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Hellboy

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15 Good

About Hellboy

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 11/19/1974

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Texas
  1. I probably shouldn't step into this one, but I will...being "open minded" (a very canned, PC bullshit phrase to begin with) should include a respect for other peoples views, even if they exclude or avoid other groups by choice. If people do not want to be around men who dress as women, then that is their choice and if they care to associate in a private setting, they should be able to include and exclude whoever they want. Personal freedom has to work for everyone. To the original point, in a setting like a swing club where sex is taking place, the "no surprises" rule seems like the best fit. There are only a few people who would not be offended (if any) to find the person they are trying to do the deed with turns out to have the opposite plumbing than they thought. But if the patrons and management have declared it off limits to TV's then tough shit. I don't guess I really have anything against TVs. I find it a rather strange compulsion, but that's just me. It irritates the crap out of me though to hear the crap getting flung because person A's views are labeled "closed minded" because person B does not agree. While being so open minded, person B should respect person A's right to believe, feel, think whatever the hell they want so long as no one's rights are violated.
  2. As hard as you were fishing for something to attack on, I'm surprised it took you so long. You don't need me or anyone else to validate your lifestyle, but when you seek to open a discussion on a topic and then turn on a comment you don't like with vitriol, I have to wonder what you were expecting. If you want total acceptance of your lifestyle, then you have to accept points of view that are different from your own. Your position seems to me to be people should be free to express themselves and act, think and feel how they wish, yet you attack my comment because they don't agree with your point of view... HYPOCRISY! I just don't think its right and proper for people, be they gay, straight, or whatever, to parade down the street naked and call it "expression" There has to be a line of what sexual behavior is A.) fit for public forum and B.) fit for behind closed doors. Even in privacy, there are some things that cannot be accepted by this society (ie, sex with children or sex with a German Sheppard) Is there something biological that causes a gay man to be more effeminate? To quote a great American, "I don't know" So there is to the outside observer, no way tell who is driven that way by their internal chemestry and who is acting baecasue they have assumed an identity.....But who gives a damn?!?!? Indecent exposure is indecent exposure and the standards should be universal.
  3. Norms established by society as a whole, not just "normal folks" What is normal anyhow? It should be no more acceptable for a gay couple to have sex at a bus stop in mid afternoon than for a hetero couple and vise versa. There must be, however, and over riding urge to put on display lifestyles outside conventional definitions because we see it all the time, often under the guise of expression and pride. There is nothing wrong with pride in a chosen lifestyle, but it is cheapened by those who would pander to the stereotypes. This coincides with a discussion I had with a friend on another message board. Does a person want to be known as a gay man, or a man who is gay? It seems like a matter of minor semantics, but its at the heart of the discussion.
  4. I read some Plato back in college and was a little shocked by his description of a meeting of all male scholars being peppered with a "who's screwing who" gossip. For those that believe, there is referance to it in the Bible and while all else can be argued on semantics, homosexuality is forbidden....of course so is eating bacon, meaning Denny's will burn right along with the local swing club on Judgement day. I guess I am fortunate that I do not have the attraction and therfore have to consider the issue with my ingrained morality. The bottom line for me is that I do not care to infringe on the rights of consenting adults to do as they wish in private or in public displays consistant with accepted norms for hetero people. And I don't care to participate.
  5. Like any other group, there by choice or biology, the ranks are filled with a vast spectrum of people. Personally, I do not enjoy being around people who let their sexual persuasion completely define them, which to me at least, encompasses many "flamboyant" gay men and "butch" gay women. The best way I can think to describe it is Gay man vs. Man who is gay... I don't get it, I cannot get inside the head of a man who has to act out his sexuality, make it their identity. Its not about sex, its lifestyle and I think its an act for the most part. And a part of a system of cliques and peer groups many of us have played roles in at various times. Jocks, nerds, rednecks, stoners, etc. I think its in large part the same type of behavior. Back to the original topic : What ever floats your boat. I personally have no attraction to men, but that doesn't make me any less of a free person sexually or otherwise. BTW: I have not gone away, but I am super busy now and the whole swinging experiment is on hold....damn, our sexlife period is shoved into little stolen moments when the stars, babysitters, time off from work, are all in proper alignment. I snuck off from work this morning for a quickie with the wife. I'll still log 70+ hours of work though....blech....
  6. That's good. If you care about your partner, you can't NOT do anything, but approaching that subject has to be done with tremendous diplomacy. Oddly enough, my wife is much better shape than I am, but about six months ago, she was getting a little lumpy. On her own, she decided she had enough and started hitting the gym like a freak and in 6 months has gone from 160 to 128 and is fantastic shape. And the best thing is that it has increased her libido 1000% and the quality of our sex is at an alltime high. The moral to the story is, the best way to improve your love life is to improve your body. We can't all be magnificent specimens, and God knows I am not, but every little bit boosts self confidence and that+flat out increased flexibility and stamina and muscle control= awesome sex. And in a few months when she is done breast feeding the baby, I'll get my titties back!!!
  7. My first reaction to that comment is that with us, there is already complete trust. But upon deeper pondering, its not a deeper trust, but more of a horizontal move, I suppose. From being in the conversation first hand, it was never about not being satisfied and wanting to be with other people. But to share something that you might think would offend your partner does create another form of trust. And its a morality issue with us. She trusts our relationship enough, its just the 'wrongness' of it. Which time will tell if that changes. We'll see, but I'm not overly concerned. We just had great sex again and I am happy. Except the cinnamon Good Head stuff burns a little on her. Hey, she bought it, not my fault!
  8. Folks, its all good. I have recieved some "counseling" from a respected member here and not at all worried. In fact we did have "the talk" and she did say no and then we had fantastic sex. What she said was it was too much too fast (duh!) and not to bring it up for a while.....for a while? hmmm....oh well, message recieved, and oh yeah, it was her who began the talk and me that finished it by backing way off. As I sit here in the glow of another session of great lovemaking, I wanted to tell everyone : You were right, I am moving too fast with the swinging thing. But the important point is that our relationship is such that it doesn't matter. Yeah, I may have set back the time table for moving up into a more exploratative mode sexually, but that's it. This is not going to make even a scratch in our iron clad marriage (sure, everyone thinks that until they are served with divorce papers, but...) In other words, trust me, I know what I am doing. Fear not, for either way, I am a happy man and according to my wife, so is she (I think her exact words were "Oh, God, I am cuming again!) Cheers!
  9. Got it. Being where I am(about anything goes) it has to be about her, giving her what she desires. Just removing the obstacles from her getting there. If I express an idea and she says no, there won't be any "cmon, do it for me, I want to do that" That never entered into the thought process. I think we can put this thread to bed now. Not to worry folks, all is good in Hellboyland.
  10. ARRGGHHH! I spent 20 minutes typing a really well thought out response to everyones questions and advise and my connection died as I sent it.....Try again... Every post I make on this thread digs a deeper hole for me and I think I am giving a poor impression of my motives and such. Let me start over. First, my previous posts on other topics give a better indication of what is going on here in Hellboyland. Aside from that, let me try and sum up..... My wife and I have a great marriage and a tremendous sex life. We've been married for 6 years and are stronger today than any other day in the past. My motivations for approaching my wife on the topic of swinging are varied and some are indeed selfish. (I am human) But the bottom line is that I want her to experience pleasure and freedom greater than I alone can give her. For the past six months, she has been going to the gym religiously and gotten into fantastic shape. Her libido has exploded and the sex has taken a quantum leap forward. We have introduced a number of new elements into the equation and each time it has made the experience better and better. A year ago, she was afraid to go into an adult video store, now she walks in like she owns the place. I like to think I am pretty good in the sack. But even then, there are things I cannot give her. The touch of a woman, the release of recieveing pleasure by more than one person at a time, the thrill of the chase, the anxious moments exploring someone you are not as familiar with as the person you sleep next to every night. I can't give her another inch or two(ouch! that's tough to say!) For me, I want basically the same things, exploring sexuality with an unfamiliar person. But the big thing for me is to give her release and freedom. The craving is there, the attraction is there. She has never been as hot as the night of our excursion to the strip club. Her fantasies are important to her, but she has a hard time expressing them without the guilt and shame built up by years in a sheltered environment. Even when she lived away from home and partied pretty hard in college, she was always the grounded one in her circles of friends, the on the rest turned to to keep them somewhat straight, a motherly figure in the absence or a real one. But deep down, she wanted to be the one having fun, letting go and enjoying herself. This is an opportunity to walk a little bit on the wild side and explore our sexuality. I felt bad when she told me what a fantastic time she had out on my birthday only to follow it up with admissions of guilt. Alot of people here have overcome that, being the chief obstacle to attaining a heightend sexual freedom. That's what I want to do. I want to let her know its okay to persue those desires, I want to lift the barriers and remove the obstacles so she can enjoy herself. If I have to nudge a little, that's one thing. I don't want to pressure her or guilt her into doing anything. But every other thing we have tried to expand our sexual horizon has turned out better than we had hoped and I hope this is no different. If she decides she cannot do it, to me it will be like not winning the lottery. A minor dissapointment, but I won't freak out or get depressed. As evidenced by the 4 orgams she had Sunday night with me, its not something we NEED, but I think its something we both want. Just, we are at different stages, though the impetus to take that step has to come from somewhere, one of us has to bring it up as a topic for discussion and I guess that is me. Perhaps the letter was over the top, but it was damage control for some things I had said prior to that. You all know how tenuous this can be approaching these subjects and I, like I did with some of the above posts, planted my foot in my mouth. So I hope that paints a more complete picture of where Hellboy's head is at and puts to rest any fears I am nuts or driving my marriage off a cliff. That most assuredly is not the case. We are stronger as a couple each day, sex or not, and this, which ever way it goes, won't change that. Cheers and thanks. Its all good here. BTW : She reminded me the other day that I had neglected to bring her to the board and show her around. Time has not permitted such(heh she crashed out @ 9:00) and I am here because I am a night owl. What can I say. This is when I usually work on my novel anyhow, but I am taking a break from that. But she wants to come visit, so that's good news.
  11. I know.... I'm like a kid with a new toy and I think about it all the time. As I said before, I vent alot here and what I say, as much as I talk about it, its not like that around the house here. Despite my "will she/won't she?" musings, I know my wife very well and I have no fear of really upsetting her by bringing it up. I just fear screwing up a chance at it by presenting it poorly to her. I feel like I have talked myself into a hole with you folks. Don't worry about me and my wife, we will be fine, no matter what happens. Yeah, I would like to play a little, but if she's not down with it, I'll just have to stick with fantastic 1 on 1 sex.
  12. Thanks, folks. Its all good here. I am enjoying my sexlife with my wife immensley right now, so anything else (ie swinging) is gravy at this point. I am enjoying the frank and open discussion I get here and its been a big help.
  13. You are in all likelyhood 100% correct. Being an impatient man, it is hard for me to accept, but I must. But understand that I vent about it here and am not putting on alot of pressure. I think about it alot and come here to unload all my ideas/thoughts on the situation. That being said, you're still probably right. I'm not ready to 'do it' but I want to talk about it with her. We have 2 small kids and getting away for an evening is a bear. We are going to be moving soon (if I can find the 'right' house) and I need to get some things in order first (like get in better shape.) Not to worry, I won't push. I'll take that advice and ease up a little. Thanks!
  14. A far more complicated question than it appears. For me, it is an intangible, nothing I can put my finger on. I like dark hair on a woman and a nice ass with some titties, but those are not hard and fast rules for what turns me on. I suppose by looking I can say what turns me on, but I couldn't tell you what it is. From there, personality plays a huge part. But that's a little more easy to explain. Intelligence #1, Confidence #2, Warmth/Friendliness #3 and on down the list...Sense of humor is vital.
  15. That's a really good pic, NaughtyKatt. As we are still in the discussion stage of our exploration, we have not taken any pics to post on a site yet and being that we have a really active sex life right now between the two of us, there's no need to take pics (ummm, we see it in living color all the time) However, most of the things mentioned above are common sense. Obviously you want to put your best foot forward when trying to attract playmates. I have given some though to pics and because I am pretty decent with a camera, I don't think it will be a problem for us. Thinking about some nice outdoor pics out on the ranch. But its really revealing to see some of them and learn what kind of people are putting out ads. I would say I am disappointed, but then it narrows the competition. If you post superior photos with a concise, well thought out description, well, you will likely get tons of responses, but you will have your pick. Looks are a big thing, but then again, you are looking for sex and not a significant other, hence, cleanliness and style carries a little more weight in the selection process.
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