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lizandtom

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lizandtom last won the day on May 18 2011

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About lizandtom

  • Rank
    Swingers Board Addict
  • Birthday 09/07/1965

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Long Island, NY
  • Interests
    Travel, Swinging, Traveling while Swinging, Swinging while Traveling
  • Occupation
    financial
  • Swinging Experience
    Since August 2004

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  1. "...I fault him for being a useless, stoner idiot..." That says it all right there. You had known this guy for years, yet what you think of him should be discussed with your wife, apparently disapproving, and she then should have had enough respect for you to not have fooled around with him.
  2. We've seen so many couples break up over our 10 years in the LS, that we care less about whether a couple is 'together' in a relationship or not. The fact is, if a guy comes with a girl to a get-together, then there is someone for both of us to play with, and the same rules of respect and 'no' apply whether they are a technical 'couple' or just F buddies. Chemistry is there, or it is not; If both of us aren't playing, then neither plays. As far as singles playing as a couple, neither should expect for us to be as open minded if they want to get together subsequently as singles; depends on the people and our comfort level, but probably not.
  3. Haven't been on lately so jumping in late, but if it comes up again, I think go for it. Just make sure that you tell them all about all your apprehensions and fears ahead of time, and mostly get a read on him whether he's comfortable with it all or not. She obviously is, but he is the wildcard, and if he were to clam up and say little aside from body language that's not going so well, stop it all there and get him to start talking about what's going on in his mind. We have a number of lifestyle people we're still friends with years later even though the sex didn't go so well with all of us, because we're all honest and communicative and can joke about it all.
  4. Just go about your lifestyle business. If they try to cozy up to you if you see them, either 'be busy' that night with prior plans, or if you really don't have the chemistry with them anymore due to this, simply explain in a non mean way that you two have talked and just don't feel that there is the right 4 way chemistry. They will probably ask why. DO NOT go into any details; it always backfires and turns into a 'drama storm.' Everyone is an adult; not all adults are sexually compatible; they'll get that soon enough.
  5. Well, we should hope she had a thing for him, and her husband a thing for you. After all, this is all supposed to be about feeling attractive to someone other than your spouse, and getting those little butterflies. Before you proceed back in any fashion, I think you ought to soul search your trust of your husband. After all, with your boundaries, he's the one you need to trust to make the constant right decisions, not anyone else. If you can't trust him to handle come on's in a way you're comfortable with, then you'll seemingly always be looking over his shoulder to see whether anyone's too interested in him. As an example, kudo's to my wife if any number of males of couples we play with text her dick pics, or text her hello once in a while; I trust her implicitly and know I'm always number one. If I've misread your intention, then apologies, but it seemed like you have some hubby trust to work out first, before venturing out with others.
  6. One of the best couples we've ever encountered [at Desire Cabo] is in Garden City, KS. They probably service your pool.
  7. Just coming into this way late, but if there's anything we can add out of experience, it's that sites and pictures and even voice chatting before hand means nothing. It all comes down to body language. It looks like you'all put way too much stress on the playing part to begin with, before even meeting. I also disagree about many saying no playing on first dates. That's a case by case situation. We play with strangers most of the time, as long as they're reasonable and normal people. Sometimes there's repeats, many times we all gave it a try, but it just wasn't a great fit, so we all move on; nothing ventured, nothing gained.
  8. IF and only if they are the type that you feel comfortable keeping your secret, if discretion is important, simply let them know that you're into the lifestyle, and let them ask the questions and do the rest, if they pursue it at all. You'll be amazed at how quickly you get the draw dropping reaction from them if you proposition them and they're not on the same page; it will all be different and you might be the 'creepy something-must-be-wrong-with-the-relationship' couple that everyone talks about.
  9. It seems like this occurred within the past week or two. Your wife needs to come to terms with it in her head. After it sinks in that everything turned out ok, I wouldn't be surprised if you two experimented with a bit more of full swap in the near future after realizing that perhaps it was rather enjoyable. Kudo's to you for going at the slowest persons pace and respecting her feelings. Keep reassuring her and everything will be fine.
  10. I always love to say this is the ONLY scene in the world where guys are commended for 'thinking with their johnson.' [in every other scenario it gets them into trouble!] Wall, I've had a few issues in the beginning of our 7+ years in this, and usually in groups or on premise clubs, but it was always reflective of how into me my partner was at the time. If it wasn't really a mutual attraction, it wasn't happening for me. This really came down to 'no taking one for the team.' A supply of Cialis may help with confidence as Diggin said; I have 'em just in case I'm overly tired when we head to a play date or party.
  11. Go for it; if it's the F's idea and she's into it, it'll blow her mind and inturn turn on everyone. If you're wrapped, then no big deal. We've done it once and my wife was insatiable over it.
  12. Blury, good first step, placing him on notice. However I believe, knowing that type of passive aggressive behaviour, that it wasn't truly enough of a scare for him, that his actions actually jeopardize your relationship. Keep your radar up and look for signs that indeed he hasn't changed, because tigers can't easily change their stripes. Also be prepared to have an exit plan, i.e. a 'go bag' ready to go spend time at a friends or family, giving him time to truly realize that he's F'ing things up. You staying in the same home/apt as him doesn't make it real to him that things 'could' end if he keeps his poor behaviour up. You've got to show him how serious it really is. Good luck and stay strong, pretty and optimistic.
  13. Hi Blury, I just came in on this post and will be very direct due to seeing the exact same scenario first hand with many newly married couples where the guy is being truly abusive. He is a child in a mans body. He doesn't love you; he loves how you've enabled him to maneuver you towards his playing the field. You were convenient, didn't put up much of a fuss and continue to go along with his whims ultimately. You are his bait to get other women. Words are meaningless to him; you might as well be speaking Chinese when it's all said and done. You have to move out and separate from him which is the only way he'll truly see just how devastating this is for you. It will then be up to you whether you want to give him a second chance or not, if he comes crawling back, tail between his legs. I may have missed it, but how old are you two?
  14. Okay, blunt response from a New Yorker here, but DUDE, pull your nuts from up out of the sand, and protest! That's not swinging; thats your wife having her cake, eating it too, and also trying to eat yours as well! You two are not swinging; you're enabling her to shop around for something better! Get your own house together, sexually, first before opening anything up to anyone else. She can shag but you can't? Are you even invited to participate when she shags others? I understand that every situation is different, but I'd flip my friggin' wig if I was told she could shag others but that I wasn't allowed to.
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