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Lionheart72

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Lionheart72 last won the day on December 16 2021

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About Lionheart72

  • Rank
    Lifestyle Mentor
  • Birthday 10/02/1972

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Indiana
  • Swinging Experience
    a while
  • Anniversary
    xx/xx/xxxx

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  1. Welcome Body confidence issues are sadly common in Western culture. We as a society has a very unrealistic image of the female form (and the male form come to that). The truth of the matter is there is a lot of diversity in attraction. A hard fact is that, yes, some people will probably reject her for her body type. However, in my not-so-humble opinion, those aren't the kind of people I would want to play with anyway. Other people, more than she thinks, will be attracted to her purely for her body type. The good ones, again in my not-so-humble opinion, will the ones attracted to her. Confidence, humor, a sense of fun and personal style matter. Actually, while there aren't any good studies for the swinger population, in my experience and from everything I have heard that will put you slightly on the high side of average for swingers. In general swingers tend to be older, established couples... mid 30's to mid 50's being the most common age groups I've encountered. While some clubs and swinger gatherings do cater to twenty-something hot bodies (and most websites tend to put them front and center) the truth is most of us have a little grey in our hair, a little extra padding around the middle and a lot of joy brought on by lives well-lived and life lessons well-learned.
  2. No, I don't think it's strange. It does suggest to me that you're starting to overthink and worry about that part of things. Here's an important truth... you will never know what that first experience will be like until you do it and when you do it, it will probably be nothing like what you imagine. You can't prepare yourself or plan out the specific details of that moment, not the least because there will be at least three other humans involved (your wife and the other couple) over whom you have no control. It's important not to try. One hard thing I learned early in my swinging life is that the more you go with predetermined expectations, the more likely you are to be disappointed and/or upset when the moment fails to met them (as it will). So, what I'm saying here is - stop stressing over the details of this. Enjoy the fantasy. Enjoy the deep conversations you and your wife are sharing. If that moment comes when you the plunge, put the fantasy and the planning aside, and just relax and have fun. Because that is the point of all of this... to have fun together.
  3. Sounds to me like your "friend" is pretty childish and petty. I agree with the majority... drop 'em. No need to say anything to him about it. He won't actually listen to what you say even if you do. He'll only hear what he wants to hear and he'll invent a reason that suits his ego. It's not your problem. Move on.
  4. Threesome? Honestly, I'm not sure. The poly community uses the term "compersion" to describe feelings of happiness you get when your partner is happy or is receiving pleasure but that's more a high level emotional state. Compersion is sometimes called the opposite of jealousy. I don't know if there is an actual term for the act of connection with a partner while they are playing with another.
  5. If I may say so, I think it's very positive that you seem to be getting a handle on what does and doesn't work for you. I wanted to toss out another bit of advice (which you may seen in other posts but just in case). As you continue to talk, remember there is a big difference between what sounds really great when you're all hot and naked and having sex, and what sounds like a good idea when things are calm and clear. Lots of people find the fantasy of a thing really hot but when they think about it in the clear light of day, they could never do it. So, when your talking about swinging and considering actually doing it, focus on how you feel about it when you're dressed and sitting down to breakfast, not when you're all hot and bothered and climbing into bed.
  6. Yes, but... There is only more with your sex life as a couple, which can be greater than the sum of the two parts. Individually, if you both are already happy with your individual sex lives, I don't think you are going to find swinging changes that much. Nor should it. But as a couple, I think you will find it supercharges your sex life as the compersion thing kicks in and her sexual happiness becomes part of you on top of your individual happiness and satisfaction, and same for her with you. I'm going to quibble... I don't think there is "more." I think there is "other." My wife and I are happy. We enjoy sex together. We have fun together. As cplnuswing says later, we know each other and we know what works for each other. What's more, because we communicate well, when we want to explore something new (in the bedroom or out) we are pretty willing to discuss it. What swinging brings to us is new and different opportunities. It isn't more. It isn't better (A lot of new people post the question "what do I do if the other person my partner is with is better/bigger/hotter/whatever than me?"). It's just different. Part of it is new experiences. My wife and I have both picked up some new tricks from swinging partners that we wouldn't have known we enjoyed if we hadn't encountered them. Part of it is things you just physically can't do with only two people. However, as I said, I would never call any of it "more." We actually haven't been able able to swing since we moved several years ago. While we both miss the fun of it, our sex lives are still plenty satisfying without it.
  7. A theme I'm sure you've seen by now in many, many posts is that the key to successful swinging is communication. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It sounds like you're doing a great job of that! Even if you never end up swinging, that kind of open, honest communication is the bedrock of many a great relationship.
  8. Welcome. Here, I think you will find lots of people open and willing to answer any questions you have. So, to the heart of your questions... Depends on what you mean by "normal" I suppose. Conventional wisdom suggests that swinging just isn't right for the vast majority of people. Our society trains us for monogamy. Our cultural stories emphasize the idea that people should join together in pairs and that breaking that bond is wrong. There is even an argument to made that jealousy is a hardwired response related to our instinctive drive to perpetuate our DNA. Swingers, however, don't embrace that. For my wife and myself, we were never monogamous even before we knew what swinging was. We simply are not wired for it. I personally take great pleasure in watching my wife fucking someone else and she takes great pleasure in being watched. For us, it's a happy, positive, enjoyable experience that actually strengthens the bond we share. For you, it sounds like it's not. What is important to realize that that is OK. It is OK for swinging to wrong for you (just like it is OK for it to be right for us). Everyone has different things that work for them.
  9. I don't know... how different is it really from the general "you have to kiss a lot of frogs" mentality of finding a couple or single that is a good match for you and isn't a fake or flake? Yes, these guys are looking quick, easy, no strings attached sex and they don't want to put in any real work to find it (beyond sending out lots and lots of copy n' pasted messages that say "hey, wanna fuck"). Yes, they are exactly what gives single men in the lifestyle a bad name. Yes, 99 our of 100 of us will turn them down without a second thought... but for that 100th couple, for whatever reason, these guys may be what they are looking for. You're not wrong. At the same time, when my wife and I used to go to clubs, we were totally there for the no strings attached, one night hook up with some agreeable anonymous guy... and as long as everyone agreed that was the deal and had a good time, everyone was happy. Basically, we were the sluts and we enjoyed it. I'm not saying these guys are right or good. Honestly, I've ignored and blocked guys like this on swingers sites too. Still, if they do have a 1 in a 100 or even 1 in a 1000 success rate, who am I to judge to people who do respond to those messages with "hot dick, do me now"?
  10. That's part of the fun, isn't it... picking up new tricks and techniques. There is one position my wife picked up from a couple of guys she played with back when she would go to a club by herself. These guys evidently got very excited when they found out how limber she is. They liked to put her ankles up on their shoulders, or spread her legs wide, and drive in deep. I think it's a very porn star kind of move but now any time she does this position at home, it drives me crazy because I know it was these couple of guys who did it with her on nights when I couldn't be there. So, of course, now she does it just to drive me nuts. Excuse me, I need to go find my wife...
  11. Well, I'll open with "I don't have a daughter," which may reasonably invalidate anything else I say in your mind (I accept this) but I'll offer a thought anyway... I do empathize... I still have moments when, without realizing it, I forget my teenage son isn't the toddler I carried on my shoulders, Oh, I remember that he's taller than me now but sometimes I forget that he no longer needs the kind of protection and guidance I gave him then. He's an intelligent, strong willed young man who will make his own decisions - good and bad - and all I can do is be there is offer what help and support I can. Your daughter is a human being, just like our sons are. Treat her with the same respect that we give them. Talk to her, as the young adult she is, and listen to her. Don't put her on a pedestal or treat her like the child she no longer is. Communicate, communicate, communicate... it's the key to more than just successful swinging.
  12. Health, money, age, interest, change in relationship, change in family status or living conditions.... there are as many reasons to stop swinging as there are people who swing, I expect. As with anything else, no one reason is the reason for everyone. The question is what will be the reason for you. You'll know it when you get there. You'll talk about it with your spouse and and you'll both figure out how to make the change from swingers to people with nice memories of some wild times,
  13. To emphasize the point, under the heading of "anything you can do to stand out" - your dick will not make you stand out. No matter how impressive you think your dick is (or how impressive your dick might actually be), your dick will not make you stand out, Neither will your sexual stamina nor your talents at cunnilingus. Guys with self proclaimed superhuman stamina, and horse-cocks, who love to eat pussy are, in fact, common as dirt on most swinger sites... and, as enhancer says, those traits will get you ignored and probably blocked. You want to stand out, talk about your love of jazz or your skill at dancing, post pictures of your nice coat and tie, or your best cowboy hat (or you best coat and tie with a cowboy hat while jazz dancing). These things will make you stand out from the crowd of dicks.
  14. The few times I went to a swingers club alone, I realized very quickly that if I followed my usual habits I would have a great time people-watching but I wouldn't interact with anyone and I certainly wouldn't hook up with anyone. I had to step very much out of my comfort zone (in a good way) and actually go be social with people. While that doesn't sound like Newfoundintrest's problem (you say you're not shy and socialize with people) the truth is, women just aren't going to throw themselves at you. It really isn't the dynamic most of the time. As others have said, women have the power here. If you meet a woman you are interested in, you need to approach her. You also need to accept that you are probably one of many guys who has approached her that night and she will probably say no. Something else I learned quickly was how to deal with being turned down, sometimes not so politely, and keep having a good night... and that's the the key, I think: to have fun anyway.
  15. It all comes down to communication, doesn't it. I don't think you did anything wrong. Unless you're not sharing your psychic powers with us, you have no way to knowing what's going in your wife's head if she doesn't share. Hints, signals and subtle signs don't count as communication. That said, don't put blame on her... she needs to know that she can always speak up and never has to take one for the team. It sounds like she forgot that for a moment. That was her mistake. We all make mistakes. Mistakes aren't bad, in themselves. What's important is that learn from them.
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