midlifecrisis

Hello from the South Bay! My advice, like everyone else's, is to take things slowly and talk things out beforehand. I started in the lifestyle with my wife at the time, then as a single man, and now with a gf - so I feel as though I've been a newbie 3 different times, and each time has been wildly different. For me the best way to avoid jealousy has been the conversations we've had long before deciding to do anything. Talking things out, exploring fantasies without anyone else in the room, figuring out what's of interest, what's not, what's crossing the line - builds a trust between you that enhances your relationship. The more you talk, the more you find out about your partner and the tighter your bond is, to the point that when you do eventually put your hat in the ring, jealousy is the last thing on your mind.

I'm curious if anyone on here has had a problem with too much Viagra. I've always joked about the line "If you have an erection for more than 3 hours..." uh, call your friends and brag? But my gf and I are having our first experience together this week. It's all online, but I want to make sure it's special for her and I don't want to have any issues. I normally don't have issues, and sometimes if I'm drinking a lot I'll take a pill just to make sure. But I thought to myself, I'll just double up on Viagra and go all night! How much is too much, and has anyone had any serious/medical issues by taking too much?

When we went to the green door, we went in the hot tub pretty much when we first got there. Thought it was a good way to get nude in front of people, but not fully on display - if that makes sense. Another couple came in, and we watched the wife jerk him off - not to completion but close. It was erotic for sure, but now when I think about it, that was probably the most mellow thing that happened in there all night

The only swing club I've ever been to was back when I was married, and we went to the green door in Las Vegas. FF a few years and a divorce, and I'm having a conversation with my now GF about swing clubs, and she's freaked out at the idea of going in the hot tub at a swingers club. I didn't think twice about it then, but now that she brings it up, how sanitary is that? I remember a health club I went to and the manager told me to avoid the hot tub late nights bc stuff goes on in there you don't want to know about! I'm guessing the same thing is true and more so at a club?

"Thanks everyone for the constructive input" Translation: Snark. Only but a few had constructive input. "Conclusion: Selfish and dishonest" Clearly you've made your mind up about me, no matter what I say or write. I suppose it's normal in this day and age to stake out your side, and stick to it no matter what anyone says, and then put down the ones who don't fall in line with your opinion. Again, I'm old school, and prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt, even if their writing skills are not as clear as others. You seem like a very beautiful woman. Unfortunately, understanding didn't come with looks. I'm sure those looks get you far in this lifestyle, but my hunch is outside of here, life isn't so great. I wish you the best (actually, without the snark) and I'm happy that you've found a home in the lifestyle. In a way, your responses, and stuck up attitude has told me all I need to know about this community.

"Maybe she isn’t that turned on by him." Certainly a possibility, which I have considered. From being with her, talking and generally my gut feeling, I'm going to say that's not the case - but I'm sure there's a good part of that that's my ego saying that too. It's definitely possible though. It seems like the only way to know for sure is to talk to her. Thanks everyone for the constructive input.

Thank you Numex. Without knowing all of you, I'm going to guess that it's been a while since you've been single (which is the same situation with me, before my divorce, I had been married or in a relationship most of my life) since you are suggesting that, very early on in a relationship, I have a detailed discussion about my kinks and sex life. Perhaps I'm wrong, or maybe just old fashioned, but that is not something I come out with in the early stages of dating. We've had sex twice, continue to see other people, and just as she has not shared her sexual history or fantasies at this point, neither have I. However, that is certainly a discussion I will have, and initiate, if things progress. My concern is, and continues to be, what seems to be her lack of interest in sex, which is throwing out a red flag - which was the basis for my post. I'm worried that sexual incompatibility is going to be too big of an obstacle, and since I thought this was a group of high-libido people, I was looking for input about that. Some have called me self centered for this concern, but I see it as quite the opposite. Cut me a break on that or not, or call me what you like, I'm not particularly concerned about that.

Thank you EastinWest, I think you are the only one who has fully grasped my situation. (I take the blame for not explaining myself well to the rest on this post) I have not told her about my swinging experiences - I've actually only had 5 total experiences, 4 of which were good, one was kinda a nightmare - so I don't feel that I am truly apart of the lifestyle, at least I am not fully immersed in it, but I do have a great deal of interest in being more active. We both have agreed that currently we are free to date/have other sexual experiences, so I haven't brought swinging up, other than a passing reference or two. OF COURSE, if this relationship progresses, I will talk about my desires, her desires, and see what we have in common. The issue for me is mostly what you just said - am I prepared for a relationship with a woman who has a low-libido? I'm trying to gauge how important sex is to a relationship. Is being sexually incompatible enough to call off a relationship? Will the boredom, as you say, get to me and destroy us? Or can I adjust my thinking, and be ok with a less than exciting sexual relationship, with a woman who I find completely compatible in every other way. Unfortunately, many on this board have judged me, in a completely inaccurate way, which surprised me since I thought most people in the lifestyle are open minded. But, as I said, clearly I didn't explain myself very well, so I take the blame for that.

Wow, some serious judgement coming down. I must say, I'm pretty surprised. Thank you all for your opinions.

Just to be clear, we're dating, but not exclusive at the moment. IF we were to commit to each other, I would certainly tell her everything. There is no way I would continue in a committed relationship without my partner knowing, and there is no way I would ever cheat on someone I have made that commitment to. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear in my original post.

"Apart from her not rising to the bait when you make a reference to swing, do you and your girlfriend enjoy good sex. " To be perfectly honest, no. Sex is kinda boring. I mean especially after you stack it up to my experiences in the lifestyle - but even without that comparison, she's rather dull in bed, and doesn't seem to have any interest in changing that. As I said, every other part of our life together is amazing, and I find myself falling for her big time. I'm just worried about my sex drive compared to hers

Hi all - I'm divorced, and my ex-wife and I started to swing a little bit before the divorce (swinging was not the cause of it). As a single man, I got into the lifestyle a little more, not too many experiences, but for the most part, what I had, I really loved, and I'm still involved a little bit - going to clubs, mostly. But I now have a new girlfriend, and we're getting pretty serious. She has no idea about my swinging past, and when I've casually brought up the idea of it, she has expressed very little interest. In fact, she is very much the opposite of me sexually. She is very reserved, and a bit of a prude. I don't see her being interested in this part of my life, and if we get more serious, I will completely drop it from my life. Everywhere else in life we are unbelievably compatible. Sense of humor, things we do and enjoy. I really enjoy my time with her, and could very much see us being together for a long time, if not married sometime in the future. But how do I resolve our sexual differences? How important is sex to a relationship?

Is the rest of the club, where anyone can be - does anyone mean a ton of single guys? I'm a (newly divorced)single guy, and I'd love to check out the scene, but don't want to add to the guy/creepy factor

Hi, has anyone been to the Red Rooster in Las Vegas? Would love to know your impression/feedback. Thanks!