M and H

I was a swinger with a former BF and then as a triad with a couple. When I met my husband, I found out that he had, in some former relationships, tended towards cheating as a way of dealing with the forced monogamy of a vanilla relationship. Being that I love swinging and believe that men in general (and my husband in particular) are predisposed to enjoying multiple sexual partners, I suggested to him that we become swingers. Interestingly, it's taking him a while to get comfortable with the concept of consensual "outside" sex ... I think it was so ingrained in him that having sex with someone else when in a committed relationship was inherently "wrong" and that the only way to have outside sex AND a relationship was to cheat, that he still feels he'd be cheating even if it were consensual!! We're taking baby steps and talking a lot ?

I'm INFP Introverted: 56 Intuitive: 12 Feeling: 12 Perceiving: 22 * moderately expressed introvert * slightly expressed intuitive personality * slightly expressed feeling personality * slightly expressed perceiving personality A Healer Idealist Healer Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and informative and introverted in their interpersonal relations. Healer present a seemingly tranquil, and noticiably pleasant face to the world, and though to all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world.

"furry, crotchless pantihose" ... the mind reels with the image!!

I'm so glad it went so well!!

A little red flag popped up here ... if you ask him if his problem with including a man is because he's homophobic, he may jump on that as a way to get you to agee to not include a man without having to admit it's not the real issue. You've said he "wouldn't want another man touching [you]" and that he said he wouldn't want a man touching you because "men "leave" things behind" and because "A woman's body is like beautiful art and there is nothing beautiful about a mans body." (but he expects you to like HIS body, right??). To me, even if he IS homophobic, from the excuses you've told us he's used, his reasons for not including a man have very little to do with homophobia and everything to do with jealousy and control. M

I think presenting the idea on Swingers Board is a good start .... all new uses for words have to start somewhere ... how do you think the swingers' definition of "vanilla" came to be common knowledge? And while it's becoming common knowledge among swingers, throwing a few other catch-words into the conversation like "lifestyle", "play", "open-minded", "dance club" (our euphemism for a swingers club) are also good hints for those that ARE.

I don't like it at all for a number of reasons 1) I was raped that way by a boyfriend when I was a teenager, 2) My back door is very tight & tears easily 3) I have ICS/IBS and can never be sure something embarrassing won't happen. It all combines to make me averse to the whole idea, although because my husband would like to try it with me, I HAVE tried to "prepare" myself by using small butt plugs on myself and although I can use a small butt plug without pain, I don't get any pleasure from it and it still doesn't resolve the ICS issue. M (of M&H)

I like it!!

All 3 of the other long-term relationships I've had in my life ended because my partner cheated. The 1st one had a recurring affair with his ex-girlfriend, the 2nd one cheated because I couldn't fuck him as often as he needed (he was built very big and I would tear every time he entered me), and the 3rd one cheated on me because he felt emasculated by being unemployed and supported by me for 9 years (his libido was so bad that at one point, there was no sex in our relationship for 4 years). When he finally got a job, he found it easier to wine and dine a woman he met at work than to rebuild our relationship. My current long-term relationship is with my husband. We have a wonderful relationship, but he has a history of cheating which I'd like to nip in the bud. So having myself been a swinger for a year or so a few years ago (after my 3rd monogamous relationship disaster), and believing not only that swinging can be a wonderful way to strengthen a relationship through the open communication it necessitates and the amazing FUN a couple can have together as swingers, but also that swinging can provide a safe outlet for sexual needs that one or the other of us might not be able to provide at some point in time, I've asked my husband to consider swinging. He's willing, but shy, never having done anything like swinging before, but we're talking about it every day and we're certainly enjoying the process M (of M&H)

Hi Tybee Swing, I reached menopause naturally but very quickly (regular periods one month & then "poof", no more periods). As a result, I didn't go through long periods of mood swings due to fluxuating hormones, but instead went straight to the "virtually non-existant sex hormones" phase - also called post-menopause. The fact that I went from pre- to post- menopause so quickly, I thought my experience may be very similar to what you might go through with your ovaries being removed so here's my story ... The biggest changes I noticed after menopause were dryer skin and wrinkles, almost non-existant vaginal lubrication, lower libido and less able to orgasm even when aroused (not that I ever had a high libido or was ever able to orgasm easily, but it was noticeably lower, which was even worse), and abnormally early and rapid onslaught of osteoporosis. I was put on estrogen (estradiol in the form of a once a day pill), progesterone (a Meridian intrauterine device with a 10 year lifespan) and testosterone (a large pea-sized squirt of Androgel transdermal gel once a day). I've been on that combination for about a year now and although my skin is still dry and wrinkley (particularly on my hands), my vaginal lubrication is even better than it was before I reached menopause, my libido and ability to orgasm (I call it a functioning "trigger") are slightly higher/easier than before, and the onslaught of osteoporosis has virtually stopped. Just a note about testosterone for women ... although many doctors won't prescribe it for women because of the risk of unwanted and irreversable effects and because they haven't done enough research on the long-term affect of synthetic testosterone on women, testosterone is an important part of the sex hormone trio. The problem is, we need far less and are way more sensitive to its effect. All the testosterone-related effects such as increased libido, increased ability to orgasm, increased aggression, increased facial/body hair, lowering of the voice, and increased clitoral size are VERY closely related to how big a "pea-sized" squirt of Androgel you use, and if you take too much, some of the effects, such as a lower voice and an enlarged clitoris, are not reversable on reduction of the dose. Unfortunately a higher libido and the ability to orgasm easily IS a reversable effect, lol. I don't know if any of this will help you, but hopefully you can get something out of it ... I feel for you ... after having gone through so much to get yourself in the shape you're in now, I'm sure you're torn between wanting to maintain yourself as close as you can to your new self and wanting to do what you need to do to be healthy and live a long life. Good luck to you ... HUG!! M (of M&H)

I like my man to be a gentleman on the outside and a caveman on the inside.

It's my personal experience (having, a number of years ago, been an active swinger for a year or so as a couple and then breaking up with my partner and attempting to continue on as a single female swinger) that BI single women are covetted in the swinging lifestyle, but that STRAIGHT single women are often ostracized. It was obviously never said to my face, but the feeling I got was that as a single straight woman I had become a threat to the female half of the couples, ergo the male half of the couples were no longer allowed to play with me. Fortunately, not long after becoming single, I met a wonderful couple where the female half already had plenty of "bi-female exchange only" playmates (female halves of couples) and she was open enough to be comfortable letting her husband play with me (unfortunatley none of the other male halves of the couples who were part of the group were allowed, but they enjoyed watching the one male and myself play while they watched the other females play together ) M&H

we call it a "soft drink" M&H

Not specifically for swinging, but in conjunction with it, I got laser hair removal on my pubic area and keep the patch I've got left neatly trimmed. I also, because of the ravages of two big-weight-gain pregnancies and one C-section, recently had a tummy tuck (the tummy tuck scar just replaced the C-section scar). For a while I went platinum blonde, but it made my hair feel like straw and at my age "platinum" just looks too much like "white" so I've gone back to my natural dark blonde with ever-increasing grey hair (but it feels wonderful). Oh, and I also have my nails done regularly with gel because I can't grow nice nails and "done" nails make me feel feminine and sexy. M

We've been married for 8 months ... got married last March at Hedonism II. "We" (read: HE) were too nervous to actually swing, but we did manage some pretty good PDAs in the hot tub and on one of the outside "beds". We're going back for our first anniversary this coming March, WHOO HOO!!! M