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SuzieG

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About SuzieG

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    Contributor
  • Birthday 05/01/1978

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  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    California
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. He even ignored my birthday. Ouch. Thanks to you both.
  2. I guess I put the cart before the horse with all of this. Not only is he not contacting me, but he's not responding to me, and I feel a little pathetic sitting over here... I suspect he's ghosted. I'd brought up the need to talk about our foundation as it relates to the LS, and he agreed. I also sent him the link to this thread. I guess he picked up on the obvious fact that I'm looking for a real relationship with someone, not just to fuck around... and that's probably not something he's interested in. Not gonna lie, kinda stings. I appreciate all of your kind support. You're a lovely group of people. Maybe I'll see ya 'round.
  3. It's worked out really well! I have a few (like... 15 maybe?) little errant hairs that are too blonde to laser (it needs to have pigment to be lasered), so I just shave those when I notice them. I did my underarms first, and when I was blown away by those results, went for the Brazilian. They call it permanent hair "reduction" not "removal," as it will slowly grow back over the years... but after a few years, I'm still hair free, so I consider it well worth it. I only had 6 sessions.
  4. Probably not too far, we're also in NorCal. I don't know. I'm a very open person, I haven't censored myself at all. That's true. And admittedly, it's nice to have my feelings supported and validated. But I'm not sure it really matters right now... Early Wednesday morning I'd messaged him saying we should actually talk about all of this. He agreed. Haven't heard from him since. And that's the thing. I've been leading the dating/relationship aspect of this 'thing,' and that's why I don't feel at all secure here. Three days with no word from the guy who expresses interest in threesomes and swinging. Another time, he went like 5 days. If I wasn't leading, he wouldn't be doing anything, making effort, investing his energy in me/us. I feel like a plaything and not someone he wants to build a partnership with. I'm not used to this. I'm not sure if I'm feeling this way because of what he's brought up and the timing of it, or if I'd be feeling that way anyway... I'm usually very easy going, and have so much going on I don't even notice when someone's MIA. But with him, I notice. First and foremost, I want a loving, passionate, trusting primary relationship that is rock solid. And if it ultimately involves the LS once things are rock solid, then great. If not, that's okay too, it's not a *requirement* for me. (I've never met a man who wouldn't be down for a threesome eventually anyway, so I'm not too worried. ) The LS is just that, a lifestyle... not an orientation. It's a hobby. And just as I could give up skiing if I moved to Africa or gave up the beach if I moved to Montana, so could I forego play. Because first and foremost my goal is to find "my person." (But make no mistake, my person and I I gotta have an amazing, quality sex life, open to explore our fantasies and allathat...) Anyway. Funny too, ya know. When you find someone you really like, and who you're into, your energy really changes... like you radiate a sort of loving, happy, positive light. The universe knows it. Men know it. It's like they can all feel this feminine sexual energy. It happens every time... Thank you.
  5. I am lasered bald and greatly prefer the women I play with be bald as well, tiny landing strip at most. Men must be trimmed.
  6. Word. I think they're sexy. But, I was in love with two different military men with battle scars. Scars heal, more so with women than men as well. Maderma works VERY well if used religiously. Also, perhaps consider tattoos over the scars? Turn them into art.
  7. I imagine for a primary relationship, your personality matters much more than for people you're engaged in strictly play relationships. I'm not as interested in your personality and sense of humor if I'm simply fucking you. At 6', I'd probably draw the line somewhere around 25% bodyfat for men, so likely somewhere around 200 pounds, depending on body composition. I don't mind some softness, in that I don't need a visible set of abs... but I am visual, and an obese man is not one I am viscerally attracted to.
  8. I suppose I could... Although I said more here than I would if he were in front of me right now. :/
  9. Yes, I agree with both of you. I think to a large extent he's just really... EXCITED. And I don't blame him, I'd be excited by me and swinging with me, too!!! Well, yeah... I mean, why would I be cut and dry? How can I know, right now, whether or not I want to engage in the LS with him? We don't have the foundation necessary yet. So yeah, it's a maybe. It's not a guarantee. I can take my interest back in swinging with him back at any time, just as anyone who's already in the LS or swinging with their partner can decide to stop... right??
  10. Thank you for this, you expressed my feelings well, particularly about being at the "embryonic stage." I really do FEEL like I'm a plaything and not a partner, and that... stinks, and hurts, and I don't like it. And there are moments where I really do feel differently, and where I feel like he does care, and that I'm more than just a plaything. But then I think about the focus of our relationship, and it feels largely sexual. And I want it to be more than that. Much more than that. I'm SUCH a sexual person, but I want more than that from my PRIMARY relationship, and I want that from him. You may be right in that some of my responses may have been a little coy. So we do need to have a more direct and open conversation, and I've asked him to talk about it next time we see each other, and he agreed. So that's a start. One big question though, regarding the bolded: do you typically share sexual relationships with other couples that go beyond just the "fun, casual level"??
  11. I have told him, albeit briefly. He knows I've participated, and we had a discussion where I told him I prefer the experience to be one where it's at a distance, and a novelty and not something that's just as common as our own sex life, and moreseo with people you don't see repeatedly, as it's too dangerous... feelings can easily develop, etc. I physically demonstrated with body language, my hands out in the distance, saying, "I like to keep them over there, and us, over here." Like, I said something to the effect of, "I don't want these people in my backyard, to run into them at the grocery store and stuff." And his response was, "Oh no, I like to just have a few couples on speed dial to call up and fuck," and he in turn acted out the gesture of calling up a couple for play. And I said something to the effect of, "Mmmm, yeah, no." It wasn't dismissive, it was more of a negotiation. I mean, I'm amenable and and open to considering it now, I'm not completely shut down to the idea. I was much more cautious before because of the military. Threat of prosecution for those involved was very real and not something I wanted to risk. Awwwww, thank you.
  12. I haven't...? When you quoted was just a few hours after I posted. What you quoted is me asking for help on how to talk to him. So, I haven't talked to him about that yet.
  13. Hello everyone!! I am thankful for having found this forum. Any guidance you can provide is greatly appreciated!! About me: I'm Suzie. I'm in my 30's and have experience in the LS in two prior long term, committed relationships. The first was at my initiation in my early 20's, and moreseo because I was attracted to a couple particular men other than my then-BF, and desired permission to engage in sexual activity with those particular men rather than actually "cheat." Not that great an idea, I know. It was disastrous. The second was a mutual decision borne of the desire to infuse an already great relationship, albeit with a little bit of sexual boredom and two voracious appetites, with some excitement and passion. We were part of an intimate network of military members and their significant others, very private and tight-lipped, as extra-marital relationships could put many in jeopardy of prosecution pursuant to the MCOJ (I know, ridiculous). While there were a few of us that lived close together and could therefore spend more time together, the majority of this local activity was a lot of soft swapping, and the rest was parties or cruises, where we'd never see each other again, as we were all quite a distance from each other at different bases and whatnot. Quite frankly, I preferred it that way, as it prevented a lot of emotional entanglements just because the people weren't around - it was basically, "Well, that was a fun little escapade!" over and over. The LS worked in the second relationship, not so much the first, basically because of how and why the swinging even began. I also have experience with group sex and threesomes in more casual environments (think college parties, etc.). Essentially, I'm no prude, love sex, I'm very open minded, and can separate love and sex, but really do much prefer sex with someone I care about. In fact, I see sexual activity as existing on a sort of continuum, from recreational sport fucking on the one end of the spectrum, to love making on the other, with garden variety sex somewhere in the middle. Ha! As long as I know and feel in my soul that I am the primary and I am adored by my man and other people are just sexual beings for play and not anywhere near the "soul mate" that I am, I'm good. I'm pretty secure. I don't recall ever experiencing jealousy... Here's where I become frustrated and confused. About two months ago, I met and started seeing Dude from a traditional online dating site. (Protecting his privacy. ) There was no mention of the LS, our profiles both read as though we were both looking for one person. I like him a lot, I think he's awesome, and unlike anyone I've ever met. I'm really excited about him. We've been having sex, it's fantastic, and I have no doubt it will only get better as we explore our fantasies. (I'm not tooting my own horn here, but sex has been what's kept all my relationships going long after they should have died...) We have not had any discussions about exclusivity or couplehood, I have no idea where he stands in that regard. About 2-3 weeks ago, so like only after knowing this guy like 5-6 weeks, in a random conversation about porn, he brought up that he's into group sex. We're pretty open in our discussions about sex and fantasies, so it wasn't crazy or unusual to bring it up, but from there, every other conversation he's dropped in, somehow, some comment or innuendo about group sex or swinging. Essentially, he's made it clear the LS is something he's into, and something he wants to return to. He's been out of it for a year since he last had a partner, misses it, misses having regular couples on speed dial to swap with on the regular. I wouldn't say he's pressuring me, but he's being a little insensitive and a bit of a bozo in the way he's going about it, I think. As an example, over the course of a week: He randomly suggested in a text about being tired and whether to sleep or eat food, that I find and bring someone home for us to share (a threesome). A couple days later, we were going to spend time together this past weekend, and while I was waiting for him to arrive, as an apology for the delay, he randomly sent me a link to a porn video of a 4-some, ostensibly to keep me entertained until he got there. Hmph. A couple days later, when texting back and forth funny banter about a funny tattoo I saw, he randomly sent me a pic of another 4-some. Okay, okay. I get it. He wants to so some swinging and swapping. I get it. But the way he's going about communicating this... kinda hurts my feelings. I mean, sex and swinging seems to have taken over the focus of our fledgling relationship. Am I being unreasonable here? I mean, to me, what made the LS work in my second LS relationship was that we were ROCK SOLID. He was my man. I was his woman. We had each other's back. We were each other's lobster. We were in love and loved each other, and saw swinging as a couple who enjoys having sex... by having sex with each other most of the time, but by having sex as a couple with other couples sometimes too. We had rules to make that sexy time with other couples work. We had rock solid trust in one another. Our communication was above board and we could talk about anything and everything and there was never an ounce of judgment or fear - fantasies, secrets, fears, worries, insecurities, excitements, goals, desires, wonders, amusements, whatever. (If you're wondering why he's no longer around, he was KIA in Afghanistan.) And I feel like this is what has to exist in any relationship for the LS to work - love, trust, communication. Basically, a real, solid foundation of a relationship. And we BUILT that type of relationship, that's why it worked, that's why it was all so fucking amazing. But here, I feel like Dude is trying to go from zero to 60 in 5 seconds flat. Or zero to LS in 5 seconds flat. And it feels... strange. Like rather than wanting to build a relationship with me, I feel like I'm just the bait or lure or even like the entrance fee he's using to get himself back into the LS society/culture he misses so much. I mean, I do fit in. I'm hot, I'm sexy, I enjoy fucking, I'm uninhibited, my pussy is amazing... haha! But I'm not the bottle of wine you bring to a party. He and I should be THE party TOGETHER. Also, in the very beginning of a relationship with someone new, aren't you trying to just figure out that person FIRST? Aren't you ravenously attracted to just that person while you build the foundation with that person? Maybe that's a fundamental difference between men and women, or maybe this is a "me" issue, where it's only after I feel a strong connection, a foundation of trust, love, and communication, and completely adored by my man that I am I open to welcoming other into my bed and my body...? But right now, his body is the only one I want to explore. His cock is the only one that the very thought of it makes me throb. His lips, his tongue, his hands, his fingers, are the only ones I want on me. I crave him, and him alone. I still have so much more exploring of HIM to do... his body, his desires, his thoughts, his wants, his history, his sense of humor, his heart, his soul, his veritable playground, what makes HIM him, without adding in other people into the mix while I'm figuring him out. Similarly, how does he really figure *me* out, get to know me, build a foundation with me, if there are other people involved in the mix from pretty much the very beginning?? Don't get me wrong, I'm a horndog, and still have sexual fantasies, so it's not like I don't get turned on at certain thoughts... but I just don't think jumping right into the LS with Dude is a good idea...? Or is it my experience that's limiting my frame of mind? But I also wonder if most couples would be down for what is tantamount to swinging with two singles - because, c'mon, that's what we are right now. He's so secretive... I am definitely open to exploring the LS with him **someday**. I get the impression that he wants someday to be much sooner than later. But at the expense of what...? I feel like I'm just being used as a sexual plaything, the way he'd use other couples as sexual playthings, when as a *partner* I should be treated as a partner, as something deserving of investment, commitment, and most importantly, care. Help me manage this. Guide me. Anything. How can I talk to him about this without making him feel like he's doing something "wrong"? I think he's truly excited about the prospect of having found someone who's potentially open to the LS, and he's jumping on it without thinking... but I need him to slow his roll and get us back on track to building something real without taking the wind out of his sails.
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