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introvertswingr

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About introvertswingr

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  • Birthday 09/07/1981

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    Married female
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    US
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    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. There are plenty of marriages that are loving and happy and do not involve sex. I get that this is not something you want, but let's just put that out there. Also, as soon as she said she didn't want sex, you just immediately stopped loving her? How deep/strong was that love to begin with if you can switch it off because of one aspect of a marriage? That is scary, to me, as a woman who has pain with sex. I have that fear that my husband would do the same thing you did. As for the other person's comment about monogamy also meaning you fulfill all your partner's sexual desires, unless that was agreed to at the start, you can't go unilaterally amending the agreed upon contract/vows now and not expect repercussions. What if those sexual desires involved something the other person wasn't morally comfortable with, are you still obligated to help them fulfill them? I don't buy into that. If you aren't going to leave her because you see it as quitting (which, in a sense, it is), and she is not willing/able to budge on sex-- seems you are at a stalemate. Also, if you don't trust women..... might make it hard to find anyone else to have a healthy relationship with anyways (not said in a judging way as I have trust issues with everyone ). Also, you could reframe that "not a quitter" into not quitting on your love or relationship. Otherwise, it seems you just want to feel like a martyr. You mentioned that she was willing to do other aspects of sex, but that isn't enough for you and you don't like feeling like it is charity sex. Well, to me, that is a compromise on her part. She doesn't want the penetration (which, you guys have no idea how painful it can be when there are issues....but to me fair to you, she should talk to her doctor about it), but seemed willing to do other aspects. We get so hung up on penetration and orgasms, that we forget about all the other sexual things that can be done. Unless she says it is charity, perhaps you are reading into it or projecting. The fact that she was willing to do those things for you, to me, shows she is trying. So, to answer your question: For various reasons throughout the years, I have at times not been able to have penetrative sex (or as much as my husband wanted). I fully expected him to stay monogamous (we weren't swinging during those periods) and to weather the storm with me. I was able and willing to provide him with oral and manual (though still not as much as he wanted because those hurt too). He watched a lot of porn and masturbated frequently (though, he watches porn like an addict, so that may not have had anything to do with me). I have thought about what I would do if I ever get to the point where I just can't do anything for a sexual release for the two of us. I might be willing to allow him to find someone else to have sex with in that case, but only if we weren't having sex or doing anything sexual at all anymore. I don't want to catch anything. I can't answer that question until it happens-- no one can. We can only say what we think/hope we would do. Anyone on here who says they would "for sure" do something is full of it. We don't know until we get there. There are a lot of emotions that go into saying you can't do something and allowing your partner to go elsewhere.
  2. We have used Kik and Whatsapp (but with WhatsApp they get your phone number). My husband doesn't mind giving out his number, so he will also do that.
  3. My first club (and swinging) experiences were when I was much larger. In a way, it was easier for me than now. I went into it knowing that not everyone likes larger people, so didn't have any expectations/hopes of anyone being interested. The swinging was mmf's and not in a club. Now that I have lost weight and have all the lovely things that accompany a large weight loss, I have more trouble with my confidence and feeling attractive. I must have bought into the "lose weight, you'll feel more attractive" BS. That said, every club we have been to has had people of various sizes, ages, etc. I think it is more important to manage your expectations. I like to have low expectations and be pleasantly surprised. Depending on her confidence level, and how much you look at the other women, I'd say she should just be prepared to not get all the attention/gazes. You can help a lot with that by focusing on her (while still enjoying the eye candy that is around) and putting as much energy into helping her feel attractive as you do looking at other more stereotypically attractive females. At least, that would help me. Also, in my experience, all clubs say that. Realistically, only one club can have the hottest people, best whatever. They all hype themselves up. Take it with a grain of salt.
  4. I have used a mask and have seen a couple who turn it into role play and always have costumes on. Granted, these are on sites where they are trying to get paid. I say, do what you want. There will be people who are fine with it, there will be people who are not. It may take you longer to find the people who are fine with it. Most sites, you can also go "private" so that you can restrict who is seeing you at any given time. But, there are fuckers who record things and post it on other sites. That will happen regardless.
  5. I believe we bought one of the toys that "sits" on your clit.... but it wasn't strong enough vibration for me to do anything. I have wanted to try benwa balls out in public, but when we tried them at home, it was extremely hard to get them out (and I have a very strong, squeezing vagina). I suggested that we just put one in and use the other (they are magnetic) as a method to get the inserted ball out. My husband thought about getting some kind of car magnet. HAHA! I think it might be interesting or horribly uncomfortable. The connected (plastic) ben-wa balls don't have a smooth enough surface and tend to hurt/cut me. I have used a bullet vibrator while driving (many years ago).
  6. LOL... this reminds me of a time we were in a club and playing in a "dungeon" type area. Another couple came and played, they motioned for me/us to go over. I did, but then got trapped in between a table the lady was on and her guy standing behind me (issue 1-- not a fan of confinement/lack of escape routes), the woman was rude to my husband (issue 2-- I am tend to be protective of him), the guy starting fingering me, but was going in/near ass then vagina (possibly by accident) and his hands reeked of nicotine (huge turn off for me) [issue 3-- duh], and, finally, the guy put my hand on his penis (over clothes). I felt his penis was larger than I like (I prefer small to average penis size)). So that was issue 4 and code word to my husband that it was time for us to go. The guy did not take it well. I was walking away after saying whatever I said to get out of the situation, and he was laughing to his wife saying "Ahhh, look, she is scared". Ohhhh.... that pissed me off. Took everything in me not to wheel around and give him a piece of my mind. I chose not to engage and continued walking away.
  7. I would also add, check-in throughout to verify that things are going okay and everything is still good. Consent can change, especially if you don't know if you are going to like something because you have never done it. Should the burden be on the woman to stop things and say no? Probably. Many females were raised (in the US) to preserve relationships and not make waves ("be the good girl", "don't hurt their feelings"). So, sometimes, saying no, or that you thought things would be okay but they are not, or expressing discomfort can be difficult for some women (men, too, I am sure, but this thread is about women). This can be made worse when two couples are playing, because if the woman's partner is having fun, perhaps she won't want to interrupt that. Easy enough thing to do-- check in with her to be sure all is good. I know, I know: "it interrupts the flow" (whine). Well, better than the alternatives where the woman has a bad experience. Even if you have a boundaries talk beforehand (which should happen), boundaries can change.
  8. WebCamNow-- at least used to be a free (meaning, not paid cam models) site for voyeurs/exhibitionists. You can also set up an account on a site like Chatterbate, just don't accept money, and do everything in private. That doesn't necessarily help you find the people interested in camming, though we have found people on sites before. Both people we met in person and people who just wanted to stay in the cyber world. I am not aware of a site that exists specifically for your purpose, but you can use other ones to accomplish your goal. That said, I also don't look at those sites or search for new ones anymore. Camming days are over for now.
  9. We prefer to start with soft swap (which for us is just touching and oral), but we ALWAYS define it with the other couple to be sure everyone is on the same page. As others have said, there is no "official" definition, so I prefer to operationally define things. With a couple we currently play with, we do full swap, but some nights we revert back to soft swap for various reasons. As for the orgasm-- have you ever had an orgasm from nipple play or a full body orgasm from just touching (not clitoral or vaginal touching)? Those can be awesome. I respect your boundaries to not want to play with someone who is drinking or using marijuana. Out of curiosity, is that a hard rule or just because of the particular circumstances with this couple? I wonder if there is a general consensus on that topic. I know people don't want someone who is sloppy drunk or so intoxicated (via any method) they cannot consent, but I also understand that some people use those "items" as tools, if you will, in order to be able to play (not just for nerves).
  10. Thongs. No, honestly, I am not that particular. If a guy I am attracted to expresses interest in me/us and he is wearing jeans, no big deal. I will say that if it is borderline, a perceived lack of effort might tip his chances to the no side. Not fair, I know. But, hell, if I put in the effort to put makeup on, make my hair look nice, and traipse around in lingerie that is uncomfortable..... The husband always wears business casual with shirt tucked in (at least until we start playing). He even wears nice shoes that are uncomfortable for him. I usually walk into clubs in jeans and a nice shirt, but change pretty immediately into whatever lingerie I brought for the night.
  11. That doesn't embarrass me, when that or things like it are said. As M1F2 mentioned, my response would be to look at the other female to be sure she was okay with it. Hopefully, her husband will say something complimentary to her as well (or my husband). The need for that also depends on the level of experience (both with that couple and with swinging in general). With our swing couple of 2 years, the wife and I go back and forth between needing reassurance at times . [One of our first meetings, she was performing oral on me and exclaimed to my husband "You weren't lying, she tastes great!". I'm good with that. Things don't always have to be equal, I get that, but I have requested of my husband in the past to say something about me if he compliments her and vice versa. I don't want it to be forced/fake, but sometimes I just need to hear it. Luckily, the other husband is pretty good about that.
  12. Honestly, we had more luck with at least getting to the meet and greet stage through CL (R.I.P.). Swingtowns seems to be a bunch of flakes for us so far. We have had 1 meet-up, 1 stand-up, and many many people who say they want to meet up, but then ghost (or don't cancel until the last minute -- and by last minute, I mean we explained we would have to leave at 3pm to get to them, and they canceled at 3pm). We have another meet-up scheduled this Saturday, so we shall see. As others have said, I imagine it is highly dependent on where you live and the popular site around there. We aren't just looking in our city -- which opens up possibilities if people are willing to travel or meet halfway.
  13. For what it's worth, there are two couples on the site we are on where the female is straight and the male is bi. This is just of those with whom we are "friends". They exist, it just might take you longer to find them.
  14. Couple 4 -- It would be kinder to just tell them the chemistry isn't there. There is absolutely no need to get into "well, we find your wife hot, but not you". The end result is the same if they are looking for both of them to play-- it isn't going to happen. I don't see the benefit of singling out the male. Trust me, he knows. I used to weigh more than I do now, and we know. If people turn us down now, and it isn't because of me (e.g., they say your wife is hot), it is a stab in the ego/feelings of my husband. For what purpose? There is no need to be rude. Couple 2 -- If you have no interest in playing with them anymore-- just tell them that. You don't have to give them a why. If they can't respect your no, that is further evidence that they aren't the right couple for you.
  15. Meh. I have always thought it would be interesting. I have done some sort of activity with two. With 1, she wasn't into it, so it was just okay. With another-- sometimes she is into it and sometimes not. I think I need a more assertive initiator where there is no doubt that they are into it (this is true of men, too). Double dildo was fun.
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