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TeamSoBe

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About TeamSoBe

  • Rank
    Super Contributor

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    M. Half of Couple
  • Location
    South Beach, Florida
  • Interests
    ocean kayaking, rollerblading, group sex
  • Occupation
    Professional Nerd

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  1. My wife goes by a nickname around friends and swingers. Not really an "alias". She doesn't hide her real name if anybody is curious.
  2. A few weeks ago? Holy smokes, it's been about three years. Definitely tells you something. Be careful which photos and personal information you trust with that guy. When he originally started Swingular he literally hijacked the Playful Swingers site. He locked out the couple who had paid him to develop the web site and directed their playfulswingers.com URL to a copycat site on his new server that looked exactly the same. It was exactly the same because he was the guy running it. The couple somehow managed to get announcements out to people about what was happening and suddenly members were getting dueling announcements. Announcement: the site has changed its name and we're still honoring memberships and renew now at the new Swingular.com for a discount. Announcement: somebody has hijacked our site, disregard the previous announcement. Etc, etc, etc. It was kind of entertaining drama from the outside looking in, but it happened just as Playful Swingers' popularity was blowing up at a time when they could have beat SDC in the South Florida market. Then, nope, derailed because the web nerd betrayed them. So sad.
  3. I never really noticed that before, but you know I think you're right about that.
  4. Yes my question was about narrow definitions of feminism. Not mine. My question originally was about how different flavors of feminists in the here and now would interpret the promiscuous behavior of a swinging woman. Abortion is completely peripheral and only came up because of a passing mention of the National Organization for Women. I think that it's obvious that there are plenty of conservative feminists who would have trouble looking at a woman on her back getting gang banged and seeing a liberated woman. I have been curious to learn more about more liberal interpretations of feminism from more recent times that look at that gang bang as something that the woman is entitled to enjoy if she likes, and something that isn't counter-productive in the overall struggle toward equality. Thanks for the book references, Pepper & Drew, I'm about to order both of those. I'm kind of struggling with whether my mother could respect my wife if she really knew everything. Or me. For me it's kind of what Christians deal with when they struggle with guilt over swinging, thinking that Jesus wouldn't want them to be doing those things. This thread is about respect for promiscuous women, which has everything to do with swinging.
  5. Well that's the big question. My opinion is that flying in formation with a partner is swinging. A single person doing the same stuff is just a person having casual sex. Casual sex was around way before anybody needed a term "swinging" for it. The term refers to couples having casual sex in each others' presence. As such, a single person isn't swinging even if they are having casual sex. Many disagree.
  6. I was very active in the National Organization for Women, even though college, because my mom was. A "feminist" organization by any standard. That's as clear as I can be about that. I didn't start this thread to assert myself as a feminist though so it's irrelevant. I started this thread because I don't see any conflict between how my wife behaves and the feminist ideals as I interpret them. But she and other swinger women who I know and respect don't seem to fit into that article on sex-positive feminism. Is their behavior against feminism, or has feminism entitled them to express new facets of femininity? The article, like many peoples' perception, seems a little out of date.
  7. Er, no. My mom was real active in NOW. Pro ERA. We were the people that the Operation Rescue fundamentalists threw plastic fetuses at, and phoned death threats to. They're still doing that to people as far as I know but I'm not so active any more on the grounds that I'm a boy. IMHO a feminist is any person of either gender who believes that women should have the same options that men have. Big part of how I ended up a swinger I think.
  8. I didn't take her post in that way. I agreed with what she said about promiscuous feminists of today riding on the backs of the more conservative feminists of the 1970's. I really don't think that my wife would have the options that she has now if it weren't for my mother and her bra-burning friends. Now the bra-burning is obsolete and women can have their implants and their independence at the same time if they want. If anybody were to tell me to shut up and not discuss feminism then I would be truly offended. I have marched on state capitals in the sun for equal rights ammendments. I have physically defended womens' health clinics from Operation Rescue. I have dedicated my life to a strong, independent woman who I see as an equal. I have earned the right to fly the feminist flag if I like.
  9. I don't understand that either. I can understand a single guy who likes casual sex. I can even understand a single guy who likes casual group sex. But if you were a single guy who 'got it' and who wanted to be accepted by swingers as an equal, then you would find yourself a partner in crime. If a single guy is so focused on casual group sex that he can't or doesn't want to maintain and nourish an open relationship with a woman, then he isn't a swinger. He's just a guy who found a short cut. Maybe the reason why some of us resent singles picking up the "swinger" label and slapping it on themselves is because we invested a lot of work and years of time into getting on the same page as our partners. As husbands, boyfriends, wives and girlfriends, we have to earn the right to call ourselves swingers. We take a risk when we get into it that our relationship could be harmed. A single guy who wants to fuck my wife who wants to skip all of that tedious communication and trust building is going to meet with some resentment if he thinks that an erection is the only prerequisite. A single puts in no risk. A single guy doesn't have what the swinging husband has or else he would be there with a partner. He doesn't know what it is to share his partner. I have to think that it generates a lot of resentment when he insists on being treated as an equal in the face of these deficiencies.
  10. Not taking one for the team has become one of those rules that we let go of as we got more experienced. We never expected that but it happened. We have both very much enjoyed getting with play pals who were maybe a little below our normal standards, for all kinds of reasons. It always seemed like such a bad thing when we were first starting but much less so now. As long as everybody is having fun it's all cool, is our new attitude. Within certain limits, of course. If somebody is actively gross as opposed to just not that attractive then it wouldn't be fun for one of us and that would violate the 'as long as everybody is having fun' rule.
  11. I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned SDC, which has a much larger membership than any of the other sites listed here. We used to be members at SLS and Playful Swingers but since SDC has gotten so huge it's all that we bother with any more. The Lifestyle Lounge is a good one too but it's much smaller than SDC.
  12. You just put a dent in your credibility as a "legitimate" swinger. I agree with Chicup that just being a nice guy doesn't mean that you 'get it'. You're assuming that swinging couples who aren't interested in you are avoiding you because the man feels threatened by you, but that's rarely the case. To a swinging couple, it's all about having casual group sex within the framework of a relationship. To you it's about getting your dick wet. Swinging couples who are interested in sharing their vibe with an extra man are looking for men who 'get it', they aren't just looking for the hottest possible guy for the women. That's why couples often select the male from another swinging couple or even a vanilla male friend for MFM adventures rather than picking from the endless swarms of horny single guys on swing web sites or at swing clubs. By completely missing that concept you're proving Chicup's point that you aren't approaching the situation as a swinger, you're approaching the situation as a single guy who likes casual group sex. I don't speak for Chicup but he and I are both insisting that there is a difference. I don't see anything in your outlook that makes you any different from any random single horny guy that we could meet at any random bar anywhere. Plenty of them are perfectly nice and attractive guys too but that doesn't make them swingers. They're just horny. Respect for the couple's relationship and empathy with the man who is sharing something with you is what makes you a swinger. A single guy who has never been in that position can't understand and lacks that empathy. And if you let them talk long enough they normally will reveal a lack of respect as well, as illustrated here. If a swinging couple breaks up and then the man or the woman continue to play as individuals then I would consider that man and that woman to be single swingers. In that case the single people do have the necessary respect and empathy because they have been there themselves, and they 'get it'. It does seem possible that there could be some rare example of a single guy who is somehow mature enough to 'get it' even though he's never been able to get a relationship of his own to the point of swinging. Possible theoretically, but I haven't ever met a guy like that even though my wife and I enjoy MFM, and even though I live in South Florida where swingers grow on trees.
  13. That was a great post, and it's interesting to me that you're agreeing, rather than disagreeing, with some of the 'third-wave' sex-positive feminists. For example I was just reading this interview with feminist authors Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards: ...and sleeping with boys for fun is sexy.
  14. Right, to me it seems like 'slut feminists' are the modern version of the 1970's lesbian feminists. The 'feminist sex wars' raged for decades because of the fear of the Dworkinites about being associated with lesbians. The same sort of conservative mindset is represented in that Washington Times article, but there are endless reams of blog posts in Google about "slut feminism" from younger women. Regardless of the fascinating revulsion around here toward feminism, I did manage to find enough references to 'slut feminism' to update the article on sex-positive feminism.
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