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havefuninsun

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havefuninsun last won the day on March 9 2008

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About havefuninsun

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    insert witty banter here

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
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    Virginia
  • Occupation
    Computer Geeks
  • Swinging Experience
    newbie

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  • SLS Name
    havefuninsun

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  1. Interesting thread. The one thing I will offer to the newbies -- the ones just starting out or the ones looking for their first experience is this: it all seems to evolve one way or the other. What might feel like cheating today may not a year from now. We first started out with guidelines, and except for the condom rule, I don't think any of the other guidelines are still in place. We were same room, full swap, and girls could play if they wanted to. Since then, we've had separate room experiences, and Mr. Fun has even met one of our female playmates alone without me (damn work schedule! LOL). When we first started, there's NO WAY I would have seen that coming! All of us know our relationships and what we all can handle. You also have to know yourself. If you're the type that can start falling for someone who you're alone naked with, seeing someone on your own, or having an open marriage, probably won't work for you. And that's fine. Just because you're experimenting and having a fun adventure doesn't mean you have to experience it all. I mean, does everyone hit every ride and experience everything there is to do at Disneyworld? Some do, most don't. So, it's all good, as long as no one is getting hurt. Each couple should enjoy each other, and the ones they want to enjoy otherwise, as it works for them.
  2. I was just re-reading Julie's thread on "just because I say hello doesn't mean I want to fuck you." A lot of attitudes folks have about swingers, if they find out you swing, is they'll fuck anyone. Do us swingers think that too? Did the recipient of Julie's email take the fact that they received an email that she'll fuck anyone? Then I was thinking about the response threads that reminded us all that sites like SLS are hookup sites, and if you receive an email on those sites, the implication is that you may want to hook up with them. Interesting. When I get those emails, and when I send those emails, the first stage is an exploratory stage. To determine if there's a connection. I don't necessarily think, at first, there will be a hookup (a lot of the time I hope so! LOL). I look at SLS as a directory of like-minded folks who accept swinging. As most non swingers, and even some swingers, think that swingers will do anyone, do they also think all gay people will do anyone? With those attitudes and thought processes, does it then mean that all hetero people will do any other hetero? Do all vanillas do any vanilla? Will bi women do anyone? I like to think of "us" as progressive thinkers. After all, we've all thought through sex and having sex outside of our relationships. That, I think, is pretty deep. So why do we still get caught up in such close-minded attitudes? Why do we find ourselves thinking that swingers will fuck anything or that gay people will fuck anything? This also parlays into the attitude towards bi-males in the lifestyle. Dear straight guy: guess what? Mr. bi doesn't do everybody either ... he can resist you, I just know he can.
  3. Bump bump I ran across this and was laughing hysterically at more than one of the posts ... I have no good stories. I'll have to live vicariously through you guys ...
  4. I think the real question is, what is your vanilla behavior? Both Mr. Fun and I are flirts; if I think I can get by with flirting with someone without anyone getting upset about it, I'm going to do it. I'm not sure Mr. Fun even thinks about the upsetting part ... LOL ... he's just a flirt. He flirts with waitresses, classmates, my vanilla girlfriends ... it doesn't matter. So the SIMPLE answer to the original OP is yes, we'd be flirting and dancing with our friends, but we'd be doing so no matter what. WITH THAT SAID, we'd do nothing to make eyebrows raise if someone were watching us. I wouldn't kiss all over the other Mr. (or Mrs. hehehe). We know how to behave. I'd hate to run into anyone we knew (them or us) and have that person wonder about the relationship. So we act as vanilla as can be, but in our butterscotch way.
  5. OK guys -- I've been following this thread and frankly, it's starting to bug me. I've got my flame-resistant suit on. This thread FEELS to me that those with genital herpes are trying to make either a point, or themselves feel better, by blasting HSV-1 and giving information about why that is as bad as HSV-2. Then there's the discussion about why you should tell people you have HSV-2 but no one discloses the fact that they have HSV-1. (Anything you can pass on that can put sores on my twat BETTER be disclosed before having sex!!) Then there's the discussion about catching something by sitting on a toilet seat -- come on, people, I thought this was all settled in high school! I don't sit on public toilets because they are GROSS, but because of some flavor of cooties. I can't even have that conversation. What we all know about women's anatomy is that because of our warm, wet place, we are susceptible to bacteria. That's why we're told not to stay in wet bathing suits, we're advised against using a lot of perfumie bath products and sitting in baths too long, and the risks of bacteria in hot tubs. THESE ARE NOT STD's. And if you find yourself with a bacteria or yeast infection, there are antibiotics that can be given to CURE you of this. The biggest problem with HSV-2 is that THERE ARE NOT ANTIBIOTICS TO GIVE YOU TO RID YOURSELF, OR CURE YOU, FROM THIS DISEASE. So if you think it's OK not to give me this information before we get naked, even if you're on Valtrex or whatever for your symptoms, even if your not symptomatic at the time, then you're crazy. How DARE you put me at any risk if you have the knowledge that you are HSV-2 positive! What give YOU the right to make that decision for me? Now, with that said, I also know that a lot of us are/could be carriers of the disease, have been exposed to it, have no idea, and could potentially pass it on even if we never have one symptom. I understand that. I get that. I'm not upset or angry about that. I play with people that I think are safe for ME ... if it happens, it does. The likelihood of catching HSV-1 in the genital area is slim. Like someone said above, the studies are all over the place, depending on what angle the author wants to present the information. I would never kiss anyone with an open cold sore. I certainly would not let that person go down on me. I have NEVER heard of anyone catching HSV-1 from someone who does not have an open sore. Could it happen? Of course it could. But guess what? That's a risk I'm OK with. The risk of catching HSV-1 from an asymptomatic person is much less than catching HSV-2 from an asymptomatic person. Any of the studies, no matter what the slant, will suggest this. Comparing HSV-1 to HSV-2 is like comparing oranges and tangerines. They're similar, but not the same. Finally -- 50s Lady -- it's clear that you are very angry, upset, and hurt. You are doing a good job of educating yourself the best you know how, and I applaud you for this. I also think you would benefit from a support group if you haven't already joined one. And I can tell you're sad that you "can't swing anymore." What I don't understand is Why? There are many couples with herpes who play. They disclose that they have it. Why not find some folks who you can play with? I see a lot of profiles on SLS disclosing this, and these couples seem like they have as much fun as they want.
  6. I started shaving a LONG time ago -- 10 years or so? I probably did it because my ex wanted to see what it was like and frankly, I liked it a lot. After meeting Mr. Fun, he coaxed me into giving waxing a try, and now I'm hooked (they say tattoo's are addictive; I think waxing can be, too). We've met some folks who have done the laser, and I'm pretty intrigued with that. I'd love not having to worry about it anymore. Mr. Fun stays neatly trimmed, although he's done waxing before, too. He's really wanting to be waxed again. God love 'em.
  7. If only live were so simple that we could say, "I'm not happy. I choose to walk away." Imagine this scenario. A woman, in her early late 30's/early 40's, who is the primary care giver of her ill live-in mother-in-law. She and her husband have decided that she should give up her nursing career to be the full-time care giver of his mother. They move mom in with them and their kids. She and her husband rarely have sex; he works all the time, which in turn, makes her feel guilty because she's not pulling her weight financially (which, we all know is bogus; she's taking care of her mother-in-law). So, her and her husband have a strained relationship, and are having trouble communicating through it. But both she and her husband feel that they have made the right decision regarding their family. She feels good being able to take care of her kids and her mother-in-law. We can even make this scenario more simple ... imagine the everyday stay at home mom, the mom who is totally committed to raising her kids, and she and her husband put the needs of the kids in front of their own. Break up the family? They wouldn't dream of it. (How many of us have BEEN in that situation? How many of us have stayed in marriage #1 for the kids' sake? Simply walk away? Ain't that simple). She hungers for the touch of someone who desires her. She wants no strings; she doesn't want to be saved from her situation. She is committed to staying with her family and has never even thought of breaking it up. But she would love a lover who she could see occasionally, just for the passion that the rest of us here, understand. Does this make her a bad person? Does this make her a great unicorn? Discretion is paramount. In my view, she'd be better off with a lifestyle couple who understands what she wants and needs. She's not wanting to replace any ONE in her relationship; she's looking to fulfill sexual desires. My guess is that there are a lot of women like this in the lifestyle, either posing as singles or simply out with their story. Do I blame them? Not one bit. I can't imagine life without the wonderful sex life I have. I love my home sex life; I love my playtime. I love my husband for giving me all of that. Life is too short. We'd have to think long and hard to have a relationship with someone like the above, as there are a lot of risks here (as Thrax said in one of his posts, he doesn't want a gun to his head). But would we begrudge her for wanting passion, not a chance. And I'm not going to judge couples who CHOOSE to play with her, either.
  8. I was married to a man for a LONG time who had cold sores (HSV1). I dated a guy for a long time who had HSV1. I always avoided contact with their mouths when they had an outbreak. I've never had a cold sore. Either my immune system is really good, or I'm just a very lucky girl. If some dude had a cold sore/blister, I wouldn't kiss them, and I'd sure as hell wouldn't let them go down on me. If I knew that they got these sores (they have HSV1) and wasn't in an outbreak. I wouldn't think twice about it. One more thing to worry about. Shesh
  9. We're not newbies, but we don't have a ton of experiences, either. I think we're teenagers. We feel like we know what we're doing; we know how to treat folks with respect and enjoy meeting friends. As Pepper says, it's a true catch-22...
  10. We actually bought a naughty truth or dare game. The problem was, no one wanted to pick "truth" -- we played the game with a couple we'd already had been naked with in the past, so we kept just going for the "dare" cards. LOL!!
  11. I agree with the above posts, and especially Mr. Alura's -- if you like the guy otherwise, give him a second chance. Truthfully, there have been very few times in my life that the first time I had sex with anyone (vanilla or not) that it was just awesome. I've actually come away with the thought "so, that was that?" -- for me, it's always gotten better. The more you're with someone, the more your bodies get intuned with each other. Hopefully, he's willing to take clues and lessons as the Alura's friends were. Hard conversation? yes. But, it can be wonderfully beneficial if all goes well. Keep us posted on what happens!
  12. My natural instinct is to be loud. When I don't have to "think" is when I'm having the most fun. With kids in the house (and neighbors mowing the grass), I have to be conscious of my loudness. But when we're alone, boy, watch out!!
  13. Did you have faces to the profile? Again, as someone else pointed out, they found the SLS website and you have to create an account to perv the profiles (I think). All the above advice is good; don't make a big deal out of it. You'll feel uncomfortable for a while, I'm sure, but they'll get over it.
  14. First, I so admire you. You Rock, girl! I'm a "typical" woman, I am self-conscience about my non-perfect body parts. I feel shy right at first when I get naked, but then I get over it (thankfully). We were at a house party in February, and the women were in lingerie. One of the girls there never got totally naked; she looked great in the negligee she had on, and it made her feel sexy, look sexy, and most importantly feel good. Maybe you feel more comfortable with your husband, but with playmates prefer to feel and look sexy in other ways. What I know is this: I'm MUCH more critical of myself than anyone else is. I see more wrinkles, gray hair, fat cells, than anyone else. And I know your playmates will think you are just as awesome as you are
  15. Just our playmates know ... I don't think my vanilla friends have a clue, but I don't think they'd be surprised, just "warn" me of the dangers of treading in that area. No family knows, but I know one of my sisters would be cool with it. I wouldn't be surprised if she's participated in group sex. I don't know if she and her boyfriend are active "swingers" per se, but I can see them having fun in the right circumstances
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