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Pdxcpl1

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About Pdxcpl1

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 11/28/1972

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Portland
  • Swinging Experience
    dipped toes in the water in 2016, but much more recently 2019
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. The premise of my wife saying she wouldn't want to remain in the LS was said in a loving manner and she ended up ultimately saying she was willing to just stop with this particular guy. We have very open and strong communication overall. I think @enhancer is right, we need to revisit whether poly is right for us. I would classify us as poly-lite at the moment, but we need to consider whether we are really ready to dive in head first.
  2. @enhancer Thanks for sharing your perspective. We have definitely dipped our toes into the poly waters recently, but this one is stretching me for sure. I agree with you, we shouldn't go there if one of us isn't comfortable.
  3. @Icmim That sounds like a pretty amazing situation you were in and I'm sorry for your loss. I feel like we need to collectively decide whether this is the direction we want to go, or maybe that's not the right way to think about it.
  4. @Icmim I completely understand what you're saying. I want to let this grow organically and just trust that I'm her life partner. And yes, watching the two of them together has been like watching two teenagers together. I think the hard part is that is how my wife and I are together, super affectionate and touchy with one another. Usually, we are the ones making other people sick.
  5. Thanks Lionheart72. This is really good advice and I have shared with her that I'm not comfortable and how it makes me feel. She's offered to stop all communication, but when she does she also says we can just get out of the LS altogether because she doesn't see the point if I won't let her really like someone. I told her not to stop because I don't want her to resent me over the fact that I'm fearful, but I've asked her to dial it back (which didn't happen). My wife asked me to start chatting with his wife, thinking it would help me with any insecurities...which maybe that will help, but in a lot of ways that feels like she's just trying to get me to look the other way. I know that I trust her, but definitely concerned where this is going. I feel somewhat stuck on this one because I really don't want to be a weak partner keeping her from having fun in the LS...
  6. It's been awhile since my last post, but wanted to find some help here. We've been in the LS for almost three years and have definitely enjoyed our time in it. Lately, we've been hanging out with larger groups in the poly crowd which brings a whole new dynamic to relationships. We met a couple who've been in the LS for 15 years and my wife really found a lot of good chemistry with the guy. They have been chatting one on one for a couple of months now, almost on a daily basis. At first, I felt okay about it because she allowed me to read everything, but recently the chats have turned from flirtatious to something more, in my opinion. I want my wife to enjoy herself and find freedom in the LS, but this is bringing up feelings of fear for me. I'm now dreading each day, waiting to see what was said. My wife reassures me that she is 100% committed to me as a life partner and this guy won't change that, but her words aren't really helping much. We haven't played, more than kissing, with this couple but plan to have an actual play date this weekend. At this point, I'm not looking forward to the play date because of the budding relationship I'm witnessing. My question to the forum, do I need to just get over this and let her have her fun and look the other way? Or should I ask her to stop the communication and keep it in the group chat?
  7. I agree, probably over thinking it. We are already making plans to have more fun this weekend and they set it up. I suppose while the NRE is there, we might as well enjoy our new FWB’s.
  8. My wife and I have recently met a couple who we really hit it off with both chemistry and compatibility all the way around. Our initial playtime was incredible and we've since met them again, which was equally as great. We discussed doing fun things together this summer and it really feels like the beginning of a great friendship. My wife asked me today if it were okay that she wants to keep talking to the other wife on a daily basis, or if that would be considered smothering. She's also trying to be mindful that she does not want this to go down an emotional love affair path. I know that is okay for some in the poly lifestyle, but we both agree we don't want to go down that road. So, my question is, should we allow some time between our communication or is it better to just let it flow naturally?
  9. Good advice! You guys are helping us look at things from a different perspective!
  10. Thanks for the replies. We did discuss boundaries beforehand and we were open to everything but intercourse with them, with the understanding that we would let it flow naturally and stop where we felt uncomfortable. The problem started when he made her feel uncomfortable during play, which was why we left to be alone. The next morning my wife felt he was being inappropriate because neither myself nor his wife could see how he was touching her and it felt secretive. We are pretty new to the LS, so some of this is more about our expectations.. Maybe it’s normal to continue that type of contact the morning after or maybe we need to be more vocal. We both felt like we weren’t in play mode the next morning, so it seemed kinda creepy and awkward.
  11. We met a couple online and have met with them a few times on vanilla dates, building more of a friendship over the past couple of months. We finally decided we would swing, but wanted to keep it soft swap at least for the time being, taking it very slow. They invited us to come and spend the night at their house and we took them up on the offer. Things were going well and the wives started playing together. Meanwhile the husbands were laying by their SO and touching the ladies. It was a very hot time, with all four of us intertwined. The swap with the opposite spouses was very minimal. At one point, I was eating my wife’s pussy and he was doing the same to his wife and then he stopped right about the time my wife was about to climax and he got in her face and tried to give her a loving stare then started kissing her. As I know my wife, that completely threw her off her game and she lost her orgasm. She motioned for me to get on top of her and said the guy freaked her out and made her feel uncomfortable. We decided to leave the play room and go play alone in the bedroom. Again, things were going well and then he opened our door just as my wife was finishing an orgasm asking us to join them again. The next morning my wife and I showered together and then as we were packing up the other couple comes into our room. My wife was sitting behind me on the bed and we were caressing one another while they talked. The other guy says he’s going to rub her back and hops behind her. This goes on for 15 minutes of which unbeknownst to me, he let his arm wrap around and rubbed my wife’s pussy twice when neither I or his wife could see. She was taken back by this, but didn’t know how to not be rude. Lastly as we left, we all have hugs and when she went in to hug him, he grabbed her head awkwardly and made her kiss him. This leads me to my question for everyone. Are we being too sensitive to let all this bother us or are we right in thinking he is crossing the line with the deep loving look during playtime with our own spouses, the barging in when our door was closed, the inappropriate massage the day after when we weren’t in swap mode and lastly the forced kiss? They want to play again soon and we are trying to figure out if we just stop with them or tell them where things went wrong.
  12. Yes, it sounds like they are on board for moderation. I will post an update if we decide to meet again. Thanks for the great input.
  13. Overall, the experience was exciting, but the extra drinks she had dampened the experience for sure. We are meeting other couples but have yet to have another swap. My wife said she only wants us to meet this couple again if I’m excited about being with them again. I told her that I am excited about the prospect, but want to make sure this lady can control her intake before playing. We are chatting with the couple about plans and they mentioned next time only having a couple of drinks, which sounds much better.
  14. EMT - yes, she was engaged fully and communicating well with everyone until she had too much. I agree a repeat could happen, but we need to have an open discussion about her being sober next time.
  15. My wife and I have been married for ten years and dabbled in the LS back in 2016 but nothing much more than visiting clubs, having sex in front of others. The past couple of months we have been actively considering diving back in and recently met a couple for our first date. We had been chatting with this couple for a couple of weeks and knew there was some level of chemistry already happening. During this time, my SO and I were discussing our boundaries, which seemed to be changing by the day. After setting up our date, we decided we would open ourselves up to the possibility of a full swap, but know that if either of us has any issues that we would stop. Once we decided that, it seemed to take away much of the nervousness of crossing a boundary and then just left us with the question of whether we could actually take things to a full swap yet. The hours leading up to the date were full of nervousness, which I hear is normal. We met them (J hubby and B wife) over dinner and drinks and the chemistry seemed to be great. My wife and I whispered to one another that we liked them. Now the big question in our minds was how do we move forward, haha. This couple was experienced in the LS and we discussed our nervousness and they did a great job of calming us down and making us feel comfortable. They invited us to their hotel room where we all sat and talked for a bit. Unfortunately, the other woman (B) drank too much and was getting quite tired. So nothing seemed to be happening. My wife; however, suggested that she give her a massage and that’s where things heated up. The ladies were having fun and motioned for us guys to get on the bed, which led to me laying next to B and J laying next to my wife. The scene was surreal and we were getting pretty turned on. I couldn’t believe I was watching my wife do the things she does with me and it wasn’t bothering me, it made me feel even more appreciative of her and it made me want her badly all at the same time. We all had a lot of foreplay happening and it felt as if it was about time to make a decision. On a side note, I’m not used to wearing a condom so this made me uncomfortable even thinking about it, but I knew this was part of our rules we decided going into the LS. Just as I reached for my condom, the other guy (J) asked my wife if they could do it yet. As I was trying to get my condom on, I could feel performance anxiety kicking into high gear and I lost my erection...embarrassing to admit. I asked B for a little help, but she didn’t seem very interested in lending a hand. My wife was wonderful enough to remove herself from the other man and come lay by me to help. B went back to J and we all ended up having wonderful sex with our SO’s. My wife and I felt somewhat obligated to return to our previous partners and asked J and B, but B declined and said she was too tired. We decided it was time to go and give them space. I felt great about everything that happened up until my performance anxiety hit. I also felt like B was taking it personally, which made me feel horrible. We have since kept in touch with this couple and they have asked us for another date this weekend. My wife tells me she is open to another date, but understands if I don’t want to because of how things ended last time. So, I’m not sure how to move forward. I like this couple, but honestly don’t want a repeat of last time. I personally felt an attraction to B but her drunken state was unattractive because she wasn’t very reciprocal. Any ideas or advice for this newbie couple?
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