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Randalls_angel

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About Randalls_angel

  • Rank
    Active Contributor

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  • Relationship Status
    couple
  • Location
    Michigan
  • Interests
    bdsm, family, friends, nature, running, cycling
  • Occupation
    accountant/medical

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  • SLS Name
    Randalls_angel

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  1. I don't think you sounded like a snob at all. But the fact of the matter was, I was not attempting to define Sadism or Masochism, I was simply stating what most people define the letters in BDSM to stand for. B=Bondage, D=Domination or Discipline, S=Sadism or slavery, M=Masochism or Master or Mistress. I was not saying that all slaves or submissives are masochists, or that all Masters or Dominants are Sadists. Hell, I've even met some very sadistic subs!
  2. We are both butt people. The only problem is it's hard to admire each other's butts at the same time!! I prefer a nice set of pockets over saggy jeans any day! ~angel~
  3. We are a soft swap couple, too. It's mostly a comfort level issue with me. We're new to this and there may be a day when we go to full swap...but it will be many experiences down the road! As for our definition of soft-swap. 1) I have to be able to touch him! 2) Oral and touching are cool but no intercourse. 3) Intercourse with our own partners in the same room with another couple is fun, too. 4)We've been discussing whether anal is ok in our definition of soft-swap or not and I'm still undecided about that. We have played with full swap couples who were very comfortable with our limits. I think the most important thing, and I know I've read it here before, is to move at the speed of the slowest member of the group. In our group, that would be me! ~angel~
  4. One of our limits is that we always play in the same room. Granted, I'm not ready for full swap yet, and we're still pretty new to the swinging scene, too, but we are up-front about our limits when we talk with new people. We tell them that we are only into playing together. You might want to say something like that in your profile or personal ad....for example, "We are looking for (interested in, etc) full swap play/same room play with another couple." That should take away any questions someone else might have. For me, most of the time, I have to be within touching distance of Mr. He's my anchor...so I have to be connected! ~angel~
  5. I have to put myself in the category that they're all good!! Well, sans coming in my mouth . I have an extremely sensitive gag reflex and warm, creamy textures tend to trigger it...so I don't think anyone would enjoy that particular experience. But anywhere else--mmmhhhhmmmm! ~angel~
  6. I know this is kind of an old thread--but it was fun! 580 for me, too! Seems like a popular number around here! Kink on, friend! ~angel~
  7. Good morning everyone! I will send you the details of the group when I get home this evening. I want to take the time to tell you a bit more about it and some of the other people involved so the two of you can make an informed decision as to whether or not you want to join! Only a couple of hours from Lansing means there must be somewhere an hour from both of us we could meet! Mt. Pleasant maybe? Have a great day! ~angel~
  8. Oh, I do love your mind, EBF. So many questions!! Ok, so far we have only experimented with soft swing because of me! So yes, I do have a say in all of this! I'm not yet ready to try full swap, and when we first started to get into swinging we discussed it a lot. We both agreed that we would always have to agree 100% on any other couple we play with. As for me, I tend to be drawn towards more dominant people. And yes, Sir does tend to want to dominate, even though he doesn't notice it as much. We have had some limited playing with another D/s couple...FemDom male sub. It's been interesting because when we do pair off it's the two subs and the two Doms...but the Doms keep their hand in things. (pun intended) . I am very bi curious with very, very little experience in that area. I do think I would be more attracted to a dominant person than I would another sub, unless the action was being orchestrated, so to speak, by Sir. We are taking our time exploring this together...as we have explored everything so far in our marriage! But I always have the option of saying no to anything connected to swinging. Sir has not yet gotten on the board to read anything, but I share all this with him. And no, he does not think you're a dim-wit, silly!
  9. Where in Michigan are you? We are in Lansing...not too far from anywhere South of Clare. Maybe getting together for coffee isn't out of the question for us! As for your reluctance...I know just where you're coming from. It's funny how I hear so many couples who discover or experiment with BDSM AFTER they are married do so because of the submissive. That was also the case with us. My husband grew up in a home where his father was abusive towards his mother. For him the idea of control or pain was scary. He honestly couldn't fathom hurting me on purpose or that I WANTED to feel pain from him. And, at that time neither of us had ever heard of BDSM so we started out with role-playing. The only relationship I had to equate my feelings with was that of the parent/child. So that is what we role played. It seemed easier for him to get in the mind set of controlling me or punishing me when he was playing "daddy." This is still something we enjoy doing from time to time. Once we discovered BDSM it was a long time before he could start to enjoy it. He did it for me, because I needed it, but it wasn't something he would have initiated without my push. It wasn't until we went to visit some lifestyle friends in New York and were able to go to a public club there that he began to become more enthusiastic about it. I think seeing other people...and how many there were...enjoying this helped him realize he did not marry a freak and it was ok to enjoy this. I was not asking him to be an abuser, only a Dominant. After that we began to get more involved in our local BDSM scene. It's hard for us cuz many of the munches are held during the week and he works second shift...but we try when we can. We also belong to a Michigan bdsm swing group. (I'll send you the link to join if you're interested). This is the greatest group because it brings people of all interest levels and experience levels together. Fem Doms, Male Doms, fem subs, male subs, those coming from a more intense swinging background but interested in bdsm and those coming from a more intense bdsm background interested in swinging. We try to get together once a month--sometimes it's a purely vanilla setting for people to talk and get to know each other, sometimes it's totally a play party where whatever the host/hostess says goes, and sometimes it's a combo of the two. Totally no pressure and lots of fun! So, my advice would be to explore this new realm together. Find others (myself included!) who can help answer questions or offer advice. Play! Play! Then play some more! Find one small thing you enjoy and do it. Set time limits--i.e. I'll be in total control for 3 hours. Then sit down and discuss what you liked, what he liked, what neither of you liked. Find some pervertables around your house you can play with before you invest money in expensive toys. My husband has a favorite long nylon frosting spreader he picked up at a dollar store. Ouch! That thing stings like the dickens...but it's fun! We have a bunch of stuff we've picked up at department stores, Home Dungeon, oops, I meant Home Depot, the dollar stores...you name it, we're always on the lookout for cheap stuff we can turn into something perverted!
  10. We use a mix of real and alias online, but when we meet in person we use our real names. Believe it or not, my name really isn't angel--that's just more of a description!! ~angel~
  11. WR--and you say you're not Dominant???? Man, if we were in Texas we'd be there!! Have a great time! ~angel~
  12. This is very true. Many of the submissives I have met work in high pressure jobs where they are making decisions that effect a lot of people all day long. I think the draw to being submissive in this case is just to have a break from being in charge. I can't really add a lot to this line of thinking because my job isn't high stress, though I do have a lot of authority in my position at work. This is a very valid question and one which many people in the D/s lifestyle who do have children struggle with. Had we been able to have children they would not have known about our lifestyle choices until they were at a maturity level to handle it---like around the time they turned 45! No, really I think it depends on the child. I do believe, however, that this lifestyle can be lived with children in the house...it's just a little trickier. We have discussed this, especially when we were actively trying to have children and our thoughts were that we would have raised our children to be independent thinkers, accepting of others differences, and would have tried to instill in them a sense of self that would have allowed them to explore their own desires without the guilt so many of us have had to face. So yes, eventually our children would have known of our lifestyle choices, but only after they had reached an age where our choices wouldn't have seemed like the "right" choice for everyone. Now, the real question is how do you raise children that way and still maintain your own power exchange? From observation and conversations with people in this lifestyle who do have children I think it's safe to say it can be done. You don't want your children growing up thinking that men rule the house, or women if it is a Fem Dom couple. So I think the key is that, when it comes to parenting, you are on equal ground. Granted, mom may have to listen to dad and do what he says in other areas, and children may pick up on that, but you must be a united front on child rearing. Mom has just as much authority on discipline, decision making, etc. as dad does. Now, let me pose a question: As a chid did you or did you not have a dominant parent? A parent that made most of the decisions concerning you and what you did or did not do? Personally it was my mother. My dad worked odd shifts and wasn't always around to make decisions. We never felt like my dad couldn't...just that mom usually did. Example, my brother was maybe 16 or 17 and asked my mom if he could go to a concert the following weekend. My mom's answer was, "I'm not sure. Let me talk it over with your dad and I'll let you know tomorrow." My brother, smart-ass that he was, sat down at the kitchen table and said, "Mom, when ya gonna stop bull-shitting me. You know and I know that YOU are going to make this decision and dad will go along with it! So, can I or can I not go to the concert?" My mom started laughing and had the good graces to get a little red in the face before saying, "Ok, let me put this a little differently. I need to think about it so give me til tomorrow and I'll let you know!" Did we think my dad had less authority? No. Did we think my dad was submissive to my mother? No. It's just what they worked out as parents and it worked for them. As for the last part of your question...yes, for the most part our lifestyle choices are not widely publicized! We are "out" to many of our friends. But for the most part our family, casual friends, and neighbors are not aware of our choices. Sir has a "look" that he sometimes gives me in the vanilla world that lets me know we will be having a discussion when we are alone. We also have very subtle ways of enjoying our power exchange in mixed company. For example, I seldom sit down in a restaurant before he does. I fix his plate if we are at a potluck kind of thing before I fix my own. I get his drinks or whatever he needs when he asks. It doesn't look odd in mixed company...it just looks like he's a lucky man with an extremely attentive wife!!
  13. I do enjoy anal sex! I think the key for me was that he started out slowly...used lots of lube...and we graduated from his little finger to his index finger to a small plug to a little larger plug to his penis! Slow, lots of lube, slow, lots of lube, slow, lots of lube..... I'm sure ya get the picture! ~angel~
  14. On a daily basis!! There are as many levels of BDSM as there are couples who are involved. Some people are only in the bedroom, and let's face it, that's where 90% of the fun is! I would say that Sir and I are more in the middle of the 24/7 spectrum, leaning towards the tame side! I know couples who are much deeper into this than we are. There are subs who have very little control over what they wear, where they sleep, what they eat, etc. From the outside this may look like abuse, but again, the key to this is communication. It's ongoing, always! Most subs keep a journal that is open to their Dom. In this journal they can be perfectly honest about their feelings, their likes and dislikes, their wishes, dreams and fantasies. Lots of Doms use this journal as a stepping stone to in depth communication processes to see what's working and what's not. It's important to remember that when a sub gives control to his/her Dominant, the Dominant is accepting that control along with the responsibility of the sub's physical and emotional well being. If they are not conscious of that responsibility you are walking the edge of abuse...which is a point in all your questions, so I'll save that discussion for a minute! My mother still says I was her easiest child because I HATED being in trouble! I have always been eager to please everyone. My mom says my brother got a spanking every day from the time he was 2 til he was 7. She's exaggerating a little, but not much!! For my sister, when she was two or three, my mom had to keep a willow switch on top of the fridge. As long as it was there, my sister was good as gold, when it was gone, my sister was a monster! For me---I received 2 spankings in my whole life from my parents, got grounded twice, and that was about the extent of punishments for angel! My dad only had to give me "the look" and I was blubbering out apologies for stuff I hadn't even THOUGHT about doing, let alone actually did! And I'm still like that. I don't like people upset with me. I'm not really sure when I realized my submission as a need. I did have a previous marriage which I'll get into a bit in the abuse answer because these two kind of go hand in hand. I've always been drawn to written erotica, even as a young teen. When I was about 12 my dad had his Play Boy magazine ineffectively hidden under a stack of towels in our bathroom. Naturally, all three of us kids knew it was there and used to sneak peaks. In this particular issue there was a whole pictorial on a movie. The theme of the movie was a female sex slave. I poured over that magazine. Reading and rereading every description of every picture. How the woman had her labia pierced and her Master led her around by a chain attached to her rings to how he whipped her when he wanted to watch her writhe. When I was a little older I stumbled across a Penthouse Forum magazine in which there was a story about a man and wife. Once a week he would tie her spread eagle on the bed and spank her for real or imagined transgressions then have mind shattering sex! I was drawn to these types of stories and fantasized that someday I would have a man in my life who would live them out with me. A couple of years after Sir and I were married I discovered the internet. Naturally I went searching for things I was interested in, and lo and behold, I found a whole bunch o' stuff I was interested in! That was when I first heard the terms Dominant, submissive, BDSM, Master, slave, etc. And a little light bulb went on over my head and I said, "I'm not the only one! There are lots of people who feel this way and live the life I want!!" I finally realized I wasn't weird and there was nothing "wrong" with me. So Sir and I began to explore the whole realm of BDSM, feeling our way slowly and experimenting with different aspects of the power exchange. My need to please and be controlled has always been there, I think. It just took the right terms and some education for me to give myself the title of "submissive." Ok, this is a can of worms! Many, many, many submissives I have talked to in the last few years, myself included, have been in abusive relationships. You feel this need to be controlled deep in your soul, you find a partner who is controlling, and you say to yourself, "Ah, a perfect match. He/She is just what I've been looking for. Someone in control who knows what they want and will insist they get it!" Then, a little further down the road, you realize they are ONLY interested in what they want and truly don't give a damn about what you want or need. This is the difference between D/s and abuse. In a D/s relationship both partners are aware of, concerned about, and constantly striving to meet the needs of their partner. Most abusers are not uneducated Doms...they are selfish prigs! My ex was not physically abusive but he was extremely emotionally abusive. He probably would have been more physical but he knew that was one of the things that would end our relationship instantly. I will NEVER be hit in anger! This is another "rule" in bdsm. (Please read "rule" loosely as there are no real rules, just understood acceptable behavior." Dominants do NOT punish while angry! If I make my Sir angry, and trust me, as in any relationship it does happen, he will usually remove one of us from the situation (normally I'm sent somewhere away from him) and he cools down. When he's feeling rational and not so angry anymore, we discuss the situation or he metes out an appropriate punishment. He doesn't ever punish me while he's angry. One quote about Domination I love is, "You can't control someone else if you can't control yourself." Anger is one of those emotions that can make you lose control of yourself. So, yes, many people, especially submissives in my opinion, that are into D/s now, may have come to it through a history of one or more abusive relationships. But there is where the connection between abuse and D/s ends. Remember the SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual!). No one consents to being abused! I agree, this is so much fun! I am a teacher by nature, too. I love to share the knowledge I have and learn new things all the time. In fact, I have a degree in Elementary Education and WAS a teacher for a while. The politics of public education got to me so I went back to school and got a degree in accounting! Go figure. I have a feeling if we lived nearby we would become great friends! But, hey, who says we can't become great friends anyway?? Now, you understand the physiology of diabetes?? See, maybe you can teach me a thing or two, too. I'm diabetic!! So, just keep those questions coming until you got it!
  15. What a loaded question...do I like being punished? Let me quote Sir Randall on this one, "It's a punishment, you're NOT supposed to like it!" But, yes I do like it in a way. Sometimes I feel absolutely that it's stupid and ridiculous, but there is this place deep inside of me that tells me this is exactly what I need. (And your question didn't sound rude at all, btw ) Try to think back to a time in your life (most likely childhood) where you knew exactly what was expected of you and exactly what would happen if you met, or failed to meet, those expectations. It's not that Sir treats me in a child-like manner (unless we happen to be in an age-play scene) but I get those feelings of safety and security from our relationship. So, no and yes I guess is the answer to your questions. No, I don't like being punished...first of all, I don't like having disappointed him to the point where he feels punishment is necessary...secondly, it just ain't fun standing in the freaking corner!....but yes, I do like being punished because I know my actions have consequences....that he's paying attention to me....that he loves me enough to do what I have asked of him. In our situation, the D/s came into our lives at my request, not his. I asked for this! (And I shoulda listened to my mom when she said, "Be careful what you ask for cuz you just might get it!!" ) No, in all honesty, I'm a very lucky woman! Hope that didn't just muddy the waters more!
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