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TheDeal

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TheDeal last won the day on November 2 2008

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About TheDeal

  • Rank
    Active Contributor
  • Birthday 07/24/1967

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Texas
  • Occupation
    IT
  • Swinging Experience
    about a year, but now Poly

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  1. We had a similar situation and when our friends found our about us in the LS, we started playing with them. It worked out well in our case, but as others have said... I think the best piece of advice, was how much would it hurt if they were not your friends at all? If you think it's worth the risk... G
  2. IMHO...for what it's worth. I feel the Internet has made alternative lifestyles available to anyone, at least for investigation. If my wife and I had only clubs and swinger mags to get information, we would have never even considered swinging. Boards like these and other dating-type lifestyle sites allowed us to investigate and talk to folks without fear. That said, I feel like some kind of light-poly is more natural to the bulk of folks out there. I would be willing to bet that most folks would prefer to have one or more couples to be close friends and exclusive with verses a new playmate or couple all the time. I am NOT putting down anyone who likes the variety. I am just saying that everyone (mostly, right?) likes sex, and who doesn't want to have fantasy sex? Allot of us are just not comfortable being promiscuous, but we still want to have freaky sex. Some sort of FWB or poly is a comfortable alternative to swinging. It kinda fits into what you're already used too...dating, getting to know someone, sex with just those someones. G
  3. We're poly, but not extremist. We like having exclusive friend / sexual relationships, but we wouldn't refer to them as secondaries, maybe just gf / bf. G
  4. Good question! As a guy, I tend to be a bit oblivious to subtle hints or innuendos as "moves". I really need a girl to be obvious, like maybe a couple of them Airplane flashlights directing me to the obvious. Now, if you take a MF couple and they are hitting on us (my wife and I) and using the same subtle innuendos and such... I just don't know if we would have recognised what they are try to convey. Now as for hitting on vanillas. If we were to befriend a couple and then felt close enough to them to expose our lifestyle, I think that's about as far as we would take it regarding "making moves". If we told the said couple and they all of a sudden seemed interested... G
  5. OMG! I think we're brothers! I always joked that I never had sex with a girl I had not known for a year or more. What you say about the LS is true when it comes to guys. We are stereo-typed into being able to just go when given the word. I much prefer to go slow and enjoy every inch of a women's body. I also have had plenty of play times (back when I was single) where I would go down on a girl and keep my clothes on.
  6. I have seen and experienced it happening. For us, it was a year investigating and exploring the local swinging community. Our best friends (a couple) found us out and then became interested in the LS. We all went out one night to a local event and ended up doing the same room / same bed thing. After that, we all started playing together. It turned into poly real fast as all of us already had strong feelings as best friends. Unfortunately, both of us (both couples) never had group sex or group love before and we all fell into our own little insecure emotional traps. Each one of us got scared of how powerful the attraction and emotions were and we all lost sight of the big picture and most of all, communication. They are still our best friends and I don't know if we will ever go down the poly road...or swinging road again. I can tell you however, it was the most incredible time of my (our) life. I've seen other poly folks that have gone as far as to join houses and be one big family. Some are great, some become "War of the Roses" doubled! Poly, like swinging can be a wonderful thing, just remember it's all dangerous. If you are a hard core sport-F'er swinger, it can be physically dangerous, and if you're a committed pure poly person, it can be emotionally dangerous. One thing's for sure, it's not dull!
  7. On our local LS site our profile has a "Do not Disturb" sign with four stick figures in a very funny sexual position and the only text we have says we found what we were looking for. We still get e-mail saying: "Hey, liked your profile; wana meet for drinks?" We only have the sign and text on our profile cause of our past poly relationship, but it is funny to get an e-mail that basically says, we did not really read or even look at your profile, we just like the pics... we do have great pics though... hehehe.
  8. I would have to agree here with no kissing being a no-fun and hard to play by rule. Really, it's the kinda rule you might have if you are in to complete anonymous sex. The best part of sex with someone new is getting to know them enough for the initial chemistry to kick in. Kissing is an affirmation of that chemistry as much as sex is. Even though swingers tend to define playmates with non-emotional fun, it's the "light" emotional chemistry that's the fun part and kissing is very much a part of that.
  9. I really don't consider us "swingers", however it's very hard to hang with vanillas. We really really like being able to be open and flirt and not worry if we're being too amorous or dropping too many innuendos. It's too bad sex in America has such a taboo side that we even have to have these private clubs and communities. It would be nice if everyone could just be cool and those that go all the way and hookup do, and those that just flirt and don't, don't. OK, it is fun sometimes to hang with another swinger couple while a bunch of vanillas are around. You can push the envelope enough to make them gossip and question. I guess that's bad, huh?
  10. Ours has also become stronger. The poly thing we went through was very tough, but just like swinging it taught us more about each other than I thought possible. I would also like to make an observation: Open, honest, and intense communication seems to be the key factor in any good relationship. I know it's thrown around a lot here and in the poly community, but it is the 800 lb. gorilla in a relationship. Any couple we have met that does not have a good relationship, are ones where there is not allot of communication.
  11. Wow, the depth at which everyone is discussing is great. I like the idea of bell curving it. I think you have the extremes on both sides and the rest of us in the middle. We are all capable of being poly. One person caring deeply for another is completely human and natural. We all wouldn't be here typing to each other if not. The way in which each one classifys a relationship that is both emotionally and physically intimate, is of course unique. Our own beliefs, upbringing, and awareness of what we think or care about how society views us are main drivers for the differences. Even on the extremes, no FWB swingers; they are still there to be close to other people. Denying emotional attachment and channeling all that into chemistry and the art of physical pleasure is their own way of connecting with others. Still, they are reaching out to others where most of society will only share that with one person......until they get divorced! Ha! So, in that sense...we are all poly! just kidding! I know, everyone run and shriek now. G
  12. We made the transition from Swinging not too long ago. OK, we never really got into the whole swinging thing as the first couple we played with were also some long time best friends. That situation led us to poly. Hard not to when you already love the other couple as friends and the you sex them...LOL! For us, the safety, friendship, comfort level, all while still getting to have the freaky fun are the main reasons for doing the poly. Just as in swinging; there are many types or levels of poly. Some prefer no secondaries and everyone is on complete equal footing. Others have the primary relationship and all other are secondaries. Ours is like that, but it does not limit the importance or emotion involved in the least.
  13. We are addicted to all forms of communication. We love Forum posting, text, chat, e-mail. There are somethings that are much easier to convey using the written word, and somethings where "in-person" is the only way to go. We have PDA-Phones that do e-mail, chat, and text. The fun part is when the wife is texting while a friend is e-mailing or chatting. Using all these tools really just allows us to keep up with all we love and hang with, but then again, I am an IT geek...
  14. I suppose I need to clarify as well. I was not trying to point out any specific type of poly arrangement, only those where each person may have two or more relationships and the drivers for keeping them separate. It's certainly not any kind of condemnation. Really, I'm the type that would rather throw everyone in together or make everyone use the same road instead of having one road going north, one going south, etc.
  15. How many out there in a poly-relationship have the V thing or a variation where two or more are involved with one, but not each other? In those situations, is it a rule that you cannot get involved with the other person, or is there just no attraction or neither is Bi? I guess this really pertains to the FMF Triad. I guess it's just difficult to think if I lived with two primaries (wives) that I would not want to go to bed with both at night, and I'm not just talking sex.
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