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  1. #1

    Red face Ever changing boundaries

    We are curious as to whether or not other couples/singles change their boundary lines as they get more into the lifestyle.

    Ours have changed tremendously since we first began swinging. I presume that this is a matter of finding comfort levels and being able to purge ahead in addition to some of the newness and fear wearing off. As we are still relatively new, and many others on this board have some years in this lifestyle, did you find that yours changed over the course of time or did you adhere to your original "game plan"?

    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

  2. #2


    Great question.

    We've been in this for a little over three years now, and I have to say that in practise, our M.O. has remained pretty much the same. To be perfectly honest, I (Dan) would be more receptive to being flexible, but my wife isn't comfortable with relaxing some rules we both agreed on before we actually took the plunge.

    For instance -- Janette insists on a minimum of two social-only meetings before considering having sex with another couple. Now while I can't really envision myself having sex with someone I just met that day or evening, since we've gotten into this I have a much better feel for guaging compatability with other people. There have been couples we've met where I would have been perfectly fine going to bed with them the second time we got together. I know how I feel about the other woman, and the only criteria I have regarding the other gentleman, is that he IS indeed a gentleman, and will treat my wife accordingly.

    Another area where I've reconsidered my original stance, is that of threesomes. Janette and I both staunchly agreed it would be couples-only for us, but for the past year or so I've desired more and more trying a MFM combo. This was triggered in part by us meeting a very nice guy at a meet and greet, who was there to be with another woman as previously arranged. But this guy impressed us both so much with his kind and gentle demeanor, it's had me thinking ever since. Add to that my strong attraction to MFM couplings anyway, my thinking on this has changed 180 degrees. It's always been such a turn on for me, a woman enjoying herself sexually in every way possible at once, and although Janette has also expressed an interest in being "in the middle", it also frightens her a little as well (she's more cautious than I anyway). I should add that my philosophy concerning a woman having sex with two or more men at once, is that she is in complete control of what goes on, always. Aside from safety issues, I find it very erotic for a woman to know what she wants from whom, and go for it. Hope I'm making sense.

    I hope this adds some insight into what we're about, pertaining to your question. I apologize for being so long winded, but....


  3. #3


    ours have changed..Initially when we decided to involve other people, We began with just ff, then my hubby got involved and we did some soft swinging and are now "toying" with the idea of full swap.
    "only live once"

  4. #4


    Our boundaries have changed a bit over the years we have been swinging. We started by swapping with other couples one at a time. Then we began to meet and swap with two or more couples at one time. This resulted in us getting involved in MFM and FMF threesomes as well as moresomes and ultimately in complete orgies involving up to eight couples. In the beginning all contact was MF but we have expanded the boundaries to include FF and on several occassions MM. The one boundary we have not crossed is anal sex - that is a complete turn-off for both of us.

  5. #5


    I thought I would bring this topic back up since we have had several inquiries regarding boundries.

    When we originally posted this topic we were very new and still are but we have learned from our experiences to re-adjust. We have added a few and taken away a few.

    One of the dearest lessons that we have learned was that we will not swing on a first meeting regardless of how well we have gotten to know them via phone, e-mail, AIM etc.

    For us we sort of dove in head first although we were cautious and had done quite a bit of homework. Like a kid in a candy shop we tried to experience several different things, clubs, house parties, one on one meetings, going in to each with our eyes wide open. We have no regrets, but have learned what appeals to us and what does not as a couple.

    We are now more settled in our rules and boundries and in general the swinging life is getting much easier (and much more fun ) when it comes to meeting or rejecting potential swinging partners. I am sure that we will continually adjust and fine tune, but right now it is pretty darn good.

    How long did it take you to find the right set of rules and boundries?

    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

  6. #6


    "I am sure that we will continually adjust and fine tune, but right now it is pretty darn good."

    Even after eleven years of swinging, we still adjust our rules, as you said we add some and take some away. For us its mostly changing for different occasions. One set for On-Premesis clubs, another for house parties and still different ones for one on one. this might be confusing for some people but it works for us.
    and before you ask her are some examples:

    On-premesis clubs: never apart for play, both have to agree on any playmate (we have signals for this, so we don't have to go off and talk)No drinking.(this so we have all our faculties)condoms a must.

    House parties: much more free to do what we want, we can find indivdual playmates. light drinking is allowed. (we still end up playing together most of the time, because alot of the fun for both of us is watching the other have fun) condoms a must.

    One on one: condoms a must and once again we really do prefer same room.

    J.J & Vivi [fun]

  7. #7


    One thing that i am continually surprised by is how much boundries change and how often. it seems that a big part of our swinging experience is based on how we feel as individuals at that time. secure or feeling like a yucky blob.
    aggressive or wanting to be tied down.
    warm cuddly or smack that ass, ride em cowpoke.
    it changes like the weather and part of the thrill for us is that we are intune enough to go with the flow.with out regretes or resentments. part of our strength as a couple is our ability to support where ever the other happens to be and know that that can change in a minute without negative outcome. besides, isnt it all about change anyway? {partner,position,lotions}

  8. #8

    Default re: Ever changing boundaries

    I thought this was an interesting question. What were your boundaries/rules when you started? How have they changed?
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  9. #9
    Better than Ice Cream two4youinswva's Avatar
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    Default re: Ever changing boundaries

    I think our story is probably typical.

    In the beginning:
    -Soft Swing only. Friends first. Same room. Mostly met folks from online ads.

    - Her: "I'd hit it"
    Him: "Me too"
    Her: "Let's go meet them"

    -Full swap, friends first not necessary, same room not necessary. Almost exclusively meet people at the clubs.

  10. #10
    Being good is overrated sweet_tna's Avatar
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    Default re: Ever changing boundaries

    We didn't have too many rules to begin with, so we haven't really had to change any of them. But I'm sure we'll make the necessary adjustments as we go along.

    I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Ever changing boundaries

    A lot of the rules and boundaries we had when we first started in the lifestyle have changed. The biggest one is that we use to have a same room only rule, but that changed after going to a few house parties.

  12. #12

    Default re: Ever changing boundaries

    Yep, they change.

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict BiloxiCouple's Avatar
    Couple with benefits and retired
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    Default re: Ever changing boundaries

    Just like anything else in life. The boundaries change. And they can change back again.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  14. #14

    Default re: Ever changing boundaries

    We have one rule - same room.

    Outside of that it's anything goes.

  15. #15

    Default re: Ever changing boundaries

    No "rules" (except for condoms). Why would we choose a wildly alternative lifestyle then put limits on it the way we have limits in our day-to-day lives? The idea for us is to lose oursleves in another world apart from the one we have to live in. We believe in each of us going as far as the other wants. The "no blow job", "no kissing", etc. people maybe should rethink what they are doing.

  16. #16

    Default re: Ever changing boundaries

    Yea we had lots of rules at the beginning and to be honest I don't remember most of them. Hell I couldn't remember them when we had them which is why most of them ended up getting broken and most of them have been let go.

    We have one over riding rule now, we don't do anything that knowingly hurt anyone else. Also always protected sex, other than that we figure it out as we go.

    Safer that way for me anyways as I am the one that always forgets crap.


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