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Sundog

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    10
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Sundog last won the day on October 10 2013

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About Sundog

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 09/30/1968

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Married Poly Male
  • Location
    Connecticut
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx
  1. Here's the update: Things around the office have generally gotten better. There are a few (three, to be exact) in the office of 18 that are still disgruntled about the whole thing. They rarely speak with either of us, and find ways to complain about us (she's too loud, I came in late, etc). My boss has become fairly understanding-- he even will ask one of us about how the other is doing. I was called out to a family emergency last week, and my boss regularly checked in with my partner about what was going on with me. Our jobs are less on the line, but we find that the stigma has still taken down our percieved professionalism. I think of it as a detante. As for the kids, they like me more and more. I'm like a favored uncle (and I love it). There are some awkward moments, like when her youngest wanted me to put her in bed instead of her father, but it's all working out ok so far. My partner is easing them into seeing some physical affection between us. She now will hold my hand in their presence or lean into me on the couch. I find that the poly thing is easy for kids to grasp-- I personally think it is more natural to understand than monogomy. Where it gets confusing is when they are told monogomy is the 'best' or 'ultimate' form of relationship by others in society. When my partner's kids hit puberty, then it will get more complicated. That should be about two years, assuming we stay together.
  2. D&D - I am new to the world of swinging, but from what I have learned so far, it is a lot easier to keep swinging a seceret than a poly relationship, since a lot of what a poly relationsip is about takes place outside the bedroom. It's hard to have a loving relationship that you can't talk about with friends and family. Coming out for me is a process, beginning with those closest to me who might understand, and inevitably flowing to everyone I have a strong connection with. I had a special situation because my poly partner is my co-worker. Our 'coming out' was unintentional and nearly ruined our careers. As it happens, folks in our office were among the first to know of our relationship. The good news is that we survived that, and are now operating as 'out' in our workplace. Our friends have been the easiest to come out to. Not all of them think my going poly is a good idea, but they are all supportive of me and my relationships. I have found that those friends that were cool to the idea have come around over time, and they now want to get to know my new partner. One of the challenges in talking about being poly is that the uninformed often think that it is just another way to have an affair-- that it is a sign that the original relationship is failing. Once they see the original relationship becoming *stronger* because of polyamory, then their curiosity and love for me takes over. Family is the trickiest. I have 'come out' to my brother and no one else (I don't have kids). I do know that eventually everyone in my family will know and frankly dread it.
  3. My girlfriend and I have been together about ten months. We date pretty regularly (most Tuesdays, and the occasional Thursday or overnight). We also work together , so we see each other a lot. At risk of getting you into controvercial waters, what do you see as some of the differences or nuances between the swinger and poly communities where you live? You have mentioned that you like the poly community more where you are. I ask because I really haven't found either community yet where I live. Part of that is due to me-- I have a number of interests (scuba, biking, astronomy, etc.) that take a lot of my time and don't bring me into contact with many poly or swinging folk. I am not party oriented, either. I do socialize with the Burning Man community (even hit up some orgy events in BRC), but I have not yet joined what I felt was a 'community'.
  4. I'm very new here, and came as a poly fellow interested in exploring the lifestyle. I've been married for 20 years, and spent the last 9 years slowly getting into polyamory. I have a lovely girlfriend and my spouse has a boyfriend. My spouse is done adding others to her life right now, but I'm open to new relationships (romance or just play). Here in Connecticut polyamory seems much less common than swinging. My impression is that the situation is reversed (or both things are more evenly balanced) on the west coast.
  5. I'm soooo grateful that this site has a forum for the poly/swinger nexus. I'm poly (married with a girlfriend), and am planning to make the leap to swinging at a club with my girlfriend in a few weeks (b-day present) . So, clearly I am first poly. Haven't taken the plunge yet, so I don't understand how swingers can be NSA, but also maintain friendships with some they play with. It sounds a bit like trying to parse out the FWBs from the occasional lovers. Maybe it's part of my kooky polyness, but the division between deep friendship and romantic love seems very small.
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