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SwingAcademic

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  • Content Count

    79
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22 Excellent

About SwingAcademic

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 10/07/1969

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Researcher
  • Location
    Kansas City
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Can you post a picture here on Swingersboard? I'm asking because I don't have memberships to the other sites, as I'm not in the Lifestyle currently, just here looking for information. But I am curious to see what someone looks like who though she wasn't attractive, while others strongly disagreed.
  2. West Chester Township, Ohio--some big political figures there hosting rallies featuring Jesus-jerks. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Chester_Township,_Butler_County,_Ohio People don't seem to understand that all paranoid notions and ideas about sex come from religion, namely Christian religion. And since 1947, not only is Congress not allowed to make laws respecting establishments of religion, state and local governments aren't either. All these laws against strip clubs, Lifestyle clubs, porn shops, etc., ARE laws respecting establishments of religion, and need to go.
  3. I really like VegasLee's definition of this: The first definition of swinging was "Recreational sex between consenting adults." 60's Swinging Singles was the big thing. Nothing ever said someone had to be married or partnered to be a swinger. 80's came along and a certain group started pushing the "Lifestyle" and that it was for couples. In the close to 40 years of having "Recreational sex with other consenting adults" I have been both a single and married. I have never let others define what my place in life or this "Lifestyle" is. Really, does not matter. As long as we are all having fun and happy with what you do works for you. Just because I may not agree with you or you don't agree with me does not make either of us wrong. "Recreational sex between consenting adults" is what I am studying basically. And it seems that these days, the only regular people who do this on at least a semi-regular basis or more, without any guilt, or in groups, are Lifestyle couples. "Regular people" meaning people who are not rock stars or sports stars or other millionaires. >>I would bet top dollar that the couple meant that single men are treated as outcasts and not single females... The first thing I asked when they said that was, "females too?" They said yes, if she seems to just be there to gawk or something. Of course, there weren't a lot of single females there. >>Aren't there already clubs catering to singles? They are called vanilla clubs. Singles just then go to a hotel or to someone's house to fuck. You've heard of an "open secret", right? Well, that statement is an open lie. For starters, there is no such thing as an on-premise singles club. I saw how someone tried to get one going in Philadelphia a few years back, but it didn't succeed. MGF Singles Only Swing Club. Coming this March. - XVIDEOS.COM At least in my area (Kansas City), vanilla clubs are the absolute WORST place to go if you are looking for recreational sex with someone, male or female. There is no way to truly socialize in these clubs, because the music is turned up so loud. This is actually a business maneuver on the part of the bar owner. The owners know that if people are just sitting around talking to each other, they won't drink as much. This is why Lifestyle clubs that have liquor licenses also have to charge an entrance fee. If people are just socializing and fucking, they won't drink as much, and the place won't make enough money to stay in business. The women are in vanilla clubs "just to hang out", or at least that's what they say. They are usually there to try to cadge free drinks from stupid horny males. I myself have had to stop men who keep buying women drinks, thinking that one of these women will have sex with him. The women may be there with a group of friends, and they stay with that group and socialize with no one else, making me wonder why they didn't just go to one of their own homes to drink and talk. There is the phenomenon of the "bachelorette brigade"--women who come in as a group, and any male who speaks to any one of them will be subject to a panel discussion as to whether or not he would be a good sex partner. Usually, he won't pass muster, unless he's rich or something. When asked where their men are, they'll say "It's girls' night out." Usually, these types sit around and scowl at all the men in the place, thinking they are "creepy", even if a man is paying no attention to them. They are also usually wearing "slutwear", which is appropriate in a swingers' club where people are actually there with their minds open to the idea of hooking up, but it looks ridiculous in a vanilla club. You can go into a vanilla bar here on a quiet night, and see all the tables with only one gender or the other sitting at them, and none socializing with the other. People go to a trendy vanilla bar to see and be seen, not to hook up. Promoting the myth that women are in these clubs looking to hook up is what makes the bar owners and their employees more money. If I were looking to hook up, I would avoid vanilla clubs like the plague. >>It has been very clear from when you began questioning the forum (April of 2015) of your "researcher" status. With every thread you start, it feels like the swinging community is your personal group of gerbils for you to poke and prod and you wait to see how we react. Please, enlighten me...are you researching for your personal enjoyment or a professional paper? If it is the latter, we have had many researchers come on the forum in a more formal way kindly requesting for swingers to fill out a survey. We are much more likely to help out those researchers who are respectful than those "researchers" who come on here and have a condescending air. I'm not here to "poke and prod" at people to see how they react, but am here to "pick their brains", if you will. I know I ask some difficult questions on this site, questions that many people in the Lifestyle might not normally want to think about or talk about. But they are the only ones who will have the answers. I'm doing this research because I have a social agenda. If I'm successful, sex clubs will be everywhere, and advertised freely, without restrictions. That's not the only thing, though. I know what to do about things such as: our governments blowing money on abstinence-only programs for schools, trying to close down sexually-oriented businesses, women who think it's alright to claim sexual harassment at work just because they don't like a guy they work with, people getting fired because they are swingers, women making false rape claims and not having to show any evidence, teenagers getting put in jail for "sexting", etc. It's long and complicated to explain, so I won't go into it here. I'd like to deal with one subject at a time. As for surveys, I'm happy with the ones that have already been published. The book Swinging in America: Love, Sex, and Marriage in the 21st Century, by Curtis R. Bergstrand and Jennifer Blevins Sinski has just about all the survey information one could want. I don't mean to sound condescending to anyone. >>I noticed that you omitted the last sentence of my post, Researcher. "Otherwise, accept the limitations and play with the smaller number of couples who also like to play with singles." When you have a Porsche the Porsche Club will welcome you at their driver training events, and you won't be required to let any one else drive it. The last sentence was irrelevant because I am not looking for playmates. >>Marriage is actually a bad idea these days. It's become legalized extortion. These days, people who are happily married should consider themselves extremely lucky. Those who are happily married have always considered themselves "extremely lucky." They are. I felt lucky the whole 27 years. I'm still grateful for those years. When I said "extremely lucky", I meant they avoided a serious problem. Like saying someone who drove home stinky drunk every night for 27 years and didn't get into a car accident is extremely lucky. >>Would you expect to be treated the same way as everyone else if you went to a pot luck, didn't bring any food, but ate everybody else's? Went to a Chinese gift exchange without a gift and still took one? Went to a bring your own booze party without any booze and drank everyone else's? The lifestyle isn't any different then anything else in the world! You get what you have to give! To many in the lifestyle (not all) the women are what is in demand. If you don't have one with you or are one you are going to be fighting an up hill battle and are going to have to have the thick skin needed to be able to get by all the guarded smugness to make a good impression. This basically goes back to "Why do only couples think it's alright to have recreational sex regularly, and with various people?" When a two single men and two single women get together to have sex, they are each giving and getting to and from each other, respectively. With two couples, it's the same thing, but they thought there had to be a couple unit first. All this said, this issue is small potatoes, but it is one that I'm really wondering about. I saw a survey right here on Swingersboard (I misplaced the link), that showed that roughly 50% of couples are willing to play with singles, and something like another 10% ONLY play with singles. So it's not like singles are completely outcast, only somewhat so. If a single male wants to learn all about how to be successful in the Lifestyle, then I highly recommend Daniel Stern's book Swingland: Between the Sheets of the Secretive, Sometimes Messy, but Always Adventurous Swinging Lifestyle. Mr. Stern is a single male himself, and even opens his book basically warning single males to stay away from the Lifestyle, because he, too, knows what kinds of problems single males can be, if they don't know any better. The rest of the book discusses at length how a single male can be successful in the Lifestyle. Of course, it also goes into some of his personal swinger stories.
  4. Sorry it took so long to respond. I've been busy with other things. What I'm seeing as "smugness" appears to be similar to the pair-bond narrative that some people believe is human nature, rather than just a relationship preference for some people and not others. Similar to how our legislatures promote marriage by providing tax breaks for it, and courts seem to favor married people over single people. Or like the evangelicals who like to brag about how they are in a "traditional marriage", which they think means that makes them somehow "better people". I was told upon my first visit to a club, by the couple that escorted me in, that singles are considered to be somewhat "outcast" (This couple didn't cast ME out though. I met them for the first time in the parking lot of the club, and they escorted me in, and I later played with them.) It just seems there's this air of "I'm part of a couple, therefore I am" sort of a thing. It doesn't seem to be seriously bad, just a small negative that I've noticed that seems unnecessary. Many of the reasons for "couples only" are valid, but only up to a point. Many of them seem to be ultimately based on fear, or the old "That's the way it is" argument. In this audio clip, beginning at 15:41, you can hear JustAskJulie state that "it has to be about the couple.", and that singles in the Lifestyle are there to "enhance the couples experience." Why does the Lifestyle have to be about one group being there to enhance another group's experience, rather than everyone trying to enhance everyone else's experience? Unless of course, one group is "smug". See what I'm saying? I'd be willing to bet that in an area where swing clubs are legal but subject to serious zoning regulations, a club that catered mostly to singles would be gone after by the police and courts more than would a club for couples, due to the overriding "couples rule" narrative. >>Your question is indicative of someone who is on the outside looking in. I just realized that as for my status, I can put whatever I want. I thought I had to pick from the list that was there (Couple/ Single Male/ M. Male/ M. Female/ etc.) I changed mine to "Researcher". I like that better, as it doesn't inappropriately color my questions in anyone's mind. Of course, I'll have to change it back if I should be looking for playmates in the future. >>If you wish to be in the Lifestyle, SwingAcademic, find a woman, learn to communicate, get married, and understand what it is like to have one's dearest person in the arms of another man, whom you really don't know. I found it much easier when his wife was in my arms. Marriage is actually a bad idea these days. It's become legalized extortion. These days, people who are happily married should consider themselves extremely lucky.
  5. I would never try that. I would probably be kicked out the door by security.
  6. I do have to apologize, I forgot about my profile. Yes, I am a single male. But I am not here as a "Single male looking for some." I am here to learn from people. That's why my nickname is "SwingAcademic". I always thought it was best to be honest in the Lifestyle. >>I will go on to say, noticed you are a single male. No slight to you personally, but most couples new or seasoned in the lifestyle, will say they have had multiple negative experiences with single guys. I know that our BS is set very high due to our encounters with single men, on the whole. The reason so many single males are such a-holes in the Lifestyle is because they don't understand that women in the Lifestyle don't respond to the kinds of crap that single vanilla women respond to, and thus, these single males try to use the tactics that actually work with some of these vanilla women. That said, back to my question. And thanks for your honest response so far.
  7. Are some couples too smug about their couple status? In just about anything non-academic I’ve read concerning swinging, there seems to be this notion of couples somehow being “better” than single people, and thus, more “qualified” to have swinger-type sex, just because they are couples, and for no other reason. No one really comes right out and says it (except sometimes when referring to single males only) but single people, men and women both, seem to be perceived as any combination of the following: Immature Irresponsible Selfish Flaky Don’t know how to fuck Dangerous Diseased Only out for sex and nothing else Doesn’t care if he/she messes up the couples’ relationship Unable to form ANY kind of relationship ...And the list goes on. I’m well aware of the reasons why some people want to be part of a couple unit in order to swing. But that’s not what I’m asking about. It just seems that some couples feel that they are, as I stated at the beginning, better than single people just because they are part of a couple unit. Am I correct? And if so, why?
  8. If a single male were to say any of these lines, how well would it go over?
  9. Looks like another poster had the same idea I did: Newbie swingers' boot camp! Make everyone attend this boot camp before entering the clubs.
  10. From Mark and Christy Kidd's book A Modern Marriage: A Memoir (Talking about people they'd see at the clubs): Another old fave was a guy who was a dead ringer for George Costanza on Seinfeld—always angry and frustrated because he could never get laid. His MO was to bring along a gorgeous strip club dancer from outside to use as bait to attract couples, but it always ended up that the couple would get involved with the dancer and shut him out. “Tonight sucks,” he’d always say, and we had to agree that for him it probably did. He’d lie beside the threesome and start rubbing their legs, but before long he’d be kicked off, like Don’t bother me, little boy. It happened with such regularity that Mark decided it was his thing to be rejected. I think he was right. Being scorned was what rocked Costanza’s boat. I have no idea why a guy would do this.
  11. To UnsureFuture15: What is your age group? And at what age did you first have your child?
  12. $100-150 admission fee might keep out a lot of normal people as well. That fee, plus bring your own alcohol? Some may say no way.
  13. It probably goes without saying, but follow the instructions on the sites to get on the guest list in advance, don't just show up at the door.
  14. There just needs to be some way for people to know in advance how to behave in a club. To me, it was all common sense. To others, it apparently isn't. I would think clubs would do better if there was a way to accomplish this.
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