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Chika

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    18
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15 Good

About Chika

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday April 4

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Single
  • Location
    Ohio
  1. OMG!!!! I just scared myself.................score 620. Chika
  2. We've also had a range of experiences in this regard. Each worked in its own way. We've made some very good friends in this lifestyle that we see on a regular or semi-regular basis. We get together and socialize in the way you would expect friends to socialize with the added benefit of knowing that we'll enjoy some great sex sometime along the way. (Many times when time permits!) l We've also had those hot, nearly spur of the moment encounters with people who we had a great time with then and there but knew that we weren't going to be fast friends when it was all said and done. I think this has always been a mutual feeling. I don't think the other parties engaged with us had any delusions about it being anything beyond a great physical encounter to be enjoyed in the moment. Typically the former has occurred as a result of contact initiated on a site such as SLS and the latter has occurred in a club setting. We'd say that both kinds of situations have their merits. The point of this for us is to enjoy ourselves and that we do in both cases. If friendships develop, all the better but in the end we've done what we had hoped to do in this lifestyle, which is to have great sex with others and to bring the energy of all that back to our private sex lives. I think it's important to note that even when friendships develop, they do not necessarily last forever any more than they do in other areas of our lives. Sometimes people come into your life for very long periods. Others are there more briefly. Regardless, you think of them as friends. We all just move along in our lives. We fit into peoples lives and they in ours in different ways and for different periods of time but they all have value.
  3. This is essentially how I feel as well and so had used the Socially Bi phrase to describe myself. But while doing that I ran across many people who interpreted it as meaning what I think of as Passivly Bi and that is not accurate for me at all. This whole Bi thing is just too subject to gradations of activity and misunderstanding. I, for one, wish there was some sort of standardized way to communicate this so that everyone shared a common interpretation. Obviously that's not going to happen, so I find myself repeatedly explaining what I mean. In the big scheme of things, I guess that's not such a big issue but when I was new to this lifestyle, it did seem incredibly perplexing to me. Now that I've been engaged in this for a long time, I just accept that labels are pretty worthless on the whole. After all, there are all sorts of flavors of swing as well. This really points to the fact that it's important to communicate so that everyone involved has a good understanding of desires as well as boundaries. We've come to the conclusion that if we haven't talked enough to know these things about the couple we're meeting, we may not have talked enough to be engaged in play yet. Chika
  4. We couldn't respond appropriately to this poll either. We were both already part of this lifestyle when we met. We had been in prior relationships, had each separated and were singles, who actually met via a swing site. Additionally we equally handle communicating with others. We always either chat simultaneously or review and discuss all messages, chats, etc. I can't say that either of us is more active than the other in this regard. It seems we're not really the norm in terms of how most couples handle these things. But then what is the norm in swinging anyway?
  5. I just have to say that I love this board!!! After working 60 hours in the past 5 days, I came home this evening....wait....this probably is considered night not evening anymore.........and thought I would just collapse in a heap. Instead I decided to check email, read this board and then probably head off to bed in a weary and not very well-humored state. Luckily, the first posting I read was Spoo's. This entire thread gave me a much needed chuckle. Thanks so much to you all! As for the original post, I found it interesting because we often find ourselves being messaged by people, who quite obviously have not simply made typos. They either type in slang....and only in slang or they give every impression of having never attended school beyond 1st grade. While I don't expect to spend hours of time chatting away with the modern day likes of Proust, I do expect that anyone I might have even the slightest sexual interest in, should have at least a passing acquaintance with a dictionary. My theory is that no matter how good the sex is, there's still a point when conversation has to take place! If the individual or the couple has no communication skills, knowing all the tricks in the Kama Sutra are won't make them interesting to me. Hmmmmm maybe I should re-think that one! I will admit that Cap used to think that I should be a little more lenient in this but past experiences have taught me that it's worth my while to use grammar, intelligence and wit as indicators of whether I'll enjoy any level of the company of the couple or individual. As time has gone by, he has come to trust me more and more on this point. As for what constitutes a couple, I agree that it has to do more with the nature of the relationship than the length of time they have been engaged in it or their marital status. We do not ever play with married individuals who are "with" another or alone. That is always a firm rule here. There's enough drama that comes into our lives without that! We do tend to shy away from couples who make it clear that they are new to each other. Again the potential for drama seems disproportionate in those situations. Well, I find myself rambling. I'm not sure how much fatigue is a factor but I think it's time to stop. I just wanted again to say thanks for the interesting read and the laughs.
  6. As both Cap and I suffer from serious computer addictions and find ourselves doing something computer focused much of the time, we both tend to chat fairly equally. We are very comfortable with our typing and conversational skills but have found that most often when chatting with a couple, one of them seems more comfortable in chatting than the other. In those cases we just accept that and let it flow. We always discuss (sometimes in amazing detail) the chats that we've had. We also both tend to archive our chats. One of us can always see what has been discussed, if we so desire. Now here's the sad truth of our situation. We have separate computers positioned at desks that are back-to-back. Even given this proximity we often find that rather than one typing while the other looks over his/her shoulder we make a conference chat so that we can all type at the same time with the other individual or couple. I know that speaks to serious computer addiction issues and we have considered seeking an appropriate 12-step program. But you might be surprised how many couples have a similar arrangement. It makes it nice when all of our virtual voices can join in at one time.
  7. Funny because this is always a source of amusing conversation between Cap and I. I tend to read profiles first looking for some indication that the individual/couple are interesting and might have something in common with us (besides the obvious). Having done that, I do look at pics because they tend to give clues as well. While we're not the shape and size we were in our twenties, we do find ourselves drawn to some people and not to others in part by a response to their pics. I'd also have to say that while sexy pics are great and pics where at least another couple appears involved are terrific, profiles that only contain pics of genitalia generally hold no interest. We're just assuming that all the body parts are there! lol Now....Cap looks at pics first. If the couple/person have little to say, he's not as likely to lose his interest in them. He leaves it to me to be his "screener" I guess. lol Pics also help us feel more comfortable that we are communicating or about to communicate with a real couple/person. Believe it or not, we have found pics on people's profiles that they hold out to be themselves when in fact, we've seen that same pic on a porn site, clearly identified as a totally different person. (Cap has a remarkable eye and memory!! ).
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