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JoAndHubby

Can you break off play with a couple and stay friends?

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We met this couple, and really liked them. They're good people, we all "clicked," bing bang boom, we played. And then their Mr. turned into a puppy dog. We'd like to maintain the friendship if it can be done, but the emotions the other husband has are just too much for what we're looking for. So we won't play with them again.

 

Can we stay non-playing friends after having played? Should we just break communication and let it die on the vine? Should we have the "its not you, its us" talk?

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Just one of the reasons we don't want to "be more than just friends, hang together, blah blah blah"... we meet people for sex. Swinging isn't about adding family members, or close friends, hanging out together, making vacation plans.. for us, it's about sex. we like you, wanna to play in the bedroom..? we don't want to know about your kids, (got our own thanks) your job problems (everyone has some) go hiking or boating or skiing or bbq.. (we prefer the solitude of doing that as a couple, not as a group). If/When we meet someone, it takes the smallest thing to blow it off. If you're good in bed, and ARE NOT trying to get close, or asking us to holiday events, that's fine. And we certainly don't hang around anyone that causes any of the fun to diminish. Next!!!! It's SWINGING, not dating, not courting and certainly not counseling!!!

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If emotions are involved, then stopping the sex probably won't solve the problem, just make things very awkward. I think that you are going to have to walk away from this one.

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We did not talk with them yet. We didn't want to "knee-jerk" this and hurt people's feelings. I'm starting to think that might be unavoidable, though. Thank you for the comments thus far.

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We did not talk with them yet. We didn't want to "knee-jerk" this and hurt people's feelings. I'm starting to think that might be unavoidable, though. Thank you for the comments thus far.

 

The optimal time to talk about things is when they start to be a problem, rather than after the situation is irretrievable. However, even if you wait until it's too late to do anything but bail, talking is a better option than vanishing without an explanation.

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It can be possible to remain friends without play, but it really depends on the couples involved.

 

And then their Mr. turned into a puppy dog.

Well, that is an added difficulty, isn't it? I'm thinking "not likely". But, who knows? Have the talk, and see where it goes.

 

Best of luck to you both. :)

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Ok, respond soon. We will handle this over the weekend. Do standard "break up" rules apply? Like, do we have to take them to a nice restaurant? Seriously, though, is this something we have to do in person, or can we use the phone (both couples have children, so an impromptu get-together seems unlikely)? Who does most of the talking on our end, the man or the woman?

 

Also, curious, is this a common issue?

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. . . Also, curious, is this a common issue?

Happens frequently. My wife and I are in the "just walk away from them" camp. It is for this reason that we relish the house-party and the club-party scenes. If somebody becomes an irritant, you can be courteous to them at a party but not feel obliged to explain the reason you do not want to be intimate.

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Just one of the reasons we don't want to "be more than just friends, hang together, blah blah blah"... we meet people for sex. Swinging isn't about adding family members, or close friends, hanging out together, making vacation plans.. for us, it's about sex. we like you, wanna to play in the bedroom..? we don't want to know about your kids, (got our own thanks) your job problems (everyone has some) go hiking or boating or skiing or bbq.. (we prefer the solitude of doing that as a couple, not as a group). If/When we meet someone, it takes the smallest thing to blow it off. If you're good in bed, and ARE NOT trying to get close, or asking us to holiday events, that's fine. And we certainly don't hang around anyone that causes any of the fun to diminish. Next!!!! It's SWINGING, not dating, not courting and certainly not counseling!!!

 

+1

 

Why not just say you're moving on, no explanation necessary.

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There are no standard break -up rules. If you aren't into it, you aren't into it. You need do nothing more than say so. There should not be feelings getting hurt.

 

That said, to answer your initial question in this type of situation, it's doubtful you can stay "just friends" as someone has already stepped over a line somewhere (him). What I can't help but ask is "why would you want to?"

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