Jump to content

xyzabc123

Registered
  • Content Count

    15
  • Joined

Community Reputation

17 Good

About xyzabc123

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 12/06/1960

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Colorado
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. Hello all, Many thanks to all the responses! Although I am not checking this board routinely, and didn't plan on adding more to what I have already related, I would like to address some of the questions raised recently. We actually tried counseling, but the councilor was not "lifestyle friendly" so gave us a lecture about monogamy. Other than that he didn't offer any real assistance. Finding a LS councilor is not an easy task... When this first happened we had the emotional discussions I described previously, then we didn't talk about it all for months, really nearly a year. Recently we have had a couple discussions about this and are making progress. These discussions are now very mature (for lack of a better term), and there is no harping or blaming. We are really working through our individual views and how we each feel to seek a better understanding, so this is great progress and I think for the first time she is getting how I feel and why, but we're not there yet. As of this time we have not gotten to the point where we can "re-hash" the events in question. I'm hoping in time we can get to where we can have this discussion and she feels free and comfortable to relate whatever there is to relate, or relate it in such a way to . I'm fully aware that this will take time, but even after a long time she may wish to "protect" me and not take the chance of causing further damage to the progress we've made over time. To Mrs. RV, thank you for relating your story, it is very helpful and I hope I am as gracious as you have been if in the future something does come out. One of the key points here is that I thought we had this incredible open and honest relationship with NO SECRETS. Literally overnight this is one of the biggest things we lost. Or, perhaps I was a total fool and thought we had this totally honest, able to tell each other anything, best friend relationship that simply wasn't there to begin with. I do agree with bb and feel this has already cost us 1 full year of martial happiness and tranquility. This is something we already have begun to address by opening up the discussions I noted above. However, both of us still feel there is something hanging over our heads. Your point of being a team and working towards a solution is what we are working to do. We have both been dug in to our positions for too long. I am looking for the ability to talk about this, ask reasonable questions and get honest answers. She says whatever happened is in the past and we should just forget about it and move forward. At this point I believe this one event will impact our marriage for more time to come. Hopefully we can heal in the next couple of years, but I'm not sure this won't be with us for the rest of our married lives. The good news is that we are together and are slowly working towards whatever our married life will look like in the future. I just don't see us getting back to the free, open, deeply honest and trusting relationship we once had (or I thought we had) any time in the future, and that goes both ways as she doesn't trust how I may react to any given situation. Certainly the lifestyle is totally out of the question. While some of the above may seem negative, I am calling it how I see it. In the meantime we are doing things together and have a very amicable day to day relationship.
  2. Thanks sunbuckus, well said and I can see both of your point of view. While I respectfully disagree with some of the characterizations I do appreciate what you have provided in all of your posts. You are correct that you only have my viewpoint on all this, but I will tell you I have taken pains to honestly articulate what happened and at least show some of her view. As I've said before, I'm not sure what to forgive her for, is it that she developed this close relationship, or that she possibly did something she won't tell me? Or if she should be the one that has to forgive me for giving her permission and then getting upset by what happened . . . Regardless of all that, I got what I came here for thanks to the many responses. That was to "talk" it out with others who understood the lifestyle as that is just not possible in everyday life. Then to get perspective and context so I can move forward. This has been accomplished and I again thank everyone for their input. This will be last post unless I have new news to report. As I stated earlier, we have had a couple conversations since my first posting and are making progress, so that is a step in the right direction. xyzabc123 over and out
  3. At the risk of throwing gasoline on the fire... It seems to me that the ladies who are responding are advocating the "forget whatever happened and move on approach", while the gentlemen are in support of the "get whatever happened out in the open so it can be resolved" approach. By the way, it would be fine with my wife to just forget and move forward, whereas I am seeking some resolution on the open questions. Are there any ladies who think it is a good approach to get the communication flowing so we can have a heart-to-heart talk to settle things in my mind? Conversely, are there gentlemen who agree with the "forget whatever happened" approach? Note that a blow-by-blow description is not what I am after, but to be able to rationally and maturely discuss this to put some of these questions behind us will help me a lot, and I feel I am due at least this in any serious relationship. We are not starting each conversation at the same place, but instead as time passes we are able to make inroads into discussing it without the high emotions that have been there in the past. I can see where this would be considered beating a dead horse, but in our case the horse is still breathing (for lack of a better analogy)... Thanks for all the input and conversation.
  4. Once again, thanks to all for taking your time to discuss my issue and provide help. There are a number of points I'll cover here to address some of the concerns and questions brought up. First, I thought we had this incredibly strong marriage. Strong enough to delve into the swinger lifestyle. We still have a strong marriage, strong enough to get through this, however the amount of time it takes is the issue here. It is my feeling that if we can clear the air we can accelerate the healing. In the meantime I want everyone to know that we are getting along pretty well, especially lately with a couple talks we've had. While not nearly as well as before this (which was really amazing!), we are a loving committed couple who have both decided to work past this and to heal. I am very appreciative she chose me and wants to be with me, so that element is not lost in this discussion. What would I like and think will make the healing faster? If we can get to the point where we can talk about this without either of us getting emotional and upset, then I would like for her to tell me from her heart what happened, or that nothing happened, but from her heart and as open and honest as she can be. We've been married for 29 years, I sort of know when I might not be getting the full story, not an accusation or excuse for her, but the last times we talked about this she got very upset and emotional, so I do think that may have been why the story changed and there were details she couldn't remember. So, to one of the questions about why I am letting her put this off limits, I think we need to get to the point where we can talk about this without the emotion. I believe this will come in time... I do trust her now, partly as we're not in the lifestyle, but also as we've been working through this. Will it be in the back of mind that she could contact this guy when I am out of town on a business trip? Sure. In the past I would have encouraged her to flirt and have fun with another guy while I was gone as I just knew she would tell me everything and it was a big turn-on. Now I am sure she will stay home and not do anything that would even put her in a position to have this occur. Again, one of the big changes and something I see as her respecting me and my wishes. Net-net, this is not a case of where I am spying on her, or dis-trusting her "looking" for evidence of her continued betrayal. We have a very good relationship other than these open questions, but manage to work around them in the day to day life we lead together. To another question, yes, she knows I read the texts. We had no secrets from each other and so there is no reason either of us would hesitate to read texts on the others phone. I asked her right away, "What does this mean E wanted to know what I knew about your past together so you could get your stories straight?". As I posted, she replied "Nothing more than talk and kissing". I asked why she responded in that way? Why didn't she say something like "I tell my husband everything", or, "What do you mean? All we did was touch and kiss.", instead she told me "I don't know why I responded that way. But nothing happened." Knowing that she is usually quite precise in her words and meaning, this seemed to me like the smoking gun of an affair, but it could be as she has said, that she just fired off a response in that way and it was not written well. If she wasn't trying to hide anything she may not have even thought about how she said it. Again, a big open question to me that I would like to work through . . . Did I expect she would find a guy she would get so into and have such a physical and emotional bond with? No. I thought that this swinger stuff was about casual recreational sex. New, variety, exciting and fun, yes, I was prepared for all of those. To have the possibility there was something more in the past I didn't know about? No. I wasn't prepared for that. To have the "relationship" on-going with her going overboard with compliments and talking about he great it was, when they could get back together for more sex and the other stuff? No. I wasn't prepared for that. We had played a number of times and it was your typical swinger stuff, the 99 out of 100 experiences as one poster notes, so there was no issue and it was very hot making our great sex life even hotter. This guy was the 1 in a 100 and that is indeed what I am working through. We are continuing to heal, and my being able to post here and get your input has been helpful to gain some perspective and look at this from various viewpoints. Since we want to work on this, and as my wife and have been so successful achieving what we set out minds to, I feel we will in time. Again, thanks to all for the great discussions here.
  5. Hi Zay, Thanks for your response and your input. You do seem to get to get my viewpoint. No, they never worked together, and except for the occasional text they didn't communicate on a regular basis (to my knowledge). I've asked them both to stop communicating, and to my knowledge they stopped nearly a year ago which I do trust them both enough to think there has been none. We did see him at an occasional lifestyle event, but since we've stopped go to them this has not occurred in the last year either. I do believe my wife wants to work through this and is loyal enough that she has not tried to communicate with him. She did say that at one point that if we broke up she would connect with him for a booty call since they had such a connection, but that was purely theoretical. It has been my view that if I knew all that went on, or at least had credible detail to know nothing went on, then I could put it in the past and move on. It is the not knowing that has been the toughest. With this topic being off the table to even discuss it continues to nags at me, and shows that we have a communication issue if nothing else. As an update, we have had a couple good conversations lately (although the topic of what she did with him remains off limits), likely due to my working to sort through this will all of you, and that has helped. We are looking towards the future and had the first real barn burning sex session in nearly a year over the weekend, so that is a sliver of light towards healing. We will see if the continued healing opens up the path for more discussions and if there is a chance we can revisit what may have happened with her being less defensive about it. I'm not confident that this will happen as she has said she is done talking about it and it is done and over with from her perspective. Again, many thanks to all on the board who have helped me work through this!
  6. Hi sunbuckus and other posters, thanks for all your comments and wishes. You bring up a good point, in your example perhaps if she had sex with 20 guys she might react like this with 5 of them, but be like she always has been with me and others for the other 15. It makes sense, but will not be something we will test for obvious reasons. I respectfully disagree that I am fixated on the vocal part, yes it is one aspect, but there is a lot more to this than her just being vocal. I will note other responses have keyed in on just the vocal part, so my responses to them may be where you feel I am fixated on just this. If it was just the vocal part I feel confident I would have reacted as you say by being happy she had fun and that she had learned something new. The vocal is just one part, actually a minor aspect of this, the other parts were a number of other things during the act (which for sake of space and relevance I didn't spell all of them out), but as important was the part about what I knew about their past and her response to that, plus the ongoing texts where she lavished attention and praise on him which is very much outside of her normal responses. I feel I have to come to grips with the idea that she is with me for many practical reasons, such as financial security, family, companionship and the mess it would make for us to divorce, but I don't think I can ever expect to have the same level of passion and experience she showed E. The bottom line here is that the sum-of-the-parts shows they had a close relationship, possibly even doing things I am not aware of (which by any definition is cheating). I do agree that this has 'shined the light' on some other flaws in our relationship, and that is why we've dropped out of the lifestyle, likely forever. On your last comment about E. He originally told B that his wife was OK with him playing around, but just didn't want to know or hear about it. He also told B that his wife plays around and he likes hearing about it when they have sex, something I could relate to (but not any more). We have seen him at lifestyle events, so he is playing with others and is not what I would consider vanilla. We are very careful, with my wife being even more sensitive, to not helping someone have an extramarital affair. We have even turned down some guys who have told us their wives didn't know about what they were doing. While E told B in their conversations about his wife not caring, the night we met him he did say that his wife didn't know and that he has some "indiscretions" once in a while. Even with this B wanted to go through with it and is yet another example where E got this special treatment because of her desire for him. Whether he told the truth about his wife or not we will never know, but with the variety of relationship situations in the lifestyle, it may very well be as he says. With all this input and feedback I know I need to just let it go and start over. It has already been a long hard journey, and it will continue to be long and hard (no pun intended) going forward, but one I need to make and lead. Our lifestyle days are behind us and we'll have to see what things will look like in the future as we're both committed to making our marriage work, so at least we still have that. Again, many thanks to everyone for helping me get this out in a safe and supportive environment.
  7. Hello and thanks for your post. She has been with others that have had bigger equipment than I, are better looking, younger, etc. but never acted like she did with this guy. Also, I'm not small, am in good shape, decent looking and have been able to keep her well satisfied all along the way. So, I contend this is not about the sex but the way she acted and reacted, there was something different about this guy. A good short example is that after he left we went to bed and had some world class sex, twice, for a few hours. Remember, he hadn't even made her orgasm, but I gave her several multiple orgasms and completely satisfied her. After we were done she jumped out of bed to get her cell phone then texted him telling him what a great fuck he was and to sleep tight. They then continued texting the next day to tell each other how awesome it was . . . I didn't even get a thank you or her saying a word about the great sex we had just had (which is not unusual for her, so I sort of expect not getting any feedback). Hopefully you can see where to me this is not all about the sex, but instead about the connection they had and how she doesn't have that same connection with me. Maybe it has been that way all along and I am just blind, but I really thought that she doesn't give compliments, initiate sex or do the other stuff. But, maybe she just doesn't do that stuff with me . . . I do feel like an old pair of comfortable shoes in all of this. Going into this I fully expected her to have some sex that would be better than I give her, or for her to be attracted to someone more than me from a sexual perspective, I've even talked to some of the guys about what turns her on and how to make her orgasm, so if this was just about her having a better sexual experience I feel I was prepared for that and it wouldn't be an issue. I really was wanting her to have a great and fun time. To reply to some of the other posts, I agree that it is I who has to fix this. I need to get past this and move on. As has been said a few times, she is with me and that does count for more than any experience, or what may or may not have happened in the past. I'm a very secure guy and a very confident individual, enough that I let her go meet guys, roam the swinger parties without me and so forth without my even considering she might do something and not tell me about it. Did this hit my confidence? Yes. But more in the way that I don't know if I can trust any longer, or how things will work from here. From an insecurity standpoint, I never felt like I would lose her, she has been very stead in that she will stand by me and I have told her I will stand by her. He is a total gentleman, looked to me for direction/permission plus is married with a family, so there was never any question about them running off together or the like. On the comment about kids being around so not being very vocal, our kids are no longer in the house, and we travel a lot to hotels, plus even have an RV that my wife calls our 'love nest', so not being vocal due to the kids being around, or even being used to being around, really doesn't apply here. Keep in mind that her being vocal was only one of many things she did for him that she doesn't do for me, so that in itself is not the biggest issue. In the end many of you are right. I need to deal with this and move forward. And, mauijanedoe, you are absolutely correct, she has stood by me through all of this plus been very patient (less so at times, but understandably so) and so I need to recognize that and move on. Part of why I posted this was to get all of your help to get it sorted out so I can put it behind us and I'm working hard to do just that. Thanks again to all!
  8. Hi bb, Many thanks for your very thoughtful and well written response, it is extremely helpful and appreciated. In my case it went from my wife not being vocal at all, either with me or others she has played with, to being very vocal with just this guy. However there were a number of other things other than just being vocal she did with and for him that she doesn't do for me. It was the first time they played, at least to my knowledge, and I really don't think they had intercourse previously, but I'm not ruling out other play. The bottom line here is that somehow she became so comfortable with him that she let loose even more than she does or has done with me. Yes, the too close for comfort comment was about the connection, both emotional and physical, again because she had some kind of crazy chemistry with him that we apparently don't have. I really felt like, and she even told me, that she is not 'able' to initiate, or be vocal, or any of the other things she doesn't do with me, yet I have real life proof she can and will in the right situation or with the right guy she has a certain type of connection with. Do I think it was love? I doubt it as they didn't communicate for long stretches of time, and although she said she would have liked to see him again, she easily gave up communicating with him once the impact to me was fully apparent. I fully believe that had this continued she would have had even better sex with him as they both became even more comfortable, and as that was not something I could handle I put a stop to it. I have to say that at first I tried to tell myself that this was just sex and no different than other experiences we had had, but it was so different and along with some of the cheating signs, I just couldn't get my head around it. I even tried to "control" my feelings, and rationalize it in my head that this is what I wanted and had encouraged (which is her view, "you asked for this"), so I shouldn't be so affected. But I was just not able to control my feelings, the sickness in the pit of my stomach and loss of sleep, not to mention what we lost in the process, the trust, communication, my confidence, the lifestyle we had been involved in for so long, the sex and the feeling that I had lost my best friend. From a lifestyle point of view I think this could have been a case to live out multiple fantasies which we both desired and would have enjoyed, something else that was lost based on my reaction. We always enjoyed and were welcomed at any event, and the guys always gave her a lot of attention which she and the guys really enjoyed. It was a nice boost to her ego being flirted with by so many guys. We still get invitations to events and parties, but don't attend for obvious reasons. I've come to the conclusion that I will never know the full details of what may have happened previously. As you note, even if she does tell me more detail, will I trust and believe it? And, if she told me they had played and didn't tell me until now, that may be the stick that breaks the camels back and cause us to break up. There is always the chance that she is telling me the truth and nothing more happened that what I was already told, and if that is the case then I am surely in the wrong and causing the problems. Your comments on how to move forward are what we are attempting. I've not brought up what may have happened in the past for nearly a year. We know there is the lack of trust on both sides as I pointed out in my post. The communication is getting better with talks that we've been having every so often. Slowly we're working through this and are not putting ourselves in any situations where trust can even be an issue, however that is a poor substitute for having trust, and at this point I wouldn't trust her to be in the type of situations where I fully trusted her before, like being with other guys when I'm not around. To her credit, she has been very careful not to allow herself to be in these situations and to avoid any appearance of flirting or coming on to another guy. I'm sure this has been hard for her as this is her nature and guys are naturally attracted to her as she is so flirty and fun to be around, so she is doing her part. She also loves sex, and while we've continued to make love, it has been very vanilla and really just to take care of our needs. I've told her that I am open to whatever she wants to do, just tell me what she wants or initiate it, but she tells me she can't do either, so we're back to the problem that she did both with enthusiasm for this guy, but not with me . . . Your last paragraph says it well. She has told me all along I am the one she wants to be with. We have such a great relationship outside of the lifestyle as we have so much in common, have built a wonderful life together, have kids, are in sync with goals and work well together on so many levels. So the lifestyle is not something we need. As I posted, the catch-22 is that she won't even feel like trying to act like she did with this guy for me because of this hanging over our heads, and even if she did, would I think it was an act to do what I wanted instead of being genuine as it seemed to be with the guy. I need to get my mojo back and come to grips that she may not be into me in the sexual way that she could be with another guy, but that as a package I am the one she wants to be with. As she has said, "I want my husband back". Again, thank you for your response. There is no one I can talk to about this. Our lifestyle friends know something is going on, but we don't want to bring our drama to them, and there is no one else we can really open up about this to. So, having this resource is amazingly helpful.
  9. Hi and thanks for your reply. Certainly if we do play again, which I don't see happening in this lifetime, there would be no times when she would do anything with anyone without my being there. Note that when we've played together there has never been any issues. Some questions back to you. How did your husband react and feel when you orgasmed through penetration with someone other than him? Was he there and saw it? Or, did you tell him afterwards? Did you describe how awesome it was? Did you let the play partner know he had accomplished something no one else had? Sorry for some many questions, but your situation is much like ours and it will be very helpful to know.
  10. Yes, I have to say, that while it was going on it was very hot. However, had I known what I know now, it might never have happened. The catch-22 here is that she found someone she got close enough with to really let go, but too close for me to feel comfortable. Again, if there weren't the questions of what happened prior, I may have gotten comfortable so the play may have continued and would have been a huge turn-on... It was after all, what I wanted and encouraged.
  11. Yes, I have to say, had I known they had the close relationship I wouldn't have OK'd a full blown encounter maybe opting for a soft session without intercourse to see how things went. What is obvious is that they did have a deeper connection than I expected and is why I was thrown for a loop. As most in the lifestyle I felt we had this tight bond and trust where I would be told all that happened, but now I'm not sure I've gotten the full story so now I'm left to wonder what happened. Part of what we lost was this trust. On another comment about this being in the past, so knowing what happened is not important, I feel that if she was fully open we could work through it, the not knowing leaves open the questions so we, or I, am struggling to get past this. From my perspective, did she do more? How and why did they get so close? When she is fairly passive with me and others we've played with, why was she so comfortable with him that she gave her all to him? She was interested in pursuing additional encounters with him, where others she never seemed interested in playing with again. From her perspective, she doesn't want to play with anyone as she doesn't trust how I might react. Which I can understand and putting myself in her position I wouldn't want to play with anyone else either. This does show that she is with me and wants to stay with me, so that is a big thing. Thanks for all the inputs, they are helpful and "talking" through this is helping me to put the proper context around this to go forward.
  12. She did text him for a few weeks afterwards, but then we decided that due to the issue I was having it was best to cut off any further communication. To my knowledge there has been no further communication and she has had no issue with not hearing from him. Also, he is married so doesn't want any issues on his side, plus he is a nice guy and gentleman, so I trust there hasn't been any contact. I haven't asked her and won't at this point since it's been so long.
  13. This is my first post and I'll try to describe our situation in enough detail to get the issue across, but due to the length I'm going post the first half and then the last half in another post. My wife (I'll call B) and I have been married for 29 years and have dabbled in the lifestyle for years. Early on we had a couple experiences, but over the last 7 or 8 years have gotten into things a bit more. We've never had a full swap with another couple, although there were some opportunities things just didn't work out for one reason or another. We have soft swapped a number of times. She is very attractive and flirty, and really enjoys flirting with and getting the attention of guys (and sometimes ladies). I've encouraged her to flirt with guys and if the right one comes along she could offer for them to play, however only so long as I was there. We had a few occasions where we did play with another guy, some which went well and others that didn't go so well (like when he got nervous and couldn't perform). Our sex life has been pretty darn hot, and the atmosphere of the lifestyle parties really helped, even though we didn't participate with others we would always come home and have great sex. B is fairly passive in bed but loves to please. She almost never initiates, and even when she does, it is to play with me to get me going and then lays back for me to lead. Also, she isn't very vocal in bed, doesn't really like to talk or play with herself. I seldom get any feedback from her on how things went for her, and even when I ask she tells me I was great or it was a lot of fun, but I don't get any raves and never have. I think you get the idea. B met a guy (I'll call E) when she worked a summer at a local golf course in the snack bar. Of course guys flirted with her all the time, but E took a real liking to her. He would stay after all the other golfers left to flirt with her while she finished cleaning up. She told me about him flirting with her and some of the detail of talk of sex (which she loves to talk about) and so on. At one point we were to meet at a friend’s house for a party, I had gotten there early to wait for when she got off work. B called and asked if E could come along, and I said that was fine, she told me he had been drinking so she was going to follow him to his house and then drive him to the party, again I said that was fine. They arrived and we all partied with the group. Later he said he wanted to go home so she drove him. B was gone for more than an hour and others at the party were asking me if she was coming back, which she eventually did. I asked her what had happened, and she told me she had gone in his house and they had kissed, but nothing more happened. I fully believed her and had no issue with her kissing him. There was another time she told me about when he was at her work after everyone else left and he had asked her to go into the ladies room to make out with him. I asked if she had gone, she hesitated for a moment, but then said no. I said that was probably a good idea since she was at work and there were other workers around. E and B kept in touch with flirty emails every few months or so, and we saw him at a lifestyle event one time, but nothing more than that which I am aware of. His name came up a couple of times as a playmate, but timing didn't work out. A year ago he texted on a Friday morning when we were already planning to go out that evening, so she invited him along with my blessing. They texted throughout the day which she told me the gist of, later we met, had a few drinks and the offer was made for him to come home and play, again which I supported. We got to our house and they quickly got busy. I confess I had a little too much to drink to recognize it, but she was a tiger initiating things and practically tearing his clothes off. She attacked him, moaned as they played, arched her back, put her legs up with curled toes as he did her. At one point she was vocal telling him how great it felt and played with herself when he asked her. I don't think there was anything she wouldn't have done for him. She didn't orgasm, but screwed his brains out. After he left we went to bed and had some of the hottest sex ever, we did it for hours and I ended up cumming twice. When we were done she ran and got her phone to text him and tell him how awesome he was, how thrilled she was and he was to sleep tight. The next morning they started texting again with her telling him he was the best she ever had next to her husband, then they went on to talk about their favorite positions and so forth. At one point she told him he had hit all the right spots and other details like this. He asked when he could have her again, and she told him soon. Later I was curious (and turned on) by some of the banter, so I checked her phone where I read the texts. The day before they had a hot and heavy back and forth talking about what he wanted to do to her which was not a big deal. However, there was an exchange where he asked 'What does your husband know about our past? I want to make sure we have our stories straight'. She responded 'Nothing more than kissing and touching', he said, 'Ok, cool!'. It was then that I started feeling sick about this. First, I was pretty jealous that she had ravaged him and reacted in ways she had seldom, if ever, had done in our years of marriage. Secondly, I asked her about the 'their past' comment, but she blew it off saying she didn't know why she had responded that way. Well, you can likely see what happened next. I started to ask about the times she told me about before. Had she gone in the ladies room? Even though she told me at the time she hadn't, she now said she couldn't remember. Had they done something after the party when she was gone for an hour? Again, she couldn't remember and the story changed a bit. She did tell me he had changed while she waited for him to go to the party, and may have kissed, but nothing more. B also told me about a time they sat in the car and made out after she got off work one evening, but I didn't remember her telling me that before (but to be fair it was 5 years earlier, so I understand both of our memories being less than optimal). So, this has caused a big rift between us. I'm jealous, not of the sex, but that she initiated, was vocal, and in general gave him a hotter time than she has for me over the years. I'm also suspicious that they did more than I'm being told, and that the close relationship they had was more than I expected. B got to the point where she would get upset if we tried to talk about it, so has shut down with the topic off limits now. For weeks I couldn't sleep and am really torn up by all this. I feel a lack of trust that I'm not getting the whole story, and the fact that I thought we were close enough to talk through anything like this, but realize we can't, shows that we have some other issues to work through. She tells me that even though she can't remember details, nothing happened more than light touching and kissing. There was no oral sex or intercourse of any kind. I want to believe her, and even if she didn't do any of these things, they did have an emotional relationship that was far closer than I expected. We've dropped out of the lifestyle completely, and our sex life is a mere flicker of what it once was. Of course, any hope I may have of getting that same treatment E got is not going to happen since this is hanging over our heads. Since I condoned her sleeping with him, she is mad at me for being mad about what happened. My questions are: I've read where some have had a similar experience of the lady going crazy for a guy and giving him more than her husband, guys has this happened to you? If so, how have you handled it? Ladies, has your husband do this with a lady? Ladies, I get that any new experience can be very hot, but have you given a playmate a more wild experience than your husband, or does your husband get the best you have to offer? We are close otherwise and are not seriously talking about divorce, but even after a year’s time it still is an issue between us and we still can't talk about. She is miffed at why I feel the way I do, and gets mad when I try to tell her my view. She tells me she reacted how she felt, which means she was genuine in her feelings, which is almost worse than if she told me she had put on an act. I've tried to let it go, and she tells me she isn't going to feel guilty or apologize for anything (I haven't asked her to) as I encouraged and condoned this. This is what I wanted and I just need to 'get over it'. Let me know of any questions and any advice on how we can move forward is welcomed.
×
×
  • Create New...