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MrkLin

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MrkLin last won the day on April 6 2009

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About MrkLin

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    Your Tent or Ours?
  • Birthday 03/27/1961

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    Couple
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  1. Much like your parties, Michael, ours are by invitation only. We think of these parties as a chance for our friends to get together with each other, as well as a chance for us to get together with them. Our experience has been much like yours, in that about half to two-thirds of those invited actually attend. A big difference, however, is that we also have 1 single female and 2 single males who regularly attend our parties, yet we've never had anyone decline an invitation because of them. In fact, one of the males is rather popular with the ladies, and has become so popular, he's getting invited to other parties as well. (In fact, he and the single lady who regularly attends are quickly becoming an item, and they may even become a couple soon - score 1 for Lifestyle Cupid.) We do invite new couples on occasion, and we encourage our friends to bring along a couple with them as their guests if they'd like (subject to our approval, of course.) All we ask is that they let us know who the couple is before they invite said couple. We'll discuss from there. We have only 2 bedrooms available for play areas, but the simple rule; "If you want privacy, close the door" seems to work just fine. The flip-side of that rule is, "If you find a door closed, leave it closed and move on." We've never had a problem at all. We agree with you completely about keeping the bathrooms well-stocked with towels, washcloths, and other such sundries. We go so far as to put out a basket of little individual soaps for those who may wish to use them (a good use for all of those little bars of soap you seem to 'inherit' from hotel visits.) We also put baskets of rolled towels in strategic locations in the living room, and invite our guests who have 'lost all of their clothes' to make use of them. I've never had to actually come right out and ask someone naked to sit on a towel, but by offering that option, we've eliminated the need to say something. We've gone one step further, and provide bathrobes in the bathrooms and bedrooms for those who wish to use them. You can pick up inexpensive bathrobes at any discount store for less than $10 apiece - less when they're on sale for some reason. Whenever our local wally world closes out bathrobes for the season, we grab a couple. I really don't know what it is about baskets, but people seem to love anything that's presented in one, or use it if it's meant for something to be disposed of in it. If you hand someone a condom, they'll chuckle and say, "Thanks," then set it aside. If you put a few different varieties in a small basket and leave them on a night stand, they'll use them. We put small bottles of lube, condoms, some KY warming lotion, and a wash cloth in small baskets and place them on each night stand in each bedroom, and a couple in strategic locations all over the house. Wicker waste baskets and clothes hampers complete the implication. We provide the majority of the snacks as well as all of the soft drinks, bottled water, ice, and mixers (our parties are BYOB, but if someone likes cranberry juice or ginger ale, we'll provide that.) We do ask that our guests bring a simple snack with them for everyone to enjoy. The reasons for that are two fold - first, it takes the pressure to prepare everything off of Lin, and it introduces a wider variety in the snacks. We make it clear to our guests that it doesn't have to be anything fancy - just whatever they like to snack on. We've had some very original snacks pass through this way - everything from simple chips and salsa to cantaloupe wrapped in prosciutto. (I should start a thread about party snack recipes - some of the items were very simple, but quite original and very tasty.) We have a couple of dozen parties under our belts (no pun intended) and we've found that sometimes it's pretty easy to over-prepare. The main thing I would suggest to anyone wishing to host an invitation-only house party is that you know your friends, and you have some idea as to what they like and dislike when it comes to foods, music, mood lighting, or even scented candles or potpourri. We try to make our house (which isn't large by any stretch of the imagination) a clean, comfortable, pressure-free environment where everyone can kick their shoes off, relax, and let the evening flow as they choose to let it flow. Our guests know that we're always open to suggestion, and if they have any ideas, comments, complaints, or concerns, we want to hear them. We can't fix something if we don't know it's broken, and we want everyone to feel welcome and relaxed.
  2. I should have qualified my post by mentioning that the clubs we frequent are on-premise clubs. In fact, now that I think about it, I believe all three of the clubs here locally are on-premise clubs. Wow! I really didn't think something as simple as a pair of jeans would start so much discussion. I thought I had explained my reason for thinking a woman wearing tight jeans was unapproachable when I said, in the same paragraph, "The more covered a woman’s body is, to me anyway, the less open, approachable, and welcoming she is." Bingo Julie - that's exactly what I meant. I really don't know why, but this seems to be especially true if the woman is wearing very tight jeans. It's sort of a 'protective posture' that may invite a casual look (or even a flat-out open stare,) but little more. That was the point I was trying to impress upon Lin. Covering herself by buttoning her blouse up to her neck, and wearing long skirts that dust the floor as she walks might look very pretty, but it sends the signal that she's not inviting anyone to look at her body beneath the clothes - only the clothes themselves. I have to be honest here - we basically go to on-premise clubs to meet potential playmates. If someone gives us the impression that they're not interested in playing, we'll most likely pass them by. If they approach us, we'll certainly socialize - the same is true of a couple who has been sitting at the bar with their backs to the room. If they approach, then it's a different story. We're always open to meeting people and getting to know someone - whether theres a possibility we're going to play later or not - but we're less likely to make the first move with them if we're not getting the correct signals. Wearing revealing clothing sends a subliminal invitation to look at and enjoy what is being displayed, for lack of a better word. Covering one's body from head to toe does just the opposite - at least to me, anyway. YMMV.
  3. Another factor in approachability is the way a person dresses – mainly the ladies. A lot of women, Lin included, aren’t into ‘club wear.’ She thinks that a lot of the outfits she sees at a club are pretty contrived. Ok, maybe some of them are, but for the most part I think they’re just downright sexy. She’s a firm believer in the idea that sometimes what you can’t see is sexier than putting everything on open display. She says that anyone can get naked – the point is to get the other person interested in wanting to see what’s beneath the clothing, rather than just stripping off and letting them see it all at once. So basically she’ll pick out a sexy dress or skirt and blouse to wear, and we go from there. I’ve really gotten her to loosen up in her manner of dress by talking to her about approachability. She’ll undo more buttons to show off a lot more cleavage than she used to. (A blouse buttoned up to cover her cleavage screams “Don’t look!” So does a button down skirt or dress that is completely buttoned up.) She’ll unbutton her skirt from the bottom up to allow her legs to show as she walks or sits (and to provide for easier access, should the need arise.) She wears shorter skirts than she ever has, and just about all of her ‘club attire’ buttons up the front so she can control just how much she’s showing off at any given time, as well as be able to unbutton it completely once we get into the playroom. When I see a lady wearing tight fitting jeans and a western shirt, I pretty much enjoy the view, but don’t approach. The jeans look sexy, but they also restrict access – this tells me that she doesn’t want anyone to have access, whether she intends it that way or not. That’s how I interpret it. The more covered a woman’s body is, to me anyway, the less open, approachable, and welcoming she is. Again – that’s just my interpretation. Wearing a boot length winter coat doesn’t give the impression that you want to be approached – it gives me the impression that you’re ready to make your escape at a moment’s notice. How you carry yourself says a lot about approachability too. As has been said before, standing or walking around in the higher traffic areas silently send the signal that you want to socialize. Sitting in a tall stool in a high traffic area does the same, although not as well. You at least appear to be approachable in that you’ve placed yourself where it’s more likely that you will be approached. How you sit is important too. Sitting with your arms folded across your chest, leaning over forward, or having your hands lying in your lap give the impression that you’re hiding something from view or protecting something you think might be threatened. It’s the same as sitting at the bar with your back to the crowd – that says, “Leave us alone.” Sitting upright, with one hand on your table and the other by your side (or both hands by your sides) send a signal that you’re welcoming others to look, because your body is open to view. You’re inviting the attention, and appear open and approachable. Lin and I also sit opposite each other at the table, leaving an open stool beside each of us. That sends the signal that there is room for others to join us if they’d care to. If you want to appear approachable, you have to look as though you’re inviting and welcoming the attention others are paying to you. As CXXC said, a welcoming smile does act as an invitation to further interest. Inviting body language does so as well – even from across a room.
  4. I can't believe I've been a member of this board for this long without posting in this thread. It's simply a contraction and combination of our names. I'm Mark (Mrk) She's Lin. Mrk + Lin = MrkLin.
  5. MrkLin

    What to Wear? What to Wear?

    I'll tell you first hand, CXXC, that a kilt will generate interest at any event. Most people can't see a man in a kilt and not say something, as I'm sure you well know. For a guy, it's the ultimate icebreaker. To the ladies who ask 'the question,' I have several replies, each depending on the lady and the situation. To the guys who want to call it a skirt, I reply that it's only a skirt if you're wearing pumps and panties with it, and the reason that it's called a 'kilt' in the first place is to honor all of the smartasses 'kilt' for making skirt jokes...
  6. You know the old saying; "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." Do yourself a favor - don't dwell on it. Whether you realize it or not, you're already getting back into the swing of things. When the time is right, you'll be back in the pool hip deep, and splashing with everyone else as if nothing ever happened. Right now you need to take care of yourself and heal - that just takes time. As far as your medical concerns go, we wish you the best, and we hope everything turns out well.
  7. I think I'm with Chicup here. Two couples in the same room but on different beds wouldn't be considered group sex in my opinion - even if they did swap. Put them both on the same bed, and you've got group sex. Put them in the same pile, and you have an orgy
  8. MrkLin

    What happened to the Humor?

    I've always been of the opinion that PC actually stood for Politically Conformist. I'm with you, CXXC - you want PC, go to a computer shop... Still, I have to make use of Situational Awareness when I'm trash talking with one of my customers. I know that there's usually someone nearby that won't get the joke, and could possibly be offended. Not a good thing in my line of work. What I'll do in those situations is reach up and pinch my lips together, then say as clearly as possible, "This is me biting my tongue..."
  9. I don't know why this posted twice. Sorry for cluttering up your blog.
  10. I agree - sometimes there just aren't enough weekends in a year. One thing we've done is host our own house parties. That helps a lot when it comes to getting together with several couples you'd like to get to know better. You probably won't play with them all, but you'll get lots of time to get to know them, then proceed from there. Another thing we do is our annual campout. It's a 3-day affair that attracts a huge crowd. Great for meeting lots of people and taking things into a camper later if you feel like it...
  11. I think that may be the case. If she stands no chance of ever getting him to herself, it becomes a case of; "What's in this for me in the long run?" I've never understood this mentality. Think about it - if he was so willing to cheat on his wife to be with you, what makes you think he won't cheat on you to be with someone else? What makes you special? Oh well - enough digression... Anecdotally, we were on the receiving end of this equation a few years ago, but with a single male acquaintance. He was more than ready jump Lin's bones (even had a motel in mind) until she told him that we had no secrets, I knew all about it, and it was ok with me. He immediately backpedaled and told her to forget the whole thing. When she pressed him for an answer as to why not, he told her that swinging was weird. I told her that he was just an Adam-Henry (the right people will get that - if you don't, ask a cop.) He was more than ready to help my wife cheat on me when he thought I didn't know, but it was weird if I did know. So who was really the weird one? She did forget the whole thing, and it's funny, but we haven't seen him since...
  12. MrkLin

    What happened to the Humor?

    I don't care what the lady at Victoria's Secret thought - that was a funny line! Lin and I are both quick with a one-liner, and we've learned to kind of temper it in certain company, but usually it's no-holds-barred. Don't sweat it - the right people will get the joke. Oh, and just for general info, back in my drinking days, I used to call SoCo "LPR." LPR stands for Liquid Panty Remover...
  13. Congrats to both of you! Fantastic job!
  14. Ok, let me modify my reply to this thread. If you're worried about being outed for any reason by going to a swing club, don't go. If you're worried about being outed by posting pics on your online profile, don't post pics. If you're worried about being outed by describing yourself in an online profile, don't describe yourself. In short, if you're worried about being outed at all, you probably shouldn't swing. Please don't think I'm being flip here - I'm not. I'm not trying to downplay anything anyone has said in this thread. Everyone has posted legitimate concerns. If those concerns are going to make you look over your shoulder or watch the door at a club to see who's coming in, you're not going to have a good time at that club. I wouldn't go if I thought I was going to have to do that. You know what kind of risk you can take better than anyone else. All anyone on this board can do is relate things to themselves, based on their own experiences. Maybe we're lucky to not have met someone with an agenda at a swing club. Maybe our experiences aren't typical. Yes, the level of risk we're willing to take in being outed isn't the same as anyone else's. Like I said, you know what level of risk you're willing to take better than anyone else. If you fear for your career that badly, then don't swing in the first place.
  15. I think 'aggressive' can be pretty subjective. It's not like there's a cut and dried definition, because everyone sees it differently. To me, aggressive means actual determined pursuit of something - especially after someone has said 'no.' Being pushy, disrespectful, or not taking 'no' for an answer are the classic signs, but the signs can be more subtle if you keep your wits about you and watch what's going on. Iapr makes a good point in that it can be relative to your interest in someone as well. The example Ivory Towers provided is a good one. The guy took a "maybe" situation and turned it into a "not just no, hell no" situation because he was pushy, and wouldn't respect their wishes. Being eager to meet someone is one thing - trying to push it (especially after you've been told when someone is available to meet) will more often than not get the door slammed in your face. If you're concerned about being branded as 'aggressive,' then my advice is to be cordial, warm, polite, open, and respectful of other people's wishes. It is possible to be engaging and confident and not be seen as aggressive. Just be respectful and you'll do fine. If you're worried about someone else being aggressive, it's something that may or may not happen no matter where you go. Watch for the signs and react accordingly. Be firm but polite. You always have the option of leaving if things feel funny or threatening in any way.
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