm not sure the neighbors, or someone walking by would appreciate the show. I suppose we could hang a sheet over the window when we're "playing" on the swing...

Hmm...

I think I may be looking to save the $$$ for a swing soon!

Jason

warrencouple ~

Have you and your wife ever used a sex swing?

I'd hate to think you'd spend the money on a sex swing, only to learn your wife and you don't find it that great. It could end up ignored, taking up space in your house, like an abandoned treadmill.

LM

warrencouple ~

 

Have you and your wife ever used a sex swing?

 

I'd hate to think you'd spend the money on a sex swing, only to learn your wife and you don't find it that great. It could end up ignored, taking up space in your house, like an abandoned treadmill.

 

LM

Yeah, that's one thing we need to think about, too, as we've not used one. We like the looks of it, and due to our height differences, stand-up sex has never been an option, or worked (I'm 6-1 / 6-2 with longish legs, she's 5' / 5'-3" tops with short legs)

If / when we take the plunge and go to the club we like (see previous posts, rather than my bringing the whole story back up here,) they've got a swing, one of the 4-point hanging swings (more of a suspended seat) that we both (if we can get the nerve up) want to try...

Jason

If you are handy you can purchase a smoke detector take the guts out of it and just use the housing to hide the ceiling bolt.......

Great idea, Menage!!! It also occurred to me that a hanging pot of artificial flowers might work for brown-thumbed people.

Mr. Alura

If you are handy you can purchase a smoke detector take the guts out of it and just use the housing to hide the ceiling bolt.......

Winner idea

I know for us, my mother-in-law has never asked. If she did, I would tell her it was there since we moved in, we have no idea what it is. Then I would say, "I'm surprised you never noticed". She could chew on that for a while

We have 3 hooks though, they are 1/2 inch diameter. One on the front porch, late night/early morning fun in the summer. (you would have to be invading our privacy to see us, and also Mrs fun's favorite) .

One in the bedroom, only I didn't calculate the head room (it's limited, but doable)

And my personal favorite, the one in the garage. It's a power thing

Depends a great deal on how old your home is, and how observant the company that traffics through the room is.

If they know it is not there, then it will stick out like a sore thumb. However, if they aren't and you PAINT it to match the ceiling color, anyone asking who didn't notice it before, just say it is from the previous owners... they had one of those HANGING CHAIRS, circa 1960.

Of course this goes by the wayside if the house is newer. Then there is the back up excuse; it was an exercise thing, with pulleys that hung from the ceiling. Think universal, but cheaper. lol

And I thought I was clever when I used a smoke detector to hide the hook in the middle of the living room;). Leave plenty of room around it!!

. . .the wife and I have looked at, and wanted, a sex swing for some time now.

~Michael

Jason, if you keep going at it like this, you will no longer have any concerns about making your first visit to a swinger's club; your home will be a swinger's club.

 

~Michael

Now there's a fun idea!

We couldn't hold very big parties though...

Jason

I like the fire alarm cover idea,